The other POV fic: Choices
Title: Choices
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating: R
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Warning: Angsty.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: A girl can dream can't she?
Word Count: 1700
Summary: Follows That'll Leave a Mark and Her Prince Charming
Jared’s POV, and plot. I so went there with plot.
Jared wasn't used to being the bad guy.
It really wasn't supposed to go like this.
At twenty-four he had lived in Hollywood enough to know that A) Movies didn't go like this, there was always a clear choice and B) Real life was actually this complex with no real answer or resolution.
He'd been dating Sandy for less than a year when she offered an open relationship. He'd been dating Sandy for less than a year when he found himself star struck by Jensen Ackles.
It wasn't supposed to go like this. Sandy wasn't supposed to offer him an open relationship for those long months he didn't see her. Jensen wasn't supposed to show up on his doorstep one cold night with 'wanna fuck' on his lips.
Because honestly who could say no to that.
But that is how HIS life played out.
And he was damned for it because he couldn't take any of it back.
He knew what it was like to taste Jensen's skin, he would always remember what it felt like to wrap his mouth around Jensen's dick and swallow him down. The sounds of Jensen's moans were a lesson he couldn't unlearn.
Sandy had asked for the ring in desperation, and he couldn't fault her because Jensen was so much a part of his life, she deserved to have Jared make a stand.
He couldn't be with Jensen with his ring on her finger.
But Jensen...
He couldn't take it back. He didn't want to. He didn't want to forget.
It was odd, he loved Sandy. He didn't use the word love with Jensen.
Jensen was just as much a part of him as breathing.
They were his best friends, they were his strength, they were the people who knew him best, and they were the ones he let in.
And he had no idea how to not have all of them, he never had to have anything less than it all.
Which makes him feel like the worlds biggest dick.
Because it isn't right. It isn't right that he has the best of both worlds and they lived half-lives. It wasn't right.
He was the bad guy.
He hated himself a little for it.
**
The longing and self-loathing didn't fade.
He couldn't do this.
"You don't have to get back the ring," he told Sandy.
She didn't cry. To be fair he had broken her heart long ago.
He lost Jensen's number.
Jensen stopped trying.
Jared is the bad guy.
**
Chad wasn’t overly surprised when Jared arrived in North Carolina. Chad was still there because apparently while Supernatural only lasted five years, One Tree Hill was still going strong. It looked like it was going to outlast ER or Gunsmoke .
“You’re my only friend,” Jared said wistfully.
“I feel bad for you,” Chad informed him
**
But Chad is a good friend and listened for a while. When he tired of listening he took Jared to the finest strip club in North Carolina.
“I wouldn’t bang these chicks with your dick,” Jared informed him.
**
Jared turned into kind of a whore and a drunken master.
The One Tree Hill set was Caligula personified. Not so much the main characters, Bethany is fairly innocent and Sophia and James were dating, but the extras and guest stars and Hilarie gave debauchery a new definition.
Jared let himself get lost in it, he hadn’t been this out of control since he was filming ‘New York Minute’ with Riley.
His liver was not impressed.
**
“You could have had either one,” Hilarie said one night, sitting in the window, smoking a cigarette, “What the hell are you doing here?”
He watched her from the bed, she is wearing his jersey.
“I couldn’t choose,” he replied.
**
Its Hilarie who starts the pro/con list. He doesn’t talk much about them sober, but get him drunk and maudlin and he’ll let little things slip.
It had become a past time of the cast and crew.
The List.
Jared’s fucking heart is on a wall in wardrobe.
Chad thinks it is hilarious.
**
Jared is there a year some how when he finally enters wardrobe. The list is huge and in a million different handwritings and there is no real winner.
Hilarie comes up and he wraps his arms around her and rests his head on hers, she’s really the perfect girl outspoken and willing just to fuck him with no strings.
She is a good friend.
“I really don’t know how to choose,” Jared said, “I don’t even know if I have a choice anymore.”
“Start running,” Hilarie advised, “You’re never going to go towards something until you start moving.”
**
Jared packed the same bag he arrived with and said good-bye to Chad.
“Where you going?” Chad asked.
Jared just shrugged.
**
Jared was young with a healthy bank account and nothing tying him to anything.
He went skydiving in the Swiss Alps. He saw castles in Germany and concentration camps in Poland. He went to Luxembourg because it was so small. He stood on the steep hill in the main city and spread his arms, trying to touch the boundaries.
He avoided Paris like it’s his job.
**
He spent days not talking, not thinking, just moving.
