Under the Blue Umbrella
Title: Under the Blue Umbrella
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: HyukChul (Eunhyuk x Heechul)
Rating:PG-13 (language, mild sexual content?)
Genres: Romance, Angst
Summary: Heechul gave up waiting for him a long time ago. But somehow the person Heechul waited for turns out to have been by his side all along.
For phoenix_soar. Not entirely sure why.
Heechul finds cover outside a store and watches the snow land gently on the ground. He brings his hands to his mouth and breathes on them, warming them up. The streets of Myeongdong are brightly lit with Christmas lights and decorations. He watches as couples walk hand in hand down the street and men carry bouquets of flowers. Children are running around in circles around their parents as they head to fancy restaurants for dinner.
Christmas Eve is busier than any other night. And Heechul wonders why the whole world is moving so hastily while he’s standing still.
He adjusts his beanie slightly, and wraps his scarf around his neck a little tighter. The winter breeze is chilly, and the last thing Heechul needs is to get a cold.
Heechul is waiting. He has been waiting for months. He has been standing on this street at this exact spot every night at the same time. And he waits for the guy with the umbrella to appear once again. It is strange that Heechul developed such an unhealthy obsession with someone, let alone someone he does not really remember.
He had been drunk that night. So drunk he could barely stand up straight. And then it had started raining, droplets falling down to the ground heavily. He was kneeling on the ground while the earth felt like it was tilted on it’s axis when suddenly the rain stopped hitting his body. A hand reached out and grabbed his arm, and helped him get up. Through his drunken haze, he had noticed that the guy he was being helped by was wearing loose fitting clothes, but was skinny in stature. He had leaned on the other guy’s shoulder. He caught the faint whiff of soap through the smell of alcohol on himself, and he wanted to wrap himself up in the scent.
“Please let me be like this for a little bit, my head hurts too much. Thank you very much, you kind soul.”
If the guy with the umbrella had said anything, Heechul couldn’t hear him. He had enjoyed the warmth and the soothing presence, but the next thing he knew was that the man with the umbrella had brought him over to the sidewalk and stopped a cab. The man helped him get into the cab, and Heechul remembers how he asked the cab driver to take extra care of him as well as slip the driver enough money to drive Heechul home. He had also given Heechul his umbrella so that he could stay dry. And Heechul had woken up the next day at the doorstep of his home with a horrible hangover, gripping the blue umbrella as if his life depended on it.
The umbrella felt much too big without the guy beside him when Heechul used it again in the rain. It was a fleeting moment of sharing the umbrella, but somehow Heechul felt empty even though they only brushed shoulders for a second.
Heechul hates the feeling of owing anything to anyone, so for the past few weeks he has been standing stupidly on this street with the money in his pocket and umbrella in his hand, waiting. He can’t remember ever waiting as patiently as he is now, with so much determination. But he convinces himself that it is only right to return the money to the Good Samaritan who had helped him that day
He doesn’t want to admit that he wants to see the guy with the umbrella again. But he knows that deep down, returning the money and umbrella is just an excuse.
It is Christmas Eve. Heechul, despite the cynic that he is, still thinks that somehow he will bump into the guy who gave him the umbrella because it’s supposed to be a night when wishes come true. But after an hour of standing in the cold and watching people closely, Heechul comes to the conclusion that he’s officially crazy, or rather even crazier than before. He looks around one last time before sighing and giving up.
Fate? Destiny? Heechul laughs at the thought that he was crazy enough to hope for a split second that they existed, and that they would lead his mystery guy right into his arms. He opens up the umbrella to shield himself from the snow, and leaves the street to head back home.
………
Five years have passed since. Heechul is running around the dorms trying to catch Hyukjae to plant a kiss on his face. Hyukjae dodges as best he can, and runs towards his own room and locks the door. Heechul smirks as he knocks on the door.
“Hyukkie! Come out, come here!”
“Go away!”
“I need to thank you for this beautiful present you gave me.”
“I gave you that present so that you would stop asking me to kiss you for Christmas! Stop bothering me.”
“But I’m so bored, all alone on the twelfth floor.”
“Your whining will not change my mind. Now leave me alone! Go find someone else to pester.”
Heechul laughs and leaves Hyukjae in peace for now. He heads back to the twelfth floor and is welcomed home by silence. All his flat mates have headed out to schedules. He kicks open his own bedroom door and flops onto his bed. He looks at the present in his hands, and a smile breaks out on his face. He slowly takes apart the wrapping paper, wondering what Hyukjae could have possibly gotten him.
