Change of Mind (1 of 3)
And now for something completely different!
I know I disappeared off the face of the earth for a few weeks after BayCon. (I have more to say about that in my own journal.) I do apologize if my silence has been a letdown. But the important thing is that I've returned from the e-wilderness back to e-civilization with a story ( Read more... )
I know I disappeared off the face of the earth for a few weeks after BayCon. (I have more to say about that in my own journal.) I do apologize if my silence has been a letdown. But the important thing is that I've returned from the e-wilderness back to e-civilization with a story ( Read more... )
Comments 1
Well, well done. This is completely different from the draft I read, and it's so much better it's hard to believe they're the same story. I think you really nailed the exposition, and really did a perfect job of introducing three characters by keeping the majority of the interactions between two of them, and more directly telling the relationship of the third.
It also looks like you became much more comfortable with dialogue -- it reads much more naturally than your other stories, without all the extant verbs scattered in.
The setting is described well but not so elaborately as to be boring, and the subject is explained very nicely. Everything in this part of the story reads very clearly, so while I'm still interested in what's coming next, I'm no longer frustrated by unnecessary mystery.
Very nicely done, I'm impressed.
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