Another Castle_Kink R/E Fill
Title: All the Time in the World
Word Count: 2250
Rating: 14A
Prompt: Ryan/Esposito, first time: Esposito gets tired of watching Castle be miserable over Beckett and decides to come clean over his feelings towards Ryan.
"Bro. Look at this."
Javier Esposito pushed his chair back a few feet to look where Ryan was pointing. Tilting back in the seat, he could just see Rick Castle in the coffee room, head hanging low as he poured himself a cup of espresso. "Castle's getting coffee? What's new about that?"
Ryan just shook his head and gestured with his eyes. As the two watched, Castle stood straight and still, the mug cupped in his heads, and stared blankly out the window. After a few moments, he shook his head, paced to the table, and sat down. Didn't sip the coffee; didn't chat up the intern that walked through the room. It was hard to tell from his angle, but Esposito thought that Castle's head might be in his hands.
"He's been in there for an hour," Ryan told him, turning back to his desk and flipping over another sheaf of paperwork, setting his pen to scribbling. "That's his fourth cup. He hasn't touched a single one."
Esposito twirled his chair around to face Ryan full on. "That's something new," he agreed, his brow furrowed. "Something wrong?"
"Might have something to do with the liplock Beckett shared with Demming about an hour ago," Ryan noted. Esposito looked back towards the coffee room. Damn. Yeah, that might have something to do with it, indeed. He had to wonder why Castle was still hanging around the precinct instead of going home to lick his wounds.
He glanced at his stack of paperwork, then back across at the coffee room. Screw it. The reports could wait. Capillary damaging shaving cream or not, Castle was his buddy.
He rapped twice on the door frame with his knuckles, which prompted Castle to look up from his intent study of the table's wood grain. His temples were red where they'd been pressed against his hands. He looked, Esposito noted, distinctly more disheveled than he had at the close of the case. "Hey," he said, pulling out a chair across from Castle and sitting down. "Mind if I join you?"
You could tell he was the son of an actress, that was for sure. His face carefully rearranged itself into a cheerfully nonchalant facade. "Sure. What's up? Not here to berate me over the shaving cream again, are you?"
Esposito managed a chuckle, which Castle echoed, but neither of their laughter reached their eyes. Esposito shook his head. "You're hurting, bro."
Just like that, the facade fell, and Esposito was struck by the notion that he'd never seen Castle--cheerful, witty, wise-ass Castle--looking so damn serious. "That easy to tell?"
"The way Ryan tells it, you've wasted four cups of damn good coffee by just sitting and staring into space. The Castle I know? He's gotta keep up on his caffeine intake, or he implodes. You're getting close to critical." Castle blinked, looked down at the cup of coffee that was no longer steaming.
"Guess I'm not myself," he muttered, pushing the cup away. It left a wet trail on the tabletop.
"Beckett?"
Castle sighed, shrugging his shoulders and pursing his lips in an expression of futility. "It's my own fault. I should've said something earlier, should've acted on it. Instead, I played the patsy, and Demming took his chance. I waited around for too long." He shifted his gaze to stare out the window, right at the desk where Beckett usually sat. They both knew she was gone for the night, just like they both knew exactly what he was staring off into the distance towards.
"She's a pretty incredible lady," Esposito agreed with Castle's silent estimation. He was rewarded with a brief smile.
"She really is. I was stupid--waited too long, had too much fun playing the game; never stopped to think somebody else'd manage to snatch her up before me. My own damn fault," he repeated morosely.
They sat in silence, both gazes drawn to an empty desk beyond the shutters of the window blinds. Esposito fell his eyes move over a few feet, to where a lone desk lamp illuminated a detective bent over a stack of boring papers in the midst of the darkening office space.
"Javier." Startled by the sound of his name, he guiltily looked back over at Castle. The other man didn't seem to notice the direction of his attention, though--his own eyes were still fastened on Beckett's empty desk. "You ever find something worth having--you take it. Don't wait around and play games. Cause the next thing you know, it's out the door, and you're left with nothing." He stood, taking his cup to the sink and dumping the untouched coffee down the drain. Esposito looked back out to the office, and saw Ryan finally turn out his light and stand to leave.
"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "See you around, Castle."
Castle gave him a cursory wave as he rinsed his cup out in the sink, and Esposito headed back to the office to grab his coat, a fresh determination in his mind.
"You cabbing home, Kev?" he asked, slipping his jacket over his shoulders as Ryan checked the contents of his pockets. His partner shook his head.
