Fic: Even If It's Wrong (for illuminations)
Author/Artist: willowscry
For: Di illuminations
Title: Even If It’s Wrong
Characters: Yanagi Renji, Fuji Shuusuke, Inui Sadaharu
Rating: R (Mostly for some bad language towards the end)
Disclaimer: I only play with them. I didn’t create them for profit like Konomi did.
Warnings: Slight spoilers, in a *very* odd way for the Yukimura vs. Echizen match; drinking, smoking if things like that concern you.
Summary: Some odd years after Yanagi Renji and Inui Sadaharu teamed up as a musical duo called Project Gemini, Yanagi finds himself literally singing for his supper and worming his way into the heart of the dive’s owner - Fuji Shuusuke. Little did Yanagi know that his old partner was Fuji’s lover…
Notes: I kind of took liberty with the “anything else that strikes as inspiration” prompt. But I think I hit at least a few of your kinks, and I really hope you enjoy it anyway. :D
It wasn’t often that Yanagi Renji had company in his small, two room apartment. His messy bed, a futon with tattered blankets tossed on it in a vain attempt to keep his body warm on the cold nights, was the attention grabber of the room. The empty cabinets and even emptier refrigerator served to remind him of his rather pointless life lately and to remind him of the whole reason he was walking in to the dustiest, smokiest bar and grill he knew.
The owner of the little hole-in-the-wall looked up as Yanagi walked through the door, acoustic guitar in hand, his face covered by shadows of nights not slept through.
Fuji Shuusuke just smiled a little, and watched as Yanagi headed for the makeshift stage that had been set up for him. Fuji was fascinated by the musician that haunted his bar, playing for money to pay for a cheap hamburger and a beer. Maybe at the end of the day Yanagi would have enough to pay the rent come week’s end.
Fuji had the beer ready, and knew that the food would be ready soon. He sat the mug down in front of Yanagi, who gratefully took a sip. “Your voice is that of an angel.” Fuji said, eyes shining in faint amusement.
“And you’re a swindler.” Yanagi teased back, smiling a little, his half-closed eyes shining a bit themselves. “Is this enough for tonight’s dinner?” He asked, pushing over the bills and coins he had collected throughout the night.
Fuji made a show of counting it out, but Yanagi always just had the perfect amount of money for dinner. And the days that he was short, he always made it up within the next few days.
“You could have such a better life, Yanagi.” Fuji said, placing the money in his register. “Why do you hang out around here?”
Yanagi just sipped at his beer, wondering why it tasted off to him that night. “Maybe I want to.” He said thoughtfully, smiling a smile that was just a bit of a copy of Fuji’s usual permanent facial feature.
Fuji shook his head before checking on the rest of his patrons. He made his way back to Yanagi and sat down across from him, intent on talking with the odd man. “I heard there’s an important person from a recording studio looking for new talent. You should submit a tape to them.”
Yanagi looked across the table. Sometimes it took him a while to remember that the creature across the table from him was as human and male as he was even if it didn’t seem like it at first. “Why should I do that?” He asked, biting in to the sandwich. The hamburger was burnt in some places on the outside and the middle was just a bit rare, but at least blood wasn’t running out of it. “Do you really think my life would change if I had a contract? The only thing a contract would guarantee me is a source of income, and even that can’t be guaranteed.” Yanagi ranted quietly to Fuji.
Fuji just smiled quietly, listening to those concerns. “You’re one of those musicians who has experienced the seedier side of life. You have the soul of a poet, the voice of an angel, and the skilled fingers of a craftsman.”
Yanagi just looked over at Fuji. “I have none of the above. I don’t even write my own songs anymore. I have nothing that inspires me. I only sing for the money.”
Fuji shook his head sadly. “I’m sure if you looked further inside yourself you would find that isn’t true.”
Yanagi pondered that as he walked through drizzling cold rain, using his guitar’s case as an umbrella. What did Fuji-san mean by that?
“He has talent, I’m sure of that much.” Fuji said to his friend who had stopped by after the bar was officially closed. “He just doesn’t think he does, and he tends to go around in circles debating me on that point.”
“Some people just don’t think they have talent, Shuusuke.” Inui Sadaharu said, helping wipe down a table. “And some people are just stubborn to a fault. It sound like this man is one of those people.”
“I think Yanagi-kun is more than stubborn.” Fuji said. A glass fell to the floor, crashing loudly against the hard wood flooring. Fuji quickly looked over to where the other man had been carrying a tray of glassware off to the kitchen area to be washed.
“Ah…Sorry about that.” Inui said, gathering up the larger pieces of glass to place them into the nearest garbage can. Fuji brought over a broom and started sweeping the smaller pieces up. “That’s not a name I’d thought I’d hear again.” Inui laughed bitterly. “It probably isn’t even who I think it is.”
Fuji just swept up the broken glass, wondering how much it was going to cost him to replace it. He wasn’t by any means rich, but the bar at least made a slight profit, even if it meant that Fuji himself denied himself much for his beloved business.
“It won’t eat too much into your profits.” Inui said, picking up on Fuji’s thoughts, and wrapping his arms around the other man. “In fact, I’ll pay to replace it.” Inui said, nuzzling into Fuji’s hair, wanting to forget the name that had been mentioned that had caused the glassware to fall from his grasp.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
The crowd was yelling ‘encore’ loudly, demanding more from the exhausted performers. They glanced at each other, dark, hidden eyes meeting with emerald orbs hidden by reflective glass. “Shall we?”
Inui nodded in response, straightening up a little as he and Yanagi walked back on stage. Yanagi took a seat on the stool and tuned his guitar as Inui told the crowd the sad news.
“We thank you for supporting us over the years, but we no longer feel we have the creativity to keep developing new music or new sounds, so Renji and I have thought it best to go our own ways.” A wave of silence fell over the crowd. Inui was thankful for that, for some odd reason.
Yanagi picked up where Inui left off. “This is our final song together.” He said, still a bit upset that they were no longer going to be together. It was almost hard to remember the correct chords for this song. It was to be the only performance of it, an acoustic, live version that would appear on their last album. Yanagi plucked the chords out almost like he was robot, his head still not wrapped around the concept of either being a solo artist or nothing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nothing seemed to be very literal to Yanagi now days. At times, he wasn’t sure if he really had anything of value to him anymore. His clothes were bought at the thrift shops, along with his other, meager possessions. His guitar was still the first one his parents had bought for him, the one he learned to play on. He just couldn’t bear to part with it, mostly since it was the reason Fuji-san was so nice to him.
Yanagi looked down at his worn notebook, song lyrics written in neat kanji, some crossed out for sounding sappy, some changed to be more lyrical.
“What am I doing?” He said out loud to himself, frowning and curling up under his blankets. He had actually eaten a somewhat decent meal that day, but was feeling rather confused. His inspiration had left over ten years ago. Fuji-san couldn’t replace Sadaharu. Was he really implying that he could?
Yanagi got up and opened up his refrigerator, frowning as he realized it was still empty. Sighing, he walked over to his window, opened it up slightly, and lit up a cigarette. Some days the world didn’t seem like it was easy to understand as it used to be.
Yanagi pulled the notebook over to him, along with an almost worn down pencil. Something about holding the small wooden stick instead of a more modern, plastic mechanical pencil seemed more real and solid to him as he wrote down words that seemed to have no meaning.
Would they have meaning someday?
In your arms, I cried
In you arms, I was safe
In your arms I was wanted
Alone in the world
We stumble along
Needing each other
Clinging to intangible promises
I wonder just what love is
Did I love you?
Do I even know how to love?
Someday I’ll know the answer
Someday I’ll know.
Someday I’ll know I needed you
Even if you never needed me.
Yanagi’s voice drifted off, the sound being absorbed by the walls of the bar. Fuji-san gave him strange looks, but didn’t say anything until Yanagi came up to the bar. The few patrons applauded him politely, but very little in the way of useful cash actually came to him.
“The usual?” Fuji asked. Yanagi nodded. Fuji smiled a rather creepy smile, but relayed the order to his chef, with a special request from Fuji himself.
Fuji came back to the bar to pour Yanagi’s beer. “Yanagi-kun, I have a question for you.”
Yanagi paused right as he was about to take a sip of the foamy liquid. He could just taste it on the edge of his tongue. Yanagi took the sip finally before looking at Fuji. “What is it?” He asked.
“What were you smoking when you wrote that song. You used to write such beautiful lyrics, and this…this not your usual quality.” Fuji said.
Yanagi frowned. Fuji knew of his past involvement in Project Gemini. It was not a time of his life he wished to remember. “That time of my life is over, Fuji-san. I don’t have my inspiration.” Yanagi said, looking down at the top of the solid oak bar through the amber haze of his beer.
“You just need new inspiration, Yanagi-kun.” Fuji said, smiling. “Stay until the bar closes? I’ll help you with that.”
