One JordanCon to rule them all....
Well, it's about time for another update, and I figured I'd have quite a few things to go over... so this might be a loooong post, just a warning for those of you who don't feel like reading a lot.
Friday the 17th of April 2009, was JordanCon, the one thing I've been both dreading and anticipating for well over a year now; anticipating it because I'd be able to meet and greet Brandon Sanderson, Harriet Rigney, the owner of TOR, and hopefully fans of the series as well and I was dreading it because... well, it was my first convention ever! I wasn't sure what to expect, and what would be expected of me in return.
I didn't go alone, of course, Dameon came along to bask in all the glory of that which is named JordanCon; it was really good to have company there to help myself relax, albeit; I was also worried that he wouldn't enjoy himself as he has read none of the books and knows just as much about the series as a blind man does Rorschach tests. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself though.
It was, annoying enough, a hard time getting there; my mom had already bought the tickets a year in advanced, and the hotel was bought a week or two in advance. We just needed to get the bus tickets there (we had originally wanted to go by plane, but because of delays it would have cost near 800+ dollars just for two round-trips!). And so, the scheduling went like this: I was going to go down one day in advance to New York City so me and Dameon could catch a much cheaper bus from there together, and not have to meet up anywhere. My bus to New York City was scheduled to take about 8 hours (I went to Penn Station, foolishly), but thankfully I didn't have to go through that bullshit of a trip (honestly, I could work to New York city in less than 8 hours!) because instead of driving me down to Albany, NY (the departure point) my mom drove me to Amsterdam, NY (a city about 15 minutes away from my house, in between my house and Albany. A small mistake, but it took time we did not have). But we drove down to Albany, hoping to make it there in time (Dameon was actually on the phone, trying to help us look up bus tickets at the time, because we were going to miss my departure time). I get there, perhaps about 30 minutes late, and am told that the reason my tickets were so late was because I was going to Penn Station instead of Port Authority (the difference here, instead of like the .02 mile gap between them was that the first is a Amtrak station as where the latter is the actual bus station.) and, thanks to a kick ass bus driver, I was able to get onto a bus leaving at a later time, obviously (it was getting boarded when we arrived) but would arrive in two hours instead of eight, thusly saving me about 6-7 HOURS. He, the nameless greyhound bus driver, is my hero.
The bus trip was, well, uneventful. When I got into Port Authority, however, things got a little weird. I waited for about a half an hour, close to forty minutes for Dameon to arrive and take me to his house... no one. So, I decided (because my cell phone battery was flat) to find a place to charge my cell so I could give Dameon a call to see if he knew I was there, and then my mom to let her know I had arrived. Now, before I continue, I must point how the fact that during those 40 minutes I was waiting, NO ONE, and I mean no one came up to me to say a single word. But when I stood in a corridor, not far from where I had been waiting, for not even ten minutes at least four people came up to me. Two of whom asked for money, seeing as how I had none to lend, I turned the other cheek... I think one wanted to sell me phone cards, but the one before that guy was the one that got me a little creaped out.
So, I'm on the phone with my mom talking about card information (I wasn't talking about it, but she wanted to make sure I had the info I needed) and was just about to take something out of my pocket when he walked up to me, held his hand out to shake my own and asked me if I needed some help. (I thought, perhaps a little too pure, that maybe I had looked a little frantic... maybe because he was approaching me!) So I shook his hand told him I was fine, and was going to go back to my business with the parental figure... when he gripped my fingers before they could fully retreat!
Now... my warning alarms had already gone off at this point; I was ready for the guy to do something, maybe... shank me? Attack me... rob me at least. But I wasn't expecting him to try to stroke the back of my hand with his other one and say something like “Your hands are so soft and warm.”. WHAT THE FUCK!? Seriously. I met Micheal Jackson's fourth cousin removed that day and he will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Mind you, my mom is on the phone still. So I pull my hand away, rather quickly, and I doubt anyone would fault me for that, and said a little forcefully (I was still taken aback by this weirdo) that I was fine, and didn't need help. And so, after some exchanged dialogue he walked off to another weird line “It'll be fine, don't cry. Don't cry.”
