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Jul 22, 2004 15:38

So, I just finished my aplication essay for school...PLEASE tell me what to fix or change or anything ( Read more... )

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Comments 4

tabard July 22 2004, 12:54:40 UTC
Nicely written! I think the only thing that kind of stood out for me was this sentence:

In my search for a school, I have spoken with many facilities who come across as the money mattering more than the education, not the education coming first and the money simply allows the institution to continue.

It seems a little redundant to me. Maybe rewrite it to say, "In my search for a school, I have spoken with many facilities who come across seeming that the money matters more than education, rather than vice versa." Or something like that. Everything else was great! Good luck getting into your school!

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truculent_heart July 22 2004, 13:30:24 UTC
THANKYOU!!! That sentence bothered me too, but I couldn't get it rewritten to my satisfaction.

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human_shell July 22 2004, 16:43:11 UTC
That's pretty cool. I like it.

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truculent_heart July 22 2004, 18:56:19 UTC
That's pretty cool I like it does not tell mem anything constructive...

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