chapter four
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
“Hey Blaine.”
“Kurt! How are you? I haven’t seen you for ages!”
Blaine’s grinning wildly and holding an arm out to Kurt, who can’t help wonder what Blaine means when he says ‘ages’.
“Don’t mind me - how are you feeling, Blaine?”
“Tired. Aren’t you going to give me a kiss?”
Kurt goes over to Blaine’s bedside, hesitantly holds their lips together, then draws in closer, and it’s a kiss of relief, of ages waiting, of love and remembrance and bonds of ribbon held tight and close and strong.
“I love you, Kurt,” Blaine whispers, for his ears only.
“I love you too, Blaine.”
-
Kurt doesn’t realise he’s doing it at first.
As he leaves Blaine’s room to get the pair of them a cup of coffee, some chocolate for Blaine, anything else he thinks might be nice, there’s suddenly a voice coming from behind him.
“well money slips into your hands
and then slips out like it was sand
and those shoes that you could never seem to fill
i've chased so much and lost my way
maybe a face for every day
that so casually slipped me by
oh, time moves on like a train
that disappears into the night sky
yeah, I still get that sad feeling inside to see the red tail lights wave goodbye
we'll grow old together
we'll grow old together
and this love will never
this old love will never die”
Of course he knows who it is. There’s only one other person in the room.
But it can’t be...
But it is, oh, it is; Blaine, who can’t remember his best friends, still has the lyrics to their wedding slow dance hidden somewhere.
Doctor Smith had said it, that he maybe just maybe could remember the music, and it’s true and he can and Kurt can’t help but smile as he joins in, the sound clear and bright and Blaine hasn’t been this happy since, well, Kurt can’t remember through the haze of recent nightmares or reality or both and they’re singing singing sparkling.
“morning comes
sometimes with a smile
sometimes with a frown
yeah so I never want to worry
if you're gonna stay around”
Yeah, Kurt’s definitely going to stay around.
He can’t believe he ever thought of leaving.
Because he’s still the same Blaine. The one he met on the Dalton staircase, who serenaded him with Katy Perry, who kissed him in the common room and danced with him at Prom. Who shared the most intimate of moments with him, who he married, who he loves with everything he’s ever known.
Who can’t remember any of it.
The smile Kurt and Blaine share once they finish isn’t entirely genuine.
And then Blaine begins to shake.
It starts in his fingers, and he stares down at them until he loses control of his arms and his eyes close and oh God he’s having a seizure quick quick and then Blaine just sighs and lies back.
“Blaine, are you okay?”
“I’m awake - Kurt! It’s you! I haven’t seen you in forever! You look beautiful.”
Something inside of Kurt shatters.
-
Is this what it’s going to be like?
Is he going to share these beautiful moments with Blaine, only for them to waste away in the air?
Will he be abandoned, left to be pulled apart by shaky memories held close?
Could this be how he’s stuck, trapped in a cycle of seconds repeating for years?
Is this it?
-
Kurt loves Blaine.
Kurt knows he loves Blaine.
He just doesn’t know if he could handle it.
-
That night is the first night in over a week when he doesn’t sleep in Blaine’s room.
He goes home, gets some space, tries to make a start on de-cluttering his mind.
-
The next morning, he goes back in to find Blaine laughing with Doctor Smith and one of the other nurses.
“Hello, Kurt! I’ve missed you so, so much!”
He holds out an arm, leaving the other by his side so as not to dislodge the drip while welcoming Kurt, who accepts the gesture, his arms around Blaine’s neck and kissing him on the cheek.
“Kurt, we were just saying that Blaine will probably be able to go home in a few days. He’ll need to be monitored, and we can arrange home visits if that’s what you’d like. But it might help to get him back into a familiar environment. You’re in a very good mood today, aren’t you, Blaine?”
“Of course! It feels good to be awake again, and to see Kurt, of course.”
Kurt can’t help but return Blaine’s smile enthusiastically, shining like streetlights in the dark.
-
“Hi there!”
“Kurt, is that you? How is everything? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Carole. Tired, but alright. How are you all?”
“We’ve been so worried about you, Kurt. It’s great to hear you’re doing okay.”
“Please, don’t worry. We’re coping fine just now. In fact, Blaine’s going to be able to come home in a few days, and I wondered if you’d like to come up and see us, give us a hand with everything.”
“That would be wonderful! All three of us will come - or did you just want me and your father?”
“No, no, Finn can come as well, if he’d like. If he can pull himself away from his latest girl, that is.”
“Of course, sweetie. We’ll get going as soon as we can and let you know when we’ll arrive once we know.”
“Brilliant. I look forward to seeing you all!”
“You too. I hope you’re okay, Kurt, and give my love to Blaine as well.”
“See you soon, Carole.”
“Bye, Kurt.”
Beep.
