from the desk of samsonite el gato

[tshell]

hello everybody who reads tshells journal, i am samsonite el gato - i had no say in deciding the name. it's embarrassing, i mean really, who the hell names a cat samsonite el gato? a fucking lunatic, that's who. which brings me to my point: i'm looking for another home

Comments

[my_name_is_jenn]

Hello Samsonite el gato. This is Max, Jen's cat. I was all ready to invite you to come live with me until I got to the last part. I shall have no homophobic religious wackos in my house. Perhaps you should change your ways. Here are a few reasons

[tshell]

hello max, thank you for your invite but my christianity is something i hold near and dear to my heart, like my cat porn.
maybe you can send me some human food? i prefer donuts, rice, and when debbie gets her fat ass off the couch and actually makes some, i really enjoy spaghetti and meatballs.
as for mr bigglesworth, i have the number to the pound, mail me some tuna and it's yours.

[tshell]

cruelty to animals is no laughing matter madame.
:D
apology accepted. :)

[dariens_haircut]

Good luck with that, kitteh. We're hip to your jive. Debbie has told us what is what. 23 skiddoo

[tshell]

hahahahaha :D

[drocera]

Dear Cat I don't care what your name is.

I saw my Drocera reading this post and looking wistful. I know what a softy she is for felines, everyone has their faults, but I swear to GOD - if you end up at this house I will FUCK YOU UP. I'm a DOG muthafucka, a D.O.G. And that's god spelled backwards, you religious freak, so put that in your pathetic water bowl and drink it up.

I have it good here, so don't get any ideas of intruding. If Drocera invites you - turn her down. And if you mention anything I said, I will hunt you down like the vermin you are, eat you up and shit your sorry ass remains all over the living room carpet. Oh, don't think I can find you, eh? You live across the country, eh? Well obviously you've never seen The Incredible Journey. Dogs can travel. I WILL find you.

So, just settle your fat ass in where you're at, deal with the life you've been given and keep your litter encrusted paws off the computer.

Yours Truly,

Notorious D.O.G.

[tshell]

what in gods fiery hell is wrong with you dog? you have some nerve talking to me like that, hiding behind the internet and talking shit. you'll fuck me up? let me tell you something i come from the streets. you? born and raised in humanland were you? pussy.
the incredible journey? what kind of sissy ass movie is that? did you watch that sitting on a couch? huh? while i was out braving alleyways at 2 a.m. you were sat on your ass watching tv .. you mouthed off to the wrong cat. i may be a christian but that doesn't mean i won't go over there and wipe that stupid grin dogs always have on their face off'n yours if i have to.
watch your tone dog. watch it.

- el gato

:D

[drocera]

Some nerve, you say? You, Cat, have some nerve - going behind your woman's back, the woman who provides you with a home and food and who obviously took you off the streets, where no doubt you belong, you ungrateful pussy - going behind her back, looking for better pickings!

And call ME a pussy? I'm a greyhound. I've had it rough too, let me tell you and I deserve to sit on the couch. I deserve everything I get. And I do get alot. Snausages. Ever heard of those things? I get lots of them. Which you never will because you will never come here. Wanna know why? Look at these teeth:

[tshell]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! a knitted blanket? sorry madam, didn't mean to hurt your feelings, bet all the dogs are really *snicker* jealous *hee hee* of your *chuckle* knitted blanket.
and those teeth? my grandma had bigger teeth than that. when she was 3 hours old.
i'll go over there right now and take the freakin' snausages from your mouth. you don't know me sissy girl, YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!

:D

(pretty dog by the way) :D

*ahem* i mean, ahhhh! my eyes!!

[tshell]

do you get paid for writing books? how much does a pizza cost? will writing a book pay for a pizza? :)

[tshell]

i suppose i can sex it up a bit, so long as it doesn't conflict with my christian values, anything for more pizza. :)