When Love Is Not Enough, Chapter 7
Title: When Love Is Not Enough
Author: trieze0713
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Length: Chaptered
Genres: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Foul languages, child abuse
Rating: PG 13 - NC 17
Chapter 7
Yunho - age 21, Jaejoong - age 24, Don’t be so kind to me
Today he will be discharged from the hospital.
Somehow he’s not ready to leave the sanctuary of the hospital room. Because he doesn’t know what kind of life is waiting for him to return to.
His company had been shamelessly throwing figures of his hospitalization fee at his face, with a promise of a long hard work and full schedule once he’s ready to be back as the badass flower boy in the industry. Fuck, he knew they put him into insurance so they wouldn’t have to spend a dime!
And then there’s Yunho and his in laws.
They’re the people that he’s not ready to see the most. He’s too ashamed of what he had done; he didn’t feel worthy to receive another kind of kindness from them. But he’s also too afraid to lose the people who had been successful in keeping him sane in the midst of his self loathe-ness and break down.
He’s not ready to let go of Yunho, of his love that had kept him grounded during his hospitalization.
He couldn’t see himself living alone and he didn’t realize that he was shaking or someone had entered his room until he felt a hand on his cheek.
“Jae, why are you crying? Anything hurt? Do you think you should stay longer in the hospital?”
He couldn’t answer but crying harder instead. And the other guy stood up.
“I think I should call the doct-“
“No!” He told him in between tears, “Don’t leave, don’t leave me! I don’t need the doctor, I don’t-“ He tried to reach out for the other’s clothe but almost fell from his wheelchair if not for the strong hands that caught him.
“Whoa, easy Jae! You’re not recovered completely, easy… I’m not going anywhere, I was just going to get the doctor to have you checked up once again.”
“No, I’m okay! Don’t leave! Just-“ He hiccupped, “just don’t-“
“Ok, I’m here, I’m here… We’ll leave together, are you sure you’re fine? Nothing really hurt?”
He nodded, “I’m okay… I’m okay…” He’s now seated on his bed, Yunho right behind to hold him, rubbing his arms as if to console him when Jae’s mother opened the door and surprised to see their positions.
Yunho looked at her, begged her to leave them be for the moment with his eyes.
Jae’s mother understood and slowly closed the door behind her, mouthed ‘We can leave anytime now.’
After a few minutes, Jae’s breath evened out and Yunho slowly stood up to move him back in the wheelchair.
Jae reached out again for his hand, “Yunho… where will I go from here? Do I have to go home ? By myself?”
Yunho squatted down in front of him and held his hand. “We - I mean your family and mine… we thought it would be better for you to live with your Mother and Junsu until you’re fully healed. Your movement is still limited so there’s no way that you should be back to your place on your own.”
“But- you- I-“ he tried to compose himself, “Won’t you be there?”
Yunho looked straight at him and it scared him cause I couldn’t read his emotion.
“I’m sorry… I know I don’t deserve to ask you to stay with me. Forget it, let’s just go.” He tried to wheel himself but Yunho put a stop on it and just kept looking without saying a word that he had to look away.
“Tell me what you want, Jae. I’m not letting you walk out of here until you tell me what you want.”
“I-“ He’s so afraid that that Yunho will hate whatever he was trying to say.”
“I’m not moving until you tell me what you want. Where do you wanna go Jae?”
He closed his eyes to regain his composure, and when he opened them again he was ready to give him the answer. “I want to go home… to our home… with you.”
And Yunho smiled. “I thought you’ll never say that.”
And he was too scared to ask him why would he still want to live with him. Afraid that if he ask, he wouldn’t like what he would hear.
Despite everything that he had been through, if there’s one word that he hates to hear the most about him, it’s PITY. It’s low and degrading in his dictionary… and he prefers to not hear it from Yunho. Not ever.
~o~o~
Changmin - age 17, Mina - age 6, Come out and play
It seemed that staring at the ceiling had been his favorite activity lately.