Kurt hopes she didn’t pick up on the sting lying in the undertones of his voice.
-
It’s later that day that Doctor Smith calls Kurt into her office.
“Be back soon!” Blaine calls as Kurt follows her.
She turns on the lights, rattles the blinds, pulls her chair out from around her desk to join Kurt and break the boundary.
“Kurt, I just wanted to have a word with you about Blaine’s care once he’s out of here.”
“I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to look after him.”
“That’s amazing, Kurt, but that’s not what I meant. Obviously, Blaine’s going to need regular checks, assessments. Some of these we could probably do at home. What I wanted to ask you is for your permission. I’d like to be able to have personal involvement in Blaine’s care, and also ask a couple of specialists to help me with charting Blaine’s progress. It’s just that I’ve developed an incredible curiosity about Blaine’s condition; it’s very rare, possibly the worst case ever seen, and I’d like to be involved, if you’d let me.”
Kurt needs a moment to take in all this new information.
Blaine’s not a science experiment.
He’s not some freak of nature, cruelly twisted into vines of ivy for her to play with.
But, how much harm could it do?
It could help.
It could lead to something new.
There might be new knowledge, things to be learnt from his...condition. And isn’t that what Blaine wanted to do? Teach? Make a difference?
Maybe he still could.
“Kurt? What do you think? You don’t have to give me an answer now, of course.”
“It’s definitely something to consider. What would it involve?”
“Well, I’d like to be able to take full responsibility for Blaine’s treatment. I’d make home visits and organise any times he needed to come in here for scans or other tests. As I said, I’d also like to invite a couple of other specialists to be involved; those who are well-known and respected amongst researchers in this sort of field. I’d like to be able to keep records of Blaine’s progress and, with your permission, possibly write up what we find for publication in a journal, something medical or psychological.”
“Okay. I think - I think that would be - yeah. We could do that. I think Blaine would be happy, knowing that he could help us learn something.”
“That’s fantastic. Thank you so much, Kurt. I’ll let you go back to him now.”
“Thank you, Doctor Smith.”
Just as he’s about to walk through the door, a call behind him makes him pause.
“Kurt, if we’re going to do this, call me Clare. I’d hate for everything to remain so formal.”
She smiles as Kurt tilts his head a little, considering.
“Thank you, Clare.”
-
Kurt and Blaine sit together that afternoon, fingers knotted, singing until their voices scrape rough in their throats and they run out of favourites. They’ll go through old times; Candles, Teenage Dream, Perfect, Without Love, Chasing Cars, Baby, It’s Cold Outside, Falling Slowly.
Blaine laughs, and Kurt does too, repressing the thoughts of what life used to be.
Thoughts of home.
-
Kurt greets his family just outside the doorway to Blaine’s room, kissing their cheeks, holding them in hugs a little too tight.
“It’s good to see you, Kurt. Though you look knackered.”
“Not surprised. A lot’s gone on these past two weeks.”
“Can we go and see him?” Finn asks.
“Of course. He’s coming home in a few minutes, Finn! But I warn you, he won’t recognise you. He might freak out. He might ask you strange questions, and ask you the same thing again a few minutes later. You have to be patient, okay?”
“Of course, honey. Shall we go and say hello?”
Carole pushes the door open, letting the others file in before her.
And sure enough, Blaine jumps at seeing Kurt once more, smiles, opens his arms and kisses him wildly.
“Who’s that with you?” he asks, a genuine, bright curiosity, like a child learning to explore the world.
“Blaine, this is my stepbrother, Finn, and my parents, Burt and Carole.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Blaine,” Carole tells him, her voice a little tentative.
Blaine seems to relax at her words, smiling up at them.
“You too.”
“We brought some clothes for you to change into, Blaine.”
And a neatly folded pile lands on the bed. Blaine leans over and immediately unscrews them.
“Time to go home, Blaine. We’ll just get all these things out of you, let you get changed and then you’re free to go, okay?”
“Thank you, pretty lady. What’s your name?” Kurt smiles; Blaine’s charm is still there, still alive and bright.
Blaine and Doctor Smith hold a brief conversation as she distances his mind from her actions, slowly withdrawing the needles from beneath Blaine’s skin before covering each well with a band-aid.
“We’ll leave you to get dressed now, Blaine. Let us know when you’re ready.”
“Goodbye pretty lady! Goodbye other people! Goodbye Kurt!”
-
“If there’s any problems, give me a ring, okay? You’ve got my number. If not, I’ll see you in a week. Are you ready to go now, Blaine?”
-
Blaine skips down the long hospital corridors and Kurt has to run to try and keep up. The others keep their distance, walk a few paces behind.
There’s an electricity to him, a gravity that pulls the stares of passers-by, draws a laugh from a young girl who claps her hands, and Blaine’s just happy to be alive. Alive and awake and away from the darkness that only he can comprehend.
chapter five