So today was my annual pap smear. I went to the ghetto college clinic because to get a family doctor in this town requires a waiting list of SEVEN YEARS (goooo healthcare!) The gyno in charge was a burly old man wearing what looked like a christmas sweater. He couldn't figure out how to fold the stirrups out; "Geez louise! You'd need to go to ( Read more... )

This on the facebook page of an ex who had cheated on me at every possible venue/opportunity:

Alex is thinking jeanette is a cheating whore. 5:48am - Comment - Show Comments (5)Hide Comments (5)

J at 7:12am January 20

wow

Kim at 9:09am January 20

I'm shocked that you said that Alex....I thought you were a better man than that.




Tiffy at 9:12am January ( Read more... )

 A few minute events. I thought I got kicked out of the bar the other night. Some dude came up to me and made a slicing motion across his neck.

"I'm cut off?!"

"Uh-huh."

"Well. OK. Do I at least have time to get my jacket?"

"Make it quick."

I left only to be found again by my friend. "What are you doing?"

"They kicked me out!"

"No they didn't. I just ( Read more... )

Toronto's latest PUA, Pavel The Lover, approached my facebook wife over the weekend. We were standing on the subway platform when a man skulked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"You are very elegant lady. When you have the courage to be my lover, call me."

He slipped her a card bearing his email address and the statement "Being a good girl ( Read more... )

 I had a wonderful visit to TO recently and got to see my hilarious friend Jesse. He is trying to get a job in ad sales and part of the interview process was filling out an online personality evaluation produced by some big HR firm. He said the questions really veered off the rails when it came to seemingly simple evaluations of character, morality ( Read more... )

Happy New Year you wonderful examples of personhood! This year's new catchphrase is ACT NORMAL...it's something I will strive for, creating the illusion of normalcy where none exists! My NYE was spent in the hallowed rooms of the Legion and the Sinton, culminating in spurious dance sequences with semi-strangers and then running all the way home ( Read more... )

 A few days have passed without incident other than the fact that snowmageddon decended and I will likely be unable to return home for xmas. That being said, Saturday was filled with whimsy, for no other reason than that the rev. Mandypants was present to reaffirm my staunch belief in humanity and female hilarity.

Excerpts: (paraphrased)

(The ( Read more... )

 I wonder what we´ll play for you tonight
Something heavy or something light ( Read more... )

 Saturday was our 'office' xmas party. Nancy was in full force - leather pants, 'hair-o-shima' (that's explosive hair), hooker boots. I had to clutch her arm as we entered the restaurant because she's got a touch of the "osteoporosis". She tore a strip off the manager for not giving us a private room at the restaurant. When we were all seated (8 ( Read more... )

Friday night at work was quite the event. I came in for work on Saturday morning, noticed the blood on the beer fridge and signs reading:

"WARNING: CIGARETTE SMOKE, MARIJUANA, CRYSTAL METH, CRACK AND HEROIN CAN HARM YOUR UNBORN CHILD. BITCHFIGHTING IS FINE THOUGH. HAVE FUN, MOM." and "WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY CRACK ( Read more... )