Sex Meme.
How old were you when you discovered the joys of masturbation?
The year Waterpick came out with a handheld shower massage.
How old were you when you first did anything sexual with another person?
23. Sue me. I waited for the right guy who turned out to be a jerk.
How many sexual partners have you had?
A few.
Have you ever had unprotected sex? Why?
Yes. My shrink said it was some kind of death wish.
What term to you prefer to use when saying you had sex? (Got laid, fucked, made love, etc.) Is there a difference in your mind between such terms? Sex or making love, and yes there is a difference.
Have you ever used common household objects for sexual purposes?
The Waterpick DSL-653 Twin Turbo 6. That and the occasional melted candle wax.
Do you own sex toys?
Who doesn’t?
She-male porn! Yes or no?
Lola. L-O-L-A…
Your current partner has had way more sexual partners than you. How do you react?
Thank them for being such fantastic teachers.
You have had way more sexual partners than your current partner. How do you react?
How should I? That was then. This is now.
Would you have sex with a person who you hated if you were extremely physically attracted to them?
Been there, done that, and have the humiliating court record to prove it.
Would you have sex with someone you cared deeply for, but had no physical attraction to?
You mean like my boss, Garret? I know where Garret Junior's been. And don't get me started on Nigel. I might never want sex again. Ick, no.
Would you dump someone for refusing to give you head?
I could probably come up with a better excuse to dump somebody. And have.
Do YOU ever refuse to give head?
I have. But have had my reasons. They had to do with the fact the request was more like; "Babe, make yourself useful." Needless to say that person never enjoyed my mouth again.
Spit or swallow?
Swallow. I'm ususally too lazy, or preoccupied, to leave and do th other.
What have you had up your butt for sexual reasons?
There was this artist once. He was magician with blown glass. The truth, I liked the things he made for display more than his handmade sex toys. He'd probably disagree. At least the last time I was with him he had me shove more stuff up his...that's a story for another time.
Would you ever consider fisting?
Kegels only go so far in terms of recovery.
Have you ever sneezed during a sex act?
Hasn’t everyone?
Farted?
Again. Hasn’t everyone?
Do you prefer to face your partner during intercourse, or away?
Whichever direction works best at the moment. I’m not choosy as long as the job gets done.
Do you have a favourite position? If so, what?
On top. I like to be the one in control.
Where indoors do you prefer to have sex? (Bed, floor, shower, etc.)
Call me old-fashioned…or simply old, but the bed is the most convenient and by far the most comfortable. That said I’m particularly fond of this ugly-ass green chair Woody bought on Ebay once.
Do you enjoy having sex outdoors?
Sand, bugs, dirt, and accidental observers? It has a certain charm.
Have you used sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc) with a partner? If not, how do you feel about doing so?
Does taking care of business during phone sex count?
Would you ever take erotic photos of yourself or make sex tapes?
There was that one long weekend years ago. I do believe his divorce lawyer made him burn all the copies before his wife could use them in court.
Do you enjoy being watched while having intercourse/masturbating?
Depends who's watching.
Would you enjoy watching your partner masturbate? Have sex with someone else?
watching him get himself off…sure. The later? I’d kill her first. Quick and easy. By the time I took his life he’d be begging me for death.
How important is your sexual identity (gay, bi, straight) to your sense of self?I don’t go around wearing a T-shirt that says “Love me. I’m straight” if that’s what you’re asking. But I did feel good after a tabloid publish a retraction to a story they had written about me and the lesbian partner of murder vic I’d befriended.
If you woke up in bed, naked, with a member of the sex you don't normally fuck, how would you react?
I’d tell her to stop hogging all the covers.
If your partner admitted, while extremely drunk, to a fetish you find distasteful, what would you do?
Remember that they are drunk and do what I do best. Ignore it.
Have you ever dressed in costume as part of sex?
I have been known to play a naughty night nurse if the occasion arises.
Have you ever tried any form of bondage?
Yeah…
Do you enjoy pain during sex? Yours or your partner's?
After the plane crash there was pain, but we’d waited long enough.
If you partner told you he/she desired a threesome, how would you react?
I was almost held back in kindergarten because the teacher said I didn’t play well with others. I never outgrew it.
Would you ever try swinging?
Once, a long time ago in early in my death wish phase. I was out the door and in a cab in fifteen minutes.
What is the maximum number of people you would sleep with at one time?
Even with the KY can you say “ouch”? I stick to just one at a time thank you.
Have you ever toyed with the idea of double penetration?I never understood how the female part of the equation had room to breathe. And who sets the pace? There are too many things that can go terribly and embarrassingly wrong. No.
If one partner cuts off all sexual contact, is it acceptable for the deprived partner to cheat?
Would it be cheating if its over to begin with?
What's a sexual deal-breaker for you? The one thing you will NOT do for anybody?
Snuff. I never had THAT much of a death wish.
Say you have a kid. What sort of attitude towards sex would you want them to grow up to have?
To be open and comfortable with their sexuality…after I let them out of bubble wrap I'd have them in since birth. When they’re 30 or so.
