After the Body Swap, Part III
Jensen really wasn’t all that practiced at dating, but he felt as if he could do it.
He could do it if it were Jared, because this was something comfortable and wonderful.
He knocked on the door and Jared flung it open.
“Welcome!” he announced.
Jensen grinned.
“I know you were thrilled to see my parents again,” Jared said coming out of the house and closing the door, “But they’re at my Aunt Shelia’s so you’ll have to wait until next time.”
Jensen put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet a little. “So there is going to be a next time?”
“I don’t see why there wouldn’t be,” Jared said. “This is something different that at least deserves a second date….”
Suddenly the light in Jared’s eyes dimmed, he got a guarded look in his eyes. Jensen had no idea what caused it, but then he turned.
Walking up Jared’s walkway was his ex boyfriend, Tom.
Jensen felt his mood evaporate. There was an itch at the back of his neck. He could hear his own voice over the phone spilling with Jared’s cadence. He remembered Jared telling him all about kissing Tom.
Seeing Tom had Jensen feeling that familiar intense rage, the same rage that he had felt when Jensen heard those words spill from Jared’s mouth. He had blamed the confusion of the time, the confusion of being in someone else’s body, the confusion of the hormones of a thirteen-year-old body, just plain confusion of who he was.
But he always knew that he was a liar, especially to himself.
He was angry in a way that he only thought he made up.
That was confirmed by watching Tom stalk straight towards them.
He had heard that Tom was home; it was a small enough town, but he hadn’t heard from Tom in six years.
Jensen had ended any kind of contact with Tom right after he had been returned to his body. He had taken pains to avoid Tom as much as he had to avoid a certain thirteen-year-old boy. He had done an admirable job of both of those, literally walking out of the room at the mention of Tom.
He couldn’t bear to look at Tom’s face after the body swap. All he could hear was Jared talking about the kiss.
So he avoided Tom as much as he avoided Jared.
He was just that sure he wanted to run and hide from the truth. He was too scared what he would feel when their gazes fixed on him.
He had survived Jared’s gaze, so he steadily looked at Tom approaching.
Tom came up and Jensen couldn’t figure out for the life of him why Tom was focused on Jared. He was stalking towards them with Jared as his singular focus.
Jensen suddenly realized that he had no idea why Tom would be here, at Jared’s house. The idea that Tom would stalk him down six years after no conversation seemed too much, especially since Tom was not the kind of guy who would put that much effort into anything.
Jensen opened his mouth when Tom came up, not quite sure what he was going to say, not sure he was supposed to say much of anything.
However Tom spoke first.
“What the fuck, Jared?” Tom pretty much shouted, ignoring Jensen completely. “You break up with me over my voicemail?”
Jensen’s attention snapped to Jared so fast his ears rang for a second.
Jared looked at him for a minute, eyes pleading to hold on. Then he looked to Tom.
“It isn’t like it’s something you haven’t done,” Jared said suddenly tiredly. “You’ve done it via text and once you just dropped me without telling me. Plus, I’m not even sure we’re currently dating. It is really hard to keep track with you.”
Jensen looked between the two of them. He was bubbling with anger and rage and confusion that this moment brought. He was ready to either bite both of their heads off or walk away and ignore them forever.
“Really disrespectful man,” Tom growled.
Jensen felt something in him snap.
“Hi Tom,” Jensen said with painfully fake friendliness. “It’s been a long time. Apparently I’ve missed out on a few things. However I wouldn’t want to be in-between anything here. Don’t worry Jared is very available so why don’t you two talk and figure out what’s going on, because it looks like something awesome is happening here.”
Jared cringed a little at the level of sarcasm in Jensen’s voice.
Jensen smiled with an obscene politeness. Every pore in his body was raging. He didn’t know that he could be this angry.
Chris had been behind his back for years with Jared and apparently Jared had liked Tom enough to go after and date him.
Livid seemed to be far too light of a description for how he was feeling.
It wasn’t logical, but he felt beyond betrayed. By everyone. Especially Jared.
So he stormed away. He had only gotten a few feet away when he heard Jared come after him.
“Go back to your boyfriend, Jared,” Jensen shouted over his shoulder. He absolutely could not look at Jared right now.
Jared grabbed his arm and pulled him towards a tree. They were at the street; Jensen was almost at his car. Jensen could see Tom in the yard. Tom was glaring and Jensen could absolutely care less.
“I’m sorry, Jensen,” Jared said earnestly.
“You didn’t think maybe that was important?” Jensen whisper-yelled. “How much of my life did you take over? You took my best friend and you took my boyfriend and just made them your own.”
Jared stubbed his toe in the ground, but didn’t back down. “I didn’t take anything from you.”
“But you kept things from my life,” Jensen accused.
Jared shrugged. “It was my life for a week. I didn’t take anything away from you. I just didn’t walk away from it all.”
“You should have,” Jensen said.
“I couldn’t,” Jared said. “Just because you did, doesn’t mean that I had to. I’m not built like that.”
Jensen seethed. “I can’t do this. This is too weird. This is just wrong. You’re dating my ex who you made out with in my body, this is just wrong. This shouldn’t be happening.”
He walked away. Jensen had so many feelings coursing through his body at that moment he didn’t know what to do. The intensity of it all was almost painful.
