The anticipation of living - that's what it is. That's the reason I was drowning in Ky - that's the reason even though I miss it I'll be drowning when I return. There's nothing to anticipate; I am so certain that my life there is fixed and that people's opinion of me has been defined by my absense that there becomes no sense of expectation which ( Read more... )

PORTRAITS, VII ( Read more... )

Complete abandonment of one's sense of self is impossible - maybe ( Read more... )

i'm going to stop freaking out about the changes that i am experiencing here and actually go back to what i was trying to do in the first place - record a more accurate account of the feelings and ideas that i was creating while i was here. it may be nice to freak out, but its pretty boring to read isn't it ( Read more... )

wtf is going on ( Read more... )

I'm so completely at a loss for words. I've done so many things here that just aren't me - but that in a way have released me from this prison of self-doubt.
I think last night is the only time in my life I have ever felt not ugly.

Classes are going fairly well - for it being a completely different system than what I'm acccustomed to. My first essay is due in November, and nothing else for any other class is due until Jan. It's really frightening ( Read more... )

so his name is graeme, phd student in geology, and we met in a pub.

when he kissed my hand
i think my heart stopped beating.
the last few days have been surreal and unexplainable-

i'm having an absolutely amazing time with life,
much more free than i've ever been before.

first trip outstide of Belfast was Saturday - a tour of the northern coastline ( Read more... )

things i have realized thus far ( Read more... )