His fascination with Hyukjae had started the day he met the boy. The faint smell of soap that lingered on his skin had drawn Heechul in, reminding him of the stranger who had given him the blue umbrella. But then Hyukjae had started dancing, and Heechul forgot about the other guy that had always remained in the back of his head. By the end of the practice session, the smell of sweat reeked in the room, and Heechul had forgotten all the parallels between the two.
It is probably due to opposites attracting, and Heechul thinks that you couldn’t find anyone more opposite to each other than Hyukjae and himself. While he is loud, Hyukjae could be so quiet at times that you wondered if he is actually the same person that you see on television shows. While Hyukjae dances exceptionally, Heechul skips practices and finds it hard to remember where he’s supposed to be and what he’s supposed to do. And while Heechul has a temper, Hyukjae is patient and understanding.
Sometimes Heechul wonders what Hyukjae’s limit is. That is probably why he continuously teases him and irritates him. Sometimes he wants to know what would actually spark a response other than the gummy smile. For someone like Heechul, he finds it impossible for someone to be so good-natured. He even went told the public that he thought Hyukjae was stupid due to his easy-going personality, but when it was broadcasted, Hyukjae had just given him that adorable smile and congratulated him on having so much airtime. Heechul found himself being reassured by Hyukjae, who knew apparently that Heechul didn’t really think that. Heechul had laughed and told him that he was being sincere, and all Hyukjae had done was laugh. Nothing that Heechul did had made Hyukjae angry.
So Heechul had kissed Hyukjae one day when he was watching television. It was casual - just a sweet peck on the lips, but Hyukjae’s eyes had widened and he had raised his voice at Heechul for the first time after being frozen for ten seconds.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Hyukjae had walked into his room and slammed the door, and Heechul had grinned. He had finally gotten the reaction he wanted. Which leads to now - Hyukjae avoids Heechul at every chance he gets, and Heechul sexually harasses Hyukjae whenever he can. It fascinates Heechul when the normally smiling Hyukjae has a dark expression on his face when Heechul corners him and invades his personal space. And how there’s a hitch in Hyukjae’s breath when Heechul trails his hand along Hyukjae’s thigh. Or when Hyukjae tenses whenever Heechul whispers into his ear, making sure his breath would tickle Hyukjae’s ear. Hyukjae runs whenever Heechul is within two meters of him, and Heechul tries to chase him.
But lately, sometimes when Hyukjae is in a good mood, he would let Heechul catch him. And pretend that he hates Heechul’s roaming hands, but Heechul sees how Hyukjae’s pupils dilate. And how the corners of his mouth lift slightly when he’s yelling at Heechul.
He tosses the wrapping paper, all fifty or so penguins and their Santa hats, onto the floor. He opens the cardboard box with anticipation, wondering what could possibly fit in such a long and thin box. He is dumbfounded at the sight of his umbrella. But it is only when he opens it up in his room that he notices subtle differences - this umbrella is obviously new and unused. The umbrella Heechul has been using for five years now has been so worn down that the blue is starting to fade and become pale. The new umbrella is also missing a dent that Heechul is used to seeing.
He wonders why Hyukjae has given him an umbrella - is it because he’s seen how worn Heechul’s is? Maybe he’s seen how much Heechul treasures his umbrella, and wants to give him a new one. Maybe it’s because he was walking by a store and just so happened to see one on sale. But the similarity between Heechul’s old umbrella and this new one is uncanny, and Heechul frowns at the thought that it’s just a coincidence.
Heechul suddenly notices that there is something else in the box. He picks up a photo and stares at it. He sees the image of himself holding his blue umbrella in the snow from afar on the streets of Myeongdong decorated in Christmas decorations. Heechul feels his anger bubbling up as he notices the clothes that he’s wearing and realizes that it is from at least five years ago. He turns over the photo and notices Hyukjae’s messy scrawl.
You never recognized me even though you waited.
Heechul lets out a breath and tries to calm himself down. He throws the umbrella onto the floor and crumples the photo up. He can’t trust himself to talk to Hyukjae just yet about the contents of his present, so instead he curls up in his blanket and goes to sleep.
………
Heechul wakes up with a headache, but he soon realizes that he’s not alone under the covers. The faint smell of soap hits Heechul, and he realizes that Hyukjae is curled up behind him. Heechul turns around and stares at Hyukjae’s face. His eyes are red and slightly swollen, but Heechul thinks that he’s beautiful all the same. Even though he teases Hyukjae continuously and calls Hyukjae ugly, he has never truly meant it before. Heechul raises his hand to Hyukjae’s face, tracing the features of Hyukjae’s face from a distance as he feels his heart break. Heechul notices the crumpled photo in Hyukjae’s hand, and the feeling of betrayal washes over him all over again. He closes his eyes and wishes that he could turn back time, wishes that he never received the present from Hyukjae, wishes that Hyukjae and the guy who had given him the umbrella are not the same person. Wishes that Hyukjae had just come out and talked to him instead of staying hidden and watched him day after day wait pointlessly for Hyukjae to appear.