"Nah. Figured I'd walk it." Kevin Ryan didn't live far from the precinct, and on a balmy night, he'd often walk the few blocks it took to get him home. But there'd been some pretty wicked thunderheads headed towards the city, and it was looking more and more like rain. Esposito jangled his keys in his pocket.
"Want a ride home?" He jerked his head towards the window, indicating the darkening sky. Ryan glanced at the clouds and considered.
"...sure. If you don't mind."
"Not at all." Heart racing, Esposito held the door for him, and they trooped down to the carpark together.
Sure enough, as they exited the parkade, fat drops of rain splattered against the windshield, and Esposito set the wiper blades to clearing the water from the window. They drove in silence, Ryan with his chin on his hand and staring out the side window, Esposito with a white-knuckled grip on the wheel as his mind whirled through a number of different scenarios. His talk with Castle had opened his eyes, and whether Rick knew what was going on in his mind or not, it sure seemed as though he'd been talking about their partnership directly. Two blocks before Ryan's apartment, he made up his mind, and wrenched at the steering wheel, sending them in a wild right-hand turn.
Ryan stared at him, his hand clenched to the panic handle over his head. "The hell're you doing, Javi?" Esposito glanced at him a second, and took a deep breath.
"We're taking a little side tour," he announced. Ryan stared at him in disbelief.
"Esposito--what's up with you?" The SUV tilted wildly again as he made another snap decision and sent them down a series of turns, until they were in a quiet suburban neighbourhood. He brought the car to a stop just beside a children's park--long since vacated in the dark and the rain--and put them in park. The wiper blades kept going, squeaking occasionally against the glass.
"I gotta talk to you, man. Just...hear me out, all right?"
"You couldn't have talked to me back at the precinct, or at my apartment, maybe? Instead of kidnapping me into the middle of suburbanite hell?" Ryan's eyes were wide, his tone clipped. Esposito couldn't look at him, staring straight out the window.
"Didn't want you storming out on me halfway, bro. I don't know if you're gonna like what I've got to say."
Ryan blinked at him a moment longer, then undid his seatbelt and turned halfway in the bucket seat, facing him directly. "We're partners, man. You can tell me anything, talk to me about anything. I'm not gonna walk out on you."
Esposito closed his eyes against a flood of emotion--wait til you hear what i've got to say, before you go making promises--and took a deep breath. "I talked to Castle. You were right, by the way--he's down in the dumps 'cause he figures he lost out on Beckett. Says he waited too long and spent too much time playing games, and in the meantime, Demming came in and took her from under his nose."
Ryan tsked. "Poor guy."
Nodding in agreement, Esposito continued. His fingers wrung the wheel in their grip, sliding over the leather, fidgeting with nerves. "He told me something about it. Said that if I ever found something worth having, I should go for it. Not wait for things to just fall into place, 'cause next thing I know, it'd be gone and I'd've lost my shot." He set his jaw, eyes shut tight, and turned to look at his partner. He opened his eyes and looked at him--looked directly into his eyes--and laid everything out.
"You gotta tell me right now if I've got a shot in hell, Kev, 'cause this is me stepping up and going for what I want."
Ryan stared at him for a long moment. They sat in silence, disturbed only by the sound of falling rain and the wipers, Esposito found himself praying silently, for Ryan to say something, anything, that would break the silence. Laugh. Yell. Tell him he was a sick fuck, or let him down gently by reminding him of Jenny, or laughing at the outrageous prank his buddy'd pulled on him yet again. But all he did was turn back in his seat, buckle back up, and quietly say, "Take me home."
This is why guys play these dumbass games, Esposito thought, as he turned the key and shifted the SUV out of park, driving swiftly through the streets back towards Ryan's apartment block. 'Cause they'd rather miss out than face the hurt of making their play and having it shoved back in their face. It wasn't long before they were idling outside of the building, the rain softening to a gentle spitting and the wipers stowed back under the hood. He couldn't look at his partner, just waited for Ryan to get out of the car.
He heard the sound of the door handle opening, but no squeak of a door. He chanced a glance at his partner, and found Ryan considering him carefully. "You coming up?"
And just like that, it was back to normal. Esposito knew he should be grateful that Ryan wasn't scrambling away in disgust, threatening to request a change of partners, any of that; but all he felt was heartbreak. Still, something was better than nothing. He nodded, flashed a quick smile, and turned off the ignition. A couple of beers and some Madden after another solved case. Par for the course in this partnership.
