Severus Snape's Quarters

[trio_snape]

*comes through floo to find house elves have already prepared the evening meal*

Good. Last year, Lupin's birthday was a disaster. Black had left him the day before - I understand now because of me.

We will make a better memory tonight.

*lights candles on table and waits calmly for Lupin to arrive*

Comments

[trio_snape]

*looks incredulously at dinner table and candles placed around the room, Lupin's current reading on a side table and a spare pair of boots near the door*

What are we doing here if I do not want you?

[trio_remus]

I don't know! That's an excellent question, Severus!

I don't-

*sighs heavily, pressing fingertips to either temple, speaks in a more controlled tone*

We have been living like this for months now, and half the time I still feel like something you merely tolerate in your life, something that is just accepted because you can't quite find a good enough reason to be rid of it. Like am imperfectly coloured fruit, or...*loses wind, dropping hands to his sides*...I don't know, Severus. I just...

...want to know I mean to you what you mean to me, want us to be partners, equal...

Sometimes I think you want me. And sometimes I think you're locking yourself up in your own head, deciding that you don't.

[trio_snape]

*refuses to meet Lupin's eyes* We are a monumentally bad idea, Lupin. We have been since the start.

*hears him draw a sharp breath*

*significantly* However, you are still here.

[trio_remus]

*quiet* Why? *speaks tightly, staring at him resolutely, waiting for him to look up*

Why, Severus? I never have any idea where I stand with you. You let me stay here, yes. You allow me to touch you, to...to care for you. But I never know what you're thinking. I never know if we're on solid ground or if you're thinking about all the reasons we shouldn't be together, or...or if you're trying to figure out the best way to let me to go...

Please. *takes a step toward him* Tell me why you let me stay.

*curls fingers into fists, heart pounding*

[trio_snape]

*senses Lupin's movement* Why? I do not...why must it all be said?

Lupin. I- *clenches jaw*

[trio_remus]

*watches Snape's jaw work, the way he keeps his eyes averted, and drops head, rubbing his forehead*

I hate this day. *muttering* It is cursed, I hate it...

*looks up again, surprised to find Snape's eyes firmly on him now, a raw ache settling in his chest as he meets Snape's gaze*
Severus...*moves closer, heart racing now*

This is it. This is it, I cannot keep living like this, we are both unhappy and we both know it, and I just want to...

*steps up to face him, ducking head in an effort to keep his eyes*

*speaks hoarsely* Severus...*leans in, whispering, and lifts one hand to curl around the back of his neck*...I love you. Please, talk to me.