He had nowhere to go other than his daily report to the police station which he had do until Jae was healthy enough to come to the station and make a statement.
His parents arranged for him to see another therapist, but he wouldn’t have to see her until another week. Tight schedule he was told.
As for his Hyung, he came by a couple of times but he refused to see him. He’s too ashamed to face him and to be honest, he wasn’t sure whether he was ready to hear what he was about to say. But for now, maybe he shouldn’t expect anything from him.
He had been avoiding everyone in the house, except for his Mom. His father didn’t say anything, but disappointment was clear in his eyes. But his mother… she cried when she first got to see him at the station. She held him tight, and he let his tears fell freely without shame. His mother understood, and her kiss on his temple was the strength that made him able to admit his wrongdoings and return home.
Did he realize he had made a mistake? He did.
Did he regret what he had done? He’s not sure. He knew that he’s not happy that Jaejoong was wounded so bad, he couldn’t remember much about his actions. And knowing that his brother might despised him for doing something terrible to his husband… that might be the biggest regret that he had right now.
His family was the only one that stood by him in this worst moment but apparently he hadn’t been the one that they could be proud of. Just when did he fell so deep in a world of pitiful self-hatred? He was too absorbed in his past that he forget to build a new future for himself.
He’d been thinking a lot… I mean, being held in a police station for a day without being able to see his family and full of regrets, what else could one do but think? And think he did. A lot. Over and over again. And he was ashamed for what he had become.
“… see him now!”
“Mina, Changmin is resting, come on let’s have lunch.”
“No, but Mina wants MinMin!!”
And this was where he regretted the house’s ‘no locking your room’ policy, as the door to his bedroom opened with a bang.
Changmin pretended to sleep and hid under his blanket.
“MinMin, wake up! Mina wants to play, come on!” He felt a tiny hand pulled at his blanket but he held on to his blanket.
“Mina, he needs to rest, come on. He will play with you another time. You should have lunch now.” His mother’s voice so patient, just like the way she spoke to him for many years.
“No!” Someone seemed determined to get what she wanted today. “MinMin’s been sleeping all day and never eat with Mina! And Yun-oppa comes when Mina’s not home too! Everyone hates Mina…” And the wailing began. Mina never wailed before.
He couldn’t hide anymore for any second his mother would try to get him up anyway.
So with a deep breath he showed his face and was met with a pair of a little girl’s teary eyes in his mother’s hold. As soon as she looked into his eyes, she wriggled her way out of his mother’s embrace and flew to his bed, held his neck so tight that he almost couldn’t breathe.
“MinMin!! MinMin wake up!!”
“Mina, I’m waking up, stop strangling me!”
Mina looked at their mother in victory, “I told you, MinMin is not sleeping…”
His mother could only sigh and sat by his bed. “How are you feeling?”
Mina was now laying her head on his shoulder on the bed and somehow he suddenly felt awkward to be in that position in front of his mother. So he sat up and kind of moved her from his lap to the bed. But the girl didn’t seem to mind.
“I’m okay… “
“Good. Are you ready for your therapy next week?”
He gulped, suddenly felt irritated for no reason and his mother knew. “Min, you know that you have to do it this time.”
“… I know.”
“And I hope…” she caressed his face and he unconsciously leaned over to her touch, “I hope you’re ready to see your brother soon too.”
“Mom-“
“I know it’s not easy, but you can’t hide from him forever. Yes, he’s angry at you, but more than that he’s disappointed that you refused to see him. The least you can do is to apologize, since Jaejoong’s not going to press charges. As soon as he could walk without help he’ll come to the station and signed a family feud statement so you won’t have to report yourself back.”
He contemplated on what his mother said. “Still, I don’t think-“
“Whatever you think,” his mother cut him off, “you should tell it to your brother and not me. You owed your Dad an apology too. Now I’m gonna leave you both here… hopefully you can come down to have lunch with her too since she had refused to eat with just me.”
