Waters of Lethe
Title: Waters of Lethe (1/2)
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: YeKyu (Yesung x Kyuhyun)
Genre(s): Romance, Fantasy, Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: Kyuhyun spends all of his life searching for Jongwoon because Kyuhyun remembers everything and Jongwoon remembers nothing at all.
Won’t you come back to me?
Everyday I call out your name
As I wait, exhausted, I wander and look for you
- Memories
.:..:..:..:..:.
There are times when Kyuhyun believes that his memories are both a gift and a burden. At times he feels blessed because he remembers and is able to recognize his soulmate regardless of whatever form he or she will take, but at times it can be a burden because it means that he is forever searching for his other half.
Plato thought that humans were split into two, condemned to look for their other half. But the truth of it was that it was their souls, not their bodies, which were split into two. Sometimes, thanks to the water of Lethe that each soul is required to drink before reaching Elysium and moving onto reincarnation, some souls don’t even remember that they have another half, and they go on for lifetimes and centuries wandering, wondering what was that aching emptiness in their hearts.
But Kyuhyun remembers everything. His soulmate doesn’t.
Kyuhyun sometimes wonder why his soulmate never seems to remember to break the rules and not drink the water of Lethe. Kyuhyun tells him over and over again, reminding him even as they pass the Styx. But he never listens, and Kyuhyun is the only one who searches and searches.
Sometimes it takes a whole lifetime, and they reunite in their late sixties, both with children and grandchildren. Sometimes they find each other immediately, grow up as childhood sweethearts and attain that happily ever after.
But sometimes, Kyuhyun doesn’t find him at all.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Reincarnation is a strange thing for those who remember. Kyuhyun can remember all the lives he’s lived, all the souls that he’s ever interacted with. He remembers the different countries, continents that he’s lived on. He remembers all the love he’s received from family and friends.
Sometimes he might not be reincarnated as a man. There have been plenty of times when Kyuhyun found himself as a woman, and his soulmate was a man. And there have been times when he was a man, and his soulmate was a woman. Although Kyuhyun doesn’t care what gender and form they come in as long as they find each other, he finds that things are a lot simpler if they fit in the traditional paradigm of lovers being consisted of a man and a woman. There have been times when both of them were men, and there have been times when both of them were women.
Gender had never come between them though. Although society shunned them, they had each other, and that was enough.
They’ve lived through all the major world events. Sometimes they would be in the right places at the right times. But sometimes they would be on opposites sides of the country, of wars, of the sea. Kyuhyun is pretty sure that if he took some of the events that have happened to the two of them in their past lifetimes and wrote about them, he could make billions. They have been through more events that were more tragic than anything Shakespeare could even imagine, and Kyuhyun is positive that people would love to just sympathize with the poor lovers that have been through the roughest waters.
Reincarnation is strange thing for people who know it exists. It is completely random, and where you ended up really depended on how lucky you were. If you are lucky, you will be born into a good family, receive a good education, get a good job and meet the love of your life because the two of you were born in a relatively close proximity to each other.
Kyuhyun has been lucky and he has been unlucky. He has yet to find out if he’s lucky this lifetime, and if the fates have decided to be good to him.
.:..:..:..:..:.
This lifetime, he is born as Cho Kyuhyun and he grows up in Seoul, Korea. He is born into a good family that has a rather privileged background. Although he doesn’t mind being female, he is a little relieved to find that he isn’t. He shudders at the thought of going through childbirth again, and decides that it’s something he can live without.
He isn’t born with his memories, but he gradually attains them one by one as his brain develops. He would have dreams at night, and soon he realizes that they come from his past lives. He starts paying attention to the people around him, but he soon realizes that none of them are the one that he’s looking for. In his teenage years he dates a few girls for fun to pass the time, but he knows that deep down, they can’t fill the void that he’s so desperately looking to fill. They were always so heartbroken when he eventually ends the relationships, and he feels guilty because they’re all great souls, but they’re not the souls for him.
In high school, he joins a band on a whim. His voice was terrible in his past lifetime and he sorely missed making music. But as his voice is decent this lifetime, he agrees to it when a couple of classmates ask. Surprisingly, he enjoys it much more than he used to, and contemplates going into music. He was never famous in his past lives, and he wondered what it would be like to be in the limelight. Part of him wonders if his soulmate would recognize him if he was on TV.
