Everything We Had Painting Flowers
I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
But I do regret, More than I’d admit
- Everything We Had by The Academy Is… (Arthur)
When I wake up, The dream isn’t done,
I wanna see your face and know I made it home,
If nothing is true, What more can I do?
I am still Painting flowers for you.
Painting Flowers by All Time Low (Merlin & Magic)
Everything We Had Painting Flowers
He can’t quite tell reality from his dreams anymore. He has tricked himself into a lie he is not sure he can- or wants- to get out of. The darkness of one world chokes him, shackled hands drained of blood and magic. The other one is filled with images of a Camelot that shatters his heart. Both are nightmares, realities he doesn’t want to believe. But one of them is real while the other is no longer his.
At one time there is a boy in the darkness with Merlin. His body hums with magic as if he is magic itself. He feeds Merlin, soothes him when his body trembles with sobs. The boy tries to bring light into Merlin’s black word and he only catches faint glimpses of dark brown hair and pale blue eyes. He tries to break Merlin’s bonds but he can’t touch them. Nothing with magic can. Now the boy is gone.
Arthur doesn’t care for him anymore. It’s what he sees when he hovers above the castle he once called home. He’s got a new servant. One a little shorter than Merlin and nowhere near as gangly. His ears are of normal size and his cheekbones aren’t trying to fly off his face. He’s beautiful really, in a magical way. So Merlin can’t blame Arthur when he beds him. He’s not Merlin’s anymore, he made that very clear.
It doesn’t stop his heart from breaking.
People come to him in the dark land. They feed him bits of scraps and dump water over him in a mockery of a bath. They want him alive, but enough to fight them. He knows they are planning something but he can’t bring himself to care. As long as he is alive he can still protect Arthur. He can feel it. Although he can’t use it personally anymore, he feels him magic weaving around Arthur. All for Arthur, hidden from every bodies eyes. Like he did before. Merlin wishes to do it himself.
He’s lonely. He is always alone now. Alone in the dark. Alone even when wandering the full halls of Camelot, seemingly invisible. Alone inside without the familiar hum of his magic swirling around. He is alone and it’s becoming unbearable. Everyone else has happiness together, without him. He doesn’t know where his body lies. Whether it’s in Camelot or in another kingdom far away or nearby, submerged from searching eyes.
He starts to yearn for what he’s lost. Yearn and crumble, because the more he watches the more all traces of him vanish. Maybe he never lived in Camelot. Maybe that’s the dream. He’s always been in the dark. It’s such a happy dream that he can’t help but hold on to it. Hold on to the dreams of a caring mother. Of friends, like Gauis, Gwen and Morgana. Hold on to Arthur and all the love he’s dreamt between them.
Merlin has lost his grip on reality. He’s falling and there’s no one to catch him.
Arthur stands rooted to the spot. He is pinned by the gaze of a man he thought he would never see again. An exasperated sigh rattles out of the thin body. Arthur’s heart beat speeds up becoming ever louder until it has drowned the silence that was so deafening before. Dark blue eyes advert from his, using the glow of Arthur’s torch to survey his surroundings.
Arthur watches the expression on his face. It’s full of dull interest. Like he’s never seen the inside of this cave yet he doesn’t care any longer. Arthur wonders how long he’s been locked up in here. His eyes run over the man’s body. His shirt is ragged and covered in dirt and other filth. He is pale. A lot paler, pastier than he’d always been, as if he hasn’t seen the sun in months. His cheek bones are so prominent they seem to take up his whole face. Along with his large haunted blue eyes.
It’s unhealthy.
“Why are you here?” the words fall out of his mouth before he can stop them. Those lifeless eyes snap back to him. Only a faint furrow in between his brows shows Arthur that the other man doesn’t understand. When Arthur had told him to leave, all that time ago, he had only meant to his chambers, so he can decided what to do. When he wasn’t there, Arthur had assumed he’d gone back to Ealdor not rotted in a cave. “Why aren’t you in Ealdor?”
