So far after the fact I'm not even sure why I'm doing this...
Once upon a time in a happy little place called Livejournal, in a snug little corner known as "LotR fandom", there was a group of people who loved Frodo and Sam. It was a pretty tight little group, at least at first. The focus was the dynamic of the characters, and the many ways that dynamic could be interpreted. Some saw the purest of platonic loves; others, brotherly affection. Still others saw the possibility for love of a romantic nature. These disagreements caused some friction, but for the most part, the variety of opinions were respected, and expressions of creativity, from art to fiction to music, was at large supported, kindly critiqued, and encouraged.
Then this little group started to grow. Movies spurred it, largely, drawing in a new generation of fans. Many liked the source material; many also grew to like the actors as well as the characters. There was still creativity, but friction was becoming a little more heated.
And it wasn't always fun.
There are three major players in this little drama I am about to relate. For anonymity's sake, they will be players A and B. I, of course, am player 3. But you know who I am. I'm not proud of what I am about to tell you, but I believe the wrong I committed was done to me in turn, and I wish to claim it as my own, and wash my hands of it.
Players A and B were close, once. But something happened, and player A decided enough was enough. Player B was crushed, and sought solace from the group of friends she called her own.
I, knowing a little of both, wished to console player B. I left her a comment meant for her eyes only, and meant only to calm and comfort her. It is this move of which I am not particularly proud. I said things about Player A that were not nice. And while I may stand by what I think, I do not stand by the way I did it. Saying things behind someone else's back is not nice, and it is naive to believe it could never get back to that person.
It is this lesson I learned from this story. It is this mistake of which I am ashamed, but which I do wish to claim.
Player B, disregarding my request to keep the comment private, proved the very point I just made--that nothing is anonymous--and instantly related my comment to player A. Player B then went on to betray my trust again, by hurting more of my friends in unrelated events that might have gone ahead and proved Player A was right about Player B all along. Who knows? By then it was too late, and I had effectively lost two friendships, because I could not obey the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. Nor could I obey its companion: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
All this happened several years ago. I have moved on. I still regret.
Is there a point to this little story? Probably not. But I wanted to relate it anyway, just in case someone out there is still watching this, and could maybe learn something.
Words hurt. And the road of good intentions leads to one place only. I meant to comfort one friend, and in the process lost two.
It's a lesson to learn and live by. But if it keeps someone else from making the same mistake, I suppose relating it here might be more than catharsis. If not, I do at least feel better for claiming my own wrong.
That's all. Thanks for stopping by.