Merry Christmas, I give you fic
Title: Living
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Time stamp Live To This
Six Months after they’re still learning and building, finding out that family and home thing.
Pairings: Very - AU RPS Jared/Jensen
Characters: Chad, Sophia, Tom, Mike, JD, Chris, Steve.
Disclaimer: I can dream many words into life, but I didn’t actually dream Jared and Jensen into life. I’m a failure.
cravenhawk asked for this. My goal was to do it by Christmas so I could tell a Christmas story. Totally did it!
Length: ~4000
It worked because they tried. It wasn’t really simple, but it was easier than not being together.
Tom was teaching Jared how to do things like laundry, cleaning, and anything Ashley related. Jared took to it like it was a new video game. Jensen held his breath for months, waiting for Jared to get tired of it.
But Jared kept doing it, he kept liking it, and he never complained. He went around everything with unabashed enthusiasm. He paid attention to every single detail because he had never had to before, never had a reason to.
They danced around and it was a little bit like playing house, until it was more than that, it was more like life.
**
It was about six months before Jensen learned that Jared had money. Jensen was acquainted with the vague fact, but there was the absolute solid fact that Jared was the sole heir of the Padalecki Empire. Jared had a lot of money. Jared had the GNP of most medium sized countries.
That was actually the hard part, when their pasts came into the life they were creating together. Everything before existed less, but the money that swirled around Jared was something that Jensen couldn’t ignore. They never really took the time to discuss mundane things until it hit them in the face.
Jared had always had money, he never really thought about it. It was just a thing to him.
When Jared bought a new truck for Jensen they had their first fight, well their first big fight of their new life.
Jensen stormed off to the beach. He sat on the shore and looked at the waves. Jared came and sat down next to him.
“You’re majorlly loaded?” Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. “It didn’t seem to be that important. What is the difference? You liked me when you thought I had nothing, I don’t see what has changed.”
Jensen sighed and tried to figure out how explain it in a way that made sense. Jared tried to understand. This was a point that they could never quite find common footing on though.
Jared relented, money didn’t matter to him, he had always had more than enough. He didn’t understand Jensen’s pride.
Jensen had never seen money do anything but corrupt. He was happy in his life, happy in the simplicity. He could buy Ashley new shoes and feed them. That was enough.
The middle ground was a hard won place.
Finally they agreed, Jared would pay himself a monthly amount and they would live off of that. Jared needed to contribute and Jensen needed not to be overwhelmed by another lifestyle he had long since given up.
“I’ll just have my accountant pay me whatever you get paid, we’ll have an equal income household, I’ll just get paid to putter around, it will be awesome. I’m paying me to be a bored housewife.”
He grinned and Jensen felt something more than relief.
“You’ll be the first paid housewife ever?” Jensen said, starting to smile again.
“Looks like. I’ll pay me to clean the house, take care of the kid, and sit on the beach,” Jared said lying on the bed. Negotiations in relationships were hard. “I’m getting paid but only what I earn. No funny extra money.”
Jared held his breath.
Jensen thought about it and then nodded. “You can make it a little extra, I need you to make sure that you stay pretty for me.”
Jared’s answering smile turned into an answering kiss, and that all turned into an answering ‘we finally agreed’ sex. Which was immensely better than make up sex.
“Cool, how much do you make I’ll match it.” Jared said with a smile as they lay in bed, having a few hours before Mike and Tom would bring Ashley home.
Jensen told him how much he earned.
“A week?” Jared said, “That is doable.”
Jensen swallowed. “A month.”
He waited for the disagreement.
Jared made a face, but stayed the course. “Looks like we’re living on love then honey.”
**
The first Christmas Jared nearly had everyone disown him because of his excitement. He nearly burned down the house in preparation, between the lights and gingerbread. Jensen was regulated to the kitchen, grumbling a bit because that didn’t seem like much of a holiday if he was slaving in the kitchen, as Jared made their house the envy of Hallmark.
“I do this everyday,” Jensen informed Jared.
Jared dimpled. “It’s different, its Christmas!”
“Aren’t recovering addicts supposed to be cynical,” Jensen grumbled.
Jared just dimpled.
Jensen turned to Chad. “Seriously, you are friends with him. Even you should have more respect for yourself.”
Chad munched on celery. “I find you two most interesting. Living on peanuts and being all-domestic. At moments like this I just think ‘What Would Sophia Do.”
Jensen turned to the kitchen muttering about how Sophia had too much taste to appreciate this mess.
Jared got serious for a moment. “What would Sophia do?”
Chad looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “She’d buy lots and lots of presents, hide the receipts, and totally lie about what good sales she found.
Jared contemplated this and found that this was the best idea ever.
Sophia wasn’t something constantly crossing his mind, but he thought about her a little bit. It didn’t hurt as much, he was grateful that Chad was still here to bring in the everyday Sophia in his life.
