Facades
Title: Facades
Pairing: KyuSung (Yesung x Kyuhyun)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: When things don't go as planned, Jongwoon has always sought refuge from reality in his sleep.
Written for kyusung_fest
Jongwoon absolutely hates it when people disturb his precious sleep. So when he wakes to the sound of loud voices yelling and a plate crashing to the ground, he buries his head further into his pillow while wishing that he could sleep as soundly as Hyukjae. He squeezes his eyes shut and wills himself to fall back to sleep, to go back into his dreams. To go back where everything is perfect. The voices get louder, and Jongwoon grimaces. Suddenly, the door is thrown open and light floods into his room.
Jongwoon wants to cry.
And then the light is gone as the door is slammed.
“Hyung, can I sleep here tonight? With you?”
Jongwoon grunts as Kyuhyun gently slips under the covers with him. The bed shifts, and Jongwoon rolls over slightly to give Kyuhyun more space.
“I’m sorry I disturbed your sleep. I won’t do it again, promise.” Jongwoon hums to let Kyuhyun know that he doesn’t mind, and lets sleep overtake him once more.
---
The koi in the pond swim around happily as the sound of birdcalls fill the air. Jongwoon breaks off crumbs from his bread and feeds the fish as he waits patiently for Kyuhyun to appear. He wonders if Kyuhyun isn’t too tired from his late night schedule, and worries that he shouldn’t have asked him to come.
The flurry of footsteps from behind him stops Jongwoon’s thoughts and he turns around to see his boyfriend. Jongwoon grins as Kyuhyun leans down and pecks him on the cheek.
“I still can’t believe we’re dating.”
“Me neither. I’ve wanted you to tell me you love me for so long that I had almost given up on it.”
“I’ve always had a soft spot for you, maknae.”
Jongwoon embraces Kyuhyun and the two of them sit in a comfortable silence as they watch the koi swim around in the pond.
---
Jongwoon pretends that he doesn’t know tears stream down Kyuhyun’s face every night when they lie down at night to go to sleep. The fight between Sungmin and Kyuhyun has escalated, and Kyuhyun can’t return to their shared room anymore. So instead, he seeks refuge in the room of Jongwoon. Soon, he becomes a permanent roommate.
Truth be told, Jongwoon doesn’t mind the extra company.
But when Jongwoon wakes up in the mornings from his dreams, he feels his heart clench when he sees the swollen eyes of the maknae. He gently wipes off a tear, a precious droplet that is intended for Sungmin, and reality hits him.
Kyuhyun isn’t his. And he never will be.
Jongwoon sighs as the positive feelings that he had felt before start to flood out of him and he leaves the room quietly. He never admits it to anyone, not even to Ryeowook, but he feels like hurting someone whenever he sees Kyuhyun cry. So instead, he drinks a cup of coffee, masks his emotions and plays with Kkoming. It took a lot of practice, but he eventually mastered the art of disguising his emotions, wants and needs.
---
Kyuhyun laughs as Jongwoon feeds him cotton candy, and Jongwoon smiles fondly at how cheerful the maknae sounds. The ferris wheel takes them up to the sky. Jongwoon links his hand with Kyuhyun’s and takes a bite out of the sweet, pink cloud.
Jongwoon feels a weight on his shoulder as Kyuhyun leans on him and hums a sweet, lilting melody. He stares out to the distance, enjoying the company, enjoying what it’s like to just be with Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun leans up and pecks Jongwoon on the cheek.
Everything is so perfect and beautiful in every way that Jongwoon almost cries.
---
Jongwoon is a stubborn asshole, so it took him a while to admit that his feelings for the maknae ran deeper than his affection for his other dongsaengs. He knew that things weren’t right when he would feel butterflies in his stomach when Kyuhyun would give him back hugs and act cute in front of him. At first, he tried to convince himself that it was because he is the maknae, but it just wasn’t the same when Ryeowook did it. And Kyuhyun and Ryeowook were practically the same age.
When Super Junior KRY was formed, he had spent increasingly more time with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. The three of them soon became inseparable. Even though Kyuhyun shared a room with Sungmin, he would always tell Jongwoon how he was his best friend. They called each other at midnight to wish each other happy birthday. Kyuhyun would always send Jongwoon photos of clothes for his approval before he actually bought them. Jongwoon asked Kyuhyun to help him pick out a puppy.