He called his momma just to let her know he’s alive.
**
When Jensen’s movie, that one with Oscar buzz, comes out he’s in Spain.
When Sandy marries a studio exec he’s in Prague.
When Jensen’s engagement is announced he’s in Austria.
**
He’s in Austria when he stops. He looks around. He buys a little house near Vienna.
**
He learns the local language, he gets a job planting flowers.
He fucks a guy who is impossibly pretty, blonde with green eyes.
He courts a little brunette girl.
When Hilarie comes she looks at his tiny house and whistles, “You don’t fit here Jared.”
**
When he’s under the Texas sky again, surrounded by family, listening to cicadas lull him to sleep he doesn’t feel anymore at home.
His name is almost forgotten, but he goes back to LA.
He gets a role and remembers what its like to be someone else. He’s nearly forgotten who he is.
**
“I never loved Jensen,” Jared told Hilarie with all the earnestness of a deep dark secret.
Hilarie patted him, “So I guess you know.”
“No,” Jared said, “You don’t understand. I never loved him because I didn’t know I could.”
She looked at him funnily.
“I wish I had,” Jared said as an afterthought, in a very low voice.
**
“You owe me a hundred bucks,” Chad said appearing in his living room.
“Why?” Jared asked.
“Because I lost the bet,” Chad told him stealing the beer from Jared’s hands, “Hilarie said you wanted Jensen. I had Sandy.”
“I don’t have either one of them,” Jared replied, knowing that something like this had to exist in the world.
“Wanna go to Vegas?” Chad asked.
**
Jared got the role he was up for.
He walked into the lobby of the producer.
Jensen sat in the lobby.
“Where is everyone?” Jared asked.
“Its just us,” Jensen said watching him.
**
They were older at least, but still not wiser.
They moved through familiar steps, falling into the same rhythm just like always.
They don’t talk about it, they talk about the script, they talk about the scenes.
The air on the set was electric with all the things that they aren’t saying.
**
Jared looked at his hands and it took him awhile.
“You don’t have a wedding ring,” it was said in surprise.
“I never got around to it,” Jensen replied as if he had list and this was something that he simply overlooked.
**
“Have you fucked him yet,” Chad asked.
There was a really nice restaurant around them. So of course this question came.
“I don’t fuck my co-stars,” Jared told him.
Chad looked at him.
“Anymore,” Jared added, hating that he had to qualify that.
“You seem pretty open with fucking mine,” Chad replied lazily, “Still fucking Hilarie?”
“Eat dirt and die,” Jared told him.
**
“Did you enjoy Europe?” Jensen asked out of the blue.
Jared stilled over craft services.
“You knew where I was,” Jared tried.
“I called your mom,” Jensen said as if that was normal, as if that was something that anybody in the world did, “North Carolina. Switzerland. Poland. Germany. Luxembourg. Spain. Austria. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
That ended up being something else they didn’t talk about.
**
“Did you know where I was?” Jared asked, so grateful that tomorrow he could bury this under the file of drunk dialing.
“Jared?” Sandy paused.
“Did you know where I was when I left?” Jared asked, knowing the answer, knowing what he wanted.
“Texas?” Sandy said sleepily.
Jared had always known. He really knew it.
**
Filming wrapped and Jared felt strangely disappointed. This would mean that he wouldn’t see Jensen and he had gotten used to it.
“We should hang out sometime,” Jensen told him.
**
Jared changed his shirt for the eighth time.
He didn’t know if this was a lets be friends again or lets start fucking again.
He didn’t want to get it wrong again.
He didn’t want to be the bad guy.
**
Jensen welcomed him and showed him into the TV room.
There was beer and pizza and it was normal.
It made Jared clench his teeth.
“I didn’t know you were a choice,” Jared finally said.
Jensen paused and blinked, “And if I was a choice?”
“I would have chosen you,” Jared replied, not even knowing that he was going to say that with complete confidence.
He was surprised to find that it was true.
Jensen smiled, wide open and easy.
“Well then.”
**
Jensen is a terrible person in the morning, he is annoying when he really wants something, and he completely cannot cook worth a damn.
Jared loves him. Jared is completely and totally in adoration that Jensen exists.
Jensen exists in the same house that he lives in, drinks the coffee that he makes, and smiles at him like he’s the greatest person in the world.
Sandy called him one day.
“I’m happy for you,” she told him, “You deserve the best.”
Jared looked over at Jensen.
Once he was the bad guy.
Now he was Jensen’s guy.