The year Waterpick came out with a handheld shower massage.
How old were you when you first did anything sexual with another person?
23. Sue me. I waited for the right guy who turned out to be a jerk.
How many sexual partners have you had?
A few.
Have you ever had unprotected sex? Why?
Yes. My shrink said it was some kind of death wish.
What term to you prefer to use when saying you had sex? (Got laid, fucked, made love, etc.) Is there a difference in your mind between such terms? Sex or making love, and yes there is a difference.
Have you ever used common household objects for sexual purposes?
The Waterpick DSL-653 Twin Turbo 6. That and the occasional melted candle wax.
Do you own sex toys?
Who doesn’t?
She-male porn! Yes or no?
Lola. L-O-L-A…
Your current partner has had way more sexual partners than you. How do you react?
Thank them for being such fantastic teachers.
You have had way more sexual partners than your current partner. How do you react?
How should I? That was then. This is now.
Would you have sex with a person who you hated if you were extremely physically attracted to them?
Been there, done that, and have the humiliating court record to prove it.
Would you have sex with someone you cared deeply for, but had no physical attraction to?
You mean like my boss, Garret? I know where Garret Junior's been. And don't get me started on Nigel. I might never want sex again. Ick, no.
Would you dump someone for refusing to give you head?
I could probably come up with a better excuse to dump somebody. And have.
Do YOU ever refuse to give head?
I have. But have had my reasons. They had to do with the fact the request was more like; "Babe, make yourself useful." Needless to say that person never enjoyed my mouth again.
Spit or swallow?
Swallow. I'm ususally too lazy, or preoccupied, to leave and do th other.
What have you had up your butt for sexual reasons?
There was this artist once. He was magician with blown glass. The truth, I liked the things he made for display more than his handmade sex toys. He'd probably disagree. At least the last time I was with him he had me shove more stuff up his...that's a story for another time.
Would you ever consider fisting?
Kegels only go so far in terms of recovery.
Have you ever sneezed during a sex act?
Hasn’t everyone?
Farted?
Again. Hasn’t everyone?
Do you prefer to face your partner during intercourse, or away?
Whichever direction works best at the moment. I’m not choosy as long as the job gets done.
Do you have a favourite position? If so, what?
On top. I like to be the one in control.
Where indoors do you prefer to have sex? (Bed, floor, shower, etc.)
Call me old-fashioned…or simply old, but the bed is the most convenient and by far the most comfortable. That said I’m particularly fond of this ugly-ass green chair Woody bought on Ebay once.
Do you enjoy having sex outdoors?
Sand, bugs, dirt, and accidental observers? It has a certain charm.
Have you used sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc) with a partner? If not, how do you feel about doing so?
Does taking care of business during phone sex count?
Would you ever take erotic photos of yourself or make sex tapes?
There was that one long weekend years ago. I do believe his divorce lawyer made him burn all the copies before his wife could use them in court.
Do you enjoy being watched while having intercourse/masturbating?
Depends who's watching.
Would you enjoy watching your partner masturbate? Have sex with someone else?
watching him get himself off…sure. The later? I’d kill her first. Quick and easy. By the time I took his life he’d be begging me for death.
How important is your sexual identity (gay, bi, straight) to your sense of self?I don’t go around wearing a T-shirt that says “Love me. I’m straight” if that’s what you’re asking. But I did feel good after a tabloid publish a retraction to a story they had written about me and the lesbian partner of murder vic I’d befriended.
If you woke up in bed, naked, with a member of the sex you don't normally fuck, how would you react?
I’d tell her to stop hogging all the covers.
If your partner admitted, while extremely drunk, to a fetish you find distasteful, what would you do?
Remember that they are drunk and do what I do best. Ignore it.
Have you ever dressed in costume as part of sex?
I have been known to play a naughty night nurse if the occasion arises.
Have you ever tried any form of bondage?
Yeah…
Do you enjoy pain during sex? Yours or your partner's?
After the plane crash there was pain, but we’d waited long enough.
If you partner told you he/she desired a threesome, how would you react?
I was almost held back in kindergarten because the teacher said I didn’t play well with others. I never outgrew it.
Would you ever try swinging?
Once, a long time ago in early in my death wish phase. I was out the door and in a cab in fifteen minutes.
What is the maximum number of people you would sleep with at one time?
Even with the KY can you say “ouch”? I stick to just one at a time thank you.
Have you ever toyed with the idea of double penetration?I never understood how the female part of the equation had room to breathe. And who sets the pace? There are too many things that can go terribly and embarrassingly wrong. No.
If one partner cuts off all sexual contact, is it acceptable for the deprived partner to cheat?
Would it be cheating if its over to begin with?
What's a sexual deal-breaker for you? The one thing you will NOT do for anybody?
Snuff. I never had THAT much of a death wish.
Say you have a kid. What sort of attitude towards sex would you want them to grow up to have?
To be open and comfortable with their sexuality…after I let them out of bubble wrap I'd have them in since birth. When they’re 30 or so.