Jongwoon had no idea that he was being lured in by the maknae. Soon all he could think about was Kyuhyun.
But it was only when Ryeowook came and confronted Jongwoon about being in love with Kyuhyun that Jongwoon actually admitted to it. After making Ryeowook swear to not tell a soul (he ignored the snide comment about how it was blatantly written on his face), he sat down and thought long and hard. And decided that he wouldn’t risk it.
---
Jongwoon is at a bar. There is a singer onstage, singing a sultry song about love and lust. He sits at the bar and orders a drink. The smell of smoke overwhelms him, and he wonders why it’s so appealing to people to come to this place. In the corner, a couple is tightly locked together, attempting to suck each other’s faces of.
He frowns slightly, and voices out his question: “What it is about dim lighting and alcohol that allow people to throw away their embarrassment?”
“Well, you also need to factor in hormones and love.”
A voice behind him answers his question, and he turns around. Kyuhyun comes and wraps his arms around him as he turns around.
“Have you been waiting for a long time?”
“Is that what I’m doing?”
“Yes. You’re waiting for me.” Kyuhyun hands a glass to Jongwoon. “Let’s go over there and give that couple a run for their money.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk enough to make out with you in public?” Jongwoon takes the shot of vodka.
“Yes. Is it working?”
“Maybe.”
The night is spent with whispers of endearments, roaming hands and kisses.
---
Jongwoon is a dreamer.
It’s one of the reasons why he never takes any risks. After all, Jongwoon can never lose what he never had. It was easier to long for something, because there was always that one percent chance that they could come true. If Jongwoon faced an outright rejection, then even that one percent would be gone.
So instead of confessing his feelings, Jongwoon watches over Kyuhyun.
He wishes that it was his arm that Kyuhyun held onto, not Siwon’s. Or that he was the one who was hugging him on stage all the time, not Sungmin. Or that it were his lips that touch Kyuhyun’s cheeks, not Heechul’s.
But it was his room Kyuhyun went to when he was seeking comfort from nightmares, illness or fights with Sungmin. Kyuhyun would always just slip into his bed, and Jongwoon would go to sleep with a smile. It helped knowing that when it mattered, Kyuhyun would turn to him rather than the other members.
Jongwoon doesn’t want to ruin anything by taking that leap of faith. He knows that the one percent chance could easily be lost forever.
---
As they hold hands before the dawn, Jongwoon gently squeezes Kyuhyun’s hand and points to the sky.
“Can you see that star over there?”
“Where?”
As Kyuhyun looks up to the sky trying to find the star, Jongwoon smirks and kisses him on the cheek. He feels Kyuhyun stiffen for a second, and then Jongwoon can’t help but laugh at the surprise that is written all over Kyuhyun’s face.
“You should be used to this by now.”
“I can never get used to you, hyung. Now why don’t you kiss me properly, especially as the sun is about to rise?”
They share a sweet, lingering kiss as the world awakens slowly. Jongwoon looks into Kyuhyun’s eyes and both of them smile at each other, as their fingers remain interlocked.
---
On the tenth day of what the members liked to refer to as “world war three,” Sungmin and Kyuhyun called truce. The two made up and were chatting to each other happily when Jongwoon returned home from the salon. Jongwoon felt a pang in his chest, but he masked his disappointment and smiled as he ruffled Sungmin’s hair.
“I’m glad you guys are okay again.” No, he wasn’t glad. But sometimes lies were called for.
“Yeah, me too. I’m glad my best friend is back.”
“So I guess you’re moving out of my room then, right Kyu?”
Sungmin and Kyuhyun fall silent, and Jongwoon doesn’t miss the glance that they share.
“Uh, Jongwoon hyung? I kinda got used to Ryeowook sharing my room - Kyuhyun stays up too late when he plays Starcraft. Is it okay if he stays in your room?”
“Sure.” Jongwoon shrugs nonchalantly, and walks back to his room. He hears hushed whispers outside, but he can’t stop himself from grinning. At least he gets to keep Kyuhyun to himself at night.
He rubs his chest to ease the slight pain.
He doesn’t know what Sungmin and Kyuhyun were arguing about, and truth be told, he didn’t want to know. What he doesn’t know can never hurt him. He closes his eyes to compose himself as Kyuhyun knocks on his door.
“Sorry Kyu, I was changing. I need to go out now - I have a date.”