He nodded. His mother looked at him one more time and leaned in to kiss his cheek, “I love you. We love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”
And suddenly he felt like he wanted to cry… but a tug on his arm shattered the sentimentality. He could still hear his mother’s laugh as she went out of his room and headed to downstairs. Probably to the dining room.
“You woke me up. What do you want?”
“Mina miss MinMin. MinMin go and not take Mina… Mommy and Daddy won’t take Mina to see MinMin. And when MinMin home, you never play with Mina anymore.”
“And when did I ever play with you again? I thought you only play with Yunho-hyung.”
“Yun-oppa is busy. Mommy say JaeJae is sick.”She put her palm on his temple just like their mother do when they were sick, “MinMin sick?”
He smiled as he pulled the tiny hand off his face, “Not anymore. But I don’t think I want to play. I’m tired.”
“But MinMin sleeping all day!” She protested with a frown. “Teacher help Mina make a crane for MinMin.”
“Crane?”
“Yes, see…” Mina hopped off his bed and pulled his out of the bed, “Mina show MinMin.” The went down the hall and into the girl’s small bedroom. Once the door’s opened, Changmin was rendered speechless as he saw countless of crane origami, filling up the cot in the corner.
“What… how…”
The little girl looked up at him, “Mina tell teacher that MinMin is sick, because MinMin never leaves bedroom… teacher says Japanese tell her that one thousand cranes will make MinMin better.” She looked regrettable as she picked one crumpled crane.
“Mina not good with papers… but Mina try… Mommy helps to count but she says we still need a lot to make MinMin feel better.”
Is the universe trying to make him feel bad about himself? Or is it just his family trying to make him cry so badly. Either way, he wouldn’t let them see him cry again.
So he swallowed the lump in this throat as he told the little girl, “Mina did a good job. I’m fine now. Thank you.”
“Really?” The tiny body threw herself to him, “MinMin okay now?”
“I’m okay… I’m fine…” and he held out his hands around the small girl… ‘I’ll be better.’ He told himself. His family loves him.
~o~o~
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Author: trieze0713
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Length: Chaptered
Genres: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Foul languages, child abuse
Rating: PG 13 - NC 17
Chapter 7
Yunho - age 21, Jaejoong - age 24, Don’t be so kind to me
Today he will be discharged from the hospital.
Somehow he’s not ready to leave the sanctuary of the hospital room. Because he doesn’t know what kind of life is waiting for him to return to.
His company had been shamelessly throwing figures of his hospitalization fee at his face, with a promise of a long hard work and full schedule once he’s ready to be back as the badass flower boy in the industry. Fuck, he knew they put him into insurance so they wouldn’t have to spend a dime!
And then there’s Yunho and his in laws.
They’re the people that he’s not ready to see the most. He’s too ashamed of what he had done; he didn’t feel worthy to receive another kind of kindness from them. But he’s also too afraid to lose the people who had been successful in keeping him sane in the midst of his self loathe-ness and break down.
He’s not ready to let go of Yunho, of his love that had kept him grounded during his hospitalization.
He couldn’t see himself living alone and he didn’t realize that he was shaking or someone had entered his room until he felt a hand on his cheek.
“Jae, why are you crying? Anything hurt? Do you think you should stay longer in the hospital?”
He couldn’t answer but crying harder instead. And the other guy stood up.
“I think I should call the doct-“
“No!” He told him in between tears, “Don’t leave, don’t leave me! I don’t need the doctor, I don’t-“ He tried to reach out for the other’s clothe but almost fell from his wheelchair if not for the strong hands that caught him.
“Whoa, easy Jae! You’re not recovered completely, easy… I’m not going anywhere, I was just going to get the doctor to have you checked up once again.”
“No, I’m okay! Don’t leave! Just-“ He hiccupped, “just don’t-“
“Ok, I’m here, I’m here… We’ll leave together, are you sure you’re fine? Nothing really hurt?”