However, as he walked away he felt something tearing on him. It was like someone was tearing the skin off of a fish, it was slimy and gross and wasn’t a clean cut
But he kept moving his feet forward away from Jared.
Jared had his chin in his hands looking glumly at the exercise room. Jensen had been scarce for the last nine days.
He had sulked and hidden from everyone possible for the last nine days. There were no rules or advice that any one could give, because nobody had the details and he really wasn’t up for giving them out.
Nobody really knew what he was going through.
Except for Chris, but Jared didn’t want to piss off Jensen more by taking more of Jensen’s life.
Jared didn’t know what to do whatsoever so he did nothing.
Jared toyed with the idea of looking up soap opera plots because one of them must have dealt with a situation similar to this one at some point.
“Jensen has had some short relationships in his time,” a voice said, very close to Jared.
Jared nearly jumped a mile.
The redhead next to him gave this no mind. “But I cannot figure out what the hell just happened with you and Jensen. It is the shortest relationship I’ve ever seen him have.”
Jared didn’t know what to say to that.
“Seriously, I’ve never seen him blow his top like this,” Danneel said. “He was over the moon for a day and then he finds out that you were dating his ex from high school and he goes nuts. He’s like drug addict crazy. He won’t tell me why.”
“And you expect me to?” Jared asked.
Danneel cocked her head, red hair spilling over her shoulder.
“No, not really,” Danneel sighed. “However, I talked to your horny little friend and one smile and he spilled everything he knew, which was a lot about ex-but-not-quite-boyfriend Tommy, who we refer to as the epic douche, but your friend knew nothing about this whole Jensen thing.”
“He just generally knows nothing,” Jared replied automatically.
“It happened and died just as quickly,” Danneel said, narrowing her eyes. “I’ve known Jensen most of my life and he doesn’t do rash.”
Jared just looked up at the ceiling. “Maybe he did this time.”
“You’re lying,” she accused, quite correctly.
He looked at her; he knew that his eyes were filling up with tears.
“What if I really like him?” Jared said softly.
Her face softened she reached a hand out to grasp his shoulder.
“Then go after him, stop his oxy-addict-like behavior,” she urged.
“There is too much in the way for us to just start dating,” Jared said. “It is too complicated for us to start anything.”
She looked at him steadily. “When people keep secrets from him he closes up immediately. He’s just built that way. The only way to keep him open is to be open.”
Jared nodded.
Then she smiled at him prettily. “And don’t worry big boy, I’m going to find out your secret.”
He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Probably not, but thank you.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Do you know that Jensen said the same thing when I said that to him?”
Jared didn’t say anything.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but this is a very interesting thing,” Danneel said in a thoughtful voice.
Jared smiled a little despite himself. “It’s always been a really interesting thing.”
“You’re there,” Danneel urged. “You have his attention, like nobody else ever has. You shouldn’t walk away. You’re already under each other’s skin. You’re really on the same page.”
Jared looked at her sadly. “That’s the problem.”
Jensen lay on his bed. The sun was setting and he was supposed to be going out or doing something, but he just lay on his bed, looking at his ceiling.
His cell phone rang. He listlessly picked it up and looked at the ID. Then he sat up.
He knew that this number was in his phone; he ignored this number as he had ignored anything from that week. The funny thing was that he had never erased it. Most of the time he justified this action by saying he wanted to know the number just in case it called so he wouldn’t have to answer.
But the truth was that he had stared at it many times, thinking about calling it, even over the last year when he had been pretty sure that there was no reason.
Jared had entered it when he had been in Jensen’s body.
It said ‘home’.
Jensen sucked in a breath, but he answered it, just like he knew that he would do.
“Hi,” Jensen said. He could feel his heart beat a million miles an hour and his voice came out breathless.
His room was bathed in the last dregs of the sun. It hadn’t changed much in the last six years. He could feel the way he had felt the first morning that he had been returned to his body. It felt like a comfortable jacket, but he felt like he was missing something.
The other end of this phone held the thing that he was missing. He was man enough to admit it now.
“Hi, Jensen,” Jared said softly.
They had never done this in their own bodies. Jensen looked around the room, knowing that this was exactly how Jared had been.
“Will you listen to me?” Jared said quietly. “Please.”
Jensen nodded his head, and then he realized Jared couldn’t see him.
“Okay, it’ll only take ten minutes,” Jared said, as if he had seen Jensen.
Jensen stayed silent.
“Don’t hang up,” Jared cautioned. “Just listen to this first part, it explains the second part.”
Jensen rolled over and looked out the window, but he didn’t hang up.
“Kissing Tom was awesome,” Jared said quickly. “Don’t hang up. I was a little drunk and so giddy, I felt for the first time that I was an adult, that the world was full of possibility. Like this could be something that was me and it was okay, like I figured out what I liked. I liked guys. I had ten minutes of pure elation and I just wanted to call you.”
Jensen swallowed.
Jared barreled on. “Ten minutes later Ian came into the room.”
Jensen felt his heart stop, because he had an inkling of what was coming. He knew what kind of guy Ian was.
“What did he do,” Jensen demanded, not really caring about Tom anymore.
“It doesn’t matter,” Jared said flatly.
“It does to me,” Jensen said, shaking.
“He didn’t do much,” Jared said with no feeling what so ever.