Lies slip off Jongwoon’s tongue more and more easily as the days go by.
---
Jongwoon and Kyuhyun hail a taxi and get in breathlessly as they shut their phones off. Their eyes meet, and both of them burst into laughter.
“We finally escaped from the managers!”
“They’re going to be so mad at us.”
“But it’s our first anniversary.”
Kyuhyun grabs Jongwoon’s hands, and he wonders how they seem to fit perfectly even though there’s a difference between the sizes. Jongwoon smiles as Kyuhyun tells the driver the address of the SM building where they had first met each other during their trainee days. Kyuhyun thinks he is being the sneaky maknae by planning a serenade in the practice room where they had first met each other, but Jongwoon had already figured out what was going on when one of the composers asked him why Kyuhyun wanted a solo version of ‘Your Eyes’, complete with a piano score.
Later Jongwoon feigns surprise as Kyuhyun’s fingers play the piano flawlessly.
---
For as long as Jongwoon can remember, dreams and sleep have always been positive. Reality tends to fall apart when he wakes. But for the first time in his life, Jongwoon finds himself absolutely hating that route away from the real world as he stares at Kyuhyun. The maknae refuses to wake up, refuses to leave his dream world.
One thing Jongwoon never considered was the possibility that he could lose Kyuhyun without taking chances. He never thought it could happen, but it nearly did. And Jongwoon experienced the pain of having his dreams crushed before he even gave it a shot for the first time in his life. He feels the one percent chance of dreams becoming reality fade away as Kyuhyun lies motionless in front of him.
Sungmin is crying by Kyuhyun’s bed, Ryeowook is comforting Sungmin while trying to stop his own tears from flowing. Jungsu sits in the corner, mentally blaming himself for not taking proper care of the maknae. Hyukjae and Donghae look lost and scared. Siwon is praying. Heechul is texting updates to Han Geng, who is worrying in a different country. Zhou Mi is suffering from a migraine. Henry is playing Kyuhyun’s favorite songs on the violin, hoping it would wake him up. Youngwoon and Kibum are both breathless as they rush to the room, shocked at how still Kyuhyun is. Donghee is staring blankly at Kyuhyun.
Jongwoon is still having troubles accepting the reality that his beloved maknae overdosed on sleeping pills. He wants to curl up and escape, but he can’t. Not when Kyuhyun refuses to wake up.
---
“Hyung!”
Jongwoon stares at Kyuhyun as he runs over from across the field and flings his arms around Jongwoon. They both land on the grass in a heap. Kyuhyun buries his face in Jongwoon’s shoulder as he bursts into laughter.
“The look of shock on your face - that was priceless.”
They stroll along the path that winds between trees and flowers, holding hands and enjoying the silence. Kyuhyun keeps glancing at Jongwoon, wondering why there is a frown on that beautiful face of his.
“Kyu-ah, why are you here?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t understand what Jongwoon is trying to ask him. Jongwoon sighs in exasperation, and gestures at the their park, at their surroundings, at everything. They reach the swing set, one that looks exactly the same as the one a few blocks down from the dorm. Both of them sit down and start rocking back and forth. Kyuhyun rearranges his thoughts until he arrives at the answer to Jongwoon’s question.
“You won’t be with me there, so I came here to find you.”
Kyuhyun waits for a response, but all he hears is the creaking of the metal rings of the old swing set as Jongwoon flies higher and higher. The maknae gets up and sits on a nearby bench until Jongwoon gets off the swings and walks towards him. Jongwoon kneels in front of him and takes his hands.
“It’s not right. It’s not real. Kyu-ah, come back to the real world. I need you there more than I need you here.”
---
For two days and two nights, Jongwoon refuses to sleep. He stays by Kyuhyun’s bedside, even though all the members take it in turn to try and convince him that he needs to take a rest. His eyes are bloodshot, and his hands tremble a bit from all the caffeine that he’s taken in.
But he knows he can’t leave Kyuhyun alone in this state. So Jongwoon sings all of Kyuhyun’s favorite songs, constantly strokes his cheek and tells the unconscious maknae that he loves him.
“It’s not right. It’s not real. Kyu-ah, come back to the real world. I need you here more than I need you there.”
When Jongwoon feels his eyes shutting involuntarily, he tries to grab another cup of coffee again. But his mug is gone, and instead he sees a bottle of water. Sungmin is watching him warily.
