now we have this moment, and we can be proud [Arashi; Gen]
[Title] now we have this moment, and we can be proud
[Author] turtle_ai
[Disclaimer] I don't own Arashi, or Johnny's Ent. They do own my heart, however.
[Pairing] Aiba/Arashi
[Rating] G
[Summary] How Aiba comes to love Arashi, so, so much.
[Notes] Three thousand words, people. I struggled over this thing for so long, and I'm actually quite satisfied with it. Enjoy~ :D
Aiba has always used the word ‘love’ to describe everything. He loves the pale pink of the cherry blossom petals in the spring and the blue of the sky when the weather was good enough for puppies to visit and for kittens to lounge around outside in his backyard. He loves his family all at once so fiercely and he never forgets to announce it sometime in the middle of dinner because family dinners are everything, Aiba thinks, and the thought of them never loving him back has never crossed his mind. Aiba likes to think he loves everything in the world, but he doesn’t, because there are still some things he hasn’t yet experienced, and yet he wants to love anyway.
It is a wonderful, wonderful feeling; wanting to love.
So one day Aiba is watching television one day, sees SMAP on the screen, and grabs a cushion to his chest. The members of SMAP are playing basketball and they’re looking like they’re having such fin; before Aiba realizes it, he’s having fun as well, grinning at the television screen until his younger brother wanders in and tells him to shove over because he wants to blast zombies, now. Aiba just tackles him with the cushion he was clutching and giggles at his brother’s annoyed reaction.
He wants to love to play basketball with SMAP, too.
It’s why he finds himself handing an application for Johnny’s Entertainment in a couple of days later.
Aiba doesn’t tell his family about this until they question him about his singing in the washroom phase. I just want to play basketball with SMAP and have fun, too, he says, and his mother pulls him close, nods her head, and strokes his soft, soft hair, saying Oh Masa, you’re such a good boy. What am I going to do with you?
He doesn’t know what to think, because his mother said you’re such a good boy and what am I going to do with you in the same breath. He doesn’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, and so his lip is quivering, and his eyes are blinking fast.
He figures it’s a good thing when his father leans over, pats his shoulder in the way that made Aiba really feel like a grown man, and says, You’ll get in. You’ll definitely get in. We’ll be cheering for you.
Aiba swears his heart swells three sizes bigger.
--
He arrives at the agency with a grin that is about to split his face in half and a brand new basketball in his arms. He doesn’t know what Johnny’s are but he just wants to play basketball with them. He traces his index finger along the ridge of the ball, hoping for good luck, and makes his way down to the room. There are several other boys around his age, sitting around and apparently waiting to be called in as well, so Aiba hugs the basketball close to him and sits down on a comfortable-looking chair in the corner, wondering why they other boys didn’t bring basketballs with them, too.
Oh, maybe they provide them, Aiba thinks, and stares down at the floor. He could hide the ball in the washroom or something quickly before his audition, but he is sure that he’d forget how to get there later on.
Aiba Masaki.
He jumps when his name is called and looks to the door, where a short, rather plump young man is poking his head from behind the door. Aiba’s arms tighten around his basketball for a few short seconds and he stands up, bows, and slinks his way towards the door, mumbling a quiet thank you when the man holds it open for him.
His heart is beating in his stomach as he follows the man through several doors and passes lots of people. At one point, the man turns around and stares quizzically at the basketball in Aiba’s arms, and Aiba thinks that maybe he should have gone to leave the ball in the washroom, even if there was a high possibility of him getting lost. It wasn’t worth all the staring.
Aiba is told to walk straight from one point on and to turn left and go into the room on the far left. He stands outside the room and takes a deep breath. With one hand on the door handle and the other supporting his basketball, he closes his eyes and says to himself, This is it, and pushes the door open with a loud Excuse me bursting out of his mouth.
The room is quite large, and there is a huge mirror covering one wall to the side. In the room sit three chairs and a rectangular table. It doesn’t look like where one would play basketball at all.
Aiba is baffled.
A dark-haired man, sitting cross-legged in a chair located in the middle of the room, with glasses perched delicately on the bridge of his nose, taps his pencil on a clipboard resting in his lap. You are Aiba Masaki, correct? he asks, and Aiba nods, feeling his hands grow clammy.
The questions being asked are simple but require the kind of thinking that Aiba wasn’t quite used to doing; he tries his best to answer, anyway. None of the questions are about basketball, either - in fact, they had nothing to do with the sport, or any other sport.
Do you have any experience in singing?
Aiba nibbles on his lower lip. N-no, not really…
The man shifts his sitting position, clears his throat, and jots something down on his clipboard. He makes Aiba nervous. Then he claps his hands, stands up, and takes his glasses off, looking at Aiba expectantly.
Alright, let’s see you dance.
Aiba nearly drops his basketball. What?