Yanagi didn’t know whether to accept the offer or to run far, far away. Fuji-san could be strange sometimes, and he wondered if Fuji’s offer was something innocent or something beyond that. “You can even play a few more sets. You just might make a few extra Yen.” Yanagi bristled at the way Fuji said that, but he knew that Fuji was right as well. And his rent was due in a few days. “But eat first.” Fuji’s smile was almost as annoying and as creepy as a wink would have been. “You’ll need your energy.”
Devil’s raising hell,
The demons distracted.
There’s hell to pay
And heaven’s too poor.
From the earth rose a saviour
A heart not so pure
I’ll get the devil,
But the demons will cost you more.
The devil was conquered,
A challenge that didn’t take much
Until he learned about the demon
Demons are nothing much
But ones that have fallen from heaven
Upon the request of the Father
Those are the worst.
Eyes flashing blue,
Hair the color of the deep sea,
This demon was a blessed child once.
The blessed can fall as easily as the cursed
And along the way
The children of the gods are easily the worst.
Proud the godling stared,
“You’re nothing compared to me.”
The savior just watched
Prepared for the next move
Was this battle all for naught?
The last note echoed around the bar. Last call had just been announced, and Yanagi just sat on his stool on the stage, watching everyone get their last round of alcohol down their throats before Fuji-san would toss them out on their asses.
Some of the people that had been listening to Yanagi’s song looked confused. Was that it? Wasn’t there more? Didn’t the savior actually save everyone from this demon? Of course, in the case of a few of the more intoxicated ones, they just decided they didn’t care and got their last drink down.
Yanagi carefully placed his guitar back in its case, not noticing a tall, lanky body walking in after last call had been announced. The person sat in the back, taking a long look at the performer that had been on stage. He froze, old memories flooding back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
“We like your acoustic sound, Yanagi-kun, but have you considered what a more modern sound could do?”
Yanagi frowned a little. He spent long hours learning to play the guitar, and electric ones held little interest from him. Yanagi much preferred the sounds the acoustic made.
“We want you meet someone.” With that, they brought in another boy, who looked to be around Yanagi’s age, dark spiky hair framing a face hidden by glasses. “This is Inui Sadaharu.”
Yanagi stared at the other boy, looking a bit confused. “You play keyboards, create remixes of popular songs in your spare time, and have written both music and words to some of your more popular music.” He said, having heard of the other before. Yanagi turned back to the executive. “Our styles would never mesh in a way that anyone would be able to listen to it.” Yanagi proclaimed.
“You haven’t even given it a chance yet, Yanagi-kun.” Inui protested, smiling a little. “At least let me give you a chance to see what we could do together.” Inui said as he slid a CD case across the table to Yanagi. “Listen to that before you decide.” Inui said.
Yanagi flipped the case around in his hands, wondering if it was really a good idea. Acoustic and electronic music rarely mixed together well in his opinion. What could Inui-kun do to change his sound?
Yanagi nodded finally, getting up and placing the CD into the nearest player, and pressed play. What he heard rather surprised him. Instead of drowning out and over powering Yanagi’s usual acoustic sounds, the synthesizer and keyboards actually gave it more power, making it sound absolutely beautiful. Inui had even mixed in background vocals, and it was just more than what Yanagi expected.
Yanagi smiled at the other man. “What are we going to call ourselves?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It had been 15 years since they had parted ways, and with nary a goodbye on either’s part, it had been silent.
Inui studied the grizzled face. Yanagi’s face looked like it hadn’t seen a razor in days, his hair reaching below his shoulders, pulled back by an old rag. His jeans were ripped and worn through the rear and knees. The dress shirt draped over his shoulders was a bit too short, and the too-short sleeves were rolled up to his elbow. No matter what that face looked like now - 15 years worth of grit, pain and stubborn pride - It was a face that Inui could never forget.
“Renji…” Inui breathed out before realizing he had said it. Yanagi turned when he heard his name. Yanagi’s eyes opened briefly in amazement before quickly readjusting to their usual indifferent haze. Yanagi just focused on making sure his guitar was well taken care of before making a point of setting the case near the door and ignoring Inui. He was only staying at the request of a friend.
Fuji quietly ushered the last of his patrons out, a few giving questioning looks to their resident musician. Fuji dimmed the lights to be just bright enough for the three of them.
Yanagi was doing his best to ignore Inui, but with only three people in the building, it was a rather challenging task.
Fuji smiled a little as he hugged and kissed Inui. “It’s past time for this.” Fuji whispered softly into the taller man’s ear, pulling away. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
This wasn’t quite the reunion Inui had envisioned. Someone had to take the first step, say the first words…
“What happened to you, Renji?” Inui finally asked, aware that it was the worst possible question he could have asked of the other man.
Yanagi just stared at Inui for a few moments before gesturing to a table, and sitting down. After they were seated, Yanagi took a deep breath before starting his tale.
“I was pretty much lost that night.” Yanagi started. “Without….us…without you, I was uninspired, and every song I wrote was off. I didn’t have your arrangements, I didn’t have you. It was something I was hoping to write off after a few months. You had a new life, and I was clinging to the past. All the songs I wrote were, and even I will admit it, horrible.” Yanagi paused for a breath, noticing he now had more of an audience as Fuji slid into a chair between the two men.
Inui just nodded, knowing how the albums Yanagi released as a solo artist after Project Gemini flopped. “And I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to feel like I was begging you to come back.” Yanagi said, sighing a little. “And then I heard that you had started your own label, but my sound wasn’t one that would profit for you.” Inui frowned a little at that, nervously adjusting his glasses. Fuji listened quietly to the story, opening bottles of beer for the three of them. It wasn’t as though Yanagi needed more alcohol to loosen his tongue - he’d already had a few over the course of the night.
Inui sipped quietly at his drink, listening to his old friend. “So why didn’t you call? Just…something. It didn’t have to be a permanent break up.” Yanagi just frowned into his drink, not knowing what to say.
Fuji slid his chair closer to Inui’s, wondering what was about to happen. Fuji’s hand found his lover’s hand and squeezed it, knowing that this had to be hard for the two former partners.
Yanagi kept staring at the table, noticing the little touches, and the looks that Fuji gave Inui. A stab of jealousy went through his heart as the real reason he could never bring himself to honestly tell Inui why he never contacted him hit him full force. He had loved Inui. And now he couldn’t have him. Yanagi chugged down the last of the bottle in front of him. There was nothing left for him but his vices.
Fuji stared at the man sitting across from him, now more than slightly drunk. “Yanagi-kun?” He asked, noticing how tipsy he looked. Inui was looking concerned as well.
“Sadaharu…” Yanagi said, leaning towards his old friend, his head landing on Inui’s shoulder. Yanagi hiccupped a little. “You were everything to me…Everything I couldn’t admit to myself nor to you…” He trailed off, eyes closing. “I loved you….No, I still love you.” He said, arms wrapping around his old friend.
Fuji looked at Inui, slightly upset at how clingy Yanagi was being towards his own boyfriend. But it was a familiar feeling to Fuji. Old friends who had loved more than they should have were nothing new to him. Fuji just nodded, knowing what was about to happen. “He’s staying with us tonight.” He said in a tone that was not to be argued with. Inui nodded and picked up the slightly heavier man. Yanagi was out of it, having passed out after his confession.
“You sure you don’t mind, Shuusuke?” Inui asked, wondering if this was truly alright.
“I’ve seen where he lives. It’s a dump.” Fuji said. “He deserves something better, even if it’s only for one night.” Fuji ran his fingers through the unconscious man’s hair, feeling how fine it was as it draped over Yanagi’s ears.
Inui almost wondered if there was another meaning to those words, and with Fuji Shuusuke as a boyfriend, it was almost guaranteed there was.
They made it back to the small apartment that Inui and Fuji shared with only one minor incident where Yanagi had thrown up while half conscious. Inui was only slightly annoyed by the fact that some of it had gotten onto his nice pants. It was just a minor detail, and he’d be changing out of them soon anyway.
Fuji found an extra pillow and a blanket for Yanagi and set them out on the couch for him as Inui set his old friend down. Brown eyes blinked open briefly before muttering something quietly and settling into his bed for the night.
Fuji just smiled, stretching out. “Come to bed soon.” He said to his boyfriend, looking rather seductive. Inui nodded.
“I’ll be there soon.” He promised, heading into the kitchen. Once there, he whipped up his usual hangover cure and set it where Yanagi could find it. Inui sat in the chair in their living room, watching his old friend, wondering where exactly things had gone wrong.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was a rather cold night. The boys huddled under their respective blankets as snow fell down outside the hotel room’s window.
Yanagi lay under the blanket, a notebook open on his lap, words flowing out from his pencil while his body ignored the cold, ignored its own need for food.
“Renji?” Inui poked his friend in the shoulder, holding a steaming bowl of miso soup out to him. Yanagi’s stomach grumbled, and he blushed, accepting the bowl. Yanagi ate quietly as Inui sat next to him, looking over the words that had been scratched out, rearranged into a lyrical way that made Inui almost jealous.