“Min, can you grab hyung a cup of coffee?”
“Hyung. You need to sleep. Kyuhyun wouldn’t be happy if he realized what you’ve become because of his stupid actions.”
“I need to be waiting for him. Kyu is sleeping enough for the two of us right now.”
Sungmin grabs Jongwoon’s collar, and raises a hand to slap him. Jongwoon stares defiantly into Sungmin’s eyes, and Sungmin lowers his hand with a sigh.
“Do you know what Kyuhyun and I were arguing about two weeks ago?”
“No.”
“Aren’t you curious?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to know. I just want Kyu to come back.”
“Kyuhyun is in love with you, you idiot.”
When Jongwoon doesn’t react, Sungmin takes a deep breath and continues to talk.
“Kyuhyun-ah, I’m sorry. I really tried to keep your secret. I did.” He turns back to the sleep-deprived Jongwoon. “I told Kyuhyun to man up and tell you how he felt. He was always worried that you didn’t return his feelings. Apparently one look at you in that practice room seven years ago, and he was a goner. He knew that you were the one. But he didn’t want to risk losing you to these feelings of his when he wasn’t sure if you felt the same. In fact, he was convinced that you didn’t. I threatened to tell you about it, but he lost his temper at me and wouldn’t talk to me for ages…we only made up when he realized that it was an empty threat on my part.”
Jongwoon’s vision starts to blur slightly as Sungmin starts crying.
“He would wake up and tell me how beautiful his dreams were, how you were with him every night. He said that it was too painful to wake up and have to remember that you weren’t his, that you date people that weren’t him. I never realized that he thought the solution was just to sleep forever.”
Jongwoon’s tears start to fall as he grasps Kyuhyun’s hand tightly.
“Kyu-ah, come back. Come back to me. I love you, Kyu-ah. I love you.”
The tears that are on Jongwoon’s cheek are rubbed off weakly. Kyuhyun’s eyes are half-open, and his voice is barely a whisper.
“Hyung, please don’t cry.”
And Kyuhyun’s eyes close again.
---
“Hyung!”
Kyuhyun spots Jongwoon by the window of the café, looking out into the distance at the river and the setting sun. Kyuhyun sits opposite him, and orders a caramel macchiato in flawless Italian. The waitress brings it to him with extraordinary speed.
“Why are you here again?”
Kyuhyun smiles as he sips his drink. He wonders why it doesn’t taste as good as the one he had when he was with Jongwoon three years ago. The Jongwoon in front of him looks at him with speculation.
“I think I can be happy there.”
“Yes Kyuhyun, you can. He loves you too. You should know now.”
“I still want to come and say goodbye though. Thanks for keeping me sane all these years.”
Jongwoon scoffs at the word sane. He stares into Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“I’ll always be here for you Kyu. After all, I’m just a figment of your imagination.”
“But I’ve got the real deal now. Reality won’t collapse on me anymore.”
Kyuhyun leans over and kisses Jongwoon. His lips curve upwards as he tastes the bitter americano.
---
Jongwoon absolutely hates it when people barge into his room without knocking. So when light floods into his room, he wants to yell at whoever just intruded. It had taken a long time to coax Kyuhyun to sleep - after what had happened, Kyuhyun refuses to sleep as easily. It was as if his subconscious had become afraid of never waking up again.
Ryeowook smirks at the image of a half-naked Kyuhyun sprawled over Jongwoon, but it soon falters as he sees the murderous expression on Jongwoon’s face.
“Hyung-”
“Do you have any idea how hard it was to get this kid to sleep? I swear, if you wake him up…”
Ryeowook gets attacked by flying pillows, and runs out of the room. The door closes behind him. Kyuhyun shifts slightly in his sleep, but he has a smile on his face and his hand grasps Jongwoon’s tightly. Jongwoon presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead and closes his eyes, letting the slow rise and fall of Kyuhyun’s chest guide him into sleep.
---
A/N: I'm still on hiatus - this was written during my summer - college has been keeping me busy. Do let me know what you think of this! I don't remember what else about this, but yeah. Comments appreciated!
And for everyone who has been patiently waiting for my stuff...I'm so so so so sorry! I'll be writing these few days (promise!) since it's Thanksgiving break and I don't have anything on my agenda. I'll try to post something! There's quite a few ideas floating around in my head, and maybe I'll be able to write something.