Jensen closed his eyes. He had been in over his head with Ian and it terrified him that little innocent Jared was alone with him. Jensen had grown to not want to be alone with Ian and Jensen had been around the block, at least twice.
“Jared,” Jensen began, his voice breaking a little.
“He thought I was you,” Jared said evenly. “I don’t know what the two of you had together, but his approach made me freeze.”
Jensen didn’t want to say that sometimes Ian’s approach had scared the shit out of him. Tom hadn’t been the greatest, but Ian was almost uncaring, which is what Jensen had been going for. Back then he had hated himself and Ian had really loved to help that feeling out. Jensen never wanted Jared to know about that.
To know that Jared was trapped in his body and forced to hear, forced to deal with Ian, made his heart constrict. He could barely breathe, knowing what was coming next and not wanting to hear it at the same time.
“I froze,” Jared continued, his voice breaking a little. “He made the moves on me and I let him for a few moments. But then I ran away with all your dignity intact.”
Jensen wanted to die in shame.
“Chris found me and that was the night I spilled everything,” Jared said carefully. “Chris made sure I was okay, took care of me. He kicked the shit out of Ian the next day and that is why you haven’t heard from him since. But that isn’t the important part.”
Jensen was having a major anxiety attack. He had never felt this exposed, not even the first time around with Jared. He was raw. If that wasn’t the important part he didn’t know what was.
“Years later, I saw Tom when I was sixteen,” Jared rushed on. “I saw him and I remembered those ten minutes and I wondered. I hadn’t kissed anybody on my own volition since him. He seemed safe and I just thought I’d try. He’s been here off and on and I’ve dated him off and on. I haven’t ever had time to find any one else. I didn’t trust in high school and I was supposed to be a big basketball star in college, where they don’t really like that kind of thing. It was just easier, that is what I wanted to tell you.”
Jensen let out a dry laugh. “That was the important part.”
“I just wanted you to know why Tom,” Jared said in a small voice.
“I don’t give a fuck about Tom,” Jensen growled.
“I don’t want you feeling sorry for me,” Jared said loudly. “The important part isn’t the whole Ian thing. I didn’t tell you so you would feel sorry. I just want you to know why I was with Tom.”
Jensen felt the air thrum between them.
“You were thirteen,” he blurted out before he could censor himself.
“I know,” Jared said tiredly. “I was. I was in over my head. I got out of it and I’m fine.”
Jensen let out a little huff. “Why aren’t you getting this?”
“It didn’t damage me,” Jared said. “I got over it.”
Jensen swallowed. “No Jared, you were thirteen when we got our bodies back.”
“I’m aware,” Jared said slowly. “I’m not anymore.”
“I’m aware, trust me, Jared, I’m well aware that you aren’t thirteen anymore,” Jensen said, searching for the words.
“I don’t see…” Jared began. Jensen interrupted him.
“I was falling for you,” Jensen said so clearly that he was a little unsure that he was actually the one talking, but he barreled on, telling the one thing still secret on his soul. “You were thirteen and I was seventeen and I had the biggest crush on you,” Jensen said. “You were this amazing person and I took one look at you and you were thirteen and I was in over my head. I couldn’t hang out with you and I couldn’t be with you. I was in the closet and I couldn’t date you and I’m really sure that I wouldn’t know how to be your friend and I felt like the pervert that everyone said gay people were.”
Jensen could almost see Jared’s jaw drop.
“I’ve been running away from you since that day,” Jensen said softly. “And every time something goes wrong I’m having trouble trying to stay and I think you are too. There is too much. This last little bit just proves it and I, I just can’t Jared.”
Jared was silent for a minute. Jensen looked up at his still dark ceiling.
“When we first got back into our bodies,” Jared whispered. “I used to think that it couldn’t have been a coincidence. I used to think that some kind of cosmic thing had given us that chance because it was us and we had a connection. I hated you and I really wanted it to mean something, and I’ve never known which I wanted more.”
“It wasn’t some kind of cosmic matchmaking Jared,” Jensen said. “It was just some kind of random mistake.”
“Meet me,” Jared said.
“We’ve done this already,” Jensen said tiredly, feeling all the raw emotion like sewage that Jared had just dredged up.
“I don’t care,” Jared said. “We opened this up again. You opened this up Jensen, don’t walk away.”
“How did I open this up?” Jensen asked, honestly confused.
“You picked up the phone,” Jared said quietly. “Be at the basketball court. An hour.”
Jared was sitting on his back porch staring at the sky when Milo came up.
“What’s going on?” Jared asked, looking at his watch. He still had twenty minutes before he had to be going.
“The ‘rents are gone, we’re raging,” Milo said, cocking his head.
“You have parents?” Jared said. “Ten years and I’m still not sure, man.”
“I’m not sure either,” Milo said, studying him. “You in?”
“I’ve gotta meet someone, but after, maybe,” Jared said, keeping it vague.
“I saw you,” Milo said, seemingly deciding something.
Jared was honestly baffled.
“Back when we were in junior high, spring break eighth grade year,” Milo continued with his freaky accuracy. “I saw you and Jensen hanging out in the woods.”
Milo waited, as Milo always did.
“It wasn’t like that,” Jared said, feeling protective of Jensen.
“It’s kind of sketchy, man,” Milo said. “You were weird that week, ignoring all of us. You were a little jumpy afterwards.”
“Nothing happened,” Jared said vehemently.
