Waters of Lethe
Title: Waters of Lethe (2/2)
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: YeKyu (Yesung x Kyuhyun)
Genre: Romance, Fantasy, Angst
Rating: PG
Summary: Kyuhyun spends all his life searching for Jongwoon because Kyuhyun remembers everything and Jongwoon remembers nothing at all
Hold me tightly in your arms
Keep me from wandering
And I won’t stray anymore.
.:..:..:..:..:.
For as long as Jongwoon can remember, he has always been plagued with dreams.
They would come to him in bits and pieces ever since he was still a little boy, fragments of lives that he has never lived. At first he had thought that they were memories, but soon he realized how it wasn’t possible. It didn’t make sense that he would "remember" when he met a beautiful boy with gorgeous blonde hair and the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen where there weren’t any foreigners to be seen in Kangwon. Or that he would "remember" studying hard to become a doctor, when he had no desire what so ever to go into the field of medicine.
So he simply dismissed them as dreams of a young boy. Dreams of lives that he wished he lived. Dreams of lives he would never live. After all, all he wanted was to support his family and help them lead a better life. All Jongwoon wanted was to be able to earn money, and give back to the parents that sacrificed so much to give both him and his brother an education.
To support his mother, who went against his wishes (and his father’s wishes) and enrolled him in an audition, because she thought that he deserved a chance at sharing his voice with the world, and to achieve his dreams.
Jongwoon didn’t know he wanted to become famous, to become a singer.
But his mother knew before he even realized it was what he wanted. Mothers always knew.
So when he was accepted into an entertainment agency, he swore that he would become famous and earn lots of money. To give back to his family to support them and help them lead a better life. It was the least that he could do after all that they had done for him.
The one dream of his that mattered was going to become accomplished. The rest - the fragments - soon became forgotten. Except for the pair of hauntingly beautiful eyes that would appear in his dreams from time to time, refusing to fade away.
.:..:..:..:..:.
It had been years since Jongwoon had a dream so vivid that he woke up disoriented when he suddenly woke up unsure of who he is in the middle of the night. His head ached, and he reached over to grab his water bottle.
“I love you.”
Three words echoed around in his head, and a pair of eyes that seemed familiar was etched onto his brain. Jongwoon frowned as he tried to remember the contents of the dream.
Everything had seemed bright and white and floral. A girl in a lengthy white dress stood in front of him. She was young and beautiful, but Jongwoon had only focused on the eyes. Hazelnut eyes.
“Aren’t we lucky that things worked out this lifetime?”
He had felt warmth in his hands as he held onto hers, and he had leaned in to give her a kiss.
The surging happiness that filled his heart filled Jongwoon, and suddenly his head starts to throb again. His heart feels a pang, and he wondered why he suddenly had such a dream. He starts to think back to his day and can’t think of any stimulus that would have caused it. It had been an ordinary day, and all he had done was go to training and then head back home. He had felt light-headed when he had gotten off at his stop off the subway, but that had nothing to do with marriage or with this feeling of happiness. It had only been a state of confusion.
Jongwoon lay down again once the headache subsided, and stared at the ceiling for a long time before finally falling into a dreamless sleep.
.:..:..:..:..:.
The dreams continued since that random day when he woke up from marriage. But strangely they had gradually become longer and more detailed, causing Jongwoon to remember some of the fragments of dreams from his childhood. The dreams that he had once dismissed and buried had started to emerge once again.
A few recent dreams had seemed to be extensions of his old dreams, completing some of the stories and providing more details. That one time when he bumped into a handsome young man called Jean-Pierre on the streets of Paris turned out to be the third time Jongwoon met him. Or that his first meeting with Maria was in the amusement park, and it had been love at first sight for both of them. And he had grown up as childhood sweethearts with Dong, who eventually became his husband.