By the time they were at Ryan's door, and he was fumbling for his key, they were talking and joking like nothing had ever happened, Ryan telling him all the ways he was gonna beat Esposito six ways from Sunday, and Esposito informing him that such things would only happen in his dreams. It was a little forced, a little bittersweet, but not as hard as Esposito thought it'd be.
Just like old times, Esposito dropped his jacket on the back of a kitchen chair and headed for the fridge, pulling out a couple bottles of the Japanese stuff Ryan kept stocked, just 'cause he knew his partner liked it. When he turned around, Ryan was right there, taking the beers out of his hands and setting them on the countertop. He was close, damn close, and Esposito couldn't see anything but freakishly blue eyes.
Ryan had him up against the fridge in record time, his lips pressed against Esposito's in a desperate kiss. he couldn't even think to respond; his hands automatically went to Ryan's waist, one landing on a hip and the other wrapping around to press a palm against his back. He felt Ryan's hands on his shoulders, gripping tightly at his shirt; it felt like he was trying to pull him closer and push him away at the same time.
Esposito made the decision for him, pushing him away gently, enough that they could look each other in the face. "Kev?" he asked, breathless. Ryan's face was flushed, his lips parted as he looked back.
"If you find something worth having, you gotta go for it," Ryan reminded him. Esposito stared at him for a moment, before his face broke into a wide grin.
"Shit, Ryan, you ass! Had me going there--thought I was gonna lose you, man." He punched Ryan lightly in the shoulder, and his partner chuckled, grinning back at him.
"Well, I had to punish you a little bit for making me wait this long, Javi," Ryan responded. Esposito responded by crashing his lips against Ryan's once more, their arms snaking around one another.
"God, Kev, all the things I wanna do to you," Esposito promised when they broke for air, his voice husky, dark, their heads resting against each other's, temple to temple. Ryan breathed him in, breathed out again with a tremulous sigh.
"You got all the time you need," he answered back. Esposito shivered at the moist warmth as Ryan's breath ghosted across his neck, and wrapped his arms more tightly around his partner. Wordlessly, he walked Ryan back, until his knees hit the arm of the red roadkill couch and they both tumbled onto it, Esposito bracing himself over Ryan and staring down at him with dark eyes.
Word Count: 2250
Rating: 14A
Prompt: Ryan/Esposito, first time: Esposito gets tired of watching Castle be miserable over Beckett and decides to come clean over his feelings towards Ryan.
"Bro. Look at this."
Javier Esposito pushed his chair back a few feet to look where Ryan was pointing. Tilting back in the seat, he could just see Rick Castle in the coffee room, head hanging low as he poured himself a cup of espresso. "Castle's getting coffee? What's new about that?"
Ryan just shook his head and gestured with his eyes. As the two watched, Castle stood straight and still, the mug cupped in his heads, and stared blankly out the window. After a few moments, he shook his head, paced to the table, and sat down. Didn't sip the coffee; didn't chat up the intern that walked through the room. It was hard to tell from his angle, but Esposito thought that Castle's head might be in his hands.
"He's been in there for an hour," Ryan told him, turning back to his desk and flipping over another sheaf of paperwork, setting his pen to scribbling. "That's his fourth cup. He hasn't touched a single one."
Esposito twirled his chair around to face Ryan full on. "That's something new," he agreed, his brow furrowed. "Something wrong?"
"Might have something to do with the liplock Beckett shared with Demming about an hour ago," Ryan noted. Esposito looked back towards the coffee room. Damn. Yeah, that might have something to do with it, indeed. He had to wonder why Castle was still hanging around the precinct instead of going home to lick his wounds.
He glanced at his stack of paperwork, then back across at the coffee room. Screw it. The reports could wait. Capillary damaging shaving cream or not, Castle was his buddy.
He rapped twice on the door frame with his knuckles, which prompted Castle to look up from his intent study of the table's wood grain. His temples were red where they'd been pressed against his hands. He looked, Esposito noted, distinctly more disheveled than he had at the close of the case. "Hey," he said, pulling out a chair across from Castle and sitting down. "Mind if I join you?"
You could tell he was the son of an actress, that was for sure. His face carefully rearranged itself into a cheerfully nonchalant facade. "Sure. What's up? Not here to berate me over the shaving cream again, are you?"
Esposito managed a chuckle, which Castle echoed, but neither of their laughter reached their eyes. Esposito shook his head. "You're hurting, bro."