“Did he touch you?” Milo asked, with no subtlety.
“I cannot believe you, man,” Jared said standing up violently. “You wouldn’t pull this shit with the girls. Don’t pull this homophobic shit.”
“This isn’t homophobic shit,” Milo said calmly. “I didn’t blink an eye when you told me you were gay. You know I don’t care who you fuck. I just want you to be safe. If this had been the girls and they spent a week with Jensen Ackles when they were thirteen, I would have thrown the punches first and asked later. You’re my boy and because of that you get my respect enough that I’m asking you first.”
“He didn’t do anything to me then,” Jared said again, a little more in control.
Milo shrugged. “All I know is that you spent a week with him when we were young and now we find out you dated his ex boyfriend and it’s all kind of sketchy looking. If you didn’t have something going on, you look like the creeper. Slightly stalkery.”
Jared looked at him incredulously as Milo just looked at him.
That is when he heard it, actually heard it.
You were thirteen.
Jensen was right; no matter his childhood crush he had only been thirteen. It was a completely unreal situation followed by a friendship that was highly impractical and fairly illegal. They couldn’t have been anything back then.
Then he hung his head.
Finally he looked up and gave Milo a crooked smile. “Sometimes I wish you pulled your punches Milo.”
Milo finally showed surprise, blinking repeatedly.
“I have no idea what I said that got to you,” Milo said slowly. “I have no idea what’s going on or why you and Jensen were buddies then or what’s happening with the two of you now.”
Jared shrugged.
“Okay then,” Milo said. “Rager.”
“I’m going to meet Jensen,” Jared admitted.
Milo shrugged. “I totally knew it. Hit us up after.”
With that Milo left. Jared ran his hand through his hair.
His first thought was that his childhood friends had issues.
His second was that he was in good company.
Jensen was late. Mostly because he tried to turn around four times. His feet really didn’t want to let him though.
He got to the court; and heard a rhythmic sound of a basketball and the swish of a basket.
Jensen looked at the old court, rough cement ground, old hoops. Years ago they had put in lights. The court was in the open. The police would drive by the park about every hour. The court was open to any one who wanted to see.
Jensen shivered; he wasn’t really good at living his life boldly, where everyone could see.
For a minute he watched Jared play ball. He was good.
He was really good.
Jensen walked forward almost without volition.
“I thought your knee meant that you were out of basketball,” Jensen said, walking into the light of the court.
Jared turned and smiled at Jensen. Jensen had been and would always be a sucker for that smile, for those dimples.
“I’m not up to speed for D1 basketball, and I’m never going to make the NBA,” Jared said with a shrug. “But I love this game. It’s the first thing I ever could do, the first thing I ever really wanted to do, and the first thing I figured out how to be good at. Besides, playing against someone who has probably done nothing more than a few pick up games in the past few years ain’t gonna hurt me none.”
Jensen gave him a weak smile. “You overestimate me.”
The breeze blew; the warm Texas night was calm. There were cicadas in the background and the occasional car on the road, but everything was calm.
Jensen motioned for the ball and Jared checked it to him.
“Do you ever wish it never happened?” Jensen asked, surprising even himself. He took a shot.
“Nope,” Jared said, retrieving the ball and passing it back to Jensen.
Jensen paused before taking another shot.
“I never have either,” Jensen admitted. “When I was back in my body, it was like all of a sudden I woke up and could see what was around me. I never even realized that I couldn’t see before.”
They played a casual game for a couple of minutes before Jensen continued.
“But I’ve thought about you every day,” Jensen said casually. “And I’ve gotta admit I didn’t know what to do with you back then. I really don’t know what to do with you now.”
Jared shrugged. “Why do you have to do something? Why do you have to know the end of the story? We don’t know what happened to us, have you ever stopped asking why?”
Jensen gave him a crooked smile. “I never started.”
“What? Really?” Jared asked.
“I kind of got back in my body and barreled forward,” Jensen said tiredly. “I came out to my parents pretty soon after. Things kind of got big. Too much was going on to over think things. I felt like it lit a flame under my ass. I just wanted a life.”
“And me?” Jared said in a small voice.
“I --,” Jensen began.
“I know, I was thirteen,” Jared said tiredly.
Jensen closed his eyes. “I was moving forward Jared. You moved me forward.”
“You know you’re here, you are in your future,” Jared said, stepping towards him, hesitantly.
Jensen raised an eyebrow.
“Look around, you’re forward. We’re here where we started,” Jared pointed out.
Jensen looked at what was right in front of him.
Six feet plus of mostly grown up Jared.
“Oh,” he said getting it.
“We never figured out why,” Jared said. “Maybe there is no reason, maybe there is, but I don’t think that answer is really going to help things. The reason why doesn’t matter because we have lives to lead. We want this but one of us keeps running away.”
“I dated your ex,” Jared said. “Knowing full well what I was doing. I know that’s it is sketchy, but…”
“Jared, what did Ian do to you?” Jensen interrupted.
Jared’s smile fell and he involuntarily moved back from Jensen.
“The first time we weren’t honest with each other, we went back to our own bodies and didn’t speak for six years,” Jensen said hoarsely. “Whatever happened was because of me, many people say that but in this case it was totally true. What happened to you was because of me and I just want to know what it is. Just tell me what happened.”
Jared closed his eyes.