He nodded, “I’m okay… I’m okay…” He’s now seated on his bed, Yunho right behind to hold him, rubbing his arms as if to console him when Jae’s mother opened the door and surprised to see their positions.
Yunho looked at her, begged her to leave them be for the moment with his eyes.
Jae’s mother understood and slowly closed the door behind her, mouthed ‘We can leave anytime now.’
After a few minutes, Jae’s breath evened out and Yunho slowly stood up to move him back in the wheelchair.
Jae reached out again for his hand, “Yunho… where will I go from here? Do I have to go home ? By myself?”
Yunho squatted down in front of him and held his hand. “We - I mean your family and mine… we thought it would be better for you to live with your Mother and Junsu until you’re fully healed. Your movement is still limited so there’s no way that you should be back to your place on your own.”
“But- you- I-“ he tried to compose himself, “Won’t you be there?”
Yunho looked straight at him and it scared him cause I couldn’t read his emotion.
“I’m sorry… I know I don’t deserve to ask you to stay with me. Forget it, let’s just go.” He tried to wheel himself but Yunho put a stop on it and just kept looking without saying a word that he had to look away.
“Tell me what you want, Jae. I’m not letting you walk out of here until you tell me what you want.”
“I-“ He’s so afraid that that Yunho will hate whatever he was trying to say.”
“I’m not moving until you tell me what you want. Where do you wanna go Jae?”
He closed his eyes to regain his composure, and when he opened them again he was ready to give him the answer. “I want to go home… to our home… with you.”
And Yunho smiled. “I thought you’ll never say that.”
And he was too scared to ask him why would he still want to live with him. Afraid that if he ask, he wouldn’t like what he would hear.
Despite everything that he had been through, if there’s one word that he hates to hear the most about him, it’s PITY. It’s low and degrading in his dictionary… and he prefers to not hear it from Yunho. Not ever.
~o~o~
Changmin - age 17, Mina - age 6, Come out and play
It seemed that staring at the ceiling had been his favorite activity lately.
He had nowhere to go other than his daily report to the police station which he had do until Jae was healthy enough to come to the station and make a statement.
His parents arranged for him to see another therapist, but he wouldn’t have to see her until another week. Tight schedule he was told.
As for his Hyung, he came by a couple of times but he refused to see him. He’s too ashamed to face him and to be honest, he wasn’t sure whether he was ready to hear what he was about to say. But for now, maybe he shouldn’t expect anything from him.
He had been avoiding everyone in the house, except for his Mom. His father didn’t say anything, but disappointment was clear in his eyes. But his mother… she cried when she first got to see him at the station. She held him tight, and he let his tears fell freely without shame. His mother understood, and her kiss on his temple was the strength that made him able to admit his wrongdoings and return home.
Did he realize he had made a mistake? He did.
Did he regret what he had done? He’s not sure. He knew that he’s not happy that Jaejoong was wounded so bad, he couldn’t remember much about his actions. And knowing that his brother might despised him for doing something terrible to his husband… that might be the biggest regret that he had right now.
His family was the only one that stood by him in this worst moment but apparently he hadn’t been the one that they could be proud of. Just when did he fell so deep in a world of pitiful self-hatred? He was too absorbed in his past that he forget to build a new future for himself.
He’d been thinking a lot… I mean, being held in a police station for a day without being able to see his family and full of regrets, what else could one do but think? And think he did. A lot. Over and over again. And he was ashamed for what he had become.
“… see him now!”
“Mina, Changmin is resting, come on let’s have lunch.”
“No, but Mina wants MinMin!!”
And this was where he regretted the house’s ‘no locking your room’ policy, as the door to his bedroom opened with a bang.
Changmin pretended to sleep and hid under his blanket.
“MinMin, wake up! Mina wants to play, come on!” He felt a tiny hand pulled at his blanket but he held on to his blanket.
“Mina, he needs to rest, come on. He will play with you another time. You should have lunch now.” His mother’s voice so patient, just like the way she spoke to him for many years.
