beware the ides of feb....
it's ten years since the first st harlequins day so let's take it back to the old skool, 'cause i'm an old fool and the good old heartbreak high has all the material you could want to mine for this kind of thing...
the following words constitute a religious observance, in memory.
a girl, i shall call "dee" was the first girl i ever liked. i was four years old and she had a collection of dandy and beano comics that half filled a medium sized cardboard box. i thought to myself, "one day, i'll have a bigger collection of comics that that.... "
we went to pre-school together and i would, occasionally, go over to her house, after school... we never kissed and we never held hands, far too young for that sort of thing, but i always enjoyed spending time around her. there's that ridiculous part of me that thinks, if she hadn't moved (and even then, we moved, two years later....), we would still know each other and, if not have the whole storybook romance childhood sweethearts thing going on, at least still be good friends. which might<> have influenced the way i deal with female relationships, to this day.
i moved to cairns at the age of 7 and to charleville at the age of 14 (just when interest in girls started to become interest in women) and back to the sunshine coast at the age of 16...
pivotal moments of my social life became affected by these decisions that were out of my control...
so, fuck you universe. fuck "dee's" parents for moving to where ever the hell they went, fuck the motherfuckers who kept me from my childhood friend who could have been so much more... lover, confidante, wife and mother of my children. that kept me from becoming a settled down, at ease regular joe with a family to support, working a regular job to pull in a regular paycheck to provide for those that i genuinely care for and love, like no others. living the dream of a house and a back yard with a large fence so we could keep a dog and, maybe, an above ground pool out in, i dunno, rochedale, for fuck's sake....
fuck you for keeping me in the hell of singledom and loneliness that will plague me to my grave. constantly keeping all possible interest at an arms length, because, dammit, you're only going to leave me, anyway, aren't you... if not because of your parents, because you've got a better offer, else where... or you're going to die... die and put me right back where i started, alone and hurting and writing letters that will never be read because they would never make a difference if they were.... i hate you all...
but finally, i can take comfort in knowing just one thing...
"dee", where ever you are.... i've got more comicbooks than you ever did.... and that means i won.
the fiend
or you know... maybe she grew up ugly...
the following words constitute a religious observance, in memory.
a girl, i shall call "dee" was the first girl i ever liked. i was four years old and she had a collection of dandy and beano comics that half filled a medium sized cardboard box. i thought to myself, "one day, i'll have a bigger collection of comics that that.... "
we went to pre-school together and i would, occasionally, go over to her house, after school... we never kissed and we never held hands, far too young for that sort of thing, but i always enjoyed spending time around her. there's that ridiculous part of me that thinks, if she hadn't moved (and even then, we moved, two years later....), we would still know each other and, if not have the whole storybook romance childhood sweethearts thing going on, at least still be good friends. which might<> have influenced the way i deal with female relationships, to this day.
i moved to cairns at the age of 7 and to charleville at the age of 14 (just when interest in girls started to become interest in women) and back to the sunshine coast at the age of 16...
pivotal moments of my social life became affected by these decisions that were out of my control...
so, fuck you universe. fuck "dee's" parents for moving to where ever the hell they went, fuck the motherfuckers who kept me from my childhood friend who could have been so much more... lover, confidante, wife and mother of my children. that kept me from becoming a settled down, at ease regular joe with a family to support, working a regular job to pull in a regular paycheck to provide for those that i genuinely care for and love, like no others. living the dream of a house and a back yard with a large fence so we could keep a dog and, maybe, an above ground pool out in, i dunno, rochedale, for fuck's sake....
fuck you for keeping me in the hell of singledom and loneliness that will plague me to my grave. constantly keeping all possible interest at an arms length, because, dammit, you're only going to leave me, anyway, aren't you... if not because of your parents, because you've got a better offer, else where... or you're going to die... die and put me right back where i started, alone and hurting and writing letters that will never be read because they would never make a difference if they were.... i hate you all...
but finally, i can take comfort in knowing just one thing...
"dee", where ever you are.... i've got more comicbooks than you ever did.... and that means i won.
the fiend
or you know... maybe she grew up ugly...