Love you all! -sends hearts-
Pairing: KyuSung (Yesung x Kyuhyun)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: When things don't go as planned, Jongwoon has always sought refuge from reality in his sleep.
Written for kyusung_fest
Jongwoon absolutely hates it when people disturb his precious sleep. So when he wakes to the sound of loud voices yelling and a plate crashing to the ground, he buries his head further into his pillow while wishing that he could sleep as soundly as Hyukjae. He squeezes his eyes shut and wills himself to fall back to sleep, to go back into his dreams. To go back where everything is perfect. The voices get louder, and Jongwoon grimaces. Suddenly, the door is thrown open and light floods into his room.
Jongwoon wants to cry.
And then the light is gone as the door is slammed.
“Hyung, can I sleep here tonight? With you?”
Jongwoon grunts as Kyuhyun gently slips under the covers with him. The bed shifts, and Jongwoon rolls over slightly to give Kyuhyun more space.
“I’m sorry I disturbed your sleep. I won’t do it again, promise.” Jongwoon hums to let Kyuhyun know that he doesn’t mind, and lets sleep overtake him once more.
---
The koi in the pond swim around happily as the sound of birdcalls fill the air. Jongwoon breaks off crumbs from his bread and feeds the fish as he waits patiently for Kyuhyun to appear. He wonders if Kyuhyun isn’t too tired from his late night schedule, and worries that he shouldn’t have asked him to come.
The flurry of footsteps from behind him stops Jongwoon’s thoughts and he turns around to see his boyfriend. Jongwoon grins as Kyuhyun leans down and pecks him on the cheek.
“I still can’t believe we’re dating.”
“Me neither. I’ve wanted you to tell me you love me for so long that I had almost given up on it.”
“I’ve always had a soft spot for you, maknae.”
Jongwoon embraces Kyuhyun and the two of them sit in a comfortable silence as they watch the koi swim around in the pond.
---
Jongwoon pretends that he doesn’t know tears stream down Kyuhyun’s face every night when they lie down at night to go to sleep. The fight between Sungmin and Kyuhyun has escalated, and Kyuhyun can’t return to their shared room anymore. So instead, he seeks refuge in the room of Jongwoon. Soon, he becomes a permanent roommate.
Truth be told, Jongwoon doesn’t mind the extra company.
But when Jongwoon wakes up in the mornings from his dreams, he feels his heart clench when he sees the swollen eyes of the maknae. He gently wipes off a tear, a precious droplet that is intended for Sungmin, and reality hits him.
Kyuhyun isn’t his. And he never will be.
Jongwoon sighs as the positive feelings that he had felt before start to flood out of him and he leaves the room quietly. He never admits it to anyone, not even to Ryeowook, but he feels like hurting someone whenever he sees Kyuhyun cry. So instead, he drinks a cup of coffee, masks his emotions and plays with Kkoming. It took a lot of practice, but he eventually mastered the art of disguising his emotions, wants and needs.
---
Kyuhyun laughs as Jongwoon feeds him cotton candy, and Jongwoon smiles fondly at how cheerful the maknae sounds. The ferris wheel takes them up to the sky. Jongwoon links his hand with Kyuhyun’s and takes a bite out of the sweet, pink cloud.
Jongwoon feels a weight on his shoulder as Kyuhyun leans on him and hums a sweet, lilting melody. He stares out to the distance, enjoying the company, enjoying what it’s like to just be with Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun leans up and pecks Jongwoon on the cheek.
Everything is so perfect and beautiful in every way that Jongwoon almost cries.
---
Jongwoon is a stubborn asshole, so it took him a while to admit that his feelings for the maknae ran deeper than his affection for his other dongsaengs. He knew that things weren’t right when he would feel butterflies in his stomach when Kyuhyun would give him back hugs and act cute in front of him. At first, he tried to convince himself that it was because he is the maknae, but it just wasn’t the same when Ryeowook did it. And Kyuhyun and Ryeowook were practically the same age.
When Super Junior KRY was formed, he had spent increasingly more time with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun. The three of them soon became inseparable. Even though Kyuhyun shared a room with Sungmin, he would always tell Jongwoon how he was his best friend. They called each other at midnight to wish each other happy birthday. Kyuhyun would always send Jongwoon photos of clothes for his approval before he actually bought them. Jongwoon asked Kyuhyun to help him pick out a puppy.