Yanagi finally looked over at his friend, glad that he no longer was alone in the rather large hotel room. He smiled, wondering if Inui felt some of the same things he had lately.
“It’s a rather cold night, isn’t it, Sadaharu?” Yanagi asked quietly, more than stating the obvious. He looked down at the words he had written, thinking they weren’t quite enough.
Inui nodded, setting aside the dishes, taking away the notebook and setting it on the bedside table. “What are you working on, Renji?” He asked.
Yanagi smiled a little. “We’re going to do another album soon, right?” He asked, not waiting for an answer. “I’ve been working on songs for it.” He said, his normally half closed eyes open wide with excitement.
Inui almost couldn’t bear telling his friend the news that had just been handed down from their manager. “Renji….” He paused, knowing that it would break his friend’s heart.
Yanagi tensed, almost knowing what the next words out of Inui’s mouth were about to be. “Sadaharu…No…” Inui nodded, eyes closed behind thick glass, knowing it was as painful to him. Yanagi grasped Inui’s arms. “Why? What’s wrong?”
Inui just shook his head. “It’s not you, it’s not me. Project Gemini is just…we’re yesterday’s news, Renji.” It was then that Yanagi’s heart broke. Inui wrapped his arms around his friend. “This is our last tour.” Inui informed him.
“It’s not supposed to end this way, Sadaharu.” Yanagi said, wondering just what was wrong with this. He was glad they had a few days before their next concert, perhaps his face would be clear of the tears he felt falling from his eyes.
Inui wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry, Renji.” He said quietly, pulling his friend into a hug.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Fifteen years could really change a person, Yanagi reflected as he watched his old friend watch him. In his own case, it had rather been for the worse. Yanagi winced, realizing this was not exactly how he had envisioned any possible reunion. His head buzzed from all the alcohol he had consumed over the evening, and his stomach felt like rebelling.
“Sadaharu…” Yanagi slurred out, knowing Inui was there watching him. “Why?”
“You should know the answer to that, Renji.” Inui answered quietly.
“Was it really old news by then?”
“It was getting stale, Renji.” Inui said, pushing his hangover cure over to his old friend. He looked away, not quite sure how to admit that there was another reason he had wanted to break up their act.
“That wasn’t the only reason, was it?” Fuji had appeared in the hallway, listening to their half conversation. He sauntered over to Inui, happily sitting down in Inui’s lap. Inui tensed and looked away from both of the other men in the room. How could he admit something that just might very well break his current relationship?
Yanagi sighed a little. “Fuji-san is right, Sadaharu. There was something else, and I know you well enough that you’d never admit it. It was the same reason I never said anything. I wanted to though.” He said, sitting up slowly.
“Say it, ‘Haru.” Fuji said, smiling softly. “I’ve developed a bit of a soft spot for Yanagi-kun, actually. And if you don’t say it, I will. And then I will drag him into bed and have my wicked way with him.”
Inui just glared a little, not wanting to admit it. “Shuusuke….” Inui sighed a little.
“I…had feelings for you, Renji. I…thought we were getting too close. And…I was in denial, thinking it was better for us to not be together anymore.”
“So you took my career out because of your selfishness?” Yanagi glared at Inui, wanting to punch him, or…something. Something to hurt Inui as much as he had hurt over these years. But he just couldn’t. His head hurt too much to think straight at the moment.
Fuji smiled that scary, yet sweet smile of his. “Perhaps we should get this longing out of both of your systems.” He said, standing up, pulling the both of them with him. Protests were about to leave both mouths, but Fuji just silenced them with just a look. It was time for this over ten year feud between two best friends to be resolved.
Fuji had led his boyfriend and guest into the bedroom with many wicked things in mind.
“Fuji-san…” Yanagi protested, realizing what it was that Fuji was intending for them to do. “I…”
Fuji smiled. “You want this. So does Sadaharu. I’m just the icing on the cake.”
Inui was about to protest as well, until he realized that Fuji was right. And then he realized his boyfriend was removing his old friend’s shirt and said old friend was not protesting as he was being distracted by light touches and kisses. Inui shivered a little, watching this. Fuji looked straight through Inui’s glasses, his look saying ‘Come here, we can share.’ It wasn’t quite what Inui ever wanted, but perhaps it would be worth whatever pain Fuji could deal to him later.
For one night, perhaps they could be happy before separating again.
That night weighed heavily on Inui. Fuji kept giving him knowing smiles, and yet sometimes didn’t come home at all on some nights. It wasn’t that Inui didn’t trust him, but sometimes it felt odd. Inui could always smell the citrus cologne - it was the same one he had always smelled on Yanagi backstage. It smelled faintly of lemon and orange. Inui was surprised he still used the same fragrance, considering it was rather pricey and he knew that Yanagi’s situation wasn’t exactly the best.
Inui sat in the back of the bar one night, thinking things had gone back to normal. Inui sipped quietly at some water, which rather drove Fuji mad that his boyfriend wouldn’t partake of the firewater he sold. Fuji sat down across from him when he had a chance. “What are you going to do?” Fuji asked, smiling innocently. There was no denying something had shifted. Inui couldn’t tell if it was for the better though.
“I’m going to do what I’ve always done.” Inui said, trying to be strong. One night of sexual favors with an extra person was not about to sway his professional mind.
“You haven’t heard some of Renji’s new songs.” Fuji said, smiling. Inui rose an eyebrow, silently questioning Fuji’s use of Yanagi’s given name. Fuji just chuckled a little. “Don’t worry, I still love you too.” Fuji said, winking at his boyfriend. He glanced down at his watch. “I think you’re just in time though.” Fuji said. “I have work to do.” He said, kissing Inui on the cheek.
It wasn’t more than five minutes later when Yanagi walked through the door to Fuji’s little dive, battered guitar case in hand. Yanagi glanced over at Inui briefly, but pretended not to notice him. If Inui wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, well that was alright by him. Yanagi offered a small smile to Fuji, even knowing that they were sneaking around on Inui. There was much they shared, and Yanagi even knew that it wasn’t just sex.
Yanagi headed straight for the makeshift stage, pulling out his old battered guitar, strumming it to tune it. The random sounds made Inui turn his head towards the stage. There could be nothing good from this.
Soft strains of a slow song began, and Yanagi’s deep, rich baritone engulfed the room without the aid of a microphone.
I see you there,
A light in the dark
Crafting lies, deceiving even the angels
The demon is always lying in wait
Two or three, it’s never enough
The thrill is there,
But what is there about love.
The fallen ones of heaven
We’re never worthy
The fallen aren’t to be saved.
Once I needed you
Now I see where your loyalties lie
It’s not with me
So here I sit
Crying into my beer
Words flowing from my heart
Not releasing the aches I felt.
Are we or aren’t we
I still feel the need, the want
The dark steals away the demons,
The ones never meant to be.
Yanagi’s voice echoed for a moment before dying off, his eyes cast down, closed only enough to hide his pain, knowing what he had been doing was wrong. He knew he would be better off removing himself from this place, from these men who made him feel all the wrong things.
Inui’s heart ached at hearing those lyrics. Why couldn’t he do what was right? Why couldn’t he just leave them like they were? Why couldn’t he just run from Fuji, from Yanagi? Let them be in peace, without Inui being in the middle.
Fuji himself brought three plates of the evening’s special to Inui’s table, setting them down and waving Yanagi over to them. Yanagi sighed a little, not exactly wanting to join the both of them, but did so anyway.
Yanagi nodded his head to them both, not properly greeting either of them.
Fuji sighed softly, frowning a little. “I’m going to lay this straight out for both of you. I’ve been sleeping with both of you. And I don’t want to choose.” He said very quietly. Inui frowned. He had known, but he wanted to pretend that he didn’t. It didn’t hurt so much when he was in denial of what was right in front of his face.
Inui still didn’t know what to say. “Sadaharu…I’m not trying to hurt you.” Yanagi said quietly, even though he knew the words sounded hollow. Fuji took Inui’s hand, trying to keep him grounded.
Inui turned to Fuji. “It….You…” Realization finally caught on to him. Fuji meant for the three of them to mean something. To the other.
Inui was rather confused. It had been fun. It was just a fling…right? They would go back to their own lives. Lives that only crossed professionally, in ways that wouldn’t involve them intertwining in ways that were not what they truly wanted.
“Sadaharu, look at me.” Yanagi insisted, pulling Inui’s chin up. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for years. And yet I denied it, just letting it build up into nothing more than lust. I’ve always wanted more, but…You didn’t seem to want what I wanted. And seeing you with Shuusuke, I just couldn’t bear it. And yet, he wants both of us. Is it right making us decide for you?” Yanagi’s words just came flowing out, a glimmer of hope or desperation wanting to make this right somehow.
“How is having both of you supposed to make me happy? I don’t like sharing.” Inui said, standing up. “Renji, it’s not you, nor is it you, Shuusuke.” He said, turning around to leave. “This isn’t what it should be like.” Inui said quietly, trying to convince himself of that.
