The Procreation Equation
A help_japan fic foranthrax_0 .
Penny walked into 4A without preamble, holding her phone in her hand with Sheldon`s text still displayed. She stopped short at the whiteboards circling the couch. On the coffee table, centered perfectly, was a sheaf of papers.
She eyed the room suspiciously, "Whaddya want Sheldon?" Penny waved her phone at him, "You said it was important."
Sheldon stood to greet her, "Why hello Penny, I am glad you could come," he touched her elbow, and brought her to the middle seat of his couch. When she was seated, he continued, "Would you like a cool beverage?"
"No Sheldon," Penny gestured irritably at the whiteboards, "What exactly is all this?"
"Ah the direct approach, Very well," Sheldon gestured to the first board, which even Penny could tell was a family tree. "As you can see here," Sheldon pointed at the top of the tree, "here is my Meemaw. Connected by the marriage line is my Pawpaw."
"I know how a family tree works Sheldon," Penny said, folding her arms across her chest, "Get to the point."
"My point is," Sheldon took a black marker, and circled all the red names that were crossed out on his family tree, "the males in my family do not experience a long life span."
Penny's jaw dropped. He was right. His grandfathers on both sides of his tree died young, as did his father, two uncles and even a male cousin, who died when he was thirty.
Sheldon was thirty.
Before she could react with empathy at this, he continued, "And at the bottom of the tree, you can see Missy and I, who neither of us have procreated and my brother George, who is yet unmarried, but as to whether or not he has procreated is in some doubt."
Penny smiled slightly at this. Sheldon didn't speak of his older brother very often, but she didn't speak of hers much either-probably for the same reason as he.
"Okay Sheldon, I get there is a trend of a shorter lifespan in the men in your family, and that so far, the Cooper family name ends with you and your brother. And…?"
Sheldon flitted to the next whiteboard, which looked like a timeline, "This is the probable outcome of the future endeavors to transfer one's consciousness with the assistance of technology, thus providing immortality."
"Hold on a tick, are you trying to tell me in the future, you want to become some kind of super computer?" Penny's arms dropped from her chest. Sheldon sweetie, she thought to herself, you are one step away from crazy, and I don't care that your mother had you tested.
"Yes, that was what I thought would benefit humanity; to pass on what I know. However, with the projected timeline," his hand swept toward the whiteboard, "I won't live to see it." Sheldon paused, and sighed deeply.
"Okay," Penny said slowly, "to sum up, you are scared of dying young, not being a super computer, and not pass on who you are to future generations. Sheldon, anyone else, they would just, you know have…."
"Excellent Penny, you've brought me to my final point," Sheldon moved to the next whiteboard.
"Oh goody," Penny clapped her hands together in mock excitement.
"Sarcasm?" Sheldon raised a questioning eyebrow at her
"Always." Penny said with a grin, and then waved at his final whiteboard, "Go on."
"I have come to a final conclusion. I must reproduce." Penny sucked in her breath, and opened her mouth to retort, but he continued, ignoring her, "I have calculated, re-calculated, and drawn up these," he pointed to the squares on the board (which were suspiciously labeled "P" and "S"), "Punnett squares. No matter how I approach it, I come to one conclusion." Sheldon moved from his whiteboard to sit next to her, "You and I have compatible genes to have the most positive outcome for offspring." Sheldon smiled with pride at the conclusion of his case.
Penny's mouth gaped, opened and closed, before she finally managed, "Uh, what?"
Sheldon's smile turned into pursed lips, "Really, Penny. I couldn't make it clearer." He noted her narrowed eyes, so he tried to explain it again, "In order to pass on what I am, I need to reproduce. Our genetic material would be the best way to accomplish that. With my mind, and your attractiveness, our child would be veritably unstoppable." Sheldon offered her his smile again.
She thinks there might be a compliment in there, but her thoughts center on one thing, "You…want me…to be your…baby mama?" Penny's eyes turned from narrow to wide with understanding.
"A colloquial statement," Sheldon's eyebrow is raised, "but yes."
Since he sat next to her, his hand had been resting on her inner elbow. She takes his in her right hand and tries to shake the feeling that she wants to test his temperature with her left, "Sheldon, sweetie, you know we're friends, but we aren't…I mean I'm not…I'm only 25!" Penny finishes, not exactly articulate, but trying to get her point across to him.
"Ah, yes, well I understand. I didn't mean right…now. See I have," Sheldon shakes his hand from hers and pulls the pile of papers towards her, "a contract for the eventuality that at a point chosen by us in the future, we could procreate."
