Draining the june from my blood via leeches
Imagine someone who has never drank nor smoked explaining such in a manner to crowd by saying, stand-up stylee,
"The most mind-altering thing I've ever had was an orgasm, come on now."
--
I live a strictly secret agent existence these days.
I let the sick hip world crumble at my feet.
Dumb slut or old lover worry drained from blackheads; my pores have never felt so clean.
I live a strictly pipe smoke and wine glass existence these days.
And I watch over all of you now.
(with my dog, shakespeare)
--
I found it funny that earlier this year I considered coming home for the summer and asking officer domville how I would get into doing criminal photography and I ended up sitting on the other side of his desk with my mom (my attention keeps drifting to the assumedly confiscated gigantore bong sitting on the shelf behind his desk) asking him if I might be getting arrested anytime soon because I'd been told that I wasn't when the officers were at my house and I was confused as to why I was there in the first place.
It turned out that he was just kind of making sure I understood how everything would work considering that I am no longer a juvenile and that's actually pretty nice, but, you know, ENTIRELY different from what I thought a few month ago as to what would be happening when I saw him next.
Good story, bitch.
--
I played truth or dare jenga for the first time last night.
MY VERY FIRST GAME OF JENGA EVER!
Mark toppled the tower, if you were curious.
.... good story.... biotch.
--
I can always guess the next new or full moon, but I've been loving it's slivers lately.
Lonely is okay
(accepting it is the first step)
--
Wow, okay, so, don't do whipp-its.
It's just stupid to do and the chemicals in dust-off WILL KILL YOU
or else you'll just asphyxiate or die.
Plus, drunk bitches who "womp-womp" might spill beer.
It's just not a good situation.
So keep it to a tri-annual to never affair.
s'all I gotz to say.
but seriously.
WOMP WOMP MOTHERFUCKER.
goodstory,bitch.
--
Ryder and I have been drinking alot this summer.
I like drinking alot.
And writing.
Hey now, buk.
--
3:20 AM 6/30/06
Dad and I meet needing to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for the first time.
I am in there first and hear rustling while I am brushing my teeth and washing my face.
i refuse to believe that my dad is awake needing to use the bathroom because it's never happened before.
He uses it, just never at the same time as I am.
Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and I have a towel around my waist JUST IN CASE (because I was in a tank-top and unnndies) and THERE HE IS sitting on the couch in his bathrobe talking to Shakespeare.
"Who's a woofy doooggg, whoooo's a woofy dogggg."
And then i'm like... uh, hey, I'm sorry I had to brush my teeth and wash my face
and he's like...oh...no....it's fine... I just need to use the bathroom.
so funny.
and he goes back to talking to the dog and I go upstairs to my room and write this.
wow, bad story, whore.
--
My favorite middle of the nights are when Steve and I watch tv and roll joints and play with stewie.
--
The romantics - talking in your sleep
--
As an ode to previous Junes (now that this one is at it's bitter end) spent writing everyday,everyday
(with june related titles, I remember)
I will now post 30 excerpts from my secret journal.
One excerpt per day, as would make sense.
Hurr we go:
--
1
i'm delirious. someone get me a drink.
Happy june motherfuckers!
--
2
here was some kind of just. moment. where I could sense that he was trying to believe that it had happened for reasons having to do with my being discredible or something in order to convince himself that I'm not worth the time to waste on as he'd previously thought?
I don't know.
Something like that.
it doesn't bother me. I don't really want someone to be wasting time on me anyway.
--
3
i am -so- not invincible.
--
4
and I smile that retarded smile and I go to answer and drunk friend says, "why don't you just shut up and marry him so that everyone in the world can be happy"
--
5
Another night crawling in bed with:
the gray pillow
long clownfish pillow
icebat ugly doll
beaver stuffed animal
possibly shakeapeare
and yet, you know.
--
6
watched a sci-fi horror that dad had rented where aliens implant babies into human women.
you know, one of those.
it was called xtro.
--
7
I've been kind of worried about some things lately, mainly everything.
--
8
Today is thursday.