--
It is only a little later that Aiba finds out that he is not auditioning to play basketball, which makes him upset for about a fraction of a second. But he is auditioning to be a Johnny - whatever that was. All he knows is that being a Johnny includes singing, dancing, appearing in magazines, and being an idol. Aiba isn’t sure if he’s ready for that kind of thing yet, but he wants to love doing that, too; if SMAP was having that much fun being a Johnny, maybe he would get to love the kind of fun assigned to him as well.
So he is entirely positive while waiting for the mail to come.
The mail has a specially marked envelope when Aiba’s brother collects it the next day. He throws the envelope at Aiba, says One sec, and then comes back with the rest of the family. When he sees Aiba staring at him, he nudges him, says, Go on, open it. Aiba feels immensely proud to have all of his family’s support with him. It’s only one reason why he loves them all so much.
Aiba clamps his lips together and tears the envelope open, eyes scanning the letter. They halt at the word Congratulations and when he drops the letter, says nothing, his family picks it back up to read it to themselves.
Soon, Aiba is yelling and shouting in the house and he’s choking his brother to bits, wrapping his long, gangly arms around his father and mother, saying Thank you, thank you, thank you over and over again. It is a breathtaking moment, and Aiba only realizes later that evening that his brother didn’t once call him an idiot that day.
Aiba grins so hard that he can’t sleep, and realizes that he loves that feeling, too.
--
A year later, Aiba is put into a group called M.A.I.N. It is an interesting, small group, with four members whose last names are arranged in the M.A.I.N. acronym. Matsumoto Jun, Aiba himself, Ikuta Toma, and Ninomiya Kazunari.
The atmosphere is more than slightly awkward at first, but the four of them learn to get along well backstage and while they are doing their photo shoot. Matsumoto is cheerful, with a toothy grin that always makes Aiba grin right back. Ikuta is never looking for trouble, is patient but not exactly quiet, and Aiba finds it so, so amusing when he and fellow troublemaker Ninomiya, who is in so many ways like his younger brother, squish the two of them, Ikuta and Matsumoto, together.
Aiba doesn’t know if he loves it, exactly, but he is grateful for Johnny’s Entertainment. He is glad to have met the three of them, because he learns to love more and more.
--
M.A.I.N. is to break up soon. Aiba is the only one in the group who is trying to hold back tears, and as they listen to the staff quietly, Ikuta is shooting quiet glances at Aiba, Matsumoto has his arm around Aiba’s shoulder, and Ninomiya is nudging him, whispering Don’t cry now, you idiot. You can cry later, but not now, okay?
Aiba is one hundred times thankful for having made such wonderful friends.
--
It has been confirmed that Aiba will be put into a new group. Aiba thinks it is troublesome to have to slot him around everywhere if he is just going to leave it soon after, anyhow. But there is nothing much he can really do, and well, there would be more friends to make. Aiba doesn’t mind, much.
The new group is called Arashi, he is informed, and they will be traveling to Hawaii. A bit of a confusing plan, thinks Aiba, but he guesses it will manage, somehow. And it looks like Matsumoto and Ninomiya will still be with him this time around as well. Aiba honestly can’t be happier, and he wishes Ikuta all the best.
Aiba hasn’t yet met the other two members, Ohno Satoshi and Sakurai Sho, but he hopes they will be nice. He has seen Sakurai around the agency, and he has heard that Ohno was really good at dancing, too. Aiba hopes they will all be able to get along.
He also hopes that he will be able to love loving Arashi, perhaps even more than he ever did love M.A.I.N.
--
Aiba knows he will love Arashi. He loves Ohno - Riida - who isn’t much like a Riida, but he is Riida anyway because Riida has this nice, my pace feeling about him. Riida has the ability to calm anyone down, or at least make no one mad. Riida makes the atmosphere light in the way that he does.
But when Riida tells Aiba that he had never wanted to become involved in Johnny’s in the first place, Aiba’s eyes widen. Riida tells Aiba that his mother had sent in his application for fun, and then waving it off and saying he wouldn’t get in anyway when he objected to the idea. Riida says that he went to the audition, not knowing anything, and managed to pass it. He wanted to quit, but there was never a chance to hear Johnny’s response, and so he continued to do what he didn’t want to do.
Aiba sniffs. It has been two years since Arashi’s debut, and two years since they started working together as a group, as Arashi.
Do you still want to quit? Aiba asks, his heart a little heavy and the usual brightness radiating from him dimming.
Riida stares at him for a while, thinking about it. Then his whole face breaks into a happy kind of smile and his nose crinkles.
Aiba smiles back, because he is happy, too.
--
Aiba also loves Sakurai, to whom he has already started calling ‘Sho-chan’. Sho-chan is always busy, trying to memorize lines for a script or appearing on a lot of different shows and always reading the newspaper. Aiba could never be as diligent or smart as Sho, really - but he doesn’t care much because Aiba is sure he has his own amazing qualities that he’s yet to find. There are always times when Aiba wants to envy Sho-chan, just a little bit - he did get into Keio University.