“Isn’t it, Sadaharu?” Yanagi said, pulling Inui back and pressing his lips to his old friend’s. Inui tried to resist at first, but soon was pulled into a haze. Yanagi’s kisses were nothing like Fuji’s - they were hard, desperate, full of want. And in that want, his mind clouded, wanting nothing more than to return the feelings, but knowing that he shouldn’t…should he?
Fuji pulled Inui away from Yanagi’s insistent kiss, looking up and through the glass covering the other man’s eyes. “It’s your turn. Do what you think is right, but don’t write both of us off yet.” Fuji said, smiling just a bit more than usual. “I’ll be lonely tonight, but I expect it will only be tonight.”
Yanagi caught on to what Fuji wanted, not entirely sure he wanted Inui to see how he lived nowadays. It wasn’t that he had wanted to show Fuji either, but apparently Fuji hadn’t told Inui about the little dump that Yanagi called home. Things had just happened, and Fuji had rekindled a spark that Yanagi had thought could never be re-ignited.
“Sadaharu, please. Stay with me tonight.” Yanagi looked up at Inui, almost pleading, wanting more of what he had started earlier.
Inui glanced over at Fuji, who just smiled and nodded at him.
The walk to Yanagi’s apartment was cold and silent as the two men walked side by side. Inui instinctively hovered closer to Yanagi as he heard gunshots and sirens wail in the neighborhood.
“You live here?” Inui asked, wondering how in the world Yanagi could stomach such conditions. Yanagi just nodded as he walked into the apartment building he lived in.
Yanagi opened the door - why bother locking it when all your neighbors knew how to pick locks? “Welcome to my home.” Yanagi said, removing his shoes and flopping down on his couch. Inui looked around, rather shocked.
“Renji…How….Why do you live like this?”
Yanagi glanced up at him. “Because I have to.” He said quietly, feeling horrible having Inui as a guest in his squalor. He gave up, and crossed the small room to the refrigerator to pull out a couple of beers. Yanagi handed one of the cold cans to Inui. “Sadaharu….It’s been rough the last years.” He said, the hissing of him pulling on the pull tab to open his drink punctuating the stillness. “I can’t write songs for shit. I can’t find anyone who wants to listen to my music. All because you had to go and make us perfect.” Yanagi wasn’t sure if he was bitter for that or not.
“Renji….I…” Inui couldn’t say it.
“Don’t say it, Sadaharu.” Yanagi said, pulling Inui to the couch with him. “I don’t want to hear it. All I want to hear is someone telling me I’ll have something in the morning. I don’t need the stress I’ve built up around me. Just an assured meal and a roof over my head. It’s never been sure for me. I’m lucky that Fuji-san lets me sing for my dinner - literally!” Yanagi was close to breaking down crying. He didn’t want to press any of his own problems on to Inui, but now that he knew Yanagi’s living conditions, it was hard to not just let it out.
Yanagi set his drink aside, tears starting to flow from his half-closed eyes. Inui was shocked, confused, and wanted to make things better. “Renji….Please, don’t…” He said quietly, not sure how to comfort the man. “I didn’t know this would happen.” Inui said, knowing it wasn’t enough.
“It….It’s what I’m used to now.” Yanagi said, trying to calm down as a few sniffles escaped.
Inui just held onto Yanagi, not caring if he broke down, not caring if he showed emotions that he didn’t want to admit to.
Yanagi shuddered a little. “I have to admit, I was jealous when I saw you had Fuji-san.” It was still a bit strange for him to refer to Fuji as anything else. “You have what I want. A stable job, a stable relationship. It just made me irrationally angry to see you. It made me angry when I saw you touch Fuji in such an intimate way.”
Inui frowned some. It was just luck…wasn’t it? “Renji….You’re jealous? Why? I can’t quite understand it.” He said, wondering what he could do to fix things.
Yanagi laughed. He kept laughing, almost to the point it was insulting. “Sadaharu, don’t you see?” Yanagi kept laughing. “You…You’re…” Yanagi almost couldn’t control his laughter at this point. He had known what Fuji was trying to do, but the fact that Inui couldn’t quite figure out his own boyfriend’s plans was highly amusing to Yanagi. Yanagi threw his arms around Inui, still laughing.
Inui was caught in the embrace, still confused. “Renji?” He asked, wondering if maybe his old friend had had one beer too many that night.
“Oh, Sadaharu!” Yanagi laughed, and sloppily covered Inui’s lips with his own, his tongue sliding past slightly chapped lips. Inui froze solid as Yanagi tried to press against him. Yanagi pulled back, frowning slightly. “It’s alright, you know.” He said, his head falling into Inui’s lap. “He’s been fucking me.”
Inui petted the dark, dark brown hair in his lap. “I know.” He said quietly, wondering why he didn’t seem to care that his lover had a lover on the side.
Yanagi turned his head to look up in to Inui’s eyes. “Do you love him?” He asked, knowing what the answer would be.
Inui nodded slightly. He loved Fuji quite a bit. Even enough to forgive him these indiscretions lately. Yanagi snorted. “If you love him so much, why are you here?” Yanagi asked, wondering just why Inui would do such a thing.
Inui froze. Why was he here? Because Fuji told him to, but was that the only reason? Inui blinked behind his glasses. He…didn’t….love Yanagi….did he? They were just friends, right? Old friends who had gone their separate ways years ago, one had stumbled on hard times, and the other had better luck. There was no spark, nothing resembling love….right?
Yanagi smiled a little, brown eyes shining a little. “Sadaharu…” Yanagi pulled him down for a kiss. “You know the reason as well as I do.” Yanagi said as he paused for breath. “I need you. You need both of us.” Yanagi got in as he pressed kisses to the exposed skin of Inui’s face and neck.
Something in Inui snapped as he realized that Yanagi’s words made the most sense he had heard. “….Shuusuke put you up to this, didn’t he?” Inui asked, relaxing, returning kisses when he could.
Yanagi just smiled.
At the intersection of heaven and hell
A fallen angel finds a love forbidden
Something so right could never be so wrong
In the eyes of God
It may be
In this demon’s heart, they know it’s right
That’s all that matters as they fall into bed this night
All it can be, all it is
‘Love’ is the word whispered between them
As eyes slide close,
Arms around the other
Something so right couldn’t be wrong
And ‘til our dying day
I’ll believe it’s right
Even if it may be wrong…
As Yanagi’s voice faded, two pairs of hands applauded him. Yanagi smiled a little before he left the stage, heading for a table in the back where a beer and a meal awaited him.
“That was wonderful, Renji.” Inui said, smiling a little. They ate in silence for a few moments before Inui spoke again. “Would you be interested in recording professionally again? My company would like to try to branch out to folk singers. Your sound fits perfectly. And while we wouldn’t be partners again, I wouldn’t mind doing some arranging for you.”
Yanagi’s jaw dropped just a bit. “Sadaharu, you….” Yanagi was just so shocked. “How did you…?”
Inui smiled a little. “I have connections. And I think you’ve found your muse again. I think between you, me and Shuusuke, you’ll be able to write songs that are up to your usual standard.” Yanagi just shook his head.
“Sadaharu….You shouldn’t have.” Yanagi said quietly, biting into his sandwich.
“There’s more, but I think Shuusuke should tell you about that when he comes back.”
“I was wondering where Fu- ah, Shuusuke was.” Yanagi said, trying to get used to calling Fuji by his given name. It was rather unusual for the bar’s owner to trust his staff to run the place.
Fuji walked in about a half hour later, all smiles. He walked to the table where Inui and Yanagi were still chatting, some of it small things, some of it business.
Fuji quietly walked up to Yanagi, and gave him a hug from behind, and didn’t let go. “It’s all done.” He told Inui, grinning.
“What’s done?” Yanagi asked, confused.
Inui smiled. “Wouldn’t you rather live with your lovers than in that dump?” He asked. “Shuusuke arranged to get your stuff, and you’re coming home with us.”
“Forever.” Fuji added, draping himself even more over Yanagi, stealing kisses as they told Yanagi the good news.
“You….You shouldn’t have.” Yanagi said, shocked beyond words. There was no way he could ever repay this kindness.
“It’s nothing. It’s enough just to have you with us.” Fuji said, nuzzling Yanagi’s neck. Inui nodded in agreement. It had been in the works between the two since the night Inui had spent at Yanagi’s dumpy little apartment. And this was Inui’s way of making amends.
“We mean it, Renji.” Inui said. “We want you, and you’ve been spending more and more time with us anyway….” He trailed off. There were plenty of reasons for Yanagi to live with them.
Yanagi just flushed a little. It seemed that just in one day his life had turned around.
“Shuusuke, Sadaharu…..I…don’t know what to say.” Yanagi said, very overwhelmed.
Fuji slid into a chair finally. “Just say you love us. It’s all we need.” He said, stealing a cold bite off of Yanagi’s plate and dipping it in cold sauce from Inui’s. Inui nodded in agreement.
One of Fuji’s waitresses came to clear the table while the three men chatted. The night had long since grown dark, and for once, the three of them were relatively sober as they walked home arm in arm.