“Ealdor?” he parrots as if the word is new to him, his voice scratchy, dry with lack of use and water. Arthur doesn’t move to give him any. He is shocked that Merlin seems not to remember his home. Even more shocked that he is starting to become worried. Merlin is a sorcerer. He betrayed him by practicing magic right under his nose. He is manipulative and a very good actor. All those times Arthur thought he could read him were just parts of his act.
Nonetheless he can’t deny he was immensely relieved when he had learned Merlin was gone and didn’t have to kill him.
“It’s real?” his voice is filled with wonder. “And Camelot is that real?” he’s getting excited now, there is even a tiny spark in his eyes. The questions bring something to light for Arthur. Merlin doesn’t remember or rather he doesn’t believe it. He can see it in his eyes how he thinks it’s all made up. Arthur can finally estimate how long Merlin’s been like this. It’s been since he slipped out of his clutches.
Four months in a cave on the edge of existence.
“It’s all real then! Well of course it is! You’re Arthur…” the light dies from his eyes. He is shrinking back into the wall. The chains rattle together as he pulls at his restraints. He isn’t trying to break free. In fact he looks like he is trying to bring his arms down to protect himself. From Arthur. He can’t help but feel a little sick. Merlin’s eyes squeeze shut and he mumbling under his breath. Arthur really shouldn’t be surprised his ex-servant has gone off the deep end. He is, however.
“Sire?” a voice calls through the bleakness. It’s Arthur’s new manservant, Colton. He’d gone through twenty-three different servants the two weeks after Merlin. None fitting the hole that Merlin left. He doesn’t lie to himself, when it came to the fact that Colton has a certain innocence that reminds him of Merlin. He’s never blatantly disrespectful but always manages to speak his mind. There is no humorous banter between them nevertheless their conversations run smoothly.
Sometimes though after Arthur’s bed him, Colton stares at him. His pale blue eyes filled with sadness. It’s like each time they have sex Arthur’s done something to disappoint him. At first he thought it was because he had cum moaning Merlin’s name but Colton had only looked vaguely pleased that time. The less it happens the sadder he becomes. Now as he moves past Arthur to kneel beside Merlin, one hand tracing over his face calmingly, Arthur thinks they’ve met before.
He ignores the prick of jealousy
Colton fingers the face of his true master. The only human he has ever loved. It saddens him to see him in such a state. Gone are the bright smiles and sparkling eyes. He’s bleakness personified and Colton hates it. Hates the man that refuses to save him. Hates being forced to save said man because his master will always love him. Merlin nuzzles into his hand and Colton smiles, satisfied.
He leans closer, hovering over one of Merlin’s sensitive ears. He has always loved blowing the wind over them and listening to the other man’s giggle. Always bright and cheerful. “Let me kill him,” he breathes into the ear. Merlin sways ad he can tell he is seriously turning the thought over in his head. In the end it is a no, though.
Colton sighs. He loves Merlin so much for his large heart and ability to forgive easily. He’s pure not like the others that seek his appraisal. So of course, after the entire heart break Arthur has dished out to him, he will still protect his prince. More than that, he knows he can never do anything to upset his kind hearted vessel.
Although he already has and will soon again.
He knows Merlin connection to him forces him to live through his eyes every time he falls into unconsciousness. He knows Merlin is present every single time they are intimate. He has always been partly hoping that Arthur will realize his mistake and go search for Merlin. Release him back into the world of light and joy, where he belongs. The other part hopes Arthur will not and Merlin will fall out of love with him.
Merlin’s just too stubborn.
Colton sits back. He wants Arthur to hear what he has to say. “He’s hurt you! He’s the reason you’re locked away in this cave. The reason you’ve started to doubt your own history. He abandoned you when you needed him to understand the most! You put your heart on your sleeve and he pierced it. He spoke words of love to you, curled around you every night. Yet the moment you disappear he finds a new play thing. As if he never loved you.” He hears Arthur’s sharp intake of breath. He’s realized this whole time with Colton has been a test. One he’s failed miserably.
