fruity rumpus asshole factory, recommendations of the fictional persuasion edition, pt. 1
apologizing in advance for the overwhelming bias in terms of ships and also the possibility of missed warnings. this is just a small selection out of the hundreds of fics i have read that i am particularly smitten for.
One of Our Submarines by VastDerp
Pairing: This gets so little attention it's not worth mentioning.
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Body horror, incomplete, (incredibly well-made) original characters (why is this even a warning).
Brief Summary: Helmsmen from all walks of life having been chatting it up over private comlines for centuries, and they just got word of a new, yellow-blooded addition.
Excerpt: EP: From experience talking to SC am thinking this might take several sweeps. Try not to kill him too much in the meantime.
ID: Ouch!
EP: No no no, wasn't talking about that, ID. Was referring to personal feeling of wanting to strangle him on occasion.
DC: A FEELING I CAN EMPATHIZE WITH.
EP: He must have very tolerant friends.
--
The Fisher-Prince by roachpatrol, urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)
Pairing: Sollux♠Eridan, Sollux♦Karkat, Eridan♦Feferi
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Depictions of violence, implications of non-con, longfic; part of a series.
Brief Summary: In an alternate universe where the hemospectrum has flipped and put seadwellers at the bottom of the food chain, Eridan struggles to make it from dusk to dawn while juggling a neurotic gold-blooded spymaster for a kismesis/employer, a doting moirail miles from the mainland, and his kismesis' moirail turned impromptu partner. Also zombies.
Excerpt: “I’m Eridan fucking Ampora, thank you ever so,” you snap. “I’m half shark and half hurricane, you get me? I can outrun, outfight, and outfuck any ten trolls put together and this was never your glubbin show in the first place!”
You pull the trigger of the gun.
--
Schooled by monscandal
Pairing: Gamzee/Tavros/Dave
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, threesome, xenobiology, implied drug use.
Brief Summary: Gamzee, Tavros, and Dave bang. Yeah.
Excerpt: “So Dave,” you say, shooting him a side-eye. “Ever think about filling buckets?”
That last line might’ve been a little too Eridan, but hey. Being coy never got a motherfucker anywhere.
--
The Only Recipse For Lasagna You'll Ever Need by urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)
Pairing: John/Karkat
Rating: General
Warnings: None
Brief Summary: John and Karkat suck at making lasagna and also kiss.
Excerpt: Glance over recipe. Alchemize ingredients. Wonder why alchemized ingredients always taste a little funny and never quite the same. Give co-troll high five that he returns as attempt to slap your hand up. Begin.
--
Lock It Up And Leave by urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)
Pairing: John/Karkat
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Major character death.
Brief Summary: In which Karkat gives up, and John refuses to.
Excerpt: So John isn't mad when Dave says things like how's the Last Trollhican? because Dave Strider is also staggering under the weight of loss. Or when Rose says, John, you're spreading yourself too thin for nobody’s benefit, because Rose's first loyalty is always going to be to John. In another lifetime Rose Lalonde might have been sitting there calmly trying to fork Spaghetti-O's into Kanaya Maryam. But he's really grateful to Jade, sitting there hopefully with a bottle of Gatorade, ready to be tagged in when John tags out. John tries not to tag out too much.
No story should end like this. Every time he thinks about the unfairness of it, the unbelievable disgusting ugly unfairness, he wants to throw up.
--
Nothing To Fear by Miko
Pairing: Sollux♥Karkat, brief mentioning of Sollux♠Eridan
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, xenobiology, dub-con.
Brief Summary: The drones are coming and Karkat's still not ready.
Excerpt: "Oh shit, oh shit," Karkat exclaimed, jumping up so abruptly he sent his husktop crashing to the floor. He stared about wildly, as if he expected to find the Imperial drone lurking in the corner somewhere. "I thought we still had more time! Why don't they fucking warn people?"
--
A Sailorman's Hymn by VastDerp
Pairing: Implications of Psiioniic/Signless and Psiioniic/Condesce
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Body horror, depictions of violence, major character death, longfic.
Brief Summary: The Signless is dead and knows it, the Psiioniic is dead and doesn't.
Excerpt: Somewhere on the edge of the black, a god-being lets out a sigh in the grip of its fathomless mad dreams. Bubbles are expelled in a rush of breath. All but a few float off into the endless night to burst and fade and mean nothing, gone and replaced and gone again in ponderous slow waves as the incomprehensible Other sleeps the eons away.
Some bubbles pick up odd hitchhikers from other worlds, and these last longer. Their dead inhabitants drift, unwatched and unremarkable, pantomiming the lives they have left behind for this new reality of cold black void. None of it means anything. It just is.
--
Hold Your Colour by lantadyme
Pairing: None
Rating: General
Warnings: None
Brief Summary: In which the beta session wins and the world resets and gives them back what they've lost. Well, almost everything.
Excerpt: Wait.
Wait.
His friends all got their Guardians back. He saw it with his own eyes.
So-
"Where's Bro?"
--
In Which Dave Strider Gets a Roommate (and a Little Bit More) by vulturer
Pairing: Dave/Sollux
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Explicit sexual content at the end, humanstuck, longfic.
Brief Summary: With Bro gone, Dave needs a roommate to shoulder the cost of his condo, and a computer science major with a lisp needs one too.
Excerpt: The monitor glowed brightly up at you with the nigh immediate reply and you just blinked dumbly a few times in response. Breakfast. Coffee. Moving shit out of your old room. Put on some clothes. Meet potential new roommate. In that order.