“No!” Someone seemed determined to get what she wanted today. “MinMin’s been sleeping all day and never eat with Mina! And Yun-oppa comes when Mina’s not home too! Everyone hates Mina…” And the wailing began. Mina never wailed before.
He couldn’t hide anymore for any second his mother would try to get him up anyway.
So with a deep breath he showed his face and was met with a pair of a little girl’s teary eyes in his mother’s hold. As soon as she looked into his eyes, she wriggled her way out of his mother’s embrace and flew to his bed, held his neck so tight that he almost couldn’t breathe.
“MinMin!! MinMin wake up!!”
“Mina, I’m waking up, stop strangling me!”
Mina looked at their mother in victory, “I told you, MinMin is not sleeping…”
His mother could only sigh and sat by his bed. “How are you feeling?”
Mina was now laying her head on his shoulder on the bed and somehow he suddenly felt awkward to be in that position in front of his mother. So he sat up and kind of moved her from his lap to the bed. But the girl didn’t seem to mind.
“I’m okay… “
“Good. Are you ready for your therapy next week?”
He gulped, suddenly felt irritated for no reason and his mother knew. “Min, you know that you have to do it this time.”
“… I know.”
“And I hope…” she caressed his face and he unconsciously leaned over to her touch, “I hope you’re ready to see your brother soon too.”
“Mom-“
“I know it’s not easy, but you can’t hide from him forever. Yes, he’s angry at you, but more than that he’s disappointed that you refused to see him. The least you can do is to apologize, since Jaejoong’s not going to press charges. As soon as he could walk without help he’ll come to the station and signed a family feud statement so you won’t have to report yourself back.”
He contemplated on what his mother said. “Still, I don’t think-“
“Whatever you think,” his mother cut him off, “you should tell it to your brother and not me. You owed your Dad an apology too. Now I’m gonna leave you both here… hopefully you can come down to have lunch with her too since she had refused to eat with just me.”
He nodded. His mother looked at him one more time and leaned in to kiss his cheek, “I love you. We love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”
And suddenly he felt like he wanted to cry… but a tug on his arm shattered the sentimentality. He could still hear his mother’s laugh as she went out of his room and headed to downstairs. Probably to the dining room.
“You woke me up. What do you want?”
“Mina miss MinMin. MinMin go and not take Mina… Mommy and Daddy won’t take Mina to see MinMin. And when MinMin home, you never play with Mina anymore.”
“And when did I ever play with you again? I thought you only play with Yunho-hyung.”
“Yun-oppa is busy. Mommy say JaeJae is sick.”She put her palm on his temple just like their mother do when they were sick, “MinMin sick?”
He smiled as he pulled the tiny hand off his face, “Not anymore. But I don’t think I want to play. I’m tired.”
“But MinMin sleeping all day!” She protested with a frown. “Teacher help Mina make a crane for MinMin.”
“Crane?”
“Yes, see…” Mina hopped off his bed and pulled his out of the bed, “Mina show MinMin.” The went down the hall and into the girl’s small bedroom. Once the door’s opened, Changmin was rendered speechless as he saw countless of crane origami, filling up the cot in the corner.
“What… how…”
The little girl looked up at him, “Mina tell teacher that MinMin is sick, because MinMin never leaves bedroom… teacher says Japanese tell her that one thousand cranes will make MinMin better.” She looked regrettable as she picked one crumpled crane.
“Mina not good with papers… but Mina try… Mommy helps to count but she says we still need a lot to make MinMin feel better.”
Is the universe trying to make him feel bad about himself? Or is it just his family trying to make him cry so badly. Either way, he wouldn’t let them see him cry again.
So he swallowed the lump in this throat as he told the little girl, “Mina did a good job. I’m fine now. Thank you.”
“Really?” The tiny body threw herself to him, “MinMin okay now?”
“I’m okay… I’m fine…” and he held out his hands around the small girl… ‘I’ll be better.’ He told himself. His family loves him.
~o~o~
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