For: Di illuminations
Title: Even If It’s Wrong
Characters: Yanagi Renji, Fuji Shuusuke, Inui Sadaharu
Rating: R (Mostly for some bad language towards the end)
Disclaimer: I only play with them. I didn’t create them for profit like Konomi did.
Warnings: Slight spoilers, in a *very* odd way for the Yukimura vs. Echizen match; drinking, smoking if things like that concern you.
Summary: Some odd years after Yanagi Renji and Inui Sadaharu teamed up as a musical duo called Project Gemini, Yanagi finds himself literally singing for his supper and worming his way into the heart of the dive’s owner - Fuji Shuusuke. Little did Yanagi know that his old partner was Fuji’s lover…
Notes: I kind of took liberty with the “anything else that strikes as inspiration” prompt. But I think I hit at least a few of your kinks, and I really hope you enjoy it anyway. :D
It wasn’t often that Yanagi Renji had company in his small, two room apartment. His messy bed, a futon with tattered blankets tossed on it in a vain attempt to keep his body warm on the cold nights, was the attention grabber of the room. The empty cabinets and even emptier refrigerator served to remind him of his rather pointless life lately and to remind him of the whole reason he was walking in to the dustiest, smokiest bar and grill he knew.
The owner of the little hole-in-the-wall looked up as Yanagi walked through the door, acoustic guitar in hand, his face covered by shadows of nights not slept through.
Fuji Shuusuke just smiled a little, and watched as Yanagi headed for the makeshift stage that had been set up for him. Fuji was fascinated by the musician that haunted his bar, playing for money to pay for a cheap hamburger and a beer. Maybe at the end of the day Yanagi would have enough to pay the rent come week’s end.
Fuji had the beer ready, and knew that the food would be ready soon. He sat the mug down in front of Yanagi, who gratefully took a sip. “Your voice is that of an angel.” Fuji said, eyes shining in faint amusement.
“And you’re a swindler.” Yanagi teased back, smiling a little, his half-closed eyes shining a bit themselves. “Is this enough for tonight’s dinner?” He asked, pushing over the bills and coins he had collected throughout the night.
Fuji made a show of counting it out, but Yanagi always just had the perfect amount of money for dinner. And the days that he was short, he always made it up within the next few days.
“You could have such a better life, Yanagi.” Fuji said, placing the money in his register. “Why do you hang out around here?”
Yanagi just sipped at his beer, wondering why it tasted off to him that night. “Maybe I want to.” He said thoughtfully, smiling a smile that was just a bit of a copy of Fuji’s usual permanent facial feature.
Fuji shook his head before checking on the rest of his patrons. He made his way back to Yanagi and sat down across from him, intent on talking with the odd man. “I heard there’s an important person from a recording studio looking for new talent. You should submit a tape to them.”
Yanagi looked across the table. Sometimes it took him a while to remember that the creature across the table from him was as human and male as he was even if it didn’t seem like it at first. “Why should I do that?” He asked, biting in to the sandwich. The hamburger was burnt in some places on the outside and the middle was just a bit rare, but at least blood wasn’t running out of it. “Do you really think my life would change if I had a contract? The only thing a contract would guarantee me is a source of income, and even that can’t be guaranteed.” Yanagi ranted quietly to Fuji.
Fuji just smiled quietly, listening to those concerns. “You’re one of those musicians who has experienced the seedier side of life. You have the soul of a poet, the voice of an angel, and the skilled fingers of a craftsman.”
Yanagi just looked over at Fuji. “I have none of the above. I don’t even write my own songs anymore. I have nothing that inspires me. I only sing for the money.”
Fuji shook his head sadly. “I’m sure if you looked further inside yourself you would find that isn’t true.”
Yanagi pondered that as he walked through drizzling cold rain, using his guitar’s case as an umbrella. What did Fuji-san mean by that?
“He has talent, I’m sure of that much.” Fuji said to his friend who had stopped by after the bar was officially closed. “He just doesn’t think he does, and he tends to go around in circles debating me on that point.”
“Some people just don’t think they have talent, Shuusuke.” Inui Sadaharu said, helping wipe down a table. “And some people are just stubborn to a fault. It sound like this man is one of those people.”
“I think Yanagi-kun is more than stubborn.” Fuji said. A glass fell to the floor, crashing loudly against the hard wood flooring. Fuji quickly looked over to where the other man had been carrying a tray of glassware off to the kitchen area to be washed.
“Ah…Sorry about that.” Inui said, gathering up the larger pieces of glass to place them into the nearest garbage can. Fuji brought over a broom and started sweeping the smaller pieces up. “That’s not a name I’d thought I’d hear again.” Inui laughed bitterly. “It probably isn’t even who I think it is.”
Fuji just swept up the broken glass, wondering how much it was going to cost him to replace it. He wasn’t by any means rich, but the bar at least made a slight profit, even if it meant that Fuji himself denied himself much for his beloved business.
“It won’t eat too much into your profits.” Inui said, picking up on Fuji’s thoughts, and wrapping his arms around the other man. “In fact, I’ll pay to replace it.” Inui said, nuzzling into Fuji’s hair, wanting to forget the name that had been mentioned that had caused the glassware to fall from his grasp.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
The crowd was yelling ‘encore’ loudly, demanding more from the exhausted performers. They glanced at each other, dark, hidden eyes meeting with emerald orbs hidden by reflective glass. “Shall we?”
Inui nodded in response, straightening up a little as he and Yanagi walked back on stage. Yanagi took a seat on the stool and tuned his guitar as Inui told the crowd the sad news.
“We thank you for supporting us over the years, but we no longer feel we have the creativity to keep developing new music or new sounds, so Renji and I have thought it best to go our own ways.” A wave of silence fell over the crowd. Inui was thankful for that, for some odd reason.
Yanagi picked up where Inui left off. “This is our final song together.” He said, still a bit upset that they were no longer going to be together. It was almost hard to remember the correct chords for this song. It was to be the only performance of it, an acoustic, live version that would appear on their last album. Yanagi plucked the chords out almost like he was robot, his head still not wrapped around the concept of either being a solo artist or nothing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nothing seemed to be very literal to Yanagi now days. At times, he wasn’t sure if he really had anything of value to him anymore. His clothes were bought at the thrift shops, along with his other, meager possessions. His guitar was still the first one his parents had bought for him, the one he learned to play on. He just couldn’t bear to part with it, mostly since it was the reason Fuji-san was so nice to him.
Yanagi looked down at his worn notebook, song lyrics written in neat kanji, some crossed out for sounding sappy, some changed to be more lyrical.
“What am I doing?” He said out loud to himself, frowning and curling up under his blankets. He had actually eaten a somewhat decent meal that day, but was feeling rather confused. His inspiration had left over ten years ago. Fuji-san couldn’t replace Sadaharu. Was he really implying that he could?
Yanagi got up and opened up his refrigerator, frowning as he realized it was still empty. Sighing, he walked over to his window, opened it up slightly, and lit up a cigarette. Some days the world didn’t seem like it was easy to understand as it used to be.
Yanagi pulled the notebook over to him, along with an almost worn down pencil. Something about holding the small wooden stick instead of a more modern, plastic mechanical pencil seemed more real and solid to him as he wrote down words that seemed to have no meaning.
Would they have meaning someday?
In your arms, I cried
In you arms, I was safe
In your arms I was wanted
Alone in the world
We stumble along
Needing each other
Clinging to intangible promises
I wonder just what love is
Did I love you?
Do I even know how to love?
Someday I’ll know the answer
Someday I’ll know.
Someday I’ll know I needed you
Even if you never needed me.
Yanagi’s voice drifted off, the sound being absorbed by the walls of the bar. Fuji-san gave him strange looks, but didn’t say anything until Yanagi came up to the bar. The few patrons applauded him politely, but very little in the way of useful cash actually came to him.
“The usual?” Fuji asked. Yanagi nodded. Fuji smiled a rather creepy smile, but relayed the order to his chef, with a special request from Fuji himself.
Fuji came back to the bar to pour Yanagi’s beer. “Yanagi-kun, I have a question for you.”
Yanagi paused right as he was about to take a sip of the foamy liquid. He could just taste it on the edge of his tongue. Yanagi took the sip finally before looking at Fuji. “What is it?” He asked.
“What were you smoking when you wrote that song. You used to write such beautiful lyrics, and this…this not your usual quality.” Fuji said.
Yanagi frowned. Fuji knew of his past involvement in Project Gemini. It was not a time of his life he wished to remember. “That time of my life is over, Fuji-san. I don’t have my inspiration.” Yanagi said, looking down at the top of the solid oak bar through the amber haze of his beer.
“You just need new inspiration, Yanagi-kun.” Fuji said, smiling. “Stay until the bar closes? I’ll help you with that.”
