I wanted Blaine to get better too, all through writing this, but the knowledge that he won't, that he can't is what kept driving it forward for me. There are all those amnesia fics and stories where there's a spark or a trigger for memory to come back, and I love reading those, but what fascinated me about this is that his memory cannot possibly return, and how that would affect their lives so drastically. And not just their lives, but of those around them too, of Clare and Finn and Rachel and even going further, to Alistair (Clare's husband, who I've just realised I don't name until the last few chapters!) and others. While it has all these primary effects, it also has these secondary effects on other relationships - that's one reason why I really wanted to write from Clare's perspective as I did in the first interlude.
Sometimes I find micro glimpses of something (words and actions) that is trying to break through Blaine's mind but then I tell myself that I am imagining it because I so desperately want it. When he breaks his set pattern, why does he do what he does then? What makes him deviate? Why did he make that phone call? Why did he walk out those two nights? Why did he write those same lines over and over in his diary? I find this story so intriguing and these are some random stuff that just popped out. I know I am babbling. Please feel free to ignore.
Please don't apologise for the babbling - I do it frequently! Just thank you for taking the time to comment; knowing people's thoughts on what's happening is the best feedback to me, because I like seeing how another person's viewpoint differs from my own as an author.
I think my main factor for Blaine's unusual behaviour that I used during this story was change. He might not know what's happening, but he knows something's different, and the fact that he doesn't know why is what frightens him and causes him to act differently.
As for the diary, I think I mentioned in another reply to someone that it's a slightly-adapted line from the true story of the Wearings. And I thought it was perfect, because the only thought, the only constant in his life is Kurt, and, more than that, his love for Kurt. So when Kurt's not around him in person, the first thought on Blaine's mind that he can write down in the diary is for Kurt to be with him.
Those tiny glimmers of hope are so heartbreaking when followed by nothing. I feel for both Blaine and Kurt. The devotion they have for one another is beautiful, but I keep hoping for some sort of breakthrough. I can only imagine how deeply this impacts Kurt on a daily basis.
It's one of those things I think you can't fully understand unless you're in Kurt's situation. I certainly don't claim to understand it, but I do try to put into words the feelings I can only imagine someone in that situation must go through. I have to say if you want more insight into Kurt's feelings, do take a look at Forever Today by Deborah Wearing, which both inspired and acted as a constant resource while I was writing this.
I think you've pushed angst to a new level with this fic. It hurts so much, and there's no hope for a happier ending, just a new different life for the two of them. Though it pains me to read it, I can't stop because you capture the love so compellingly for both of them, and it's that love that makes me read Klaine fic in the first place.
Thank you very much! I have a bit of an angst streak, and when it comes out, it does so in full force! And trust me, it's only going to get angstier with the last part. But that love will still be there, and it's why I love writing them so much at hard times; you know that no matter what happens to them, it'll be their love that somehow hangs in there.
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Each part that you post seems so delicate and so carefully constructed. It's poetic in a way. I really love it.
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I wanted Blaine to get better too, all through writing this, but the knowledge that he won't, that he can't is what kept driving it forward for me. There are all those amnesia fics and stories where there's a spark or a trigger for memory to come back, and I love reading those, but what fascinated me about this is that his memory cannot possibly return, and how that would affect their lives so drastically. And not just their lives, but of those around them too, of Clare and Finn and Rachel and even going further, to Alistair (Clare's husband, who I've just realised I don't name until the last few chapters!) and others. While it has all these primary effects, it also has these secondary effects on other relationships - that's one reason why I really wanted to write from Clare's perspective as I did in the first interlude.
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I think my main factor for Blaine's unusual behaviour that I used during this story was change. He might not know what's happening, but he knows something's different, and the fact that he doesn't know why is what frightens him and causes him to act differently.
As for the diary, I think I mentioned in another reply to someone that it's a slightly-adapted line from the true story of the Wearings. And I thought it was perfect, because the only thought, the only constant in his life is Kurt, and, more than that, his love for Kurt. So when Kurt's not around him in person, the first thought on Blaine's mind that he can write down in the diary is for Kurt to be with him.
Thank you so, so much! <3
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Thank you <3
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