Jongwoon had no idea that he was being lured in by the maknae. Soon all he could think about was Kyuhyun.
But it was only when Ryeowook came and confronted Jongwoon about being in love with Kyuhyun that Jongwoon actually admitted to it. After making Ryeowook swear to not tell a soul (he ignored the snide comment about how it was blatantly written on his face), he sat down and thought long and hard. And decided that he wouldn’t risk it.
---
Jongwoon is at a bar. There is a singer onstage, singing a sultry song about love and lust. He sits at the bar and orders a drink. The smell of smoke overwhelms him, and he wonders why it’s so appealing to people to come to this place. In the corner, a couple is tightly locked together, attempting to suck each other’s faces of.
He frowns slightly, and voices out his question: “What it is about dim lighting and alcohol that allow people to throw away their embarrassment?”
“Well, you also need to factor in hormones and love.”
A voice behind him answers his question, and he turns around. Kyuhyun comes and wraps his arms around him as he turns around.
“Have you been waiting for a long time?”
“Is that what I’m doing?”
“Yes. You’re waiting for me.” Kyuhyun hands a glass to Jongwoon. “Let’s go over there and give that couple a run for their money.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk enough to make out with you in public?” Jongwoon takes the shot of vodka.
“Yes. Is it working?”
“Maybe.”
The night is spent with whispers of endearments, roaming hands and kisses.
---
Jongwoon is a dreamer.
It’s one of the reasons why he never takes any risks. After all, Jongwoon can never lose what he never had. It was easier to long for something, because there was always that one percent chance that they could come true. If Jongwoon faced an outright rejection, then even that one percent would be gone.
So instead of confessing his feelings, Jongwoon watches over Kyuhyun.
He wishes that it was his arm that Kyuhyun held onto, not Siwon’s. Or that he was the one who was hugging him on stage all the time, not Sungmin. Or that it were his lips that touch Kyuhyun’s cheeks, not Heechul’s.
But it was his room Kyuhyun went to when he was seeking comfort from nightmares, illness or fights with Sungmin. Kyuhyun would always just slip into his bed, and Jongwoon would go to sleep with a smile. It helped knowing that when it mattered, Kyuhyun would turn to him rather than the other members.
Jongwoon doesn’t want to ruin anything by taking that leap of faith. He knows that the one percent chance could easily be lost forever.
---
As they hold hands before the dawn, Jongwoon gently squeezes Kyuhyun’s hand and points to the sky.
“Can you see that star over there?”
“Where?”
As Kyuhyun looks up to the sky trying to find the star, Jongwoon smirks and kisses him on the cheek. He feels Kyuhyun stiffen for a second, and then Jongwoon can’t help but laugh at the surprise that is written all over Kyuhyun’s face.
“You should be used to this by now.”
“I can never get used to you, hyung. Now why don’t you kiss me properly, especially as the sun is about to rise?”
They share a sweet, lingering kiss as the world awakens slowly. Jongwoon looks into Kyuhyun’s eyes and both of them smile at each other, as their fingers remain interlocked.
---
On the tenth day of what the members liked to refer to as “world war three,” Sungmin and Kyuhyun called truce. The two made up and were chatting to each other happily when Jongwoon returned home from the salon. Jongwoon felt a pang in his chest, but he masked his disappointment and smiled as he ruffled Sungmin’s hair.
“I’m glad you guys are okay again.” No, he wasn’t glad. But sometimes lies were called for.
“Yeah, me too. I’m glad my best friend is back.”
“So I guess you’re moving out of my room then, right Kyu?”
Sungmin and Kyuhyun fall silent, and Jongwoon doesn’t miss the glance that they share.
“Uh, Jongwoon hyung? I kinda got used to Ryeowook sharing my room - Kyuhyun stays up too late when he plays Starcraft. Is it okay if he stays in your room?”
“Sure.” Jongwoon shrugs nonchalantly, and walks back to his room. He hears hushed whispers outside, but he can’t stop himself from grinning. At least he gets to keep Kyuhyun to himself at night.
He rubs his chest to ease the slight pain.
He doesn’t know what Sungmin and Kyuhyun were arguing about, and truth be told, he didn’t want to know. What he doesn’t know can never hurt him. He closes his eyes to compose himself as Kyuhyun knocks on his door.
“Sorry Kyu, I was changing. I need to go out now - I have a date.”