Author: truelyesoteric
Rating: R
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Warning: Angsty.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: A girl can dream can't she?
Word Count: 1700
Summary: Follows That'll Leave a Mark and Her Prince Charming
Jared’s POV, and plot. I so went there with plot.
Jared wasn't used to being the bad guy.
It really wasn't supposed to go like this.
At twenty-four he had lived in Hollywood enough to know that A) Movies didn't go like this, there was always a clear choice and B) Real life was actually this complex with no real answer or resolution.
He'd been dating Sandy for less than a year when she offered an open relationship. He'd been dating Sandy for less than a year when he found himself star struck by Jensen Ackles.
It wasn't supposed to go like this. Sandy wasn't supposed to offer him an open relationship for those long months he didn't see her. Jensen wasn't supposed to show up on his doorstep one cold night with 'wanna fuck' on his lips.
Because honestly who could say no to that.
But that is how HIS life played out.
And he was damned for it because he couldn't take any of it back.
He knew what it was like to taste Jensen's skin, he would always remember what it felt like to wrap his mouth around Jensen's dick and swallow him down. The sounds of Jensen's moans were a lesson he couldn't unlearn.
Sandy had asked for the ring in desperation, and he couldn't fault her because Jensen was so much a part of his life, she deserved to have Jared make a stand.
He couldn't be with Jensen with his ring on her finger.
But Jensen...
He couldn't take it back. He didn't want to. He didn't want to forget.
It was odd, he loved Sandy. He didn't use the word love with Jensen.
Jensen was just as much a part of him as breathing.
They were his best friends, they were his strength, they were the people who knew him best, and they were the ones he let in.
And he had no idea how to not have all of them, he never had to have anything less than it all.
Which makes him feel like the worlds biggest dick.
Because it isn't right. It isn't right that he has the best of both worlds and they lived half-lives. It wasn't right.
He was the bad guy.
He hated himself a little for it.
**
The longing and self-loathing didn't fade.
He couldn't do this.
"You don't have to get back the ring," he told Sandy.
She didn't cry. To be fair he had broken her heart long ago.
He lost Jensen's number.
Jensen stopped trying.
Jared is the bad guy.
**
Chad wasn’t overly surprised when Jared arrived in North Carolina. Chad was still there because apparently while Supernatural only lasted five years, One Tree Hill was still going strong. It looked like it was going to outlast ER or Gunsmoke .
“You’re my only friend,” Jared said wistfully.
“I feel bad for you,” Chad informed him
**
But Chad is a good friend and listened for a while. When he tired of listening he took Jared to the finest strip club in North Carolina.
“I wouldn’t bang these chicks with your dick,” Jared informed him.
**
Jared turned into kind of a whore and a drunken master.
The One Tree Hill set was Caligula personified. Not so much the main characters, Bethany is fairly innocent and Sophia and James were dating, but the extras and guest stars and Hilarie gave debauchery a new definition.
Jared let himself get lost in it, he hadn’t been this out of control since he was filming ‘New York Minute’ with Riley.
His liver was not impressed.
**
“You could have had either one,” Hilarie said one night, sitting in the window, smoking a cigarette, “What the hell are you doing here?”
He watched her from the bed, she is wearing his jersey.
“I couldn’t choose,” he replied.
**
Its Hilarie who starts the pro/con list. He doesn’t talk much about them sober, but get him drunk and maudlin and he’ll let little things slip.
It had become a past time of the cast and crew.
The List.
Jared’s fucking heart is on a wall in wardrobe.
Chad thinks it is hilarious.
**
Jared is there a year some how when he finally enters wardrobe. The list is huge and in a million different handwritings and there is no real winner.
Hilarie comes up and he wraps his arms around her and rests his head on hers, she’s really the perfect girl outspoken and willing just to fuck him with no strings.
She is a good friend.
“I really don’t know how to choose,” Jared said, “I don’t even know if I have a choice anymore.”
“Start running,” Hilarie advised, “You’re never going to go towards something until you start moving.”
**
Jared packed the same bag he arrived with and said good-bye to Chad.
“Where you going?” Chad asked.
Jared just shrugged.
**
Jared was young with a healthy bank account and nothing tying him to anything.
He went skydiving in the Swiss Alps. He saw castles in Germany and concentration camps in Poland. He went to Luxembourg because it was so small. He stood on the steep hill in the main city and spread his arms, trying to touch the boundaries.
He avoided Paris like it’s his job.
**
He spent days not talking, not thinking, just moving.