But when Aiba says this to Sho-chan one day, Sho-chan only raises his eyebrow, smiles, and shakes his head.
Aiba is confused.
If anything, Sho-chan says, looking at Aiba endearingly, I wish I was like you.
Aiba is still confused. Aiba is tall, lanky, and he giggles funny and is somewhat of a dork. He is always ridiculously happy and always seems to get smacked by people. Aiba has no idea why Sho-chan is praising him for being who he’s become.
You’re bright, says Sho-chan. You’re ridiculously bright and make other people smile, too. I wish I could do that, too.
Four years have passed since Arashi’s debut. Aiba thinks this is the most touching thing Sho-chan has ever said to him before.
He is grateful.
--
Ninomiya - or as Aiba addresses him now, ‘Nino’, has always been together with Aiba. Nino is snarky, mischievous, and a brat, but Aiba has long since loved Nino, and when Aiba loves, he never wants to hate. Nino has always kept to himself, never revealing anything secret. Aiba wants to pull his secretive side out, but even he knows that every person has a secret to bear. Aiba just wants to let Nino know that he is always there.
The first time Aiba sees Nino cry is when he talks about his parents’ divorce on television. They are small, silent tears rolling down Nino’s cheeks in a way that everyone sympathizes with.
But after the show has ended, Nino doesn’t talk much. Aiba moves over and sits with him until Nino’s head comes to lean on Aiba’s shoulder slowly. Nino cries differently than he does on television, Aiba realizes, his arm wrapped over Nino’s shoulder, saying nothing. Nino’s tears are raw and honest, so Aiba sits there for as long as Nino needs him to.
The next morning, Nino is bright and smiley and still doesn’t have much of an appetite, and that day, he calls Aiba an idiot with a fonder tone of voice Aiba has ever heard before.
Aiba laughs.
--
Matsumoto becomes someone that Aiba isn’t used to. Aiba is used to the smiley, baby-toothed Matsumoto Jun that is gangly and awkward and cute. Aiba is not used to the Jun that does not smile. Aiba is not used to the Jun that takes everything and anything all too serious.
Matsumoto Jun is cool and cold, and Aiba doesn’t know what that means but he is absolutely sure he does not like it. He does not want to love this Jun, but he knows he does anyway because it is still the lovable, dorky Jun somewhere inside.
So one day, Aiba sits down and decides to tell this new Matsumoto Jun about Aiba. Aiba loves animals, his family, and he loves being in Arashi. He loves being in Arashi, too. He loves Riida, he loves Sho-chan, and he loves Nino.
I also love Jun, Aiba tells him, and Jun turns his head to look at him with those dark, brown eyes. Aiba stares back, all of his honesty shown. I love Jun, lots and lots and lots.
There is a small pause, and Jun says, This is the first time you’ve acted like you were older than me. Jun lifts his head, smiles a real smile for the first time in what Aiba thinks is too long.
Aiba grins.
Jun grins right back. Thank you.
--
Arashi is in the middle of its tenth year together, and Aiba is being interviewed by a nice, young lady whom he takes a quick liking to. I love Arashi, he says, over and over again, beaming. I love Arashi. And he does. He loves what it’s become, possibly much more than he ever did love M.A.I.N. He did love M.A.I.N., but it lasted far too short for Aiba to love it enough.
The nice lady covers her mouth in a polite laugh. Aiba-san, you sure do use the word ‘love’ a lot, don’t you?
Aiba pauses. Is it bad to use the word love?
It isn’t, and it’s endearing, but the word ‘love’ is being used carelessly these days - you can say that you love anything, and when it comes to a person, the word ‘love’ won’t suffice.
Aiba has been using the word ‘love’ for as long as he can remember. But there is no other word he can use in order to describe what he loves.
Do you honestly think you ‘love’ Arashi, Aiba-san?
Aiba doesn’t know what to say anymore.
Aiba does love Arashi. Aiba loves Arashi so fiercely, with such a strong passion that he wouldn’t know what to do if there was no Arashi. Because Arashi is just important to him, and is it bad to say that he loves Arashi?
Arashi is Arashi because it is just Arashi and nothing will ever change Arashi for being just them.
Yes, Aiba says with all of his confidence. Yes, I do love Arashi.
Because in Arashi, Aiba has lots of fun. Aiba also gets tired easily; he has to wake up early, he needs to travel to different places to do different things, and sometimes he is just exhausted.
But he loves it anyway, because it has made him the kind of person he is today. He loves who he is today; he is the stupid, dorky, giggly member of Arashi, and he knows that he can’t be prouder.
Aiba still hasn’t gotten what he had first joined Johnny’s for. He still hasn’t played basketball with SMAP yet, and even though he is still hoping to, he is not all that worried about it anymore, because he can play basketball with Arashi instead. He knows it will be just as fun - maybe even more fun than playing with SMAP.
But Aiba loves Arashi, and that is all that matters to him.
Aiba is one thousand times grateful for having been put in Arashi.
Now, they can do anything.