Thankfully, Dameon and a friend of his I hadn't met my first trip down there, Walter, picked me up and extracted me from the bus station before someone could try to put the Sheni Curse on me (pls don't kill me). Walter, Dameon and I all hung out while going to his house and it was good. Got comfortable around the new friend before we even got to the house, which means he was very cool indeed. Of course, we did separate so Walter could go home and Dameon and I could go to Game Stop and get him a new Xbox 360. All was well. We got back to the house, Dameon's mom cooked some epic food (I don't know what it was... stuff barely lasted four seconds on my plate.) And then, we proceeded to hang out with some friend's (Walter again, Julio... I think, a guy named... David? And some random chick, who was a guest of Walter.) They played HALO, and I played some Left 4 Dead on Dameon's PC along with some Jedi Knight Academy. So, in between all of that action, Dameon and I had to buy our bus tickets for the following day via the phone (after, of course, having to leave the house to put money on his card and getting about three-four other prices for the same tickets). After about an hour of trying, we got our tickets, and went back to gaming with a weight off of our shoulders.
Neither one of us slept, even if his friend's left hours before we were supposed to leave, and we focused on gaming and packing. Dameon, thankfully, decided not to bring the next generation systems (His Xbox 360 and my PS3) down with us... which, in hindsight, was the best idea he's ever had. And, about two hours until we were supposed to leave (takes an hour to get there via subway, at most, depending on traffic and delays of course) another snag comes up; we don't know where are credit cards are. And we needed those, whether to get on the bus, to get into the hotel or just for an emergency. And so, after over an hour of searching, dead tired and hungry, we were on the verge of giving up when we actually found them! (A plate was hiding them. A fucking plate we ate off of that night! But it was too late, we wouldn't make it in time... but we tried anyways, and... like we guessed, didn't get there in time. But, through talking with the folks at the front guess, we were able to push back our tickets to another time for just 15 dollars extra! And then... well, 20+ fucking hours of hell.
I won't get into all the details of the ride, just the most important part (I'm sure none of you want to know how uncomfortable it was to have a plastic arm-rest keep ramming into my bony butt the entire time): a crazy lady, unnamed but never forgotten. This lady was crazy. Not only would she not give Dameon a seat when the bus was full, but she kept starting fights with people! The first time it started was right after we transferred to a new bus, she and some lady (Dameon says it's a dude) seemed to be having some kind of verbal confrontation. During the climax of said argument, the only thing the crazy lady would say was: “What is it?”.... seriously.
What is it?
What is it? What is it?
What is it? What is it? What is it?
She said it at least twenty times, each time responding to something the other thing would say... though, if I remember correctly, at one point she just kept saying it over and over again, like a broken record. The entire time, of course, Dameon and I and just looking at each other, trying not to burst out into an uproar of laughter. But, eventually it did stop and I wasn't sure if I should feel relieved or disappointed.
Now, the second time, I wasn't so sure of. Dameon and I were listening to music (we shared an ipod, one Skullcandy Earbudd a piece to converse battery time ) and weren't paying attention when suddenly the crazy lady and some BROLIC dude get their feet and start exchanging more heated words (the guy threatening to beat the shit out of the lady if she didn't stop her shit, and the lady well... just laughing.), until eventually the bus drive made her sit behind his seat, away from everyone else... a bad mistake. Because when we got a new bus driver, about four o clock in the morning, she starts kicking his seat... sigh.
Now, obviously the bus driver doesn't take too this kindly, and tells her to stop... and she, literally, I am not fabricating any of this. Tell him, flat out... that she was one the phone, and she was going to have to call him back. Dameon and I, not too far away from her, actually thought she was on the phone! But, when she started kicking the seat again, and used the phone excuse again when the bus driver was getting pissed... we knew there weren't no damned phone on her! The sad part was, I don't think she knew there wasn't a phone... she was oddly convincing with her big, flat out lie.
Eventually, we got off in Atlanta, looking at about another hour journey to the hotel inn Alpharetta, to find out that greyhound had lost our luggage along with three other people... why? Because we didn't have this tag that no one told us we NEEDED to have. Sigh. So they said it'd take a day for them to get there, and we needed to come back the next day. So, we don't give much complaints, the folks in that greyhound terminal weren't at fault, the one's in Vermont and places beforehand were, however. So, we leave the station with our laptops, at least looking on the bright side that we hadn't lost our next gen systems, and went to find MARTA... a train-system wried around, I don't know how long, but it's set up around Atlanta. Kind of like the NYC city subway system, except more sophisticated and with less rats. Guided by the wisdom of some random security guard, we went to North Springs only to doubt said information to ask someone else, who promptly directed us to Sandy Springs... when we got there, we were directed to walk some to the hotel... 'some' turning into a half an hour a little too quickly. We asked three other people, along with some dude power walking with starbucks coffee (inside joke) when we eventually found a hotel... just the WRONG one.