Penny looks at the papers in her hands, trying to make sense of the legalese mumbo jumbo. She can't get beyond the "future procreation" bit. "Sheldon, you mean to say that you want me to sign this, to basically promise that in, what…" she looks down at the document again, "in three years' time…"
"That can be changed if you like…"
Penny continued as if he hadn't spoken, "…that you and I will have…sex and make babies?"
Sheldon nodded. "Provided, of course, that in that time frame you haven't found a stable relationship with someone else."
"…but the sex?" Penny's mind is stuck at this point in particular. Sheldon and sex were two things that really didn't gel, according to his own past statements.
He looked away from her, but she can see his ears are red, "It is the most efficient way for conception, but we can use in vitro insemination if you prefer."
"Sheldon, what about your uber-Christian mother, and making babies out of wedlock?" Penny cannot quite believe she is having this conversation with him like she is considering his request, and yet she is.
"Oh, if you look to page 12," Sheldon reaches over and shuffles some of the pages on her lap, "We would have to get married."
"Married!" Penny practically yells.
Sheldon pulls back, furrowed into his spot, "You wouldn't have to…live with me or anything. It can be in name only."
"Why would we have a child and not even…be together?" Penny's hand is on the contract on her lap, but her eyes are on Sheldon.
"Well, on page 20…" He waited until Penny flipped pages, "you can see I would provide all the financial support, while you would provide the nurturing support." Sheldon looked up to her, "You're better at that then I am."
"Sheldon," Penny began to chide, but he interrupted.
"You know I'm right. I accept my limitations." His voice is soft, but she hears him clearly.
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, having considered his proposal (which might prove she's that step towards crazy like him), Penny has yet one more point she needs clarified.
"Sheldon, are you even attracted to me? In order for this baby making to take place, that's kinda important to know."
"Penny. Need you really ask?" Sheldon dropped his head.
Penny tried to peek under to see his face. "Um, yeah, I kinda do."
His head shot up, and Penny fell back in her seat at the look that was on his face. Okay, she touched a nerve she wasn't aware he had.
"I wouldn't…suggest to you, this," he gestured to the contract he'd drafted that still sat on her lap, "if I wasn't…" Sheldon's voice trailed off, but his eyes held hers.
Penny holds his gaze, "Well then, I propose we test our…compatibility before I think about signing this." She puts the contract back on the coffee table, and turns to him.
Sheldon's eyes take on a look of…fear? "What do you propose exactly?"
Penny inched closer to him, though still in her spot. "Kiss me."
"Penny!" His voice cracked on her name. He cleared his throat, "We have several years to test that particular type of compatibility."
"No Sheldon. If you want me to sign that," She jutted her chin towards the contract, "it's now or never."
He looked to the contract, and again to her. Sheldon appeared frozen in his spot, but Penny noticed the small movement of his shoulders as they began to twist toward her.
They moved incrementally toward one another. Penny went back and forth from his eyes (how blue were they?) and his lips, which he moistened, most likely unconsciously. Sheldon was doing the same as he watched her, until they were so close, Penny could feel his breath on her cheek.
Then he stopped.
Sheldon seemed to be acclimating to her and they both just breathed a moment. Penny moistened her lips at this, and then finally, Sheldon moved.
By the time his lips brushed hers, Penny could only remember a time when she was a teenager back home, and there was a heat storm one night. Her sister and she were in the backyard, leaning back in the grass and watching the lightening, when a bolt hit the ground not far off, and electricity went up her arms and gave her a vibrating shock.
Sheldon kissing her, felt like that.
Their hands still in their laps, Penny and Sheldon turned their heads one way and another trying not to bump noses, while she felt the shock all the way to her toes. Penny wasn't sure how long he kissed her for, but when they broke free, it was in order to breathe properly.
They were back to staring at one another again, but Penny recovered first, "Gimme a pen."
Sheldon shook his head slightly, and handed her a pen. She shuffled the pages on the coffee table until the last page that required their signatures. She signed her name with a flourish, and handed him the pen. He smiled at her with a corner of his mouth, and signed his name beside hers in tight, perfect writing.
Penny restacked the papers and handed the pile to Sheldon, "Keep these safe for a few years."
"You may want to read and amend some of the provisos. I'll make you a copy."
Penny rose to leave, "You do that. Bring it over tomorrow and I'll make you a spaghetti dinner."
"With the hotdogs cut up?" Sheldon looked over his shoulder hopefully.
Before she left, she leaned over and kissed the top of his head, "Just the way you like." Then she was out the door.
Sheldon rose and gathered the contract and took it to his desk, filing it inside a sealed envelope. Perhaps three years was too long to wait.