little cuts, here and there, just for you.
Dont worry, I didnt do anything stupid like cut myself or anything like that... I may be crazy but I'm not stupid.
I'm a bitch, oh yes I am... or maybe not even that. What I do sometimes is bitchy. It just comes out at the worst times and I never mean it. It is just there and BLAHHHH all over the last person you want it on. Usually I can just flip on my cold-hearted bitch switch and completely dismiss what happened, like when I blew off that guy who asked me to the dance or when I'm mean to my sister... But not when it's Danielle or Mom or Dad. Tim can handle it, he's a big boy. Laura would put me in check, she's the one that is bitchy to me and then feels bad and talks to me about it later. arggghhh. Anyways... WTF happened you say? I'm fucking stressed out as shit about not passing classes that I need to pass no matter what or I'm not going to graduate. I'm stressed about how I'm going to get things together for prom. mainly money. I'm stressed about not getting the attention I want from the only person I'm not getting it from... I'm stressed about summer, not being able to spend time away, away from reality. no breaks. 1 week, then work work work... I did this to myself and I'm the only one to blame but damnit, it sucks. Anyways, doing h/w or at least trying to. distracted by TV and Danielle playing the SAXAPHONE on the couch 4 feet away from me. Distracted by no particular thoughts. Cant focus, concentrate, nothing... I cant even focus my eyes very well. I hate coffee, everything about it, but I think I'm going to have a couple cups or two just to keep me awake. I dont even want to sleep... never at all. When I think of my bed, I want to cry, because there is a girl there that is crying, because I made her cry. Because I was bitchy and I just wanted there to be quiet so I could concentrate and do homework, and nothing came out right, and she just didnt understand why I was being the way I was and why I was taking it out on her... I just wish I could tell her that that is how I handle things and that I am trying to be better... but ARGH.
I know I know... coulda shoulda woulda... but I could have just compromised and listened to my CD player so she could watch the damn show. I could have done it nicely.
I have so much fucking homework, but I have to go bake brownies for my dad because I don't have the heart to tell him no because I'm sure he's already bragged to his friend about what great brownies I make and he promised them for tomorrow. so here I go making brownies for tomorrow, wish me luck finishing everything.