Derek plays twilight princess Entry 1 FOREST TEMPLE
Okay so I've been playing twilight princess for the past few days. Here's a look into my thought process while I play through the game
Outset:
So Link's in farm clothes. Awesome. FARM LINK. HE TAMES FARM ANIMALS.
Okay so boring village with boring people and dumb naughty kids. ... Is that a baby? It can't be a baby, he's the most mature of all the kids! What the fuck?!
He looks like a fucking mob boss or something. I'm... Gonna try not to get on this mother fucker's bad side...
Okay so herding rams, herding rams, wooden sword, awesome. Fuck yeah I'm gonna cut some monsters up with my badass wooden sword. And then save a monkey and one of the kids.
Okay so I'm setting out for hyrule and... The game takes a completely different turn. I am now a wolf. ... Huh.
Dammit. Now I can't take him seriously any more. WHO'S A GOOD BOY? YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! GOOD CHOSEN HERO! GOOD BOY! WHO'S THE CUTEST CHOSEN ONE? YOU'RE THE CUTEST CHOSEN ONE!
I just... I just want to hug him. Okay so I'm getting these "Tears of light" hoarded by twilight bugs to restore light to a world infested with shadows and twilight. And apparently doing that will restore Link to human form. But. But I like wolf Link. He's a good boy! Ah well. Time to restore Link...
DRAMATIC WARDROBE CHANGE! I am now the hero chosen by the gods. Badass. Oh! I've met 2 light spirits now. Light spirits are basically golden glowing ghost animals. The first is Ordona:
Woah! What the hell is he?! Is he a goat? A ram? A wolf? I really can't tell. So I'm just gonna consider him a Moose. Next up is Faron:
Haha, look at him holding that light orb. "MY LIGHT ORB. MINE." Anyway, these two light spirits pretty much live in solitude, quietly, out of the way of people. Like golden glowing hermits. Which is cool I guess. Now, Faron is all "Oh you want the dark power? Yeah I put that shit in the forest temple. Go down there and get it, you're the brave hero chosen by the gods, not me.
So off I go and start my fucking epic quest.
Forest temple:
Okay so I'm in a giant hollowed out tree. Looking for some dark power. Being guided by like, this impy thing.
Pictured: Impy thing.
Oh and I have to save monkeys from cages and stuff.
Pictured: Monkey.
So I save some monkeys and make it halfway through the temple and WHAT'S THIS? MINI BOSS? GASP.
... You're kidding right? That's the mini boss? God dammit. It's weakspot is it's butt. Great job game. You're really giving me confidence that the boss fights will be epic. Dear god I'm not looking forward to fighting the boss... Anyway, I got the gale boomerang. Awesome. BOOMERANG POWERS GO WOO!
Okay it's time to fight the boss. After Ook up there, I'm not thinking it'll be anything special and-
Diababa
... Dear lord! That's not a boss! That's a fucking titan. Okay now I'm starting to think that this game is treating it's bosses like collosi. Awesome. I'm gonna take this fucker down.
BOOM. Got a fused shadow and a heart container. Now I'm out to go on to the next area and repeat the process! See you dudes next time.
Outset:
So Link's in farm clothes. Awesome. FARM LINK. HE TAMES FARM ANIMALS.
Okay so boring village with boring people and dumb naughty kids. ... Is that a baby? It can't be a baby, he's the most mature of all the kids! What the fuck?!
He looks like a fucking mob boss or something. I'm... Gonna try not to get on this mother fucker's bad side...
Okay so herding rams, herding rams, wooden sword, awesome. Fuck yeah I'm gonna cut some monsters up with my badass wooden sword. And then save a monkey and one of the kids.
Okay so I'm setting out for hyrule and... The game takes a completely different turn. I am now a wolf. ... Huh.
Dammit. Now I can't take him seriously any more. WHO'S A GOOD BOY? YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! GOOD CHOSEN HERO! GOOD BOY! WHO'S THE CUTEST CHOSEN ONE? YOU'RE THE CUTEST CHOSEN ONE!
I just... I just want to hug him. Okay so I'm getting these "Tears of light" hoarded by twilight bugs to restore light to a world infested with shadows and twilight. And apparently doing that will restore Link to human form. But. But I like wolf Link. He's a good boy! Ah well. Time to restore Link...
DRAMATIC WARDROBE CHANGE! I am now the hero chosen by the gods. Badass. Oh! I've met 2 light spirits now. Light spirits are basically golden glowing ghost animals. The first is Ordona:
Woah! What the hell is he?! Is he a goat? A ram? A wolf? I really can't tell. So I'm just gonna consider him a Moose. Next up is Faron:
Haha, look at him holding that light orb. "MY LIGHT ORB. MINE." Anyway, these two light spirits pretty much live in solitude, quietly, out of the way of people. Like golden glowing hermits. Which is cool I guess. Now, Faron is all "Oh you want the dark power? Yeah I put that shit in the forest temple. Go down there and get it, you're the brave hero chosen by the gods, not me.
So off I go and start my fucking epic quest.
Forest temple:
Okay so I'm in a giant hollowed out tree. Looking for some dark power. Being guided by like, this impy thing.
Pictured: Impy thing.
Oh and I have to save monkeys from cages and stuff.
Pictured: Monkey.
So I save some monkeys and make it halfway through the temple and WHAT'S THIS? MINI BOSS? GASP.
... You're kidding right? That's the mini boss? God dammit. It's weakspot is it's butt. Great job game. You're really giving me confidence that the boss fights will be epic. Dear god I'm not looking forward to fighting the boss... Anyway, I got the gale boomerang. Awesome. BOOMERANG POWERS GO WOO!
Okay it's time to fight the boss. After Ook up there, I'm not thinking it'll be anything special and-
Diababa
... Dear lord! That's not a boss! That's a fucking titan. Okay now I'm starting to think that this game is treating it's bosses like collosi. Awesome. I'm gonna take this fucker down.
BOOM. Got a fused shadow and a heart container. Now I'm out to go on to the next area and repeat the process! See you dudes next time.