You know S and I are very, very independent. We keep seperate accounts, seperate bills, hell - seperate closets. I really think that's primarily to not cause fights and that we've both always been that way.
As a result, when she buys stuff - it's hers. Ditto when I buy stuff. I guess the house is more or less "ours," and I think I usually refer to it that way. There have been a few other purchases, like th big painting, that we both kicked in on and we sorta decided together to get it. I suppose that's "ours," too.
To answer your question, I believe everything you walked into the relationship is yours, everything you've paid for sicne with your money is yours, anything that was a gift is yours and all else is fair game for "ours" status.
I've been guilty of calling it "my" wedding - which is really a "director/ownership" thing since ultimately I always sort of approached the affair like a producer (but of course I understand the ceremony was "ours" ;) A always jokes that if it's my wedding then it's his house.
We've reached a point where the house and it's contents tend to be a collective ours - so I will concede I need to work on that a bit. I need to reprogram my mind to an "ours" mentality.
But when do you draw the line - do "we" have to form a platform of "our" ideas, beliefs and opinions? Do "we" have to arrange "our" social calender? Where is that nebulous space inbetween?
I'd give you the "your" wedding thing, coz most men frankly don't give a fuck about that, provided their friends are allowed and there will be liquor on the premises. May the reciprocal is that Al has "his" Superbowl party. Though that's a bad example because you actually do watch football. Bit you know where I'm going with that
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Yeah, part of my/our problem is that the social life is so separate. Don't get me wrong - A really likes everybody, but honestly in all the time I've known him he's had the same four friends and he seems to be fine with that. He's not nearly the social creature I am. So socially "we" tend to spend a lot of time with "me" apologizing or begging for "five more minutes" or feeling bad for going solo. I really like the scheduling idea. That works for me.
luna77764 and I jointly own everything. Except for the shit that either of us pretty much doesn't want, and would have no use for. I don't want her jewlry. She doesn't want my guitars. We have the same bank account, both of our names are on everything big. So financially, we're completely unified
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G and I share all the money. That was a decision we made when we got a joint account. Right now, I make a majority share of that money so that she's able to go to school. Have I lost my independence because of it? You tell me. How many times you've seen me out and about without my better half?
We tend to share the same beliefs on things. I'm sure there are things out there where we differ, but nothing comes to mind (probably because none of it is that important).
As for possessions...They are MY computers. It's HER sewing machine. The only reason for that really is because I have no interest in sewing and she has no idea why I need 4 computers.
We finally got joint accounts about six months ago (when I started the new job) before then I tried very hard to do my part (although I made a lot less than I do now) and have always had huge issues with feeling like I'm not pulling my weight. Now that I am that whole finance area is a bit better (for me anyway).
Well, when we got married, we were stable. We weren't nearly as comfortable as we are now. Neither one of us went into this thinking the other was going to make all the money. (Although I'm still hopign to be a stay at home dad)
That knowledge makes it a lot easier. There's no "allowances" because it's "our" money. For me that's a good thing, I'd be broke most of the time if I bought everything I wanted. I was never much of a saver. G's a great saver and is relucatant to spend money on objects unless it's something she "needs" or can "use". It creates a good balance. I get to keep telling her to buy things for herself, and she gets to tell me its okay that I need a new hard drive, but no, we don't need the 46" plasma TV.
I’m probably the last person who should be commenting on this, because, well frankly look at my personal history. Nonetheless, from what I’ve experienced and witnessed, it’s a largely case-by-case basis and it’s not a simple issue of semantics
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yup - i think it's just whatever makes you both happy. we have a fairly simple philosphy and live by 2 principles in our marriage:
1. be nice to each other. 2. help each other be the best you can.
broadwater and i are always 'we'. we like it that way. we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, so it really doesn't matter to us who owns the finances / stuff. it's all going to come and go. sometimes i'll make the cash, sometimes he will. sometimes i'll spend it, sometimes he will.
but does that me less me and him less him? i like to think not. i like being me. and i like him being him.
Yeah, I like the 2 principles. See I can groove on that. In fact, it would be better if it never got more completcated than those 2 little things. After it all, while it may be simple, it's not easy.
I guess I posted this concept/problem/question because it so came out of left field for me. And it seems I have a lot of friends on LJ who have relationships I think to be strong and healthy so I was curious what everyone's thoughts were.
If I haven't said it before I'm geeked as all hell to actually meet you two.
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As a result, when she buys stuff - it's hers. Ditto when I buy stuff. I guess the house is more or less "ours," and I think I usually refer to it that way. There have been a few other purchases, like th big painting, that we both kicked in on and we sorta decided together to get it. I suppose that's "ours," too.
To answer your question, I believe everything you walked into the relationship is yours, everything you've paid for sicne with your money is yours, anything that was a gift is yours and all else is fair game for "ours" status.
Reply
I've been guilty of calling it "my" wedding - which is really a "director/ownership" thing since ultimately I always sort of approached the affair like a producer (but of course I understand the ceremony was "ours" ;) A always jokes that if it's my wedding then it's his house.
We've reached a point where the house and it's contents tend to be a collective ours - so I will concede I need to work on that a bit. I need to reprogram my mind to an "ours" mentality.
But when do you draw the line - do "we" have to form a platform of "our" ideas, beliefs and opinions? Do "we" have to arrange "our" social calender? Where is that nebulous space inbetween?
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luna77764 and I jointly own everything. Except for the shit that either of us pretty much doesn't want, and would have no use for. I don't want her jewlry. She doesn't want my guitars. We have the same bank account, both of our names are on everything big. So financially, we're completely unified ( ... )
Reply
G and I share all the money. That was a decision we made when we got a joint account. Right now, I make a majority share of that money so that she's able to go to school. Have I lost my independence because of it? You tell me. How many times you've seen me out and about without my better half?
We tend to share the same beliefs on things. I'm sure there are things out there where we differ, but nothing comes to mind (probably because none of it is that important).
As for possessions...They are MY computers. It's HER sewing machine. The only reason for that really is because I have no interest in sewing and she has no idea why I need 4 computers.
Reply
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That knowledge makes it a lot easier. There's no "allowances" because it's "our" money. For me that's a good thing, I'd be broke most of the time if I bought everything I wanted. I was never much of a saver. G's a great saver and is relucatant to spend money on objects unless it's something she "needs" or can "use". It creates a good balance. I get to keep telling her to buy things for herself, and she gets to tell me its okay that I need a new hard drive, but no, we don't need the 46" plasma TV.
Reply
Reply
we have a fairly simple philosphy and live by 2 principles in our marriage:
1. be nice to each other.
2. help each other be the best you can.
broadwater and i are always 'we'. we like it that way. we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, so it really doesn't matter to us who owns the finances / stuff. it's all going to come and go. sometimes i'll make the cash, sometimes he will. sometimes i'll spend it, sometimes he will.
but does that me less me and him less him? i like to think not. i like being me. and i like him being him.
Reply
I guess I posted this concept/problem/question because it so came out of left field for me. And it seems I have a lot of friends on LJ who have relationships I think to be strong and healthy so I was curious what everyone's thoughts were.
If I haven't said it before I'm geeked as all hell to actually meet you two.
Reply
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