He called his momma just to let her know he’s alive.
**
When Jensen’s movie, that one with Oscar buzz, comes out he’s in Spain.
When Sandy marries a studio exec he’s in Prague.
When Jensen’s engagement is announced he’s in Austria.
**
He’s in Austria when he stops. He looks around. He buys a little house near Vienna.
**
He learns the local language, he gets a job planting flowers.
He fucks a guy who is impossibly pretty, blonde with green eyes.
He courts a little brunette girl.
When Hilarie comes she looks at his tiny house and whistles, “You don’t fit here Jared.”
**
When he’s under the Texas sky again, surrounded by family, listening to cicadas lull him to sleep he doesn’t feel anymore at home.
His name is almost forgotten, but he goes back to LA.
He gets a role and remembers what its like to be someone else. He’s nearly forgotten who he is.
**
“I never loved Jensen,” Jared told Hilarie with all the earnestness of a deep dark secret.
Hilarie patted him, “So I guess you know.”
“No,” Jared said, “You don’t understand. I never loved him because I didn’t know I could.”
She looked at him funnily.
“I wish I had,” Jared said as an afterthought, in a very low voice.
**
“You owe me a hundred bucks,” Chad said appearing in his living room.
“Why?” Jared asked.
“Because I lost the bet,” Chad told him stealing the beer from Jared’s hands, “Hilarie said you wanted Jensen. I had Sandy.”
“I don’t have either one of them,” Jared replied, knowing that something like this had to exist in the world.
“Wanna go to Vegas?” Chad asked.
**
Jared got the role he was up for.
He walked into the lobby of the producer.
Jensen sat in the lobby.
“Where is everyone?” Jared asked.
“Its just us,” Jensen said watching him.
**
They were older at least, but still not wiser.
They moved through familiar steps, falling into the same rhythm just like always.
They don’t talk about it, they talk about the script, they talk about the scenes.
The air on the set was electric with all the things that they aren’t saying.
**
Jared looked at his hands and it took him awhile.
“You don’t have a wedding ring,” it was said in surprise.
“I never got around to it,” Jensen replied as if he had list and this was something that he simply overlooked.
**
“Have you fucked him yet,” Chad asked.
There was a really nice restaurant around them. So of course this question came.
“I don’t fuck my co-stars,” Jared told him.
Chad looked at him.
“Anymore,” Jared added, hating that he had to qualify that.
“You seem pretty open with fucking mine,” Chad replied lazily, “Still fucking Hilarie?”
“Eat dirt and die,” Jared told him.
**
“Did you enjoy Europe?” Jensen asked out of the blue.
Jared stilled over craft services.
“You knew where I was,” Jared tried.
“I called your mom,” Jensen said as if that was normal, as if that was something that anybody in the world did, “North Carolina. Switzerland. Poland. Germany. Luxembourg. Spain. Austria. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
That ended up being something else they didn’t talk about.
**
“Did you know where I was?” Jared asked, so grateful that tomorrow he could bury this under the file of drunk dialing.
“Jared?” Sandy paused.
“Did you know where I was when I left?” Jared asked, knowing the answer, knowing what he wanted.
“Texas?” Sandy said sleepily.
Jared had always known. He really knew it.
**
Filming wrapped and Jared felt strangely disappointed. This would mean that he wouldn’t see Jensen and he had gotten used to it.
“We should hang out sometime,” Jensen told him.
**
Jared changed his shirt for the eighth time.
He didn’t know if this was a lets be friends again or lets start fucking again.
He didn’t want to get it wrong again.
He didn’t want to be the bad guy.
**
Jensen welcomed him and showed him into the TV room.
There was beer and pizza and it was normal.
It made Jared clench his teeth.
“I didn’t know you were a choice,” Jared finally said.
Jensen paused and blinked, “And if I was a choice?”
“I would have chosen you,” Jared replied, not even knowing that he was going to say that with complete confidence.
He was surprised to find that it was true.
Jensen smiled, wide open and easy.
“Well then.”
**
Jensen is a terrible person in the morning, he is annoying when he really wants something, and he completely cannot cook worth a damn.
Jared loves him. Jared is completely and totally in adoration that Jensen exists.
Jensen exists in the same house that he lives in, drinks the coffee that he makes, and smiles at him like he’s the greatest person in the world.
Sandy called him one day.
“I’m happy for you,” she told him, “You deserve the best.”
Jared looked over at Jensen.
Once he was the bad guy.
Now he was Jensen’s guy.