He was moving on and growing up, but he was still connected to his past.
**
Jared was infectious and even cajoled Jensen into letting go of the budget for the holiday when Jensen totally saw through his buying expensive presents and then lying about it. The big screen TV wasn’t in their budget, no matter what sale Jared had made up.
Finally, there were presents under the tree and the house smelled like delicious.
Jared was proud.
Jensen was finally done most of the cooking, wiping his hands as the guests arrived.
The door rang.
It was opened by Ashley who took great pride in her job and official Christmas greeter. Chad had dressed her to the nines, a plaid dress and mary jane shoes. She looked like a Norman Rockwell Christmas child.
He smiled at her. “Your auntie would love this outfit.”
Ashley didn’t really understand why he was getting so choked up, but she just gave him a smile and went to answer the door again.
And the one little piece that they had forgotten in the midst of the set up happened.
Mackenzie stood there and Jensen suddenly realized that this was the first time that they had all been together. Mackenzie and Jared in the same room suddenly gave him heart palpitations.
Ashley grinned, “Daddy, Mackenzie is here.”
She turned to see Jared who had appeared at Ashley’s bellowing, “Jared. Do you know Mackenzie?”
Chad choked in the corner and Jensen turned white.
Jared didn’t know quite how to answer this. He kind of smiled, because his two encounters with her had not been the ones to bring up in front of his daughter. He didn’t know how to react.
The three of the four adults in the room looked insanely uncomfortable. Chad seemed to watch the playing out of the events. Chad seemed to really really enjoy watching them all like they were his new favorite reality television.
“Nice to see you,” Jared said, doing his best official smile and trying to keep things as warm and impersonal as possible.
But Mackenzie wasn’t really one to let unspoken things stand.
“How long do you think the holidays are going to be uncomfortable?” Mackenzie asked finally sticking out a hand, saying what everyone was thinking.
Jensen really wanted to die, Chad started laughing, but Jared’s faux politeness broke and he smiled. Maybe in the end he would like Mackenzie Ackles.
“Probably a few years,” Jared admitted taking her hand.
“I’m game if you are,” she said with a smile. Jared relaxed a little bit and he just looked at her. She was every inch what Ashley would look like in twenty-five years.
The thought of this made him warm; he was going to be around to see Ashley in twenty-five years. Jensen however took his fond look as something quite different.
He took Jared’s hand away from Mackenzie’s quite pointedly.
And it was extremely awkward again.
Jensen looked at the two of them warily.
They both looked really uncomfortable.
Ashley clapped her hands.
“Daddy,” she yelled, running up to him and he picked her up, “Look my mother and my father are here on Christmas.”
Jensen looked at the two people he loved most in the world and tried to let go of the jealousy. It was not a battle he was winning.
“Yeah baby,” Jensen said softly. “Looks like everyone has come home to us.”
Jared mouthed the word, just a little.
‘Home.’
He couldn’t remember having one of those.
And now that is what this was. Husband, child, weird friends that they could never out grow and extended family.
Mackenzie nudged Jared forward and then looked at Jared, Jensen, and Ashley. She pulled out a camera and snapped it with a blinding flash.
“Family photo,” she announced with a grin.
Jared looked startled.
Jensen just looked at him and then mouthed the word ‘family.’
They were both getting exactly what they wanted this Christmas, big screen in the living room returned or not.
“I love it,” Jared said, leaning down to give him a kiss.
There was a noise from the still open door.
Mackenzie was suddenly looking at the doorway, looking ten kinds of guilty. There stood a blonde freckled man, who bore a striking resemblance to her and Jensen. Jensen stilled. The man rubbed the back of his neck, in a very familiar motion.
Jared was a little confused, but had an inkling of where this was going.
Jensen turned to glare at Mackenzie again. She shrugged and reached to take Ashley from Jensen, as if that would protect her.
The murder in Jensen’s eyes didn’t make that very likely.
“Josh,” Jensen said evenly as if this could go either way.
Jared was very uncertain at that moment, because he knew who this was and he had absolutely no idea how Josh fit into the Ackles family. Jensen’s parents had thrown him out, Mackenzie was open-minded. Jared just straightened because he would bodily drag this man out of their house if need be, NOBODY was going to hurt his husband or child.
Jensen hadn’t laid eyes on his brother since his parents threw him out with harsh words when he was eighteen. He had long ago given up thinking of his brother, never mind hoping that his brother was anything but like-minded with his parents.
Josh had a small woman with him, they had brought pie and a green salad, and there seemed to be presents peeing out of the bag Josh was carrying.
“Hi little brother,” Josh said, “I want you to meet my wife. Caroline, this is my kid brother Jensen.”
They seemed to come in peace; they seemed to want to be a part of the whole family unit. Josh’s words were even as intimate of a stranger from over a decade could be.
Jensen just looked at him, betraying no emotion; he put his hand in Jared’s and lay down the gauntlet.
