i'd say, honestly, that 89.9 percent of the time, i'm completely content being myself. i like my plaid skirt and yukino pin. my red shoes on which i sewed a little girl picking flowres. i even like my terrible skin and messy hair. i like my blue eyes and the green framed glasses that make them hard to notice. i even like my too chubby middle ( Read more... )

life has been, picking up pace a bit ( Read more... )

things have semi-shifted back in place ( Read more... )

i feel so crappy.

crappy for lying. crappy for telling the truth. well - i didn't actually lie, but i feel like i did. by simply, not saying anything.

and, i don't know what to do about so many things right now. a big part of me really wants to avoid things. everything. but, alas i cannot.

i have to go to the bank. i want to go to sleep.

life is so unbelieveable sometimes. uneventful then overeventful... lonely then loved. and, i'm having a hard time balancing without dropping things. and, when i get drunk i have a tendency to hurt people's feelings and that's really unfair of me. however, i let people hurt my feelings repeatedly. that is also unfair of me. i should value ( Read more... )

i don't know where this is heading ... or if it will ever be read by the person who's eyes need to eventually see it. in honesty, all of it, i feel like i'm not living my life right now. i'm listening to this kings of convenience song 'homesick' and i feel as though its a soundtrack to my seemingly hopeless (but really not so much so) position. i ( Read more... )

lately i have been crying on the subway for no real reason. like, yesterday when i finished talking to phillip (the conversation in which he made fun of me the entire time i tried to tell him why my day was crap) i got on the train and my eyes filled with tears ( Read more... )

last night i had a very bizarre dream. thankfully it did not involve 'end of the world' events, but it was, nonetheless, bizarre. i remember i worked for/at a gallery. picking paintings/photographs. at one point i got brought up on stage at the mtv music awards to dance with sting (sting?!?!) and at another point, the duck (kelly) sent me a ( Read more... )

wow. i'm watching Saved By the Bell: The College years. i can remember watching A Different World and being so excited for college... truly, it provided this warped sense of what school would be like. However, in retrospect i think that is what college was like. i mean, if i had to be a writer of a college show, i would highlight a lot ( Read more... )

i recently finished this book, "a girl named zippy." it was instantly put into my top, i'd say, 5. w/PUSH, Curious Incident of ..., and Diary of A Teenage Girl. However, my top 5 change daily depending on my mood - but if you've read all 5 you can totally recognize the present state i'm in ( Read more... )