His parents were strongly opposed to the idea, wishing for him to become a lawyer, but Kyuhyun stands his ground and makes it clear that he wants to become a singer. They finally relent, giving him the condition that he does well on his college entrance exams.
Kyuhyun eventually passes with flying colors, and he goes for an audition for SM Entertainment.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When Kyuhyun brushes against his soulmate on the subway, he thinks that this lifetime is one filled with luck for the first time. He had just gotten out of band practice and was trying to get on the crowded subway when someone arm brushes against him as they try to get off the train. Kyuhyun feels a warm, tingly feeling, and realizes that the feeling is a familiar one. He doesn’t see the person’s face, and the doors of the subway close before he has a chance to chase after.
He isn’t a hundred percent sure, but he thinks he sees a man stop and touch his arm before the subway speeds off and he loses sight of the platform.
He laughs in disbelief at how his first encounter with his soulmate this lifetime fits the stereotypical meeting of lovers, one that could easily be in a romance drama or a cheesy film aimed at couples. It seems a little ridiculous that he would be so close to his soulmate, yet so far. But it was hard to wipe the smile off his face. Kyuhyun is relieved to know that at least this time, they have been blessed with the fact that they are in the same city. He has found his other half under more unlikely circumstances, and he sleeps a little better at night knowing that at least they could look at the same moon and stars at the same time.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When Kyuhyun makes it into SM Entertainment, he is neither ecstatic nor overjoyed. His mind has been constantly flooded with the image of the back of the man who stopped and touched his arm on the subway platform. He wonders where the man is now and how he can possibly find him in the hectic city of Seoul. His mind is so preoccupied with these thoughts that he doesn’t remember to be nervous about going to training sessions for the first time.
But he soon forgets about his soulmate as he suffers from the torture that comes in the disguise as dance practice. Kyuhyun has never been a dancer, and he doesn’t know why management suddenly decided that it was a good idea to place him into a dance group. As beads of sweat trickle down his face and neck, he questions himself and whether or not he really wants to do this. As soon as they are given a break, Kyuhyun lies facedown on the floor and feels the ache in his legs. He recalls how even training in the army hadn’t been this intense, and makes a note to never become a dance-group idol in South Korea ever again.
He finally steadies his breathing and sits up. He hears the other trainees suddenly gasp as a few members of the new boy band, Super Junior, enter the studio. Kyuhyun hurriedly stands up as the other trainees stiffen and bow towards their seniors, and keeps his eyes on the floor.
“It’s nice to meet you all. I heard the thirteenth member is here?”
He hears one of the trainers answer, and the next thing he knows is that his name is being called out. He looks up towards the idols, and for a moment he feels a little unsure of himself. But when he sees the man furthest to his right, his eyes widen in shock. He recognizes something in the other’s eyes, and his face falls as he notices the lack of recognition in them. He doesn’t remember Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun can’t blame him. It’s been centuries since the last time he was able to remember Kyuhyun within an hour, and Kyuhyun knows that he shouldn’t expect too much. He smiles slightly as he comforts himself that it’s already a miracle to find him before the age of twenty, let alone find him in the same company that he’s in.
“Kyuhyun, do well. We’ll see you much more once you’re done with your training.”
He watches as they leave, whispering to each other. Kyuhyun couldn’t help but pick up on the an underlying hostility, but he grins like an idiot as he realizes that he’s going to be in the same group as the love of his many lifetimes.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Kyuhyun later finds out that his name is Jongwoon, and he goes by the stage name of Yesung. Art like voice. Kyuhyun likes how it sounds, and he knows that Jongwoon probably likes it too. He asks all the trainees who have been there for a longer period of time, and they would tell Kyuhyun all the things they’ve heard about the guys in Super Junior. He finds out that Jungsu has been in the company since forever, and if there are any questions, he’s the guy to go to. Heechul is the one that is conceited and arrogant, but that is also part of his charm. Siwon is the one that seems to have it all. Ryeowook is the one that is extremely talented and debuted with just two months of training. And Jongwoon is the one who is introverted and quiet, the one that doesn’t talk as much as the others and has an absolutely gorgeous voice that everyone is jealous of.