Just like that, the facade fell, and Esposito was struck by the notion that he'd never seen Castle--cheerful, witty, wise-ass Castle--looking so damn serious. "That easy to tell?"
"The way Ryan tells it, you've wasted four cups of damn good coffee by just sitting and staring into space. The Castle I know? He's gotta keep up on his caffeine intake, or he implodes. You're getting close to critical." Castle blinked, looked down at the cup of coffee that was no longer steaming.
"Guess I'm not myself," he muttered, pushing the cup away. It left a wet trail on the tabletop.
"Beckett?"
Castle sighed, shrugging his shoulders and pursing his lips in an expression of futility. "It's my own fault. I should've said something earlier, should've acted on it. Instead, I played the patsy, and Demming took his chance. I waited around for too long." He shifted his gaze to stare out the window, right at the desk where Beckett usually sat. They both knew she was gone for the night, just like they both knew exactly what he was staring off into the distance towards.
"She's a pretty incredible lady," Esposito agreed with Castle's silent estimation. He was rewarded with a brief smile.
"She really is. I was stupid--waited too long, had too much fun playing the game; never stopped to think somebody else'd manage to snatch her up before me. My own damn fault," he repeated morosely.
They sat in silence, both gazes drawn to an empty desk beyond the shutters of the window blinds. Esposito fell his eyes move over a few feet, to where a lone desk lamp illuminated a detective bent over a stack of boring papers in the midst of the darkening office space.
"Javier." Startled by the sound of his name, he guiltily looked back over at Castle. The other man didn't seem to notice the direction of his attention, though--his own eyes were still fastened on Beckett's empty desk. "You ever find something worth having--you take it. Don't wait around and play games. Cause the next thing you know, it's out the door, and you're left with nothing." He stood, taking his cup to the sink and dumping the untouched coffee down the drain. Esposito looked back out to the office, and saw Ryan finally turn out his light and stand to leave.
"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "See you around, Castle."
Castle gave him a cursory wave as he rinsed his cup out in the sink, and Esposito headed back to the office to grab his coat, a fresh determination in his mind.
"You cabbing home, Kev?" he asked, slipping his jacket over his shoulders as Ryan checked the contents of his pockets. His partner shook his head.
"Nah. Figured I'd walk it." Kevin Ryan didn't live far from the precinct, and on a balmy night, he'd often walk the few blocks it took to get him home. But there'd been some pretty wicked thunderheads headed towards the city, and it was looking more and more like rain. Esposito jangled his keys in his pocket.
"Want a ride home?" He jerked his head towards the window, indicating the darkening sky. Ryan glanced at the clouds and considered.
"...sure. If you don't mind."
"Not at all." Heart racing, Esposito held the door for him, and they trooped down to the carpark together.
Sure enough, as they exited the parkade, fat drops of rain splattered against the windshield, and Esposito set the wiper blades to clearing the water from the window. They drove in silence, Ryan with his chin on his hand and staring out the side window, Esposito with a white-knuckled grip on the wheel as his mind whirled through a number of different scenarios. His talk with Castle had opened his eyes, and whether Rick knew what was going on in his mind or not, it sure seemed as though he'd been talking about their partnership directly. Two blocks before Ryan's apartment, he made up his mind, and wrenched at the steering wheel, sending them in a wild right-hand turn.
Ryan stared at him, his hand clenched to the panic handle over his head. "The hell're you doing, Javi?" Esposito glanced at him a second, and took a deep breath.
"We're taking a little side tour," he announced. Ryan stared at him in disbelief.
"Esposito--what's up with you?" The SUV tilted wildly again as he made another snap decision and sent them down a series of turns, until they were in a quiet suburban neighbourhood. He brought the car to a stop just beside a children's park--long since vacated in the dark and the rain--and put them in park. The wiper blades kept going, squeaking occasionally against the glass.
"I gotta talk to you, man. Just...hear me out, all right?"
"You couldn't have talked to me back at the precinct, or at my apartment, maybe? Instead of kidnapping me into the middle of suburbanite hell?" Ryan's eyes were wide, his tone clipped. Esposito couldn't look at him, staring straight out the window.
"Didn't want you storming out on me halfway, bro. I don't know if you're gonna like what I've got to say."
Ryan blinked at him a moment longer, then undid his seatbelt and turned halfway in the bucket seat, facing him directly. "We're partners, man. You can tell me anything, talk to me about anything. I'm not gonna walk out on you."