As Heechul gets up, Hyukjae stirs and realizes that Heechul’s awake.
“I’m sorry. I thought…I thought you would be happy when you found out that I was the one who helped you all those years ago. I’m sorry. I was planning on waking up before you and sneaking out. I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.”
Heechul keeps quiet as Hyukjae walks out of Heechul’s room.
He doesn’t know who he’s more disappointed in - Hyukjae for not fighting for him and just accepting the fact that Heechul is hurt, or himself for not saying anything at all and letting Hyukjae just leave.
………
Hyukjae avoids Heechul like the plague. Not that Heechul minds it - in fact, he’s thankful for the first time that Hyukjae lives on a different floor and has different schedules. But he still feels a pang in his heart whenever he sees Hyukjae smiling brightly on television, or sounding bright and perky on radio shows. It’s strange how they can be part of the same group but barely see each other.
When they record things together, both of them act like nothing happened. They smile, they laugh and they bicker. Hyukjae laughs about Heechul’s selfish nature, and Heechul laughs about how ugly Hyukjae is. Nothing seems to be amiss. But it’s the tension and the silence that greets them once cameras are off that remind Heechul how everything has changed and nothing is the same anymore. Hyukjae clings to Donghae and Jungsu, and Heechul clings to no one.
………
It takes Heechul a month before he is willing to admit to himself that he’s miserable. It didn’t help that Han Geng is off fighting his own battles in China, so Heechul doesn’t even have a close friend who could tell him to do the right thing. Heechul is depressed, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. So he heads towards the closest bar and drinks to his heart’s content.
He drinks to forget all the netizens who tell him he doesn’t deserve to be in Super Junior. He drinks to forget how miserable he is even though he’s technically achieved his dreams and become famous. And most importantly, he drinks to forget Hyukjae.
He drinks to forget Hyukjae’s gummy smile, the one that never fails to make his day a little brighter. He drinks to forget the image of Hyukjae and Donghae laughing so happily, a reminder that Heechul is the only one suffering from the silence between them. He drinks to forget Hyukjae and the stupid blue umbrella, the one he can’t seem to throw away and ends up bringing with him wherever he goes.
Heechul tries to tell the bartender about his problems - after all, that’s what bartenders are for, right? To listen to the customer’s problems while preparing more drinks to take the money out of the customer’s pockets? But for some reason, this bartender is busy flirting with the girl a few stools down, and Heechul is all alone again. Maybe this is the bartender’s strategy - to make the customer feel so alone that he drinks even more.
Heechul thinks that the faint smell of soap must be an illusion. He’s so drunk that he conjures up the image of Hyukjae next to him. He presses Hyukjae against the closest wall and nuzzles his neck despite imaginary Hyukjae’s protests. He scrapes his teeth gently on Hyukjae’s collarbone, and presses sweet kisses. The sounds that Hyukjae make shoot straight to his loins, and he wonders how drunk he actually is. It takes a while before he feels his legs go weak, and Hyukjae stops him from nuzzling against Hyukjae’s lower half.
Heechul must be dreaming, because Hyukjae takes the umbrella from his hand and opens it up, shielding them both from the snow. This time, Heechul recognizes Hyukjae’s face and the features he’s come to love so much.
Heechul knows he’s dreaming, because when Hyukjae waves down a taxi, he gets in together with Heechul and tells the taxi driver their address. And Heechul passes out with a smile on his face.
………
Heechul wakes up with a massive hangover. The sunlight that shines upon him through the curtain puts him in a foul mood, and Heechul thinks about how much he hates his life. It felt as if the world was working against him. Wisps of his dream from last night come back to him, and he feels irritated at how he succumbs so easily to his desires.
Ryeowook knocks on his door before inviting himself in, holding a bowl of soup that smells like the most delicious thing in the world.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like crap.”
“Thought so. Hyukjae told me to make you some soup, said you probably would feel terrible after all that alcohol last night.”
“Ugh.”
Ryeowook sets the soup down on Heechul’s dresser. He is about to leave before Heechul processes what Ryeowook just said.
“Wait, what? Lee Hyukjae?”
“Yeah, you called him when you were drunk and he went to go pick you up. Do you want me to get him to come upstairs? He doesn’t have a schedule right now.”
“No! I mean, I’m okay. I don’t want to trouble him anymore.”
“You do know he’s miserable because you won’t talk to him, right? He loves you. It’s driving all of us nuts. You’re all he talks about. Think about that. You’re not the only one suffering.”