Jensen stood tall, “This is my husband Jared and our daughter Ashley”
His look was even, daring either of them to say anything.
Josh took a step forward and reached out a hand to Jared. They shook solemnly.
“Merry Christmas?” Ashley said as if she was trying to impart good feelings to a situation she didn’t understand.
**
Jensen put Chris, Steve, and Mike in charge of things that they probably couldn’t screw up, he put Chad in charge of drinks just for the sheer fact that Chad would make them strong and that seemed to be warranted right about now.
Jensen finally got a moment to pull Mackenzie away.
“You didn’t think that our first Christmas could be decent without more drama?” Jensen growled. “Like having you and Jared here wasn’t going to be excitement enough?”
“He misses you Jense,” Mackenzie told him.
“You couldn’t tell me that he was coming?” Jensen said through clenched teeth.
“You would have said no,” a deep voice said behind him.
It was just the three of them. The three Ackles, all grown up. They looked at each other with similar defiance. They hadn’t been together in years, they had never not been kids together, but it looked as if they had all grown out of the same stock, into very similar people.
Jensen turned out Josh, needing to make sure it was perfectly clear. He was not going to hide his life; if Josh wanted in he would have to accept everything.
“What do you think of my life?” Jensen challenged ready for any kind of negativity to throw him out.
Josh just studied the little brother he taught to throw a ball and ironically instructed on kissing a girl. Then he nodded and dove into the deep end. Subtleties didn’t work that well on Ackles.
“When you were eight,” Josh began. “You fell out of a tree, actually I pushed you. Sorry about that by the way. You didn’t breathe for like a minute,” Josh said, hovering, trying not to touch, but wanting to, “I remember sitting there just saying over and over again that if you were okay I would do anything for you. I just remember being so scared that I had hurt you and that mom and dad told me to protect you and I had hurt you. I swore I would do anything if you were okay.”
Jensen nodded, not really remembering and not really understanding where this was going.
“Well I still owe you,” Josh said, “If you want to play the anything card right now, this can be your freebie.”
Jensen swallowed a lump in his thought and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“You’d be okay with Jared,” Jensen said in a rough voice, “Because you pushed me out of a tree when I was eight. You couldn’t have played this card when I was kicked out of the house and forced to figure out how to survive?”
“I was twenty-two I didn’t know anything then,” Josh said, his tears actually falling. “Carrie is pregnant and the thought of our kids never knowing each other, kills me. The thought that the last time I had family was at twenty makes me willing to work on anything. Mac says you are happy and if you’re happy and whole I can’t really remember why it’s wrong not to see you. I’m sorry I was a crappy older brother. I should have looked out for you, but it was so unknown and I was so scared. Just please…”
Jensen looked at him.
All of the anger and pain of the years faded a bit. They had all gone through so much. All he could think is that he had given Mackenzie and Jared second chances, he had moved heaven and earth to make them happy and they hadn’t let him down.
He could do it one more time.
Jensen reached out for his big brother and gave him a huge hug. They held each other. Jared looked over at Mackenzie who was watching her big brothers with a huge grin.
Josh sniffed and pulled away, still keeping an arm around Jensen.
“I really thought that your guy would be like one of those little boy types,” Josh added, obviously thinking out loud. He looked horrified, as if he knew he was putting his foot in it so he began to rush on and talk more. “I just mean he’s huge. He’s nothing like what I pictured. Not that it matters-“
“Josh would still love you if you dated a twink,” Mackenzie translated between her brothers. “He’s actually a little emasculated with all the manly in your gay little world.”
“You do know that was a really rude thing to say,” Jensen said, but strangely not feeling all that angry.
Josh shrugged. “I don’t know really what I’m doing. I’m probably going to majorlly offend you and think in stereotypes and piss you off.”
Jensen just looked at him and then nodded. “We’ll figure it out. We’ve got time.”
Josh was quiet for a second. Before speaking in a small voice. “Still did you have to bring home a fucking mountain?”
Jensen tried to keep a straight face and failed. HE started laughing hysterically. “Makes you feel less manly? You jerk.”
“Bitch,” Josh said back with a sheepish grin.
Jared and Ashley popped their head into the room.
“Ashley, come here, let me tell you about this time with Josh,” Jensen said reaching for her. Jared came in slowly.
Josh grabbed Jared by the arm. “While Ashley is being told those stories I am so telling Jared all about your Superman phase.”
Jensen began to laugh. “Do not tell him that. I would like Jared to look at me with some kind of dignity ever again.”
Mackenzie clapped her hands. “I want to tell embarrassing stories. Where is Chris? He so will want to hear these.”
**
Christmas dinner went great and Caroline was enthralled by Ashley.
Jared and Josh ended up washing dishes together. Mackenzie somehow convinced them that the women needed to relax, especially Josh’s early pregnant wife. She said that Jensen was not allowed to touch a dish since he had done the whole meal.