I've been writing, reading, looking over tapes, asking my dog when everything went wrong with us/myself, avoid going to the mall to buy shorts because it's recently started making me nauseated, and reading over math problems with misty eyes.
I need tuna fish.
and I need.
to understand this pain.
this pain. is pain. is pain. is pain.
--
9
I have to pick little sister up from school soon and take her to her hair appointment and then await 1 am when her, the boy who took her to prom (a good friend of mine), bestfriend, and I will drive down the shore in my car.
boy who took her to prom, who is one of the most sweethearts of a boy that I know, got a hotel room by the boardwalk and bestfriend and I predict another couple days of absolute ridiculousness.
The only problem is that I am mad broke.
motherfucker.
sigh, baby, miss me.
--
10
This entry brought to you by date-lying because on the 10th I was
1-2 driving to the shore
2-7 drinking
7-8 breakfast at a place called "just for breakfast"
8-8:15 walking back to my hotel room with bestfriend, stealing some huge signs
8:15- 11 sleep
11-2 laying on the beach
2:15-8 showering, dressing, drinking
8-9 dinner at fresh mex place overlooking the boardwalk
9pm-alllnight long: drinking
--
11
I fell asleep and dreamed that it was my birthday and that mom and stepdad were giving me a car and then I realized that I was dreaming based purely on how ridiculous the dream senario was.
--
12
You're supposed to drive around it backwards six times or something and then turn your headlights and the "devil posesses your car" or a "dead chick appears in the top tower window"
whatever.
we were all going to climb it via inching our backs up this really tight stone corner by one of the tower turrets.
it ended up that only robe and I did and it was much harder on the way down.
the door on the first ledge um balcony was cemented shut.
--
13
..... remember what tobey mcgquire says to his dad in pleasantville after his mom leaves his dad because she becomes colored.
something like..
i know you miss her, but, maybe it's not just the cooking and cleaning that you miss. Maybe it's something else, maybe you don't even know what it is until it's gone......and doesn't she look pretty like that? Doesn't she look just as beautiful as the first day that you met her?...........now..... don't you wish you could tell her that?
I think that's how it goes.
god, i love that movie.
Hey bud, why don't I just pin you?
That's silly mary sue, how could you POSSIBLY pin me?
rawr.
iwaitwaitwaittotackleyou
--
14
get it... you have nobody. you are nobody. you walk in a valley of nobody and nobody tells you what to do and you forget that nobody wants you to be their number one.
--
15
Good news: I got a 1000 dollar scholarship for college by being a good student!
More good news: tomorrow's my birthday!
--
16
My birthday hit at 1:30 this morning.
The only difference is that at that moment I could legally buy cigarettes......AGAIN...
bastards.
--
17
he told them that his name was jason huffenagel, priceless.
--
18
I think what I need more is a psycho-analysis considering the fact that I think that what's wrong with me is something beyond talking about my daily problems and working on fixing how I react to them or something.
it's something else, it's primal yet complex, it's got flavorrrrrrr and disease.
it's a gremlin screaming
--
19
okay girl, get into bed, I bet the comforters are cold....as ice.
(I want to be just as warm as your body if you were lying next to mine)
--
20
Fights that consist of the line, 'I mean, it's not like this is the first.....second..... third....or fourth time you've lied to me about something important like this" are fights that SHOULDN'T BE OCCURING.
--
21
A television tube replaced my heart, my heart
A television tube replaced my heart with all its technicolor
Television imagery of you and me behind the scenes
Just cut it out! It won't hurt. I promise I know
All about your problems, and if you would just
Let it out like I did, then you would see we're
Happy now. The freedom will come if you'll just
Cut it out
- dealership (tv heart)
--
22
I can't think of anything else to mention, except that I sort of feel like the world is much less mysterious now that we've seen a live giant squid.
DID YOU KNOW:
i've been waiting for this moment in history much of my life?
weird, huh?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/09/photogalleries/giant_squid/
there you go, kiddos.
--
23
Reckless and unemployed, I walked down New York Avenue this morning.
The day was instating itself, orange and pink flood the sky.
Birds are going cheerily berserk with a new start.
--
24
it takes us two shots of vodka and some time later before we find out that she was hit in the face by a little white bitch, her boyfriend's exgirlfriend.