It was crazy, and Jongwoon knew that it was abnormal that he remembered so much in such detail. But Jongwoon thought nothing more of it, and dismissed it as a side effect of the stress from work, and the incredible amount of pressure due to the upcoming debut.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When the news that a thirteenth member would be added, Jongwoon had opposed it strongly. He was determined to hate whoever management had deemed talented enough to join them - after all, what could this Cho Kyuhyun possibly have that the twelve of them didn’t have already? After all the effort that they had put into the debut, and garnering enough attention to convince the company that they needed to stay, here was a nobody who would just ride on their coattails.
So when Jungsu had announced that he was going to take a look at the new member, Jongwoon had followed along due to his curiosity. He wanted to see this special trainee who was allowed to join a group that had already debuted. He had been expecting a handsome, super talented boy who radiated the feeling of being special and superior. But when he saw Cho Kyuhyun that very first time in the dance studio drowned in his own sweat, he furrowed his brows and wondered what was special about him. He looked very ordinary to Jongwoon, and Jongwoon couldn’t understand the logic behind his addition.
But then their eyes met, and Jongwoon felt the world around them freeze. There was something familiar about those eyes, but Jongwoon couldn’t pinpoint where he had seen or felt that gaze before. Cho Kyuhyun smiled at him brightly, and Jongwoon thought that Kyuhyun was cute for the first time. Then he quickly shook the thought off, and chastised himself in his head, reminding himself that this was the competition.
The new member kept his eyes on Jongwoon the whole time, even when the others were talking to him, and it made Jongwoon nervous. He admitted that Cho Kyuhyun was charismatic and charming, and was bound to garner a lot of attention. The hearts of fangirls were fickle, and he could easily imagine teenage girls swooning over Kyuhyun and his breath-taking gaze.
As they left for one of their schedules, Jongwoon glanced back at Kyuhyun once more. He has resumed dance practice, and Jongwoon snickered at the awkward movements. He wasn’t as good as dancing as Hyukjae, he can’t possibly be more talkative than Jungsu. Even if his voice is beautiful, there was no way he could hit notes that neither Jongwoon nor Ryeowook could.
Jongwoon left the dance studio convinced that Kyuhyun’s addition was a useless one. But that night, Kyuhyun’s eyes came back to haunt him in his dreams.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Jongwoon woke up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down his face. He lifted his fingers up to his cheek and wiped away the wet droplets, trying to remember why he was crying.
War. Bloodshed. A whispered apology.
I’m sorry. I’ll find you during our next lifetime. Promise I’ll make it work no matter what.
And then the image of a bullet headed straight towards him.
Jongwoon rubbed his temples as he tried to remember why he might have had the dream. He hadn’t been watching any war movies lately, and lately there hadn’t been any conversation about anything that would have triggered such a dream. He found his eyes unconsciously move towards the sleeping boy on the air mattress on the floor of his room.
I’ll find you during our next lifetime.
Jongwoon shook his head, convinced that he was going crazy. It wasn’t possible that he could remember his dream in such clarity that he could tell that the voice in his head sounded exactly the same as Kyuhyun’s voice. He shut his eyes, trying to erase the horrific images of his companions being ruthlessly shot down, and tried to soothe himself to go back to sleep for the sake of being refreshed and energetic for their early schedule the next morning.
The sound of Kyuhyun’s breathing soon lulled him into a dreamless sleep.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Kyuhyun had been roommates with Jongwoon for a month when Jongwoon came to the conclusion that Kyuhyun has masochistic tendencies. Jongwoon tried his best to ignore the boy - after all, he is the competition; he came here to compete with Jongwoon. The scary thing about SM and Super Junior is that you never know when they might decide to replace you. Jongwoon isn’t popular, and he could easily disappear from the entertainment business when management deems that he is no longer an asset.
But even though Jongwoon was horrible to Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun kept telling Jongwoon that he loves and admires him and tried to spoil the older vocalist at every chance he got. He bought Jongwoon’s favorite snacks, gave him warm honey and lemon water when his voice showed signs of becoming sore and he stopped Jongwoon from biting his nails. The colder Jongwoon was towards Kyuhyun, the more Kyuhyun tried to cling onto him.