Mike, Tom, and Chris had escaped to somewhere. Chad was supposed to be washing dishes, but he was picking at the mixed chocolate, seeing what was in them before putting back the half eaten pieces.
He basically saw himself as referee if anything happened. He was actually more like a spectator of the uncomfortableness.
“So Jared,” Josh said, washing a dish. “What do you do?”
Jared tried to take the olive branch. “I take care of Allie, take care of the house.”
Josh stopped and his eyebrow’s raised. “I didn’t know that Jensen made that much.”
Chad snickered and watched them as he made selections of the candy, spitting out what he didn’t like.
Jared looked startled at him and then back at Josh. He didn’t know quite what to say. He didn’t know what he should disclose and what was Jensen’s. Josh was family, but Jared didn’t know what that meant really. He was used to codependence or disassociation.
Chad continued to eat candy. Jensen ‘just happened’ to wander in.
“Hey guys,” Jensen said with way too much joviality. “What is going on?”
Chad pulled him down behind the counter. “Shhh. Josh is grilling Jared about being a freeloader. It is awesome.”
Jensen let out a long sigh. “He’s not freeloading, Joshua is this just a way for you to mask your homophobia?”
Josh looked totally taken aback.
Chad held up his hand for a high five. “Way to go for the balls.”
Jensen ignored him and felt guilty about the slam. Jared just looked at the dishtowel. This was all to be in Jensen’s court.
“He’s a Padelcki, Josh,” Jensen said caving.
Josh gave a blank look, until something clicked. “Like the oil family.”
“No Josh,” Jensen said tiredly. “Like the oil person, he’s the only one still around. Even if he wasn’t he set up a huge trust for Allie, I could support us all and send her to college with just that.”
“Plus Jared didn’t make Jensen sign a pre-nump,” Chad offered. “Jared’s yearly income is more than six figures. By California law Jensen is seriously loaded if Jared takes a runner again.”
Jensen and Jared glared at him.
Josh looked around at what now seemed like an overly modest house and then he realized what Chad had been saying, his eyes narrowed.
“Take a runner?” He asked Jared.
Jared stood up tall.
Jared looked up. “I went through some bad times. I’m sure you are going to google me when you get home and not all of it was pretty. I don’t know if I would have changed anything. I would love to have kept my sister, but that wasn’t really my fault, I would have loved to not have been self destructive, I would have love to still have full range of movement in my legs, but I got Ashley and I ended up in the right place.”
Josh’s face took on a very confused look. “What does Ashley have to do with it? How does Jensen’s kid have anything to do with you?”
Jared looked at Jensen who pretty much looked as if he wanted to die.
“Oh,” Jared said. “You think I gave her a trust fund out of the goodness of my heart.”
Chad stood up and put his hands on his hips as he looked at Jensen. “Seriously neither you nor Mackenzie told him?”
**
It was late with Josh left.
Jensen and Mackenzie had sat there and gone through the story of Ashley. Jared pretty much sat on the floor by Jensen, trying to be reassuring but mostly just looking scared.
Josh had looked at his siblings with disbelief. Apparently his parents hadn’t spoken of why they disowned Mackenzie.
Josh looked at his younger siblings, hearing what he had missed. At one point in time he had looked a whole lot unimpressed with each of them and for a while he glared at Jared.
But at the end he sat on the loveseat, holding Caroline’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” he said at the end of the tale.
They looked at him warily.
“I should have gotten over myself and been there,” he said with a rough voice.
They talked on, it was jerky and uncomfortable, but they settled into the beginning of what could be okay.
Ashley long had been asleep.
Jensen was in bed when Jared scrambled under the covers, Jensen let out a bark of laughter. “Everything you wanted in your idealized Christmas.”
Jared’s groan was muffled by the pillows and Jensen’s stomach.
“There there,” Jensen said, patting him on the head. “You did well. If we keep going if we keep it up next time it won’t be ask awkward.”
Jared lifted his head. “So maybe you’ll let Mackenzie and I be in the same room alone or you know talk to each other.”
“Probably not,” Jensen conceded. “Not for a very very long time.”
“Fair enough,” Jared said, curling into him.
“I think that we’ve explained this to everyone who needs it explained to,” Jensen continued. “I think that maybe we can put the story to rest and just get on with the rest of our lives.”
Jared put his hand on Jensen’s heart and massaged back and forth. “So glad. I feel like we’re finally making it. Our lives, we’re making all these circumstances our lives.”
They just lay there for a bit, exhausted.
“It is getting easier,” Jensen finally said. “Everything with you has fell into place and to keep it there it feels like a struggle, but it is getting easier. Everyday is getting easier.”
“Can’t get much worse than it was,” Jared said. “Thanks for not running anymore.”
“Thank you for making me a home,” Jensen said softly.