After she was hit in the face, she proceeded to stab the girl several times.
She is 33 and has two kids.
She is black and irish.
She repeatedly shows us her old stab wounds, talks about being 33 with two kids, talks about how she shanked that bitch, and about bamboozle (for some reason)
--
25
I smoked insatiably.
Because I couldn't shake the feeling, I bought four movies on amazon.com (despite the fact that I am pretty much living off of my depleting savings)
it helped. alot, really, but I'm still very uneasy.
--
26
Read alot today. More of the hitch-hiker series, which I suspect I will be finished with pretty soon.
then best friend and I got into a fight and that was horrible because we never really fight like that and we were both crying and alloting time to not look like someone had hit us with a train before actually hanging out.
it felt better afteward and she, her boyfriend, and I went to my favorite burger place afterward.
then we drank lots of chianti at this boy's apartment and I met a FANTASTIC cat.
Later Rip Conway and I sat in his backyard and talked about convenient ways to get out of awkward situations.
I drank more wine with him.
there was lots of missions and mary j between.
but that's to be expected on any suburban night.
i wrote a pointless anecdote yesterday.
it was invigorating.
--
27
I started to dissemble the radio and found "I <3 James" written on top of one the rear speakers in permanent marker.
No doubt some drunk chick, I wince and I'm like fuck! who wrote on my stereo?!
and he says, hey! you gave it to me!
and I say WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! WHO WRITES THAT ON A SPEAKER??
--
28
that song "my style" by the black eyed peas featuring justin timberlake is pretty swwwwwweeeet.
--
29
I had a dream that I got a hamster for Easter and I named him Dylan Farnum (sp?) because of that character on Doug that copies his style in that one episode and everyone says that Doug is copying him.
Isn't that weird that I decided that in a dream?
--
30
dad just came in and I was kind of an obnoxious cunt to him because I guess I'm kind of an obnoxious cunt lately just because I am so poor and delirious all the time.
--
This was not your averagely aces entry
(I don't really believe that about my writing, it was just ironic alliteration)
but you know,
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT???
GOD.
over and out
"The most mind-altering thing I've ever had was an orgasm, come on now."
--
I live a strictly secret agent existence these days.
I let the sick hip world crumble at my feet.
Dumb slut or old lover worry drained from blackheads; my pores have never felt so clean.
I live a strictly pipe smoke and wine glass existence these days.
And I watch over all of you now.
(with my dog, shakespeare)
--
I found it funny that earlier this year I considered coming home for the summer and asking officer domville how I would get into doing criminal photography and I ended up sitting on the other side of his desk with my mom (my attention keeps drifting to the assumedly confiscated gigantore bong sitting on the shelf behind his desk) asking him if I might be getting arrested anytime soon because I'd been told that I wasn't when the officers were at my house and I was confused as to why I was there in the first place.
It turned out that he was just kind of making sure I understood how everything would work considering that I am no longer a juvenile and that's actually pretty nice, but, you know, ENTIRELY different from what I thought a few month ago as to what would be happening when I saw him next.
Good story, bitch.
--
I played truth or dare jenga for the first time last night.
MY VERY FIRST GAME OF JENGA EVER!
Mark toppled the tower, if you were curious.
.... good story.... biotch.
--
I can always guess the next new or full moon, but I've been loving it's slivers lately.
Lonely is okay
(accepting it is the first step)
--
Wow, okay, so, don't do whipp-its.
It's just stupid to do and the chemicals in dust-off WILL KILL YOU
or else you'll just asphyxiate or die.
Plus, drunk bitches who "womp-womp" might spill beer.
It's just not a good situation.
So keep it to a tri-annual to never affair.
s'all I gotz to say.
but seriously.
WOMP WOMP MOTHERFUCKER.
goodstory,bitch.
--
Ryder and I have been drinking alot this summer.
I like drinking alot.
And writing.
Hey now, buk.
--
3:20 AM 6/30/06
Dad and I meet needing to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for the first time.
I am in there first and hear rustling while I am brushing my teeth and washing my face.
i refuse to believe that my dad is awake needing to use the bathroom because it's never happened before.