Lies slip off Jongwoon’s tongue more and more easily as the days go by.
---
Jongwoon and Kyuhyun hail a taxi and get in breathlessly as they shut their phones off. Their eyes meet, and both of them burst into laughter.
“We finally escaped from the managers!”
“They’re going to be so mad at us.”
“But it’s our first anniversary.”
Kyuhyun grabs Jongwoon’s hands, and he wonders how they seem to fit perfectly even though there’s a difference between the sizes. Jongwoon smiles as Kyuhyun tells the driver the address of the SM building where they had first met each other during their trainee days. Kyuhyun thinks he is being the sneaky maknae by planning a serenade in the practice room where they had first met each other, but Jongwoon had already figured out what was going on when one of the composers asked him why Kyuhyun wanted a solo version of ‘Your Eyes’, complete with a piano score.
Later Jongwoon feigns surprise as Kyuhyun’s fingers play the piano flawlessly.
---
For as long as Jongwoon can remember, dreams and sleep have always been positive. Reality tends to fall apart when he wakes. But for the first time in his life, Jongwoon finds himself absolutely hating that route away from the real world as he stares at Kyuhyun. The maknae refuses to wake up, refuses to leave his dream world.
One thing Jongwoon never considered was the possibility that he could lose Kyuhyun without taking chances. He never thought it could happen, but it nearly did. And Jongwoon experienced the pain of having his dreams crushed before he even gave it a shot for the first time in his life. He feels the one percent chance of dreams becoming reality fade away as Kyuhyun lies motionless in front of him.
Sungmin is crying by Kyuhyun’s bed, Ryeowook is comforting Sungmin while trying to stop his own tears from flowing. Jungsu sits in the corner, mentally blaming himself for not taking proper care of the maknae. Hyukjae and Donghae look lost and scared. Siwon is praying. Heechul is texting updates to Han Geng, who is worrying in a different country. Zhou Mi is suffering from a migraine. Henry is playing Kyuhyun’s favorite songs on the violin, hoping it would wake him up. Youngwoon and Kibum are both breathless as they rush to the room, shocked at how still Kyuhyun is. Donghee is staring blankly at Kyuhyun.
Jongwoon is still having troubles accepting the reality that his beloved maknae overdosed on sleeping pills. He wants to curl up and escape, but he can’t. Not when Kyuhyun refuses to wake up.
---
“Hyung!”
Jongwoon stares at Kyuhyun as he runs over from across the field and flings his arms around Jongwoon. They both land on the grass in a heap. Kyuhyun buries his face in Jongwoon’s shoulder as he bursts into laughter.
“The look of shock on your face - that was priceless.”
They stroll along the path that winds between trees and flowers, holding hands and enjoying the silence. Kyuhyun keeps glancing at Jongwoon, wondering why there is a frown on that beautiful face of his.
“Kyu-ah, why are you here?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t understand what Jongwoon is trying to ask him. Jongwoon sighs in exasperation, and gestures at the their park, at their surroundings, at everything. They reach the swing set, one that looks exactly the same as the one a few blocks down from the dorm. Both of them sit down and start rocking back and forth. Kyuhyun rearranges his thoughts until he arrives at the answer to Jongwoon’s question.
“You won’t be with me there, so I came here to find you.”
Kyuhyun waits for a response, but all he hears is the creaking of the metal rings of the old swing set as Jongwoon flies higher and higher. The maknae gets up and sits on a nearby bench until Jongwoon gets off the swings and walks towards him. Jongwoon kneels in front of him and takes his hands.
“It’s not right. It’s not real. Kyu-ah, come back to the real world. I need you there more than I need you here.”
---
For two days and two nights, Jongwoon refuses to sleep. He stays by Kyuhyun’s bedside, even though all the members take it in turn to try and convince him that he needs to take a rest. His eyes are bloodshot, and his hands tremble a bit from all the caffeine that he’s taken in.
But he knows he can’t leave Kyuhyun alone in this state. So Jongwoon sings all of Kyuhyun’s favorite songs, constantly strokes his cheek and tells the unconscious maknae that he loves him.
“It’s not right. It’s not real. Kyu-ah, come back to the real world. I need you here more than I need you there.”
When Jongwoon feels his eyes shutting involuntarily, he tries to grab another cup of coffee again. But his mug is gone, and instead he sees a bottle of water. Sungmin is watching him warily.