“Thank you for giving me family,” Jared said.
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Time stamp Live To This
Six Months after they’re still learning and building, finding out that family and home thing.
Pairings: Very - AU RPS Jared/Jensen
Characters: Chad, Sophia, Tom, Mike, JD, Chris, Steve.
Disclaimer: I can dream many words into life, but I didn’t actually dream Jared and Jensen into life. I’m a failure.
cravenhawk asked for this. My goal was to do it by Christmas so I could tell a Christmas story. Totally did it!
Length: ~4000
It worked because they tried. It wasn’t really simple, but it was easier than not being together.
Tom was teaching Jared how to do things like laundry, cleaning, and anything Ashley related. Jared took to it like it was a new video game. Jensen held his breath for months, waiting for Jared to get tired of it.
But Jared kept doing it, he kept liking it, and he never complained. He went around everything with unabashed enthusiasm. He paid attention to every single detail because he had never had to before, never had a reason to.
They danced around and it was a little bit like playing house, until it was more than that, it was more like life.
**
It was about six months before Jensen learned that Jared had money. Jensen was acquainted with the vague fact, but there was the absolute solid fact that Jared was the sole heir of the Padalecki Empire. Jared had a lot of money. Jared had the GNP of most medium sized countries.
That was actually the hard part, when their pasts came into the life they were creating together. Everything before existed less, but the money that swirled around Jared was something that Jensen couldn’t ignore. They never really took the time to discuss mundane things until it hit them in the face.
Jared had always had money, he never really thought about it. It was just a thing to him.
When Jared bought a new truck for Jensen they had their first fight, well their first big fight of their new life.
Jensen stormed off to the beach. He sat on the shore and looked at the waves. Jared came and sat down next to him.
“You’re majorlly loaded?” Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. “It didn’t seem to be that important. What is the difference? You liked me when you thought I had nothing, I don’t see what has changed.”
Jensen sighed and tried to figure out how explain it in a way that made sense. Jared tried to understand. This was a point that they could never quite find common footing on though.
Jared relented, money didn’t matter to him, he had always had more than enough. He didn’t understand Jensen’s pride.
Jensen had never seen money do anything but corrupt. He was happy in his life, happy in the simplicity. He could buy Ashley new shoes and feed them. That was enough.
The middle ground was a hard won place.
Finally they agreed, Jared would pay himself a monthly amount and they would live off of that. Jared needed to contribute and Jensen needed not to be overwhelmed by another lifestyle he had long since given up.
“I’ll just have my accountant pay me whatever you get paid, we’ll have an equal income household, I’ll just get paid to putter around, it will be awesome. I’m paying me to be a bored housewife.”
He grinned and Jensen felt something more than relief.
“You’ll be the first paid housewife ever?” Jensen said, starting to smile again.
“Looks like. I’ll pay me to clean the house, take care of the kid, and sit on the beach,” Jared said lying on the bed. Negotiations in relationships were hard. “I’m getting paid but only what I earn. No funny extra money.”
Jared held his breath.
Jensen thought about it and then nodded. “You can make it a little extra, I need you to make sure that you stay pretty for me.”
Jared’s answering smile turned into an answering kiss, and that all turned into an answering ‘we finally agreed’ sex. Which was immensely better than make up sex.
“Cool, how much do you make I’ll match it.” Jared said with a smile as they lay in bed, having a few hours before Mike and Tom would bring Ashley home.
Jensen told him how much he earned.
“A week?” Jared said, “That is doable.”
Jensen swallowed. “A month.”
He waited for the disagreement.
Jared made a face, but stayed the course. “Looks like we’re living on love then honey.”
**
The first Christmas Jared nearly had everyone disown him because of his excitement. He nearly burned down the house in preparation, between the lights and gingerbread. Jensen was regulated to the kitchen, grumbling a bit because that didn’t seem like much of a holiday if he was slaving in the kitchen, as Jared made their house the envy of Hallmark.
“I do this everyday,” Jensen informed Jared.
Jared dimpled. “It’s different, its Christmas!”
“Aren’t recovering addicts supposed to be cynical,” Jensen grumbled.
Jared just dimpled.
Jensen turned to Chad. “Seriously, you are friends with him. Even you should have more respect for yourself.”
Chad munched on celery. “I find you two most interesting. Living on peanuts and being all-domestic. At moments like this I just think ‘What Would Sophia Do.”
Jensen turned to the kitchen muttering about how Sophia had too much taste to appreciate this mess.
Jared got serious for a moment. “What would Sophia do?”
Chad looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “She’d buy lots and lots of presents, hide the receipts, and totally lie about what good sales she found.
Jared contemplated this and found that this was the best idea ever.
Sophia wasn’t something constantly crossing his mind, but he thought about her a little bit. It didn’t hurt as much, he was grateful that Chad was still here to bring in the everyday Sophia in his life.
He was moving on and growing up, but he was still connected to his past.