He uses it, just never at the same time as I am.
Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and I have a towel around my waist JUST IN CASE (because I was in a tank-top and unnndies) and THERE HE IS sitting on the couch in his bathrobe talking to Shakespeare.
"Who's a woofy doooggg, whoooo's a woofy dogggg."
And then i'm like... uh, hey, I'm sorry I had to brush my teeth and wash my face
and he's like...oh...no....it's fine... I just need to use the bathroom.
so funny.
and he goes back to talking to the dog and I go upstairs to my room and write this.
wow, bad story, whore.
--
My favorite middle of the nights are when Steve and I watch tv and roll joints and play with stewie.
--
The romantics - talking in your sleep
--
As an ode to previous Junes (now that this one is at it's bitter end) spent writing everyday,everyday
(with june related titles, I remember)
I will now post 30 excerpts from my secret journal.
One excerpt per day, as would make sense.
Hurr we go:
--
1
i'm delirious. someone get me a drink.
Happy june motherfuckers!
--
2
here was some kind of just. moment. where I could sense that he was trying to believe that it had happened for reasons having to do with my being discredible or something in order to convince himself that I'm not worth the time to waste on as he'd previously thought?
I don't know.
Something like that.
it doesn't bother me. I don't really want someone to be wasting time on me anyway.
--
3
i am -so- not invincible.
--
4
and I smile that retarded smile and I go to answer and drunk friend says, "why don't you just shut up and marry him so that everyone in the world can be happy"
--
5
Another night crawling in bed with:
the gray pillow
long clownfish pillow
icebat ugly doll
beaver stuffed animal
possibly shakeapeare
and yet, you know.
--
6
watched a sci-fi horror that dad had rented where aliens implant babies into human women.
you know, one of those.
it was called xtro.
--
7
I've been kind of worried about some things lately, mainly everything.
--
8
Today is thursday.
I've been writing, reading, looking over tapes, asking my dog when everything went wrong with us/myself, avoid going to the mall to buy shorts because it's recently started making me nauseated, and reading over math problems with misty eyes.
I need tuna fish.
and I need.
to understand this pain.
this pain. is pain. is pain. is pain.
--
9
I have to pick little sister up from school soon and take her to her hair appointment and then await 1 am when her, the boy who took her to prom (a good friend of mine), bestfriend, and I will drive down the shore in my car.
boy who took her to prom, who is one of the most sweethearts of a boy that I know, got a hotel room by the boardwalk and bestfriend and I predict another couple days of absolute ridiculousness.
The only problem is that I am mad broke.
motherfucker.
sigh, baby, miss me.
--
10
This entry brought to you by date-lying because on the 10th I was
1-2 driving to the shore
2-7 drinking
7-8 breakfast at a place called "just for breakfast"
8-8:15 walking back to my hotel room with bestfriend, stealing some huge signs
8:15- 11 sleep
11-2 laying on the beach
2:15-8 showering, dressing, drinking
8-9 dinner at fresh mex place overlooking the boardwalk
9pm-alllnight long: drinking
--
11
I fell asleep and dreamed that it was my birthday and that mom and stepdad were giving me a car and then I realized that I was dreaming based purely on how ridiculous the dream senario was.
--
12
You're supposed to drive around it backwards six times or something and then turn your headlights and the "devil posesses your car" or a "dead chick appears in the top tower window"
whatever.
we were all going to climb it via inching our backs up this really tight stone corner by one of the tower turrets.
it ended up that only robe and I did and it was much harder on the way down.
the door on the first ledge um balcony was cemented shut.
--
13
..... remember what tobey mcgquire says to his dad in pleasantville after his mom leaves his dad because she becomes colored.
something like..
i know you miss her, but, maybe it's not just the cooking and cleaning that you miss. Maybe it's something else, maybe you don't even know what it is until it's gone......and doesn't she look pretty like that? Doesn't she look just as beautiful as the first day that you met her?...........now..... don't you wish you could tell her that?
I think that's how it goes.
god, i love that movie.
Hey bud, why don't I just pin you?