Jared opened his eyes and stared into the impossible blue of Tom’s eyes. Every nerve in his body was thrumming.
“I have missed you, Jensen,” Tom said huskily.
Jared shivered involuntarily.
“I have to go,” Jared said, even though his entire body was aching with want. It was really better he go, because this was seriously messing with Jensen’s life and while he had a little bit of insight into this, it wasn’t nearly enough to be making out more with Jensen’s ex boyfriend.
Something that he really wanted to do. He really enjoyed making out with Jensen’s ex.
Jared was fumbling down the hall; he ducked in a spare bedroom, breathing hard.
That had been the most incredible thing in his life.
He really liked kissing, apparently.
He liked kissing boys apparently.
He sat down on the bed and couldn’t stop grinning.
He didn’t know how long he sat there before a guy came in. This guy had darker hair and blue eyes and for a second in Jared’s drunken brain he thought it was Tom. But this guy was slightly shorter and his eyes were slightly crazier.
“Waiting for me?” he said with a leer that made Jared uncomfortable.
“Ian?” Jared asked. He was thinking that Jensen most definitely had a type.
He raised an eyebrow. “You playing some innocent game?”
Ian came into the room and hovered over Jared.
“It’s so cute on you,” Ian said, his voice full of patronizing seduction.
Jared made a move to leave, but Ian came and straddled Jared’s lap.
“So you’re going to play shy tonight,” Ian said with a leer. “You know how hot that makes me.”
Ian thrust his groin into Jared. His already hard erection poked rudely into Jared’s stomach. Jared instantly felt a little ill.
He tried to move, but Ian held him fast.
“You’re so cute,” Ian said rubbing into Jared more. “Don’t you think your little boyfriend would be so jealous if we just fooled around a little, if he came in and found me in your sweet little ass?”
Jared struggled a little more. He had really enjoyed the kissing a boy, but he was not anywhere close to up to speed for this. He didn’t even want it a little bit.
Ian laughed. “You love to struggle, to pretend that you don’t want it. That you aren’t dying to have those lips around my cock.”
Ian roughly ran his thumb over Jared’s lips. Jared was very aware that those were Jensen’s lips, that Ian was doing this to Jensen. He couldn’t believe that anyone would do this to Jensen
“I want your cocksucking lips around my dick,” Ian said, with little room for debate.
“No,” Jared said, and it sounded weak to his ears. “I want to go.”
He suddenly felt stupidly thirteen, and he knew he sounded a whole lot younger.
Ian threw his head back and laughed. Then he looked at Jared with mocking eyes.
“You always say no,” Ian said, leaning forward to reach his hand to unbuckle Jared’s pants, Ian found him soft. “I’ve learned to never take your first answer.”
Jared froze as he felt his cock being roughly worked over.
Ian continued his tirade. “You always say no, but you can’t get enough. You always give in and by the end you’re begging for me, however you can get me. You want to make your little boyfriend jealous, but I’m pretty sure you know whose cock you really want. You want me to work you over. You want to ache and burn everywhere for days.”
Jared felt himself shake; Ian was touching him, spewing date rape talk in his ear. Jared was so close to tears, but he was not going to let this asshole see that.
With a strength that he didn’t know that he had, he pushed Ian away, running out of the room blindly. He crashed into a small figure and almost started throwing punches.
“Jenny,” a rough voice said. “What the fuck.”
Jared was pulled into the bathroom and he saw Chris, a familiar face.
His friend.
That’s when he lost it and he started telling Chris everything. Snot flowed from his nose, words vomited out of his mouth, and the tears wouldn’t stop.
Jensen and Jared sat on the basketball court. Jensen looked out at the road, watching the occasional slow lights make their way down the road around the park.
“When you came into my life, I was in a really bad place,” Jensen finally said. “I know it isn’t much of an apology. I mean, I can’t apologize for any of the situations that I put you in, but you were right, even you as a kid was right, being in the closet wasn’t good for me. I knew what I was doing with Ian was wrong, but I just kept doing it because I kept it such a secret. The more I kept it a secret the worse it became.”
Jared wrinkled his brow. “You let him do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted because you couldn’t talk to anyone about it.”
Jensen sighed. “It’s the only time in my life that I ever let anyone have that kind of power over me. It is probably the thing in my life I am least proud of. That’s why I came out pretty soon after I got back. I already had this one big secret that I couldn’t tell because it was too far fetched for reality, if I had kept the whole gay secret I’m pretty sure that I’d be in an asylum by now.”
Jared smiled a little. “I’m glad something good came out of it.”
“It gave you something to talk about in therapy?” Jensen joked weakly.
“That isn’t even close,” Jared said, leaning in a little, his meaning not lost on Jensen.
“It’s so weird-” Jensen said.
“So there isn’t a handbook,” Jared interrupted. “That gives us more freedom to make it work on our own.”
Jensen covered Jared’s mouth with his hand. “Still talk way too much. I was just going to say it was weird, but it seems like I’m drawn to you. Like I can’t get away and I’m good with that.”
Jared just looked over. “How do I know you aren’t going to change your mind again?”
Jensen shrugged. “How do I know you aren’t going to run away?”
Jared just gave him a white smile. Jared reached one hand to cup Jensen’s face, drawing him closer to him.