“Hyung, can’t you be a little nicer to him? He really wants you to like him you know…”
Ryeowook’s constant nagging doesn’t make Jongwoon any nicer though. After all, Jongwoon knew that if he let his guard down around Kyuhyun, he would crumble completely and let the boy in. The walls Jongwoon had built already started to falter a little bit, and he didn’t want it to break down any more.
So Jongwoon continued to be mean to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun continued to try and wedge his way into Jongwoon’s heart.
.:..:..:..:..:.
The dreams continued, and they took Jongwoon on an emotional rollercoaster. At times he would wake so happy his face hurt from all the smiling, and at other times he would wake up in cold sweat with fear passing through his whole body. There were times when he would wake up and no longer remember where he was or who he was.
Jongwoon soon hated sleeping.
He hated the fact that he would be carried away by these dreams, and he hated how he seemed to have no control over his subconscious. They even started to interfere with his daily life - they soon started to infiltrate his mind even when he was awake. Jongwoon wondered if being constantly under the spotlight was too much pressure for him to handle, if it was due to all the stress of being a celebrity.
He was sitting on his bed while staring into nothing, wondering why Michael had looked at him with such hurt in his eyes when he didn’t recognize him at the king’s court, when Kyuhyun walked in.
“Hyung? What are you doing?”
“Do you think it’s weird to be obsessing over people in your dreams?”
“What do you mean?”
Jongwoon wondered why he even bothered to tell Kyuhyun, but Kyuhyun’s ears seemed to perk up and he seemed interested in what Jongwoon had to say. If Jongwoon didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought that Kyuhyun looked hopeful.
“I…have these dreams, and I don’t know why but I can’t forget them. They’re so detailed and part of me feels like they’re somehow real. Sounds silly right? I don’t even know why I told you this. I think I’m just stressed.”
Jongwoon let out an exasperated sigh and lay down on his bed, missing the disappointed look on Kyuhyun’s face.
.:..:..:..:..:.
It wasn’t until Kyuhyun moved out of Jongwoon’s room that Jongwoon realized how much the younger member grew on him during their time as roommates. He actually missed having Kyuhyun around, and found himself increasingly jealous of the obvious brotherly love that was developing between Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
It was illogical, but part of him felt betrayed. It felt like Kyuhyun had replaced him with Sungmin, and it didn’t sit well with Jongwoon at all.
When Jongwoon woke up from another one of his dreams and couldn’t go back to sleep, he realized how soothing Kyuhyun’s presence in the room had been. There was something almost familiar about his presence, and it would keep him grounded and remind him of where he is when he woke up.
Something in him made him want to be together with Kyuhyun. And no matter how he fought it, that overwhelming feeling of affection would just come back doubled.
So when Jongwoon wandered into the living room after he decided that sleep had abandoned him, he instinctively went to wrap his arms around Kyuhyun when he saw Kyuhyun crying on the sofa. He used his thumb to gently wipe off the tears from Kyuhyun’s face and hugged him.
“What’s wrong?”
Kyuhyun pressed his face into Jongwoon. Kyuhyun mumbled an answer, and his lips tickled the base of Jongwoon’s neck.
“Why do you never remember?”
Jongwoon felt his heart break, and suddenly he started to feel nauseous. Voices fill his head, some male some female, some older and some younger.
I finally found you! How could you be hiding here all along?
Don’t you remember who I am?
I told you not to drink the water but you drank it again, didn’t you?
Why do you never remember?
Why do you always drink that stupid water?
You still don’t remember me even though you’ve known me for more than ten years already?
You’re already married? Why do you never wait for me?
Why am I the only one who ever suffers?
Can you give me less heartache?
The voices in Jongwoon’s head made him want to scream. Tears rolled down his eyes as they gave him a headache, the onslaught of resentful questions felt too much to bear. Each word pricked his brain. The thought that “it shouldn’t be this painful, it never is this painful to remember” struck him before he gave in to unconsciousness.