“Min, can you grab hyung a cup of coffee?”
“Hyung. You need to sleep. Kyuhyun wouldn’t be happy if he realized what you’ve become because of his stupid actions.”
“I need to be waiting for him. Kyu is sleeping enough for the two of us right now.”
Sungmin grabs Jongwoon’s collar, and raises a hand to slap him. Jongwoon stares defiantly into Sungmin’s eyes, and Sungmin lowers his hand with a sigh.
“Do you know what Kyuhyun and I were arguing about two weeks ago?”
“No.”
“Aren’t you curious?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to know. I just want Kyu to come back.”
“Kyuhyun is in love with you, you idiot.”
When Jongwoon doesn’t react, Sungmin takes a deep breath and continues to talk.
“Kyuhyun-ah, I’m sorry. I really tried to keep your secret. I did.” He turns back to the sleep-deprived Jongwoon. “I told Kyuhyun to man up and tell you how he felt. He was always worried that you didn’t return his feelings. Apparently one look at you in that practice room seven years ago, and he was a goner. He knew that you were the one. But he didn’t want to risk losing you to these feelings of his when he wasn’t sure if you felt the same. In fact, he was convinced that you didn’t. I threatened to tell you about it, but he lost his temper at me and wouldn’t talk to me for ages…we only made up when he realized that it was an empty threat on my part.”
Jongwoon’s vision starts to blur slightly as Sungmin starts crying.
“He would wake up and tell me how beautiful his dreams were, how you were with him every night. He said that it was too painful to wake up and have to remember that you weren’t his, that you date people that weren’t him. I never realized that he thought the solution was just to sleep forever.”
Jongwoon’s tears start to fall as he grasps Kyuhyun’s hand tightly.
“Kyu-ah, come back. Come back to me. I love you, Kyu-ah. I love you.”
The tears that are on Jongwoon’s cheek are rubbed off weakly. Kyuhyun’s eyes are half-open, and his voice is barely a whisper.
“Hyung, please don’t cry.”
And Kyuhyun’s eyes close again.
---
“Hyung!”
Kyuhyun spots Jongwoon by the window of the café, looking out into the distance at the river and the setting sun. Kyuhyun sits opposite him, and orders a caramel macchiato in flawless Italian. The waitress brings it to him with extraordinary speed.
“Why are you here again?”
Kyuhyun smiles as he sips his drink. He wonders why it doesn’t taste as good as the one he had when he was with Jongwoon three years ago. The Jongwoon in front of him looks at him with speculation.
“I think I can be happy there.”
“Yes Kyuhyun, you can. He loves you too. You should know now.”
“I still want to come and say goodbye though. Thanks for keeping me sane all these years.”
Jongwoon scoffs at the word sane. He stares into Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“I’ll always be here for you Kyu. After all, I’m just a figment of your imagination.”
“But I’ve got the real deal now. Reality won’t collapse on me anymore.”
Kyuhyun leans over and kisses Jongwoon. His lips curve upwards as he tastes the bitter americano.
---
Jongwoon absolutely hates it when people barge into his room without knocking. So when light floods into his room, he wants to yell at whoever just intruded. It had taken a long time to coax Kyuhyun to sleep - after what had happened, Kyuhyun refuses to sleep as easily. It was as if his subconscious had become afraid of never waking up again.
Ryeowook smirks at the image of a half-naked Kyuhyun sprawled over Jongwoon, but it soon falters as he sees the murderous expression on Jongwoon’s face.
“Hyung-”
“Do you have any idea how hard it was to get this kid to sleep? I swear, if you wake him up…”
Ryeowook gets attacked by flying pillows, and runs out of the room. The door closes behind him. Kyuhyun shifts slightly in his sleep, but he has a smile on his face and his hand grasps Jongwoon’s tightly. Jongwoon presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead and closes his eyes, letting the slow rise and fall of Kyuhyun’s chest guide him into sleep.
---
A/N: I'm still on hiatus - this was written during my summer - college has been keeping me busy. Do let me know what you think of this! I don't remember what else about this, but yeah. Comments appreciated!
And for everyone who has been patiently waiting for my stuff...I'm so so so so sorry! I'll be writing these few days (promise!) since it's Thanksgiving break and I don't have anything on my agenda. I'll try to post something! There's quite a few ideas floating around in my head, and maybe I'll be able to write something.
Love you all! -sends hearts-