Yanagi didn’t know whether to accept the offer or to run far, far away. Fuji-san could be strange sometimes, and he wondered if Fuji’s offer was something innocent or something beyond that. “You can even play a few more sets. You just might make a few extra Yen.” Yanagi bristled at the way Fuji said that, but he knew that Fuji was right as well. And his rent was due in a few days. “But eat first.” Fuji’s smile was almost as annoying and as creepy as a wink would have been. “You’ll need your energy.”
Devil’s raising hell,
The demons distracted.
There’s hell to pay
And heaven’s too poor.
From the earth rose a saviour
A heart not so pure
I’ll get the devil,
But the demons will cost you more.
The devil was conquered,
A challenge that didn’t take much
Until he learned about the demon
Demons are nothing much
But ones that have fallen from heaven
Upon the request of the Father
Those are the worst.
Eyes flashing blue,
Hair the color of the deep sea,
This demon was a blessed child once.
The blessed can fall as easily as the cursed
And along the way
The children of the gods are easily the worst.
Proud the godling stared,
“You’re nothing compared to me.”
The savior just watched
Prepared for the next move
Was this battle all for naught?
The last note echoed around the bar. Last call had just been announced, and Yanagi just sat on his stool on the stage, watching everyone get their last round of alcohol down their throats before Fuji-san would toss them out on their asses.
Some of the people that had been listening to Yanagi’s song looked confused. Was that it? Wasn’t there more? Didn’t the savior actually save everyone from this demon? Of course, in the case of a few of the more intoxicated ones, they just decided they didn’t care and got their last drink down.
Yanagi carefully placed his guitar back in its case, not noticing a tall, lanky body walking in after last call had been announced. The person sat in the back, taking a long look at the performer that had been on stage. He froze, old memories flooding back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
“We like your acoustic sound, Yanagi-kun, but have you considered what a more modern sound could do?”
Yanagi frowned a little. He spent long hours learning to play the guitar, and electric ones held little interest from him. Yanagi much preferred the sounds the acoustic made.
“We want you meet someone.” With that, they brought in another boy, who looked to be around Yanagi’s age, dark spiky hair framing a face hidden by glasses. “This is Inui Sadaharu.”
Yanagi stared at the other boy, looking a bit confused. “You play keyboards, create remixes of popular songs in your spare time, and have written both music and words to some of your more popular music.” He said, having heard of the other before. Yanagi turned back to the executive. “Our styles would never mesh in a way that anyone would be able to listen to it.” Yanagi proclaimed.
“You haven’t even given it a chance yet, Yanagi-kun.” Inui protested, smiling a little. “At least let me give you a chance to see what we could do together.” Inui said as he slid a CD case across the table to Yanagi. “Listen to that before you decide.” Inui said.
Yanagi flipped the case around in his hands, wondering if it was really a good idea. Acoustic and electronic music rarely mixed together well in his opinion. What could Inui-kun do to change his sound?
Yanagi nodded finally, getting up and placing the CD into the nearest player, and pressed play. What he heard rather surprised him. Instead of drowning out and over powering Yanagi’s usual acoustic sounds, the synthesizer and keyboards actually gave it more power, making it sound absolutely beautiful. Inui had even mixed in background vocals, and it was just more than what Yanagi expected.
Yanagi smiled at the other man. “What are we going to call ourselves?”
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It had been 15 years since they had parted ways, and with nary a goodbye on either’s part, it had been silent.
Inui studied the grizzled face. Yanagi’s face looked like it hadn’t seen a razor in days, his hair reaching below his shoulders, pulled back by an old rag. His jeans were ripped and worn through the rear and knees. The dress shirt draped over his shoulders was a bit too short, and the too-short sleeves were rolled up to his elbow. No matter what that face looked like now - 15 years worth of grit, pain and stubborn pride - It was a face that Inui could never forget.
“Renji…” Inui breathed out before realizing he had said it. Yanagi turned when he heard his name. Yanagi’s eyes opened briefly in amazement before quickly readjusting to their usual indifferent haze. Yanagi just focused on making sure his guitar was well taken care of before making a point of setting the case near the door and ignoring Inui. He was only staying at the request of a friend.
Fuji quietly ushered the last of his patrons out, a few giving questioning looks to their resident musician. Fuji dimmed the lights to be just bright enough for the three of them.
Yanagi was doing his best to ignore Inui, but with only three people in the building, it was a rather challenging task.
Fuji smiled a little as he hugged and kissed Inui. “It’s past time for this.” Fuji whispered softly into the taller man’s ear, pulling away. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
This wasn’t quite the reunion Inui had envisioned. Someone had to take the first step, say the first words…
“What happened to you, Renji?” Inui finally asked, aware that it was the worst possible question he could have asked of the other man.
Yanagi just stared at Inui for a few moments before gesturing to a table, and sitting down. After they were seated, Yanagi took a deep breath before starting his tale.
“I was pretty much lost that night.” Yanagi started. “Without….us…without you, I was uninspired, and every song I wrote was off. I didn’t have your arrangements, I didn’t have you. It was something I was hoping to write off after a few months. You had a new life, and I was clinging to the past. All the songs I wrote were, and even I will admit it, horrible.” Yanagi paused for a breath, noticing he now had more of an audience as Fuji slid into a chair between the two men.
Inui just nodded, knowing how the albums Yanagi released as a solo artist after Project Gemini flopped. “And I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to feel like I was begging you to come back.” Yanagi said, sighing a little. “And then I heard that you had started your own label, but my sound wasn’t one that would profit for you.” Inui frowned a little at that, nervously adjusting his glasses. Fuji listened quietly to the story, opening bottles of beer for the three of them. It wasn’t as though Yanagi needed more alcohol to loosen his tongue - he’d already had a few over the course of the night.
Inui sipped quietly at his drink, listening to his old friend. “So why didn’t you call? Just…something. It didn’t have to be a permanent break up.” Yanagi just frowned into his drink, not knowing what to say.
Fuji slid his chair closer to Inui’s, wondering what was about to happen. Fuji’s hand found his lover’s hand and squeezed it, knowing that this had to be hard for the two former partners.
Yanagi kept staring at the table, noticing the little touches, and the looks that Fuji gave Inui. A stab of jealousy went through his heart as the real reason he could never bring himself to honestly tell Inui why he never contacted him hit him full force. He had loved Inui. And now he couldn’t have him. Yanagi chugged down the last of the bottle in front of him. There was nothing left for him but his vices.
Fuji stared at the man sitting across from him, now more than slightly drunk. “Yanagi-kun?” He asked, noticing how tipsy he looked. Inui was looking concerned as well.
“Sadaharu…” Yanagi said, leaning towards his old friend, his head landing on Inui’s shoulder. Yanagi hiccupped a little. “You were everything to me…Everything I couldn’t admit to myself nor to you…” He trailed off, eyes closing. “I loved you….No, I still love you.” He said, arms wrapping around his old friend.
Fuji looked at Inui, slightly upset at how clingy Yanagi was being towards his own boyfriend. But it was a familiar feeling to Fuji. Old friends who had loved more than they should have were nothing new to him. Fuji just nodded, knowing what was about to happen. “He’s staying with us tonight.” He said in a tone that was not to be argued with. Inui nodded and picked up the slightly heavier man. Yanagi was out of it, having passed out after his confession.
“You sure you don’t mind, Shuusuke?” Inui asked, wondering if this was truly alright.
“I’ve seen where he lives. It’s a dump.” Fuji said. “He deserves something better, even if it’s only for one night.” Fuji ran his fingers through the unconscious man’s hair, feeling how fine it was as it draped over Yanagi’s ears.
Inui almost wondered if there was another meaning to those words, and with Fuji Shuusuke as a boyfriend, it was almost guaranteed there was.
They made it back to the small apartment that Inui and Fuji shared with only one minor incident where Yanagi had thrown up while half conscious. Inui was only slightly annoyed by the fact that some of it had gotten onto his nice pants. It was just a minor detail, and he’d be changing out of them soon anyway.
Fuji found an extra pillow and a blanket for Yanagi and set them out on the couch for him as Inui set his old friend down. Brown eyes blinked open briefly before muttering something quietly and settling into his bed for the night.
Fuji just smiled, stretching out. “Come to bed soon.” He said to his boyfriend, looking rather seductive. Inui nodded.
“I’ll be there soon.” He promised, heading into the kitchen. Once there, he whipped up his usual hangover cure and set it where Yanagi could find it. Inui sat in the chair in their living room, watching his old friend, wondering where exactly things had gone wrong.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was a rather cold night. The boys huddled under their respective blankets as snow fell down outside the hotel room’s window.
Yanagi lay under the blanket, a notebook open on his lap, words flowing out from his pencil while his body ignored the cold, ignored its own need for food.
“Renji?” Inui poked his friend in the shoulder, holding a steaming bowl of miso soup out to him. Yanagi’s stomach grumbled, and he blushed, accepting the bowl. Yanagi ate quietly as Inui sat next to him, looking over the words that had been scratched out, rearranged into a lyrical way that made Inui almost jealous.
Yanagi finally looked over at his friend, glad that he no longer was alone in the rather large hotel room. He smiled, wondering if Inui felt some of the same things he had lately.