Jensen’s green eyes widened, Jared’s thumb soothingly rubbed over Jensen’s cheekbone before he leaned down and touched his lips to Jensen’s. He felt that spark again when he touched Jensen. He felt the urge to just sink in.
He curled his fingers putting slight pressure on Jensen. Jensen reacted by pulling himself bodily closer to Jared.
Jared found himself on his back with Jensen on top of him, eagerly kissing him.
They held on to each other, pulling each other closer, using the ground and gravity to put as little space between them as possible.
Jared didn’t know really what he was doing, he wasn’t sure about where Jensen began and he ended. He just knew that he needed to be closer, he needed more.
He reached a hand under Jensen’s shirt and it felt like a jolt of electricity went between them.
Jensen pulled back with a start.
They just stared at each other, breathing heavily. Jared’s hand stayed on Jensen’s skin. They just stared at each other, eyes wide.
“I’m going to move,” Jensen said through clenched teeth. “It isn’t because of you, it’s because I don’t want to have sex with you on this ground and I’m not sure how not to right now.”
Jared just nodded.
They lay back on the ground, panting.
“What the fuck?” Jared said after a minute. “I mean, I don’t have that much experience, but is that normal?
“If it is I’ve been doing it wrong for years,” Jensen said, still a little breathless.
Jared turned to lie on his side. Jensen rolled his head towards Jared.
He opened his mouth to speak.
But at that moment that a car pulled up, horn honking and bright lights flashing at them.
Jensen sat up, Jared rolled away from the incoming car.
The doors opened.
“Well shit son, I thought it was you,” a familiar voice drawled.
Jensen rolled his eyes and stood up. Jared was a little too discombobulated to figure out what was going on.
Chris just grinned; Danneel popped up from the passenger side door and started speaking a million miles an hour. “We thought we saw you guys here. So are you two friendly this week? Get over whatever drama you were going through like thirteen old girls?”
Steve popped up out of the back seat. “Are we back to not hating Jared for some random and unknown thing?”
“I don’t think they were doing anything that teenaged girls should be doing,” Chris tsked.
Jared looked over at Jensen, who was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. Jensen looked at Jared and just grinned and that was all that it took for their connection to come alive again.
Jensen reached out for Jared and pulled him to his feet. When Jared was vertical again Jensen didn’t move away, they stood side by side.
“So you’re the neighborhood patrol?” Jensen asked. “Making sure nothing illicit is going on in the park?”
“Nah,” Chris said with a grin. “We’re going up to Milo’s. We saw you and wanted to see if you wanted a ride.”
“Looks like we interrupted that,” Danneel said innocently.
Jensen gave her a pained smile. “What are you guys doing going to Milo’s party?”
They all exchanged a look.
Finally Steve spoke. “He’s out of high school now, we can totally go.”
“Everybody’s going,” Danneel said.
“He has the best booze. Just get into the car,” Chris said, with little patience
Jensen and Jared really weren’t able to think clearly enough to do anything but follow the crew into the car. It was a tight squeeze for all of them. Jensen was nearly in Jared’s lap, but nobody was really complaining.
Chris kept shooting them looks and Danneel was pegging them with questions.
Jared was just kind of lost in the look and the feel of Jensen. He was feeling the curve of his ass, the cord of his muscles, and he couldn’t stop looking at Jensen’s freckles in the glow of the streetlights.
Jensen’s fingers thrummed on the back of Jared’s thigh.
“Danni, isn’t there a blonde lifeguard that you’re interested in seeing tonight?” Jensen finally said to her barrage of questions.
Danneel jaw dropped. “Seriously? Are you kidding me?
“Methinks the woman doth protest too much,” Jensen teased.
Danneel made a face.
“He does grow on a person,” Jared added.
“I hate you both and your screwed up, shared mind,” Danneel informed them.
Jensen and Jared looked at each other. Jensen raised an eyebrow.
“So that’s it, isn’t it?” Jared whispered.
“Something happened,” Jensen whispered back.
They both were thinking the same thing. They both were thinking about the wanting to meld by touching, even now Jared’s hand was toying with Jensen’s pocket, his fingers unconsciously wanting to go further, to go closer.
“What is it with you two?” Danneel said.
Jensen and Jared looked up.
Chris’ eyes were looking at them in the rear view; Steve was staring at them like they were a puzzle, trying to figure out what was going on, Danneel was turned around leaning over the seat.
“We’re here,” Chris said, making it so they didn’t have to answer. Danneel sighed at the loss of almost knowing.
They were at the Ventimiglia Estate. It was on ten acres, complete with pond, pool, tennis courts, woods, and a big house.
Danneel looked at the house. “I’ve never been here, but I’ve heard legends about the parties here.”
“They’re all a little understated,” Chris said.
“What have you been doing here at the parties?” Danneel questioned.
Chris just grinned and opened the door. “I’m friends with Jared.”
Danneel looked between the two of them, her face almost in shock. “Seriously? How? When?”
Chris just winked at her.
She groaned and socked him in the arm. “You are so excellent at sucking.”
Chris got out the car with a sigh. “Seriously, I’m thinking of so many gay jokes right now that out of respect for Jensen I stopped making a long time ago.”
Jared and Jensen got out of the car too. “On behalf of gays and political correctness, I thank you.”
Jensen looked at the house.
“Whatever you guys,” Steve said. “I’m going to go get wrecked. Your little games are boring me.”