He quietly observes Jongwoon from afar, and he monitors every performance of Super Junior’s, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. He realizes that Jongwoon doesn’t have that much screen-time, but if he concentrates hard enough, he can hear Jongwoon’s voice throughout their songs. At night, he listens to their music with his eyes closed and the lights off, and he thinks he knows Jongwoon’s voice so well that it proves he is borderline obsessed with the man.
However, Kyuhyun remains optimistic. The gap between them is merely a few meters, and he is determined to make it work for them this lifetime.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When two halves of a soul are near to each other, sometimes memories of their past lives will be regained. Jongwoon sometimes only took sixty seconds to remember who Kyuhyun is. Other times, he took days, weeks, month and sometimes years to remember who Kyuhyun is.
Kyuhyun never rushed him, because there was no point if he didn’t remember it all by himself. The most Kyuhyun could do in the past was try and prompt him slowly, encourage him to remember the lives that they’ve lived before. Kyuhyun had once lost his patience and attempted to speed the process up. It goes without saying that Jongwoon had completely freaked out when Kyuhyun tried to explain the concept of soulmates and the afterlife, and he had cut Kyuhyun off from his life. Jongwoon had married another person and they had ended up having ten grandkids while Kyuhyun lived alone with cats. It taught Kyuhyun a valuable lesson that things like these can’t be rushed, and Kyuhyun became a lot more patient.
So he watches over Jongwoon from a distance, waiting for the day he becomes a part of Super Junior and waiting for the day Jongwoon finally remembers who he is and how they’re meant to be together.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When Kyuhyun finally moves officially into the Super Junior dorm, he couldn’t be happier when he hears he is sharing a room with Jongwoon. He eagerly brings his luggage to his new room on the eleventh floor, but the sight he is greeted with couldn’t be further from what he imagined. Jongwoon is glaring at him through narrowed eyes, and Kyuhyun wonders if he’s offended Jongwoon in any way.
It one thing to keep wishing that Jongwoon would realize that they are two halves of a whole, but it’s another having him hate his very existence. Kyuhyun talks to Ryeowook, who he becomes good friends with, and finds out that Jongwoon was against having a new member. Kyuhyun realizes that Jongwoon doesn’t see him as anything but competition, someone who is here to steal his lines and screen time. Kyuhyun tries time and time again to change Jongwoon’s determination to hate him.
But Jongwoon has always been a stubborn one, and Kyuhyun knows better than anyone else how stubborn he can be.
It hurts Kyuhyun to be at an arm’s length from Jongwoon, to be able to watch him sleep at night and not be able to hold him like he longs to. It’s been too long since they’ve been able to find each other within the first twenty years of their lives, and Kyuhyun is frustrated by the fact that he has watch over Jongwoon patiently, waiting for him to stop hating Kyuhyun’s guts and for him to slowly realize what they are.
A beam moonlight escapes between the curtains, and shines upon Jongwoon. Kyuhyun hugs his knees, and watches the rise and fall of Jongwoon’s chest as he breathes in and out. A tear slowly makes its way down Kyuhyun’s cheek, but Kyuhyun quickly wipes it off.
He should be thankful that he has Jongwoon so close to him. He shouldn’t be too demanding - at least, not yet. Jongwoon mumbles and moves in his sleep, and Kyuhyun smiles at how some things never change.
Kyuhyun is determined. He is going to make Jongwoon stop hating him, and then he is going to make Jongwoon fall in love with him. The rest can come later. His heart can’t take it when Jongwoon hates him and ignores him, attempting to pretend that he doesn’t exist even though they share the same room. His heart can’t take it when he can’t even hold Jongwoon the way he wants to because Jongwoon doesn’t remember anything.
Kyuhyun has never hated Jongwoon more for drinking that damn water even though he tells him time and time again that he shouldn’t.
He lies down and goes to sleep, determined to make things work out. After all, fate brought them together already. The rest is all up to Kyuhyun.
.:..:..:..:..:.
tbc.
.:..:..:..:..:.
A/N: The first part in the two-shot. I was actually trying to write something cute and fluffy, but this sprouted out instead. I've had this idea floating around in my mind for a while, and I thought it was about time I wrote it. Not sure when I’ll be posting the 2nd part, but phoenix_soar told me to post this, so here it is.
Comments are loved and appreciated (:
Side note: Lethe is one of the rivers in the afterlife that make you forget all your memories as a human if you drink from the waters.