.:..:..:..:..:.
When Jongwoon opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Hyukjae looming over him worriedly. His head felt like a steamroller had just rolled over it, and his lips were dry and chapped. Hyukjae handed him a glass of water and a white pill.
“Kyuhyun told me to give you something to get rid of a headache. Here.”
Kyuhyun.
Jongwoon wanted to see Kyuhyun. He had so many questions for him, but the younger boy was nowhere in sight.
“Where is Kyuhyun?”
“He went out for a schedule. He wouldn’t leave your bedside until Jungsu reminded him of his responsibilities.”
“I see.”
Jongwoon lay down and closed his eyes. He thought back to what Kyuhyun had said, and what he had remembered. He knew now that they weren’t simply dreams, but they were memories of lifetimes past. But what was the difference? His past lives were nothing but wisps of dreams, and he wanted to talk to Kyuhyun badly so that Kyuhyun could string them all together and help him make some sense of things.
Jongwoon didn’t know why he knew Kyuhyun has all the answers, but he knew that his mind would be at peace once Kyuhyun returned and was by his side.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Jongwoon no longer dreamt of his past lives. Once he remembered, they had eventually gone away. Who knew that all he needed was to accept his feelings for Kyuhyun and remember everything to have his sanity returned to him.
He woke up as the sun’s rays filtered through the small gaps between the curtains. He stretched out his arms, but accidentally hit Kyuhyun’s face in the process. A stream of protests came out of Kyuhyun’s mouth, and Jongwoon grinned before leaning over and pressing a kiss on the other boy’s lips to shut him up.
“Now, this is a much better way to wake up.”
Jongwoon smiled at the remark and interlocked his fingers with Kyuhyun’s, quietly enjoying the presence of his soulmate. It had seemed unbelievable at first and initially Jongwoon had thought that it was just a ploy for Kyuhyun to get into his pants. But when Kyuhyun started to describe their past lives, the scenes and images from Jongwoon’s dreams that he had never shared with anyone else, Jongwoon started to believe.
And when they had kissed for the first time, something had felt so right and the happiness had been so overwhelming that it was impossible to not believe they were meant for each other.
Kyuhyun had been so relieved when Jongwoon finally remembered that he couldn’t help crying again, and Jungsu had walked in on Kyuhyun sobbing into a pillow. Subsequently, Jongwoon was yelled at and chased around the dorm for bullying the maknae, but Jongwoon didn’t care.
Because everything was right when they were together. And they had a whole new lifetime of being with each other again.
.:..:..:..:..:.
Leo is along the riverbank, chasing along after his puppy when he bumps into a girl from his class. Leo frowns, and remembers the girl’s name is Eva. She sits across the room, but Leo has never talked to her before even though he thinks she’s really pretty.
“Hi. Eva, right? You’re in my class.”
Eva stares at Leo for a minute, and then hits his arm really hard.
“Ouch. Why did you hit me?”
“Why do you never remember? Why are you so stupid? I told you not to drink that vial of water! You never listen!”
Leo stares at Eva in confusion as she starts crying while mumbling something about a river, water and memories. All Leo knows is that he wants to comfort her and stop Eva from crying. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a piece of candy. Eva grabs the candy and eats it while she continues to cry. She eventually stops when Leo reaches out and holds her hand.
“I guess we have a whole lifetime this time. You’ll remember.”
“I’m sure I will, so stop crying. Wanna see this really cool place I found two days ago? It can be our secret hideout!”
.:..:..:..:..:.
fin.
.:..:..:..:..:.
A/N: Yay this is finished! I hope you guys like it, and it lives up to all the expectations~ It’s a little choppy, I know, but hey at least they have a happy ending, right? Hehe.
And the part about the eyes - eyes are the windows to the soul, so I kinda went off that idea. Hope that clears up anything confusing about it ^^
Merry Christmas in advance, although I should be posting something again soon ;)
Lots of love!