Merlin’s crying. Torrents of tears streaming down those high cheekbones of his. His whimpering, Colton knows he’s opened old wounds Merlin’s just started to forget. Breaking the pieces of his shattered heart. Colton rubs his thumb under his eye, trying to rid the boy of them. “I’m sorry but you had to hear the truth. Both of you.” Arthur shifts behind him obviously uncomfortable. Colton couldn’t care. As long as his love will be happy in the long run.
“I know,” Merlin sobs. Suddenly his eyes are on him, boring into him. “I know just please come back. It’s been so hollow without you.”
Colton smiles. As much as he likes moving and thinking freely in this human body. He much rather being able to curl up deep inside of Merlin, feeling his warmth all around him. “Alright,” he nods. “For you cannot be his Emrys without me at you disposal.” He leans forward, because there is one thing he wants before he is just an element again. Something he’s shared with Arthur a million times always wishing for Merlin. He presses his lips to Merlin’s, nipping at his lower lip so he can get his tongue inside.
The taste of Merlin is the last thing feels before he’s just magic again.
Merlin and Arthur just stare at each other for a while after Colton’s disappeared, trying to gouge what the other will do next. Finally Arthur moves for the first time since he’s seen Merlin. He walks right up to his old friend, ignore as he flinches away. He grabs one of Merlin’s chained hands, prying open to cuff. They snap surprisingly easily in his hands. “They’re only to ward away magic,” Merlin murmurs as if he’s read Arthur’s thoughts.
Arthur nods. Gently he takes Merlin’s hands in his, guiding him out of the cave. Merlin’s arm immediately comes up to shield his eyes from the intense light of the sun, but he doesn’t let it keep him from stumbling into its warm rays. The wind moves around him, ruffling his hair, caressing his face and gusting at his ears. He smiles.
For the first time in four months.
But I do regret, More than I’d admit
- Everything We Had by The Academy Is… (Arthur)
When I wake up, The dream isn’t done,
I wanna see your face and know I made it home,
If nothing is true, What more can I do?
I am still Painting flowers for you.
Painting Flowers by All Time Low (Merlin & Magic)
Everything We Had Painting Flowers
He can’t quite tell reality from his dreams anymore. He has tricked himself into a lie he is not sure he can- or wants- to get out of. The darkness of one world chokes him, shackled hands drained of blood and magic. The other one is filled with images of a Camelot that shatters his heart. Both are nightmares, realities he doesn’t want to believe. But one of them is real while the other is no longer his.
At one time there is a boy in the darkness with Merlin. His body hums with magic as if he is magic itself. He feeds Merlin, soothes him when his body trembles with sobs. The boy tries to bring light into Merlin’s black word and he only catches faint glimpses of dark brown hair and pale blue eyes. He tries to break Merlin’s bonds but he can’t touch them. Nothing with magic can. Now the boy is gone.
Arthur doesn’t care for him anymore. It’s what he sees when he hovers above the castle he once called home. He’s got a new servant. One a little shorter than Merlin and nowhere near as gangly. His ears are of normal size and his cheekbones aren’t trying to fly off his face. He’s beautiful really, in a magical way. So Merlin can’t blame Arthur when he beds him. He’s not Merlin’s anymore, he made that very clear.
It doesn’t stop his heart from breaking.
People come to him in the dark land. They feed him bits of scraps and dump water over him in a mockery of a bath. They want him alive, but enough to fight them. He knows they are planning something but he can’t bring himself to care. As long as he is alive he can still protect Arthur. He can feel it. Although he can’t use it personally anymore, he feels him magic weaving around Arthur. All for Arthur, hidden from every bodies eyes. Like he did before. Merlin wishes to do it himself.