That's silly mary sue, how could you POSSIBLY pin me?
rawr.
iwaitwaitwaittotackleyou
--
14
get it... you have nobody. you are nobody. you walk in a valley of nobody and nobody tells you what to do and you forget that nobody wants you to be their number one.
--
15
Good news: I got a 1000 dollar scholarship for college by being a good student!
More good news: tomorrow's my birthday!
--
16
My birthday hit at 1:30 this morning.
The only difference is that at that moment I could legally buy cigarettes......AGAIN...
bastards.
--
17
he told them that his name was jason huffenagel, priceless.
--
18
I think what I need more is a psycho-analysis considering the fact that I think that what's wrong with me is something beyond talking about my daily problems and working on fixing how I react to them or something.
it's something else, it's primal yet complex, it's got flavorrrrrrr and disease.
it's a gremlin screaming
--
19
okay girl, get into bed, I bet the comforters are cold....as ice.
(I want to be just as warm as your body if you were lying next to mine)
--
20
Fights that consist of the line, 'I mean, it's not like this is the first.....second..... third....or fourth time you've lied to me about something important like this" are fights that SHOULDN'T BE OCCURING.
--
21
A television tube replaced my heart, my heart
A television tube replaced my heart with all its technicolor
Television imagery of you and me behind the scenes
Just cut it out! It won't hurt. I promise I know
All about your problems, and if you would just
Let it out like I did, then you would see we're
Happy now. The freedom will come if you'll just
Cut it out
- dealership (tv heart)
--
22
I can't think of anything else to mention, except that I sort of feel like the world is much less mysterious now that we've seen a live giant squid.
DID YOU KNOW:
i've been waiting for this moment in history much of my life?
weird, huh?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/09/photogalleries/giant_squid/
there you go, kiddos.
--
23
Reckless and unemployed, I walked down New York Avenue this morning.
The day was instating itself, orange and pink flood the sky.
Birds are going cheerily berserk with a new start.
--
24
it takes us two shots of vodka and some time later before we find out that she was hit in the face by a little white bitch, her boyfriend's exgirlfriend.
After she was hit in the face, she proceeded to stab the girl several times.
She is 33 and has two kids.
She is black and irish.
She repeatedly shows us her old stab wounds, talks about being 33 with two kids, talks about how she shanked that bitch, and about bamboozle (for some reason)
--
25
I smoked insatiably.
Because I couldn't shake the feeling, I bought four movies on amazon.com (despite the fact that I am pretty much living off of my depleting savings)
it helped. alot, really, but I'm still very uneasy.
--
26
Read alot today. More of the hitch-hiker series, which I suspect I will be finished with pretty soon.
then best friend and I got into a fight and that was horrible because we never really fight like that and we were both crying and alloting time to not look like someone had hit us with a train before actually hanging out.
it felt better afteward and she, her boyfriend, and I went to my favorite burger place afterward.
then we drank lots of chianti at this boy's apartment and I met a FANTASTIC cat.
Later Rip Conway and I sat in his backyard and talked about convenient ways to get out of awkward situations.
I drank more wine with him.
there was lots of missions and mary j between.
but that's to be expected on any suburban night.
i wrote a pointless anecdote yesterday.
it was invigorating.
--
27
I started to dissemble the radio and found "I <3 James" written on top of one the rear speakers in permanent marker.
No doubt some drunk chick, I wince and I'm like fuck! who wrote on my stereo?!
and he says, hey! you gave it to me!
and I say WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! WHO WRITES THAT ON A SPEAKER??
--
28
that song "my style" by the black eyed peas featuring justin timberlake is pretty swwwwwweeeet.
--
29
I had a dream that I got a hamster for Easter and I named him Dylan Farnum (sp?) because of that character on Doug that copies his style in that one episode and everyone says that Doug is copying him.
Isn't that weird that I decided that in a dream?
--
30
dad just came in and I was kind of an obnoxious cunt to him because I guess I'm kind of an obnoxious cunt lately just because I am so poor and delirious all the time.
--
This was not your averagely aces entry
(I don't really believe that about my writing, it was just ironic alliteration)
but you know,
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT???
GOD.
over and out