“It’s a rather cold night, isn’t it, Sadaharu?” Yanagi asked quietly, more than stating the obvious. He looked down at the words he had written, thinking they weren’t quite enough.
Inui nodded, setting aside the dishes, taking away the notebook and setting it on the bedside table. “What are you working on, Renji?” He asked.
Yanagi smiled a little. “We’re going to do another album soon, right?” He asked, not waiting for an answer. “I’ve been working on songs for it.” He said, his normally half closed eyes open wide with excitement.
Inui almost couldn’t bear telling his friend the news that had just been handed down from their manager. “Renji….” He paused, knowing that it would break his friend’s heart.
Yanagi tensed, almost knowing what the next words out of Inui’s mouth were about to be. “Sadaharu…No…” Inui nodded, eyes closed behind thick glass, knowing it was as painful to him. Yanagi grasped Inui’s arms. “Why? What’s wrong?”
Inui just shook his head. “It’s not you, it’s not me. Project Gemini is just…we’re yesterday’s news, Renji.” It was then that Yanagi’s heart broke. Inui wrapped his arms around his friend. “This is our last tour.” Inui informed him.
“It’s not supposed to end this way, Sadaharu.” Yanagi said, wondering just what was wrong with this. He was glad they had a few days before their next concert, perhaps his face would be clear of the tears he felt falling from his eyes.
Inui wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry, Renji.” He said quietly, pulling his friend into a hug.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Fifteen years could really change a person, Yanagi reflected as he watched his old friend watch him. In his own case, it had rather been for the worse. Yanagi winced, realizing this was not exactly how he had envisioned any possible reunion. His head buzzed from all the alcohol he had consumed over the evening, and his stomach felt like rebelling.
“Sadaharu…” Yanagi slurred out, knowing Inui was there watching him. “Why?”
“You should know the answer to that, Renji.” Inui answered quietly.
“Was it really old news by then?”
“It was getting stale, Renji.” Inui said, pushing his hangover cure over to his old friend. He looked away, not quite sure how to admit that there was another reason he had wanted to break up their act.
“That wasn’t the only reason, was it?” Fuji had appeared in the hallway, listening to their half conversation. He sauntered over to Inui, happily sitting down in Inui’s lap. Inui tensed and looked away from both of the other men in the room. How could he admit something that just might very well break his current relationship?
Yanagi sighed a little. “Fuji-san is right, Sadaharu. There was something else, and I know you well enough that you’d never admit it. It was the same reason I never said anything. I wanted to though.” He said, sitting up slowly.
“Say it, ‘Haru.” Fuji said, smiling softly. “I’ve developed a bit of a soft spot for Yanagi-kun, actually. And if you don’t say it, I will. And then I will drag him into bed and have my wicked way with him.”
Inui just glared a little, not wanting to admit it. “Shuusuke….” Inui sighed a little.
“I…had feelings for you, Renji. I…thought we were getting too close. And…I was in denial, thinking it was better for us to not be together anymore.”
“So you took my career out because of your selfishness?” Yanagi glared at Inui, wanting to punch him, or…something. Something to hurt Inui as much as he had hurt over these years. But he just couldn’t. His head hurt too much to think straight at the moment.
Fuji smiled that scary, yet sweet smile of his. “Perhaps we should get this longing out of both of your systems.” He said, standing up, pulling the both of them with him. Protests were about to leave both mouths, but Fuji just silenced them with just a look. It was time for this over ten year feud between two best friends to be resolved.
Fuji had led his boyfriend and guest into the bedroom with many wicked things in mind.
“Fuji-san…” Yanagi protested, realizing what it was that Fuji was intending for them to do. “I…”
Fuji smiled. “You want this. So does Sadaharu. I’m just the icing on the cake.”
Inui was about to protest as well, until he realized that Fuji was right. And then he realized his boyfriend was removing his old friend’s shirt and said old friend was not protesting as he was being distracted by light touches and kisses. Inui shivered a little, watching this. Fuji looked straight through Inui’s glasses, his look saying ‘Come here, we can share.’ It wasn’t quite what Inui ever wanted, but perhaps it would be worth whatever pain Fuji could deal to him later.
For one night, perhaps they could be happy before separating again.
That night weighed heavily on Inui. Fuji kept giving him knowing smiles, and yet sometimes didn’t come home at all on some nights. It wasn’t that Inui didn’t trust him, but sometimes it felt odd. Inui could always smell the citrus cologne - it was the same one he had always smelled on Yanagi backstage. It smelled faintly of lemon and orange. Inui was surprised he still used the same fragrance, considering it was rather pricey and he knew that Yanagi’s situation wasn’t exactly the best.
Inui sat in the back of the bar one night, thinking things had gone back to normal. Inui sipped quietly at some water, which rather drove Fuji mad that his boyfriend wouldn’t partake of the firewater he sold. Fuji sat down across from him when he had a chance. “What are you going to do?” Fuji asked, smiling innocently. There was no denying something had shifted. Inui couldn’t tell if it was for the better though.
“I’m going to do what I’ve always done.” Inui said, trying to be strong. One night of sexual favors with an extra person was not about to sway his professional mind.
“You haven’t heard some of Renji’s new songs.” Fuji said, smiling. Inui rose an eyebrow, silently questioning Fuji’s use of Yanagi’s given name. Fuji just chuckled a little. “Don’t worry, I still love you too.” Fuji said, winking at his boyfriend. He glanced down at his watch. “I think you’re just in time though.” Fuji said. “I have work to do.” He said, kissing Inui on the cheek.
It wasn’t more than five minutes later when Yanagi walked through the door to Fuji’s little dive, battered guitar case in hand. Yanagi glanced over at Inui briefly, but pretended not to notice him. If Inui wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, well that was alright by him. Yanagi offered a small smile to Fuji, even knowing that they were sneaking around on Inui. There was much they shared, and Yanagi even knew that it wasn’t just sex.
Yanagi headed straight for the makeshift stage, pulling out his old battered guitar, strumming it to tune it. The random sounds made Inui turn his head towards the stage. There could be nothing good from this.
Soft strains of a slow song began, and Yanagi’s deep, rich baritone engulfed the room without the aid of a microphone.
I see you there,
A light in the dark
Crafting lies, deceiving even the angels
The demon is always lying in wait
Two or three, it’s never enough
The thrill is there,
But what is there about love.
The fallen ones of heaven
We’re never worthy
The fallen aren’t to be saved.
Once I needed you
Now I see where your loyalties lie
It’s not with me
So here I sit
Crying into my beer
Words flowing from my heart
Not releasing the aches I felt.
Are we or aren’t we
I still feel the need, the want
The dark steals away the demons,
The ones never meant to be.
Yanagi’s voice echoed for a moment before dying off, his eyes cast down, closed only enough to hide his pain, knowing what he had been doing was wrong. He knew he would be better off removing himself from this place, from these men who made him feel all the wrong things.
Inui’s heart ached at hearing those lyrics. Why couldn’t he do what was right? Why couldn’t he just leave them like they were? Why couldn’t he just run from Fuji, from Yanagi? Let them be in peace, without Inui being in the middle.
Fuji himself brought three plates of the evening’s special to Inui’s table, setting them down and waving Yanagi over to them. Yanagi sighed a little, not exactly wanting to join the both of them, but did so anyway.
Yanagi nodded his head to them both, not properly greeting either of them.
Fuji sighed softly, frowning a little. “I’m going to lay this straight out for both of you. I’ve been sleeping with both of you. And I don’t want to choose.” He said very quietly. Inui frowned. He had known, but he wanted to pretend that he didn’t. It didn’t hurt so much when he was in denial of what was right in front of his face.
Inui still didn’t know what to say. “Sadaharu…I’m not trying to hurt you.” Yanagi said quietly, even though he knew the words sounded hollow. Fuji took Inui’s hand, trying to keep him grounded.
Inui turned to Fuji. “It….You…” Realization finally caught on to him. Fuji meant for the three of them to mean something. To the other.
Inui was rather confused. It had been fun. It was just a fling…right? They would go back to their own lives. Lives that only crossed professionally, in ways that wouldn’t involve them intertwining in ways that were not what they truly wanted.
“Sadaharu, look at me.” Yanagi insisted, pulling Inui’s chin up. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for years. And yet I denied it, just letting it build up into nothing more than lust. I’ve always wanted more, but…You didn’t seem to want what I wanted. And seeing you with Shuusuke, I just couldn’t bear it. And yet, he wants both of us. Is it right making us decide for you?” Yanagi’s words just came flowing out, a glimmer of hope or desperation wanting to make this right somehow.
“How is having both of you supposed to make me happy? I don’t like sharing.” Inui said, standing up. “Renji, it’s not you, nor is it you, Shuusuke.” He said, turning around to leave. “This isn’t what it should be like.” Inui said quietly, trying to convince himself of that.