**
Jared was infectious and even cajoled Jensen into letting go of the budget for the holiday when Jensen totally saw through his buying expensive presents and then lying about it. The big screen TV wasn’t in their budget, no matter what sale Jared had made up.
Finally, there were presents under the tree and the house smelled like delicious.
Jared was proud.
Jensen was finally done most of the cooking, wiping his hands as the guests arrived.
The door rang.
It was opened by Ashley who took great pride in her job and official Christmas greeter. Chad had dressed her to the nines, a plaid dress and mary jane shoes. She looked like a Norman Rockwell Christmas child.
He smiled at her. “Your auntie would love this outfit.”
Ashley didn’t really understand why he was getting so choked up, but she just gave him a smile and went to answer the door again.
And the one little piece that they had forgotten in the midst of the set up happened.
Mackenzie stood there and Jensen suddenly realized that this was the first time that they had all been together. Mackenzie and Jared in the same room suddenly gave him heart palpitations.
Ashley grinned, “Daddy, Mackenzie is here.”
She turned to see Jared who had appeared at Ashley’s bellowing, “Jared. Do you know Mackenzie?”
Chad choked in the corner and Jensen turned white.
Jared didn’t know quite how to answer this. He kind of smiled, because his two encounters with her had not been the ones to bring up in front of his daughter. He didn’t know how to react.
The three of the four adults in the room looked insanely uncomfortable. Chad seemed to watch the playing out of the events. Chad seemed to really really enjoy watching them all like they were his new favorite reality television.
“Nice to see you,” Jared said, doing his best official smile and trying to keep things as warm and impersonal as possible.
But Mackenzie wasn’t really one to let unspoken things stand.
“How long do you think the holidays are going to be uncomfortable?” Mackenzie asked finally sticking out a hand, saying what everyone was thinking.
Jensen really wanted to die, Chad started laughing, but Jared’s faux politeness broke and he smiled. Maybe in the end he would like Mackenzie Ackles.
“Probably a few years,” Jared admitted taking her hand.
“I’m game if you are,” she said with a smile. Jared relaxed a little bit and he just looked at her. She was every inch what Ashley would look like in twenty-five years.
The thought of this made him warm; he was going to be around to see Ashley in twenty-five years. Jensen however took his fond look as something quite different.
He took Jared’s hand away from Mackenzie’s quite pointedly.
And it was extremely awkward again.
Jensen looked at the two of them warily.
They both looked really uncomfortable.
Ashley clapped her hands.
“Daddy,” she yelled, running up to him and he picked her up, “Look my mother and my father are here on Christmas.”
Jensen looked at the two people he loved most in the world and tried to let go of the jealousy. It was not a battle he was winning.
“Yeah baby,” Jensen said softly. “Looks like everyone has come home to us.”
Jared mouthed the word, just a little.
‘Home.’
He couldn’t remember having one of those.
And now that is what this was. Husband, child, weird friends that they could never out grow and extended family.
Mackenzie nudged Jared forward and then looked at Jared, Jensen, and Ashley. She pulled out a camera and snapped it with a blinding flash.
“Family photo,” she announced with a grin.
Jared looked startled.
Jensen just looked at him and then mouthed the word ‘family.’
They were both getting exactly what they wanted this Christmas, big screen in the living room returned or not.
“I love it,” Jared said, leaning down to give him a kiss.
There was a noise from the still open door.
Mackenzie was suddenly looking at the doorway, looking ten kinds of guilty. There stood a blonde freckled man, who bore a striking resemblance to her and Jensen. Jensen stilled. The man rubbed the back of his neck, in a very familiar motion.
Jared was a little confused, but had an inkling of where this was going.
Jensen turned to glare at Mackenzie again. She shrugged and reached to take Ashley from Jensen, as if that would protect her.
The murder in Jensen’s eyes didn’t make that very likely.
“Josh,” Jensen said evenly as if this could go either way.
Jared was very uncertain at that moment, because he knew who this was and he had absolutely no idea how Josh fit into the Ackles family. Jensen’s parents had thrown him out, Mackenzie was open-minded. Jared just straightened because he would bodily drag this man out of their house if need be, NOBODY was going to hurt his husband or child.
Jensen hadn’t laid eyes on his brother since his parents threw him out with harsh words when he was eighteen. He had long ago given up thinking of his brother, never mind hoping that his brother was anything but like-minded with his parents.
Josh had a small woman with him, they had brought pie and a green salad, and there seemed to be presents peeing out of the bag Josh was carrying.
“Hi little brother,” Josh said, “I want you to meet my wife. Caroline, this is my kid brother Jensen.”
They seemed to come in peace; they seemed to want to be a part of the whole family unit. Josh’s words were even as intimate of a stranger from over a decade could be.
Jensen just looked at him, betraying no emotion; he put his hand in Jared’s and lay down the gauntlet.