Esposito closed his eyes against a flood of emotion--wait til you hear what i've got to say, before you go making promises--and took a deep breath. "I talked to Castle. You were right, by the way--he's down in the dumps 'cause he figures he lost out on Beckett. Says he waited too long and spent too much time playing games, and in the meantime, Demming came in and took her from under his nose."
Ryan tsked. "Poor guy."
Nodding in agreement, Esposito continued. His fingers wrung the wheel in their grip, sliding over the leather, fidgeting with nerves. "He told me something about it. Said that if I ever found something worth having, I should go for it. Not wait for things to just fall into place, 'cause next thing I know, it'd be gone and I'd've lost my shot." He set his jaw, eyes shut tight, and turned to look at his partner. He opened his eyes and looked at him--looked directly into his eyes--and laid everything out.
"You gotta tell me right now if I've got a shot in hell, Kev, 'cause this is me stepping up and going for what I want."
Ryan stared at him for a long moment. They sat in silence, disturbed only by the sound of falling rain and the wipers, Esposito found himself praying silently, for Ryan to say something, anything, that would break the silence. Laugh. Yell. Tell him he was a sick fuck, or let him down gently by reminding him of Jenny, or laughing at the outrageous prank his buddy'd pulled on him yet again. But all he did was turn back in his seat, buckle back up, and quietly say, "Take me home."
This is why guys play these dumbass games, Esposito thought, as he turned the key and shifted the SUV out of park, driving swiftly through the streets back towards Ryan's apartment block. 'Cause they'd rather miss out than face the hurt of making their play and having it shoved back in their face. It wasn't long before they were idling outside of the building, the rain softening to a gentle spitting and the wipers stowed back under the hood. He couldn't look at his partner, just waited for Ryan to get out of the car.
He heard the sound of the door handle opening, but no squeak of a door. He chanced a glance at his partner, and found Ryan considering him carefully. "You coming up?"
And just like that, it was back to normal. Esposito knew he should be grateful that Ryan wasn't scrambling away in disgust, threatening to request a change of partners, any of that; but all he felt was heartbreak. Still, something was better than nothing. He nodded, flashed a quick smile, and turned off the ignition. A couple of beers and some Madden after another solved case. Par for the course in this partnership.
By the time they were at Ryan's door, and he was fumbling for his key, they were talking and joking like nothing had ever happened, Ryan telling him all the ways he was gonna beat Esposito six ways from Sunday, and Esposito informing him that such things would only happen in his dreams. It was a little forced, a little bittersweet, but not as hard as Esposito thought it'd be.
Just like old times, Esposito dropped his jacket on the back of a kitchen chair and headed for the fridge, pulling out a couple bottles of the Japanese stuff Ryan kept stocked, just 'cause he knew his partner liked it. When he turned around, Ryan was right there, taking the beers out of his hands and setting them on the countertop. He was close, damn close, and Esposito couldn't see anything but freakishly blue eyes.
Ryan had him up against the fridge in record time, his lips pressed against Esposito's in a desperate kiss. he couldn't even think to respond; his hands automatically went to Ryan's waist, one landing on a hip and the other wrapping around to press a palm against his back. He felt Ryan's hands on his shoulders, gripping tightly at his shirt; it felt like he was trying to pull him closer and push him away at the same time.
Esposito made the decision for him, pushing him away gently, enough that they could look each other in the face. "Kev?" he asked, breathless. Ryan's face was flushed, his lips parted as he looked back.
"If you find something worth having, you gotta go for it," Ryan reminded him. Esposito stared at him for a moment, before his face broke into a wide grin.
"Shit, Ryan, you ass! Had me going there--thought I was gonna lose you, man." He punched Ryan lightly in the shoulder, and his partner chuckled, grinning back at him.
"Well, I had to punish you a little bit for making me wait this long, Javi," Ryan responded. Esposito responded by crashing his lips against Ryan's once more, their arms snaking around one another.
"God, Kev, all the things I wanna do to you," Esposito promised when they broke for air, his voice husky, dark, their heads resting against each other's, temple to temple. Ryan breathed him in, breathed out again with a tremulous sigh.
"You got all the time you need," he answered back. Esposito shivered at the moist warmth as Ryan's breath ghosted across his neck, and wrapped his arms more tightly around his partner. Wordlessly, he walked Ryan back, until his knees hit the arm of the red roadkill couch and they both tumbled onto it, Esposito bracing himself over Ryan and staring down at him with dark eyes.