Friendships...
I used to think that friendship can overcome every problem. That if it's true, it will be strong no matter the time, place and distance. Of course it is true. But how can you call a friendship when suddenly the contact between two people cuts off? You talked every day, had fun and fangirl together, had plans for writing with each other and then, suddenly... One day you talk like usually, the next all you receive is silence. Even if you write a message, the reply comes in a few days or a week, with apologies and such but nothing changes.
People I used to consider as close friends (no matter how far they live), right now moved away from me. One hurt me quite long time ago and I pushed her away because of that, so it's my own fault. I couldn't talk with her normally knowing she thinks I am insane and I hate people because they like the idol I like. I just couldn't. Few others repeat they are busy. I can understand that, of course I can! I am busy myself, leaving home at 7:15 am and coming back at 8:00 pm on weekdays plus being practically all day away from home on Saturdays and Sundays as well. Yet I find time to talk with people I care about, even if it's 15 minutes in the bus or when I am on break at work. I am staying awake as long as I can to be able to function normally the next day, just thinking that this will be the day one of my friends will talk to me finally. All I get is some short message which looks more like a letter from time to time, I would even say rarely, where they state that they hope I am fine. And when I reply on that message, I get answer in next few days, also a bit cold. Because of that I closed tighter in my shell, being too cold for them, not wanting to start the conversation when I see them online because I am afraid I will be pushed away again.
I don't want to think that those people were just acquaintances. Still, we were real friends, sharing our happiness and pains, making each other feel better, talking about everything and helping each other. I understand RL can be and definitely is a bitch. Schedules are just its weapon against the good time you could have. But is shouldn't stop you from contacting your friends, right? I mean, I don't expect like hours of talking like we had but few minutes every other day would be very enough.
Maybe I am overthinking, but I know one thing. Feeling that you lost a friend is not a good feeling at all. It just sucks.
People I used to consider as close friends (no matter how far they live), right now moved away from me. One hurt me quite long time ago and I pushed her away because of that, so it's my own fault. I couldn't talk with her normally knowing she thinks I am insane and I hate people because they like the idol I like. I just couldn't. Few others repeat they are busy. I can understand that, of course I can! I am busy myself, leaving home at 7:15 am and coming back at 8:00 pm on weekdays plus being practically all day away from home on Saturdays and Sundays as well. Yet I find time to talk with people I care about, even if it's 15 minutes in the bus or when I am on break at work. I am staying awake as long as I can to be able to function normally the next day, just thinking that this will be the day one of my friends will talk to me finally. All I get is some short message which looks more like a letter from time to time, I would even say rarely, where they state that they hope I am fine. And when I reply on that message, I get answer in next few days, also a bit cold. Because of that I closed tighter in my shell, being too cold for them, not wanting to start the conversation when I see them online because I am afraid I will be pushed away again.
I don't want to think that those people were just acquaintances. Still, we were real friends, sharing our happiness and pains, making each other feel better, talking about everything and helping each other. I understand RL can be and definitely is a bitch. Schedules are just its weapon against the good time you could have. But is shouldn't stop you from contacting your friends, right? I mean, I don't expect like hours of talking like we had but few minutes every other day would be very enough.
Maybe I am overthinking, but I know one thing. Feeling that you lost a friend is not a good feeling at all. It just sucks.