Jensen stood tall, “This is my husband Jared and our daughter Ashley”
His look was even, daring either of them to say anything.
Josh took a step forward and reached out a hand to Jared. They shook solemnly.
“Merry Christmas?” Ashley said as if she was trying to impart good feelings to a situation she didn’t understand.
**
Jensen put Chris, Steve, and Mike in charge of things that they probably couldn’t screw up, he put Chad in charge of drinks just for the sheer fact that Chad would make them strong and that seemed to be warranted right about now.
Jensen finally got a moment to pull Mackenzie away.
“You didn’t think that our first Christmas could be decent without more drama?” Jensen growled. “Like having you and Jared here wasn’t going to be excitement enough?”
“He misses you Jense,” Mackenzie told him.
“You couldn’t tell me that he was coming?” Jensen said through clenched teeth.
“You would have said no,” a deep voice said behind him.
It was just the three of them. The three Ackles, all grown up. They looked at each other with similar defiance. They hadn’t been together in years, they had never not been kids together, but it looked as if they had all grown out of the same stock, into very similar people.
Jensen turned out Josh, needing to make sure it was perfectly clear. He was not going to hide his life; if Josh wanted in he would have to accept everything.
“What do you think of my life?” Jensen challenged ready for any kind of negativity to throw him out.
Josh just studied the little brother he taught to throw a ball and ironically instructed on kissing a girl. Then he nodded and dove into the deep end. Subtleties didn’t work that well on Ackles.
“When you were eight,” Josh began. “You fell out of a tree, actually I pushed you. Sorry about that by the way. You didn’t breathe for like a minute,” Josh said, hovering, trying not to touch, but wanting to, “I remember sitting there just saying over and over again that if you were okay I would do anything for you. I just remember being so scared that I had hurt you and that mom and dad told me to protect you and I had hurt you. I swore I would do anything if you were okay.”
Jensen nodded, not really remembering and not really understanding where this was going.
“Well I still owe you,” Josh said, “If you want to play the anything card right now, this can be your freebie.”
Jensen swallowed a lump in his thought and blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“You’d be okay with Jared,” Jensen said in a rough voice, “Because you pushed me out of a tree when I was eight. You couldn’t have played this card when I was kicked out of the house and forced to figure out how to survive?”
“I was twenty-two I didn’t know anything then,” Josh said, his tears actually falling. “Carrie is pregnant and the thought of our kids never knowing each other, kills me. The thought that the last time I had family was at twenty makes me willing to work on anything. Mac says you are happy and if you’re happy and whole I can’t really remember why it’s wrong not to see you. I’m sorry I was a crappy older brother. I should have looked out for you, but it was so unknown and I was so scared. Just please…”
Jensen looked at him.
All of the anger and pain of the years faded a bit. They had all gone through so much. All he could think is that he had given Mackenzie and Jared second chances, he had moved heaven and earth to make them happy and they hadn’t let him down.
He could do it one more time.
Jensen reached out for his big brother and gave him a huge hug. They held each other. Jared looked over at Mackenzie who was watching her big brothers with a huge grin.
Josh sniffed and pulled away, still keeping an arm around Jensen.
“I really thought that your guy would be like one of those little boy types,” Josh added, obviously thinking out loud. He looked horrified, as if he knew he was putting his foot in it so he began to rush on and talk more. “I just mean he’s huge. He’s nothing like what I pictured. Not that it matters-“
“Josh would still love you if you dated a twink,” Mackenzie translated between her brothers. “He’s actually a little emasculated with all the manly in your gay little world.”
“You do know that was a really rude thing to say,” Jensen said, but strangely not feeling all that angry.
Josh shrugged. “I don’t know really what I’m doing. I’m probably going to majorlly offend you and think in stereotypes and piss you off.”
Jensen just looked at him and then nodded. “We’ll figure it out. We’ve got time.”
Josh was quiet for a second. Before speaking in a small voice. “Still did you have to bring home a fucking mountain?”
Jensen tried to keep a straight face and failed. HE started laughing hysterically. “Makes you feel less manly? You jerk.”
“Bitch,” Josh said back with a sheepish grin.
Jared and Ashley popped their head into the room.
“Ashley, come here, let me tell you about this time with Josh,” Jensen said reaching for her. Jared came in slowly.
Josh grabbed Jared by the arm. “While Ashley is being told those stories I am so telling Jared all about your Superman phase.”
Jensen began to laugh. “Do not tell him that. I would like Jared to look at me with some kind of dignity ever again.”
Mackenzie clapped her hands. “I want to tell embarrassing stories. Where is Chris? He so will want to hear these.”
**
Christmas dinner went great and Caroline was enthralled by Ashley.
Jared and Josh ended up washing dishes together. Mackenzie somehow convinced them that the women needed to relax, especially Josh’s early pregnant wife. She said that Jensen was not allowed to touch a dish since he had done the whole meal.