“Isn’t it, Sadaharu?” Yanagi said, pulling Inui back and pressing his lips to his old friend’s. Inui tried to resist at first, but soon was pulled into a haze. Yanagi’s kisses were nothing like Fuji’s - they were hard, desperate, full of want. And in that want, his mind clouded, wanting nothing more than to return the feelings, but knowing that he shouldn’t…should he?
Fuji pulled Inui away from Yanagi’s insistent kiss, looking up and through the glass covering the other man’s eyes. “It’s your turn. Do what you think is right, but don’t write both of us off yet.” Fuji said, smiling just a bit more than usual. “I’ll be lonely tonight, but I expect it will only be tonight.”
Yanagi caught on to what Fuji wanted, not entirely sure he wanted Inui to see how he lived nowadays. It wasn’t that he had wanted to show Fuji either, but apparently Fuji hadn’t told Inui about the little dump that Yanagi called home. Things had just happened, and Fuji had rekindled a spark that Yanagi had thought could never be re-ignited.
“Sadaharu, please. Stay with me tonight.” Yanagi looked up at Inui, almost pleading, wanting more of what he had started earlier.
Inui glanced over at Fuji, who just smiled and nodded at him.
The walk to Yanagi’s apartment was cold and silent as the two men walked side by side. Inui instinctively hovered closer to Yanagi as he heard gunshots and sirens wail in the neighborhood.
“You live here?” Inui asked, wondering how in the world Yanagi could stomach such conditions. Yanagi just nodded as he walked into the apartment building he lived in.
Yanagi opened the door - why bother locking it when all your neighbors knew how to pick locks? “Welcome to my home.” Yanagi said, removing his shoes and flopping down on his couch. Inui looked around, rather shocked.
“Renji…How….Why do you live like this?”
Yanagi glanced up at him. “Because I have to.” He said quietly, feeling horrible having Inui as a guest in his squalor. He gave up, and crossed the small room to the refrigerator to pull out a couple of beers. Yanagi handed one of the cold cans to Inui. “Sadaharu….It’s been rough the last years.” He said, the hissing of him pulling on the pull tab to open his drink punctuating the stillness. “I can’t write songs for shit. I can’t find anyone who wants to listen to my music. All because you had to go and make us perfect.” Yanagi wasn’t sure if he was bitter for that or not.
“Renji….I…” Inui couldn’t say it.
“Don’t say it, Sadaharu.” Yanagi said, pulling Inui to the couch with him. “I don’t want to hear it. All I want to hear is someone telling me I’ll have something in the morning. I don’t need the stress I’ve built up around me. Just an assured meal and a roof over my head. It’s never been sure for me. I’m lucky that Fuji-san lets me sing for my dinner - literally!” Yanagi was close to breaking down crying. He didn’t want to press any of his own problems on to Inui, but now that he knew Yanagi’s living conditions, it was hard to not just let it out.
Yanagi set his drink aside, tears starting to flow from his half-closed eyes. Inui was shocked, confused, and wanted to make things better. “Renji….Please, don’t…” He said quietly, not sure how to comfort the man. “I didn’t know this would happen.” Inui said, knowing it wasn’t enough.
“It….It’s what I’m used to now.” Yanagi said, trying to calm down as a few sniffles escaped.
Inui just held onto Yanagi, not caring if he broke down, not caring if he showed emotions that he didn’t want to admit to.
Yanagi shuddered a little. “I have to admit, I was jealous when I saw you had Fuji-san.” It was still a bit strange for him to refer to Fuji as anything else. “You have what I want. A stable job, a stable relationship. It just made me irrationally angry to see you. It made me angry when I saw you touch Fuji in such an intimate way.”
Inui frowned some. It was just luck…wasn’t it? “Renji….You’re jealous? Why? I can’t quite understand it.” He said, wondering what he could do to fix things.
Yanagi laughed. He kept laughing, almost to the point it was insulting. “Sadaharu, don’t you see?” Yanagi kept laughing. “You…You’re…” Yanagi almost couldn’t control his laughter at this point. He had known what Fuji was trying to do, but the fact that Inui couldn’t quite figure out his own boyfriend’s plans was highly amusing to Yanagi. Yanagi threw his arms around Inui, still laughing.
Inui was caught in the embrace, still confused. “Renji?” He asked, wondering if maybe his old friend had had one beer too many that night.
“Oh, Sadaharu!” Yanagi laughed, and sloppily covered Inui’s lips with his own, his tongue sliding past slightly chapped lips. Inui froze solid as Yanagi tried to press against him. Yanagi pulled back, frowning slightly. “It’s alright, you know.” He said, his head falling into Inui’s lap. “He’s been fucking me.”
Inui petted the dark, dark brown hair in his lap. “I know.” He said quietly, wondering why he didn’t seem to care that his lover had a lover on the side.
Yanagi turned his head to look up in to Inui’s eyes. “Do you love him?” He asked, knowing what the answer would be.
Inui nodded slightly. He loved Fuji quite a bit. Even enough to forgive him these indiscretions lately. Yanagi snorted. “If you love him so much, why are you here?” Yanagi asked, wondering just why Inui would do such a thing.
Inui froze. Why was he here? Because Fuji told him to, but was that the only reason? Inui blinked behind his glasses. He…didn’t….love Yanagi….did he? They were just friends, right? Old friends who had gone their separate ways years ago, one had stumbled on hard times, and the other had better luck. There was no spark, nothing resembling love….right?
Yanagi smiled a little, brown eyes shining a little. “Sadaharu…” Yanagi pulled him down for a kiss. “You know the reason as well as I do.” Yanagi said as he paused for breath. “I need you. You need both of us.” Yanagi got in as he pressed kisses to the exposed skin of Inui’s face and neck.
Something in Inui snapped as he realized that Yanagi’s words made the most sense he had heard. “….Shuusuke put you up to this, didn’t he?” Inui asked, relaxing, returning kisses when he could.
Yanagi just smiled.
At the intersection of heaven and hell
A fallen angel finds a love forbidden
Something so right could never be so wrong
In the eyes of God
It may be
In this demon’s heart, they know it’s right
That’s all that matters as they fall into bed this night
All it can be, all it is
‘Love’ is the word whispered between them
As eyes slide close,
Arms around the other
Something so right couldn’t be wrong
And ‘til our dying day
I’ll believe it’s right
Even if it may be wrong…
As Yanagi’s voice faded, two pairs of hands applauded him. Yanagi smiled a little before he left the stage, heading for a table in the back where a beer and a meal awaited him.
“That was wonderful, Renji.” Inui said, smiling a little. They ate in silence for a few moments before Inui spoke again. “Would you be interested in recording professionally again? My company would like to try to branch out to folk singers. Your sound fits perfectly. And while we wouldn’t be partners again, I wouldn’t mind doing some arranging for you.”
Yanagi’s jaw dropped just a bit. “Sadaharu, you….” Yanagi was just so shocked. “How did you…?”
Inui smiled a little. “I have connections. And I think you’ve found your muse again. I think between you, me and Shuusuke, you’ll be able to write songs that are up to your usual standard.” Yanagi just shook his head.
“Sadaharu….You shouldn’t have.” Yanagi said quietly, biting into his sandwich.
“There’s more, but I think Shuusuke should tell you about that when he comes back.”
“I was wondering where Fu- ah, Shuusuke was.” Yanagi said, trying to get used to calling Fuji by his given name. It was rather unusual for the bar’s owner to trust his staff to run the place.
Fuji walked in about a half hour later, all smiles. He walked to the table where Inui and Yanagi were still chatting, some of it small things, some of it business.
Fuji quietly walked up to Yanagi, and gave him a hug from behind, and didn’t let go. “It’s all done.” He told Inui, grinning.
“What’s done?” Yanagi asked, confused.
Inui smiled. “Wouldn’t you rather live with your lovers than in that dump?” He asked. “Shuusuke arranged to get your stuff, and you’re coming home with us.”
“Forever.” Fuji added, draping himself even more over Yanagi, stealing kisses as they told Yanagi the good news.
“You….You shouldn’t have.” Yanagi said, shocked beyond words. There was no way he could ever repay this kindness.
“It’s nothing. It’s enough just to have you with us.” Fuji said, nuzzling Yanagi’s neck. Inui nodded in agreement. It had been in the works between the two since the night Inui had spent at Yanagi’s dumpy little apartment. And this was Inui’s way of making amends.
“We mean it, Renji.” Inui said. “We want you, and you’ve been spending more and more time with us anyway….” He trailed off. There were plenty of reasons for Yanagi to live with them.
Yanagi just flushed a little. It seemed that just in one day his life had turned around.
“Shuusuke, Sadaharu…..I…don’t know what to say.” Yanagi said, very overwhelmed.
Fuji slid into a chair finally. “Just say you love us. It’s all we need.” He said, stealing a cold bite off of Yanagi’s plate and dipping it in cold sauce from Inui’s. Inui nodded in agreement.
One of Fuji’s waitresses came to clear the table while the three men chatted. The night had long since grown dark, and for once, the three of them were relatively sober as they walked home arm in arm.