Hello everyone. I hope this community is still active, I know it's been a while since anyone posted anything. I can't believe I didn't think to come looking for a place like this sooner
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Wow, you have a lot on your plate. I'll see if I can't give you a few bits of advice. First off, whoever told the parents that there was a "carrier" for Turner's is absolutely wrong. Turner's is a random mutation that happens in the first few hours after conception. There is no carrier, no other factors that have been found, just a random thing that happens. I tell people that one of my daughter's X's got lost and went to Neverland
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I'd certainly applaud you for not wanting to medicate her into submission. That's all too common these days, with any behavior problem. Just to preface my remarks, though since I had the last post you may have already read it, I'm a 30 year old male whose only exposure to Turner's has been through a close friend who has it. But since the doctors feel there's no medical reason for her behavior, I'll chime in on the non-medical side of behavior
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Which brings us back to what mel said about non-verbal skills. The first step may be determining whether she does understand these things, and then holding her accountable for what she does understand and teaching her to understand the rest. Like all things involving children, it requires a near-endless supply of patience and an understanding that correcting the behavior is done not to ease your life (though it does that to), but for the child's benefit. Children who don't learn to behave well grow up to be adults who dont' behave well and give themselves a much more unhappy and lonely life than they could have had. Thinking through as yourselves and approaching correcting the behavior as an action of loving her enough to do what it takes to teach her to live right is important to your motivation and to her response.
I hadn't even thought about the divorce aspect. Her feelings, however strange they may seem to you, are very real to her. I have a friend that has a Turner's girl. When her daughter was 10 her daughter attempted suicide, partially because of a very nasty divorce where the dad was very horrible, up to and including trying to prevent 2 of her surgeries. She is a wonderful 13 year old now and doing so much better! There are 2 books that I recommend to any parents having problems with kids, even those that don't. "How to Talk to your Kids so they'll Listen and Listen so they will Talk" and "Sibling Rivalry" They are awesome, awesome books with tons of ideas. They can be hard to read sometimes, as they tend to show us parents some of the things that we do, whether we mean to or not, that cause our children to act the way they do.
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Which brings us back to what mel said about non-verbal skills. The first step may be determining whether she does understand these things, and then holding her accountable for what she does understand and teaching her to understand the rest. Like all things involving children, it requires a near-endless supply of patience and an understanding that correcting the behavior is done not to ease your life (though it does that to), but for the child's benefit. Children who don't learn to behave well grow up to be adults who dont' behave well and give themselves a much more unhappy and lonely life than they could have had. Thinking through as yourselves and approaching correcting the behavior as an action of loving her enough to do what it takes to teach her to live right is important to your motivation and to her response.
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There are 2 books that I recommend to any parents having problems with kids, even those that don't. "How to Talk to your Kids so they'll Listen and Listen so they will Talk" and "Sibling Rivalry" They are awesome, awesome books with tons of ideas. They can be hard to read sometimes, as they tend to show us parents some of the things that we do, whether we mean to or not, that cause our children to act the way they do.
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