He’s lonely. He is always alone now. Alone in the dark. Alone even when wandering the full halls of Camelot, seemingly invisible. Alone inside without the familiar hum of his magic swirling around. He is alone and it’s becoming unbearable. Everyone else has happiness together, without him. He doesn’t know where his body lies. Whether it’s in Camelot or in another kingdom far away or nearby, submerged from searching eyes.
He starts to yearn for what he’s lost. Yearn and crumble, because the more he watches the more all traces of him vanish. Maybe he never lived in Camelot. Maybe that’s the dream. He’s always been in the dark. It’s such a happy dream that he can’t help but hold on to it. Hold on to the dreams of a caring mother. Of friends, like Gauis, Gwen and Morgana. Hold on to Arthur and all the love he’s dreamt between them.
Merlin has lost his grip on reality. He’s falling and there’s no one to catch him.
Arthur stands rooted to the spot. He is pinned by the gaze of a man he thought he would never see again. An exasperated sigh rattles out of the thin body. Arthur’s heart beat speeds up becoming ever louder until it has drowned the silence that was so deafening before. Dark blue eyes advert from his, using the glow of Arthur’s torch to survey his surroundings.
Arthur watches the expression on his face. It’s full of dull interest. Like he’s never seen the inside of this cave yet he doesn’t care any longer. Arthur wonders how long he’s been locked up in here. His eyes run over the man’s body. His shirt is ragged and covered in dirt and other filth. He is pale. A lot paler, pastier than he’d always been, as if he hasn’t seen the sun in months. His cheek bones are so prominent they seem to take up his whole face. Along with his large haunted blue eyes.
It’s unhealthy.
“Why are you here?” the words fall out of his mouth before he can stop them. Those lifeless eyes snap back to him. Only a faint furrow in between his brows shows Arthur that the other man doesn’t understand. When Arthur had told him to leave, all that time ago, he had only meant to his chambers, so he can decided what to do. When he wasn’t there, Arthur had assumed he’d gone back to Ealdor not rotted in a cave. “Why aren’t you in Ealdor?”
“Ealdor?” he parrots as if the word is new to him, his voice scratchy, dry with lack of use and water. Arthur doesn’t move to give him any. He is shocked that Merlin seems not to remember his home. Even more shocked that he is starting to become worried. Merlin is a sorcerer. He betrayed him by practicing magic right under his nose. He is manipulative and a very good actor. All those times Arthur thought he could read him were just parts of his act.
Nonetheless he can’t deny he was immensely relieved when he had learned Merlin was gone and didn’t have to kill him.
“It’s real?” his voice is filled with wonder. “And Camelot is that real?” he’s getting excited now, there is even a tiny spark in his eyes. The questions bring something to light for Arthur. Merlin doesn’t remember or rather he doesn’t believe it. He can see it in his eyes how he thinks it’s all made up. Arthur can finally estimate how long Merlin’s been like this. It’s been since he slipped out of his clutches.
Four months in a cave on the edge of existence.
“It’s all real then! Well of course it is! You’re Arthur…” the light dies from his eyes. He is shrinking back into the wall. The chains rattle together as he pulls at his restraints. He isn’t trying to break free. In fact he looks like he is trying to bring his arms down to protect himself. From Arthur. He can’t help but feel a little sick. Merlin’s eyes squeeze shut and he mumbling under his breath. Arthur really shouldn’t be surprised his ex-servant has gone off the deep end. He is, however.
“Sire?” a voice calls through the bleakness. It’s Arthur’s new manservant, Colton. He’d gone through twenty-three different servants the two weeks after Merlin. None fitting the hole that Merlin left. He doesn’t lie to himself, when it came to the fact that Colton has a certain innocence that reminds him of Merlin. He’s never blatantly disrespectful but always manages to speak his mind. There is no humorous banter between them nevertheless their conversations run smoothly.