“Fuck you,” Jensen said at his retreating figure. “We are so interesting.”
Danneel laughed and followed Steve. Chris clapped Jared on the arm.
“I think you’re pretty boring,” Chris said. “And I know the whole story.”
Jared winked at Jensen, before following the rest of them into the house.
When they got into the house Sandy was there at the door, biting her nails. When they all walked in her smile broke into a huge grin.
“What the fuck?” Genevieve said, splutting the drink she was sipping through a straw.
“We found them making out by the basketball courts,” Chris said with a grin. “Ix-Nay Lan-pay.”
“Wait, what?” Jared said, looking between the two groups.
“Milo,” Sandy bellowed.
Milo’s head appeared over the banister.
“Yes, tiny bullhorn?” he responded.
“Remember that plan?” Sandy said sweetly, looking at Jensen and Jared.
“Yes, Sandy,” Milo said peering at Jensen and Jared who were standing very close together.
“It’s way too complicated and uneeded at this point,” Sandy said with a happy smile.
“Shame,” Milo said dryly. “I was really looking forward to the gratefulness and congratulations, and to them naming their first child after me. Ventimiglia Padalecki-Ackles has such a nice ring to it.”
“He does know that we can’t get knocked up right?” Jensen said in a stage whisper.
“I hate all my friends,” Jared groaned.
Alexis appeared, shot glasses in one hand, bottle of tequila in the other.
“I do too, strangely enough,” she told him. “Let’s drink until they disappear.”
“Looks like you already started,” Jared said, narrowing his eyes.
She just grinned and handed Jensen one glass and him the other.
“Guilty mom,” she said, pouring them shots.
Jensen and Jared grinned at each other.
**
“Never have I ever masturbated with a dick other than my own.”
Jared raised an eyebrow. Jensen blushed under his freckles that had already become rosy with the drinks that they were consuming.
Jensen looked at his drink and sighed.
“You were a thirteen year old walking hard on,” he muttered as he sipped his beer.
Jared waited until Jensen before he obviously sipped his drink.
“You little perv,” Jensen said with a grin.
They were sitting on a balcony off of Milo’s parent’s bedroom. They could hear the party on the other side of the house, but they just sat on their little spot playing ‘I’ve never’.
“What do you think it is?” Jared asked.
“This whole thing?” Jensen asked, reaching out, really understanding what Jared was saying. “Or the fact that when I kissed you it was like wanting to be back in your body?”
Jared’s eyes went wide and directly to Jensen lips.
Jensen got up slowly. “I mean, I touch you and there is something electric, and I can ignore it well enough when we’re not talking and somewhat when we aren’t touching, but when I kiss you-”
Jensen leaned over Jared, Jared’s eyes were huge, his hands were gripping the arms of a chair so hard that his knuckles were turning white.
Jensen leaned in, brushing Jared’s lips with his own as he whispered on.
“I want to crawl in your skin again.”
Jared shuddered and leaned forward and touched their lips together and they felt it again.
They just felt their lips whipser over each other, hands coming up almost unbidden to grab onto whatever they could to get closer, Jared’s hands grabbing and Jensen putting up no resistance until Jensen was in Jared’s lap.
“Feel like sinking,” Jared said.
“Shut up,” Jensen said, attacking his mouth again.
Jared laughed a little and wrestled Jensen into the bed.
He pushed Jensen down, and Jensen arched into him already hard. Jared pushed back just as hard, but their need and attention was more focused on the touch, to press against each other.
It was Jensen who thought of it first and managed to clumsily tug off Jared’s shirt. It was hard because to remove the shirt meant stopping touching. Jared groaned testily when Jensen let go of his lips enough to take off the shirt, but afterwards there was a breathy contented sigh and he greedily pulled Jensen back to him.
He wriggled under Jensen and got with the program, taking off Jensen’s shirt, bearing the moments of loss with even greater gains with the skin on skin contact.
T-shits came off, followed by shoes and socks. Finally, Jensen reached between their bodies to unbutton Jared’s jeans.
Jared let out a keening sound, raw and wanting.
Jensen pulled back and looked into Jared’s eyes. They just looked. Their breaths mingling. In tandem they undid each other’s pants.
They were slightly drunk, even more heady with the feeling of each other with every touch.
They shucked off their pants. They were completely naked, bare skin touching skin. Nothing more. The feelings started with one of them, bounced off, echoed, and repeated. It intensified to the point that their heads were ringing.
“I wanna,” Jared said hoarsely, feeling Jensen’s hip, skating over his hard aching cock, hand slipping behind Jensen’s balls.
Jensen felt like he was about ready to explode right then and there. It was the most intense feeling that had ever gone through their bodies.
“Pocket,” Jensen gasped. “Chris gave…pocket.”
Jared managed to move away from Jensen long enough to find the pants. When he turned around Jensen lay on the bed, watching him, not moving from where Jared had pushed him into the bed.
Jared’s mouth went dry. That body he knew well enough, it had changed, it had filled out, but it was still familiar. It was still dusted heavily with recognizable freckles.
They both were breathing heavily.
And then something between them snapped and the calm was over. Jared was exploring Jensen’s mouth again, fumbling with the condom and lube, hoping that his brain was at least partially doing this right.
The noises that Jensen was making were encouraging and wanting.