Mike, Tom, and Chris had escaped to somewhere. Chad was supposed to be washing dishes, but he was picking at the mixed chocolate, seeing what was in them before putting back the half eaten pieces.
He basically saw himself as referee if anything happened. He was actually more like a spectator of the uncomfortableness.
“So Jared,” Josh said, washing a dish. “What do you do?”
Jared tried to take the olive branch. “I take care of Allie, take care of the house.”
Josh stopped and his eyebrow’s raised. “I didn’t know that Jensen made that much.”
Chad snickered and watched them as he made selections of the candy, spitting out what he didn’t like.
Jared looked startled at him and then back at Josh. He didn’t know quite what to say. He didn’t know what he should disclose and what was Jensen’s. Josh was family, but Jared didn’t know what that meant really. He was used to codependence or disassociation.
Chad continued to eat candy. Jensen ‘just happened’ to wander in.
“Hey guys,” Jensen said with way too much joviality. “What is going on?”
Chad pulled him down behind the counter. “Shhh. Josh is grilling Jared about being a freeloader. It is awesome.”
Jensen let out a long sigh. “He’s not freeloading, Joshua is this just a way for you to mask your homophobia?”
Josh looked totally taken aback.
Chad held up his hand for a high five. “Way to go for the balls.”
Jensen ignored him and felt guilty about the slam. Jared just looked at the dishtowel. This was all to be in Jensen’s court.
“He’s a Padelcki, Josh,” Jensen said caving.
Josh gave a blank look, until something clicked. “Like the oil family.”
“No Josh,” Jensen said tiredly. “Like the oil person, he’s the only one still around. Even if he wasn’t he set up a huge trust for Allie, I could support us all and send her to college with just that.”
“Plus Jared didn’t make Jensen sign a pre-nump,” Chad offered. “Jared’s yearly income is more than six figures. By California law Jensen is seriously loaded if Jared takes a runner again.”
Jensen and Jared glared at him.
Josh looked around at what now seemed like an overly modest house and then he realized what Chad had been saying, his eyes narrowed.
“Take a runner?” He asked Jared.
Jared stood up tall.
Jared looked up. “I went through some bad times. I’m sure you are going to google me when you get home and not all of it was pretty. I don’t know if I would have changed anything. I would love to have kept my sister, but that wasn’t really my fault, I would have loved to not have been self destructive, I would have love to still have full range of movement in my legs, but I got Ashley and I ended up in the right place.”
Josh’s face took on a very confused look. “What does Ashley have to do with it? How does Jensen’s kid have anything to do with you?”
Jared looked at Jensen who pretty much looked as if he wanted to die.
“Oh,” Jared said. “You think I gave her a trust fund out of the goodness of my heart.”
Chad stood up and put his hands on his hips as he looked at Jensen. “Seriously neither you nor Mackenzie told him?”
**
It was late with Josh left.
Jensen and Mackenzie had sat there and gone through the story of Ashley. Jared pretty much sat on the floor by Jensen, trying to be reassuring but mostly just looking scared.
Josh had looked at his siblings with disbelief. Apparently his parents hadn’t spoken of why they disowned Mackenzie.
Josh looked at his younger siblings, hearing what he had missed. At one point in time he had looked a whole lot unimpressed with each of them and for a while he glared at Jared.
But at the end he sat on the loveseat, holding Caroline’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” he said at the end of the tale.
They looked at him warily.
“I should have gotten over myself and been there,” he said with a rough voice.
They talked on, it was jerky and uncomfortable, but they settled into the beginning of what could be okay.
Ashley long had been asleep.
Jensen was in bed when Jared scrambled under the covers, Jensen let out a bark of laughter. “Everything you wanted in your idealized Christmas.”
Jared’s groan was muffled by the pillows and Jensen’s stomach.
“There there,” Jensen said, patting him on the head. “You did well. If we keep going if we keep it up next time it won’t be ask awkward.”
Jared lifted his head. “So maybe you’ll let Mackenzie and I be in the same room alone or you know talk to each other.”
“Probably not,” Jensen conceded. “Not for a very very long time.”
“Fair enough,” Jared said, curling into him.
“I think that we’ve explained this to everyone who needs it explained to,” Jensen continued. “I think that maybe we can put the story to rest and just get on with the rest of our lives.”
Jared put his hand on Jensen’s heart and massaged back and forth. “So glad. I feel like we’re finally making it. Our lives, we’re making all these circumstances our lives.”
They just lay there for a bit, exhausted.
“It is getting easier,” Jensen finally said. “Everything with you has fell into place and to keep it there it feels like a struggle, but it is getting easier. Everyday is getting easier.”
“Can’t get much worse than it was,” Jared said. “Thanks for not running anymore.”
“Thank you for making me a home,” Jensen said softly.
“Thank you for giving me family,” Jared said.