Sometimes though after Arthur’s bed him, Colton stares at him. His pale blue eyes filled with sadness. It’s like each time they have sex Arthur’s done something to disappoint him. At first he thought it was because he had cum moaning Merlin’s name but Colton had only looked vaguely pleased that time. The less it happens the sadder he becomes. Now as he moves past Arthur to kneel beside Merlin, one hand tracing over his face calmingly, Arthur thinks they’ve met before.
He ignores the prick of jealousy
Colton fingers the face of his true master. The only human he has ever loved. It saddens him to see him in such a state. Gone are the bright smiles and sparkling eyes. He’s bleakness personified and Colton hates it. Hates the man that refuses to save him. Hates being forced to save said man because his master will always love him. Merlin nuzzles into his hand and Colton smiles, satisfied.
He leans closer, hovering over one of Merlin’s sensitive ears. He has always loved blowing the wind over them and listening to the other man’s giggle. Always bright and cheerful. “Let me kill him,” he breathes into the ear. Merlin sways ad he can tell he is seriously turning the thought over in his head. In the end it is a no, though.
Colton sighs. He loves Merlin so much for his large heart and ability to forgive easily. He’s pure not like the others that seek his appraisal. So of course, after the entire heart break Arthur has dished out to him, he will still protect his prince. More than that, he knows he can never do anything to upset his kind hearted vessel.
Although he already has and will soon again.
He knows Merlin connection to him forces him to live through his eyes every time he falls into unconsciousness. He knows Merlin is present every single time they are intimate. He has always been partly hoping that Arthur will realize his mistake and go search for Merlin. Release him back into the world of light and joy, where he belongs. The other part hopes Arthur will not and Merlin will fall out of love with him.
Merlin’s just too stubborn.
Colton sits back. He wants Arthur to hear what he has to say. “He’s hurt you! He’s the reason you’re locked away in this cave. The reason you’ve started to doubt your own history. He abandoned you when you needed him to understand the most! You put your heart on your sleeve and he pierced it. He spoke words of love to you, curled around you every night. Yet the moment you disappear he finds a new play thing. As if he never loved you.” He hears Arthur’s sharp intake of breath. He’s realized this whole time with Colton has been a test. One he’s failed miserably.
Merlin’s crying. Torrents of tears streaming down those high cheekbones of his. His whimpering, Colton knows he’s opened old wounds Merlin’s just started to forget. Breaking the pieces of his shattered heart. Colton rubs his thumb under his eye, trying to rid the boy of them. “I’m sorry but you had to hear the truth. Both of you.” Arthur shifts behind him obviously uncomfortable. Colton couldn’t care. As long as his love will be happy in the long run.
“I know,” Merlin sobs. Suddenly his eyes are on him, boring into him. “I know just please come back. It’s been so hollow without you.”
Colton smiles. As much as he likes moving and thinking freely in this human body. He much rather being able to curl up deep inside of Merlin, feeling his warmth all around him. “Alright,” he nods. “For you cannot be his Emrys without me at you disposal.” He leans forward, because there is one thing he wants before he is just an element again. Something he’s shared with Arthur a million times always wishing for Merlin. He presses his lips to Merlin’s, nipping at his lower lip so he can get his tongue inside.
The taste of Merlin is the last thing feels before he’s just magic again.
Merlin and Arthur just stare at each other for a while after Colton’s disappeared, trying to gouge what the other will do next. Finally Arthur moves for the first time since he’s seen Merlin. He walks right up to his old friend, ignore as he flinches away. He grabs one of Merlin’s chained hands, prying open to cuff. They snap surprisingly easily in his hands. “They’re only to ward away magic,” Merlin murmurs as if he’s read Arthur’s thoughts.
Arthur nods. Gently he takes Merlin’s hands in his, guiding him out of the cave. Merlin’s arm immediately comes up to shield his eyes from the intense light of the sun, but he doesn’t let it keep him from stumbling into its warm rays. The wind moves around him, ruffling his hair, caressing his face and gusting at his ears. He smiles.
For the first time in four months.