When Jared pushed into Jensen’s body they both nearly blacked out. This was what they had been waiting for; this is where they had wanted to go again. Jared was inside of Jensen and he felt whole again.
Jared put his head on Jensen’s shoulder trying to regain some kind of equilibrium; Jensen’s hands were digging into his back.
They both wondered what more could be left, if they would survive if they moved.
Jensen moved first and they both forgot how to breathe.
It took a few thrusts and they were gone, too far to hold onto this world.
They came and the tops of their heads momentarily blew off.
They stayed pressed together for a very long time.
**
“Oh my god they’re naked!”
“Really? Let me see!”
“I’m too hung over for this shit.”
“Jensen has freckles on his ass.”
Jared sat up instantly. “Get the fuck out.”
His bleary eyes saw everybody in the doorway.
Jensen reached around blindly for a blanket to cover his very naked ass.
“Dude, you had sex in my parent’s room,” Milo said. “You don’t get privacy.”
“Still not sure this room isn’t a front for these imaginary parents you seem to have,” Jared retorted.
“Please leave us alone so that we can find our clothes and we can continue this ribbing over coffee,” Jensen groaned, his face buried in the pillow.
“He’s not really a morning person,” Alexis noted. “This might be a problem.”
Jensen threw a pillow at them. They closed the door laughing.
Jensen turned his head and opened one eye to look at Jensen. A grin slid over his face.
Jared returned it with a sun shattering grin.
TWO MONTHS LATER…
“They say that long distance relationships never work,” Jared pouted, looking at his parent’s car packed to the brim with Jared’s stuff. Jensen was struggling to take a box out.
“A little help?” Jensen said tiredly.
“Jensen,” Jared wined. “I’m having issues.”
Jensen stopped huffing with the boxes.
“You’re having useless issues,” Jensen said with a grin.
“It’s going to be so far away,” Jared pouted.
Jared looked at his new dorm. Jensen turned him around.
“You’re going to be living three blocks from me,” Jensen said as he pointed down the street. “You can practically see my apartment from here.”
“It’s off campus,” Jared almost whined. “I’m on campus. They might as well be worlds apart.”
“It’s a mile closer from what we’ve been doing all summer, and now we have no parents around,” Jensen offered.
Jensen gave him a look, and then he grinned and pulled Jensen to him…
…only to be interrupted by a clearing of the throat.
“Boys,” Sharon Padalecki said.
“Sharon,” Jensen said with a grin, almost feeling Jared roll his eyes behind him.
“Is Jared still trying to convince you that you not living together is the worst idea in the world?” Sharon asked, trying not to smile at her son.
“I know, I know, I have to live on campus for two years,” Jared said.
Jensen mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to Sharon.
“I’m so sorry, my nineteen year old son, that I’m not letting you move in with your first real boyfriend after only dating for two months,” Sharon said with a wink to Jensen. “I’m a bit of an over protective mother that way.
Jared let out a little sigh and turned towards the car and picked up a box.
“Coming Jensen?” Jared asked, acting quite put off.
Jensen smiled a little and grabbed a box and followed Jared into the dorm.
“Dude, you have to stop harassing your mother,” Jensen said when she was out of earshot.
Jared was snickering. “I’m still almost overwhelmed by being around you. I think I would fall down some kind of rabbit hole by actually moving in with you before we get used to this it’s so nutty. She’s so fine with you being in the same area as me as long as I don’t live with you. It’s a distraction. Plus, she loves you so very much.”
“You did pick to go to the same school I did,” Jensen teased.
“I totally picked going to UT Austin way before I even knew that I was ever going to see you again,” Jared pointed out going up the stairs and entering the first room on the left.
Jensen looked at the small room and even smaller bed.
“At least it’s a single,” Jensen said.
Jared sighed. “You should have seen the rooms that they give basketball players. I miss being a basketball player.”
“You are a pissy brat today,” Jensen said blandly.
Jared looked at his little room.
“It just seemed so easy this summer,” Jared offered.
Jensen snorted.
“I mean we were where we were, where it all happened. I expected you to be around because you were part of that once, because it is part of your home too, but here is different,” Jared said quietly, still not able to look at Jensen. “I’m starting something new. I’m not a basketball star; I’m just a guy who is probably going to be an English teacher with a hot boyfriend who is going to be a physical therapist. Everything is changing. Everything is different-”
Jensen moved forward and kissed Jared, the connection tingled through their bodies, and Jared pulled Jensen closer as he always did.
It was Jensen who finally stepped back.
“Stop freaking,” Jensen said. “There is no one else in this world that this happens with. There is nobody else like you. Life changes, but that isn’t going to change. Ever.”
Jared nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m just scared. Let’s go get more boxes.”
Jensen snagged his arm.
“I love you,” Jensen said. “You, I love you.”
Jared blinked.
“Really?” he asked.
Jensen nodded.
Jared smiled. “I totally love you too.”
Jensen laughed.
“And the whole touching thing is pretty cool too,” Jared said, nudging him with his shoulder.
Jensen swatted at him and Jared ran from the room.
Their lives had been kick started when some force of nature made them swap bodies. It was like a jump-start when they met again, and it was jolted every time they touched.
It was enough to make them think that this thing, that somewhere in all of this they had begun something. It had been a slow roll and had begun years ago. It was theirs; it was something between only them, unique and special. What had started meant that they would never be the same again.
And they were okay with that.