So, from them... more searching. But this time, thanks to receptionists at the wrong hotel, we knew the name of the street we were supposed to go to... about... fifteen minutes... in a CAR. So, we walk, trying to find this road and ask more people for some directions until finally some guy let us use his phone, so we got to an operator and got the REAL directions.... so we went BACK to North Springs and took a bus the rest of the way... and we were FINALLY at JordanCon.... tired, having stayed up for more than two days with just a little few catnaps in between... after being in a subway, in a bus, and walking during a hot day for at least an hour... and we had only one pair of clothes, the ones we had on. Even after taking showers, with our clothes having to fester in all of that gunk of life... we probably smelled like your mom (lol.).
As a little amusing side, during the walking time Dameon started a funny little running gag for the journey. Calling me Frodo, and himself Sam. You see, we joked that the journey to the hotel was like the journey to Mordor, the journey back to his house was the trip back to the shire, and when I had to go home was like when Frodo went off with Gandalf and Bilbo to the 'other lands'.... god I feel like a geek.
Anyways, JordanCon... I'll try not to take too much time describing details... as, well... some of this won't be as interesting to you as it was to myself. Anyways, we went to the opening act, say Brandon Sanderson, Harriet Rigney the owner of Tor, and a bunch of other peeps make fools of themselves. It was fun. And that day we went to a few panels, the bigger ones were the FAQ where we learned more about Robert Jordan (The reason for all of this to begin with, the man... the myth... the legend... dundundun)... and then we ate some epic dinner and after that, however, thanks to a weird craving of him... the only thing we drank (though I did have ONE Long Island Ice tea... it tasted fuck awful. Ohyea, and Dameon had one coke... before the cranberry juice) was cranberry juice... even if Happy Hour lasted from 5:30 to 7:30 and all the drinks were FREE. And so, after the first day was over, and we had some random conversations with folks … wait! That's right, I talked to Harriet the first day... when I say talked, I mean more along the lines of creeped out.
You see, Dameon forced me to speak to her, when she was in the middle of a conversation already in progress... and so, trapped by the paradox of wanted to speak but not wanting to interrupt... I just stood there and tired to comprehend the act of SPEAKING. Thankfully, Dameon stepped in and saved me from embarrassment, opened up conversation... introduced us and managed to impress a few folks. I just shook some hands, and tried not to look any more stupid...
But, after that little tangent in the post, we PASSED out up in our very comfortable hotel beds. Woke up, and went to Atlanta again to pick up our baggage. Took us longer because of delays, but I spotted out stuff like an eagle, and in no time we were showered up.. Dameon had a shave, we were in clean clothes and we both smelled sexy. And so we went down to Brandon Sanderson's signing. I met him, got him to sign two books (one, with a special personalized message) and we both got to ask questions. Mine was writing related: when you're writing dark fantasy, how far can you take it, how dark can you make it before it stops being fun for the reader. And he answered rather well, I think: as far as you want, as long as there is hope. Good stuff.
And so, after that, we ate food and contemplated what he said... much fun. The second day passed with some sword lessons where Dameon proved that all his talk about being trained in a martial art style wasn't all completely B.S., and a costume ball... girls in corsets... MMMMMMM. Uh.... where was I? OH! That's right... boobs. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... But, there was a band called The Lost Boys, not to be mistaken for a movie or something... they weren't bad, but what really got me there was the dagger being auctioned off... 400 dollars. Fuck me for being poor.
So... after another epic dinner and lunch, we slept! And woke up... to go down, Dameon stayed in the lobby and I went to check out this dance class... unfortunately, there was just one girl and myself watching... and so when the dancers asked if we wanted to join and the girl looked like she wanted to... I was forced, suckered and pulled into dancing as well. On the plus side, she was cute and I didn't step on her feet.. the bad side was she ditched me for another partner after that dance, and she had a ring on. Damn. Though, I got another girl and continued dancing since I had already started... eventually by the end, I was dancing with one of the female instructors who was surprisingly... I think, a little taller than I was. Which was different since the other girls I danced with were shorter. It was fun, tiring work.. and I already forgot the steps... but, really I'm not disappointed in the fact that I had to dance.
But... really, that was it. We spent the rest of the day, seeing as how no events were left and everyone was leaving, in the hotel writing and stuff. We had some REALLY epic food for dinner, ate and then left in the morning back to NYC. Nothing went bad with this bus... although, two people did get kicked off for smoking weed... one of which, refusing to get off the bus, and so the police had to come in and escort him out. Seeing as how the trip had went before, we expected to see some bullets fly. But thankfully, he went peacefully and that delay was over....
So, do you want me to recap it all in a few words like I should have done in the first place? I will.
Forty+ hours on a bus = horribifuckus.
JordanCon = Awesome
Girls in Corsets = MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMType your cut contents here.