Okay, so apparently this whole deal wasn't going to be as teeth-pulling as you thought. As the just exquisite sound of coffee grounds being decimated effectively jolted you out of your half-sleep, you let out an approving hum and casually hoped that the sophomore wouldn't be an unbearable creep. Fingers crossed.
--
Trailstuck by Pookie776
Pairing: Implied Gamzee/Tavros
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Major Character death.
Brief Summary: Gamzee, Tavros, Eridan, Equius, and Nepeta in a game of Oregon Trail with FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES.
Excerpt: AT: wHAT'S oREGON, aND WHY ARE WE GOING THERE,
--
Scarlet and Bible Black by paraTactician
Pairing: Sollux/Rose
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, major character death, longfic.
Brief Summary: In a universe where Rose goes grimdark and doesn't get better. And then Sollux teaches her mind war.
Excerpt: She’s not even sure it’s a person. But it’s new, so she has to try. The same way she does every time, she sends out a thought, the tiniest thought she can think, white and feeble like a new root from a bulb, nothing fierce or demonstrative enough to trip the alarms and drown her brain in black thrashing brine, and she thinks:
help me
And a voice - crisp, a little nasal, plainly surprised - says okay.
--
Double or Nothing* by paraTactician
*A sort of sequel to 'Scarlet and Bible Black'
Pairing: Sollux/Rose, Terezi/Dave
Rating: General
Warnings: Underage drinking.
Brief Summary: Terezi and Rose just want their respective boyfriends to make nice, so they hatch a plan. They're gonna need a deck of cards, a chess set, a pair of knitting needles with yarn, and booze. Plenty of booze.
Excerpt: ROSE: I’m honestly baffled.
ROSE: I had thought you and Sollux would get along splendidly.
DAVE: what because were both assholes
DAVE: nice try rose but its not that simple
DAVE: assholes of a feather dont always flock together
DAVE: kinda the point of being an asshole tbh
--
GritJam by lantadyme
Pairing: Sollux♠Eridan
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Minor sexual content, graphic depictions of violence, gill kink.
Brief Summary: Sollux and Eridan take the time to hate each other in the good old-fashioned way.
Excerpt: You hate that smile. He laughs, grinning wide with one missing tooth and blood dripping down his chin. You bit that tooth out of your arm and spat it away earlier, relishing the yelp he'd lost as you smashed his head into the wall, not caring as his teeth sunk deeper into your flesh if at least you could hurt him equally.
--
Blood on the Border by Jalules
Pairing: Grand Highblood/Dualscar, brief mentioning of Dualscar/Mindfang
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Depictions of violence, rape/non-con.
Brief Summary: In a feeble attempt to impress Her Imperious Condescension, Dualscar shoulders the task of being the middleman between the empire and the Subjugglators, and gets far more than he bargains for.
Excerpt: When the Condesce declares that negotiations must be made with the Subjugglators, few are keen to take on the task.
Dualscar steps forward.
He isn’t afraid, honest he’s not. He’s dealt with that Indigo cult, has cut a deal or two with them in the past. They operate in many of the same circles, sell the same wears. Need a lusus killed? Send for Orphaner Dualscar. Need anything killed? Seek a subjugglator.
Nasty bastards, that bunch.
Though it goes without saying that the Grand Highblood is the nastiest of them all.
--
BL4CK HOL3, green 2un by schellibie, urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)
Pairing: None
Rating: General
Warnings: Major character death.
Brief Summary: They need to get to the Green Sun. Sollux says he can get them there. Regardless of the cost.
Excerpt: Of course you have to, you say. Neither of you look at each other but you smell the cluster of muscles at his thumbs tensing up, the set of his narrow shoulders held just so. You and he will make this call, say those little muscles. I say you have to do it.
With the terrible satisfaction of peace he says, Good
--
Froth and Frogs by urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)
Pairing: Jade/Kanaya
Rating: General
Warnings: None
Brief Summary: The heroes of space go frog hunting and Jade gets cold knees. And then they kiss.
Excerpt: Jade also wore her blue ruffled skirt even if her legs were turning skim milk colour and chapping from the cold, which was stupid, but sometimes it was fun being dumb and thirteen. She had never gotten the chance to be dumb and thirteen in person. Her entire life had been pumpkins, Bec, physics, phyllodia, rifle shot and freaking mummies, so if she wanted to coyly show Kanaya her knees she damn well would! Unfortunately they were not being noticed, so there went that.
--
The Oviparan by Val Mora (valmora)
Pairing: Sollux/Eridan
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Oviparous mpreg, sexual content, xenobiology, descriptions of malnourishment.
Brief Summary: Eridan visits a familiar face turned helmsman. Sex ensues for the good the empire.
Excerpt: who are you? asks the text on the panel next to the helmsman's capsule. Eridan closes his eyes, reaches out. The helmsman's skin is warm under his fingertips.
"I'm the Oviparan," Eridan says, choking on the title, even after ten sweeps of service.
"Oh," sighs the helmsman, this time with his mouth.
--
And Everywhere He Is in Irons* by Val Mora (valmora)
*A sequel to 'The Oviparan'.
Pairing: Sollux/Eridan
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Oviparous mpreg, sexual content, xenobiology, descriptions of malnourishment.
Brief Summary: Sollux is due for decommission in three sweeps, and Eridan decides his ship needs a helmsman.
Excerpt: Sollux stands up. “I don’t mind it here.”
“Course you don’t. I’m here.”
“You’re not all that good.”
Eridan folds easily into the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Sollux’s waist, thumbs tucking under the hem of Sollux’s shirt, and his lips are cool against Sollux’s own.