Ryeowook shakes his head and leaves. Heechul winces slightly at the glare that Ryeowook shot him before he had left. They say that Heechul has quite a formidable glare, but he thinks that it’s nothing compared to Ryeowook’s when he’s mad.
Heechul sips the soup, enjoying the feeling of it running down his throat, while he thinks about what Ryeowook has said. He doesn’t think he can forgive Hyukjae so easily for what has happened - he waited for months but he never appeared. And yet Hyukjae kept his identity secret from Heechul. It hurt to know that he was waiting and Hyukjae was watching him wait rather than appearing.
………
It is rare for Hyukjae to sound so determined about something, so Heechul couldn’t say no when Hyukjae demanded that they needed to talk. Heechul puts on the cool, aloof image of not caring, smirks and says sure. Hyukjae drags Heechul away from the other members, grabbing the blue umbrella on their way out. It is dark and cold outside, but they stand outside on the street while the cars drive past.
Hyukjae lets out a breath of relief and Heechul crosses his arms and waits. Hyukjae licks his lips, and Heechul can’t help but be drawn towards Hyukjae’s mouth. He wonders for a moment if it’s on purpose - is Hyukjae trying to get Heechul to lower his guard by tempting him? But Heechul remembers how simple-minded Hyukjae is and shakes the thought off. He takes a deep breath and ignores the urge to go over and kiss Hyukjae.
“So…about the other night.”
“I heard that you brought me back to the dorm. Thank you.”
“Yeah.”
An awkward silence creeps up over them. Suddenly it hits Heechul - how much of his dream was actually a dream? He runs his hand through his hair, and winces at the memory of all the kisses and caresses.
“Did you mean it? What you said the other night? I know you were drunk and all, but I wanted to know.” Hyukjae interrupts Heechul just as he is about to apologize. Heechul freezes, and stares at Hyukjae. He doesn’t remember saying anything to him, and he wonders what Hyukjae is referring to.
“I don’t remember much from that night…I was piss drunk. What did I say?”
Hyukjae looks crestfallen, and Heechul wonders how things have become so complicated between them. He misses the old days when they could speak to each other without any worries and restraints.
When Hyukjae speaks again, Heechul almost misses the words as Hyukjae just mutters it under his breath.
“You said that you love me.”
When Heechul doesn’t respond, Hyukjae looks up at him with teary eyes. Heechul finds his resolve to torture Hyukjae crumbling, and he wonders why he’s doing this to both of them.
“What about you? Is what Ryeowook told me true? Do you love me?”
“Ugh Ryeowook, that little devil. Yes, I love you. I have always loved you. I fell in love with you when I saw you drunk on the streets. But you…look like you. And I look…like me. So I never had to courage to approach you even though I saw you wait. I thought that you were probably waiting for someone who looked…like Siwon. So when you didn’t recognize me when we met again, I thought maybe it was better that way.”
“Why bring it up now?”
“With all the teasing lately, I thought that you…might feel the same way as I feel about you. That maybe you would be happy to know that it was me…all those years ago now. At first, I thought you were just playing with me, and that I was just another member that you’ve kissed. But you kept on chasing after me, and I thought that you might just like me a little more than you like the other members, and-”
Heechul shuts Hyukjae up by pecking his lips. Hyukjae freezes, and stares at Heechul with widened eyes before he smiles brightly and Heechul is given a glimpse at Hyukjae’s gums. Heechul tries not to smile and attempts to give Hyukjae a glare.
“This doesn’t mean I forgive you completely. I don’t think I’ve ever waited for someone as much as I’ve waited for you.”
“I know, I’m sorry!”
“So you better get prepared to wait for me.”
“Absolutely. Anything for you to forgive me.”
Heechul gives Hyukjae a knowing smirk, and Hyukjae suddenly pales as he realizes the amount of torment he will receive from Heechul. But then Heechul’s arms wrap themselves around Hyukjae, and Hyukjae burrows his head into Heechul’s shoulder.
“Hyukjae?”
“Hm?”
“You’re an idiot if you actually thought you aren’t good enough for me. I can’t believe you made me wait because you have self-esteem issues.”
“What-”
“I love you. Don’t forget that.”
It starts snowing. Neither of them moves from their spot, and Hyukjae opens up the blue umbrella and holds it above their heads to stop the snow from landing on them.
………
A/N: Yup. For phoenix_soar. I'm still not entirely sure why, since I missed your birthday and you apparently don’t celebrate Christmas either. New Year’s present? I don’t know hahaha. But yeah, bb. I hope you like it ^^ /awkward/ Oh, and you totally guessed right heh :P
I was totally having an identity crisis writing a different SJ couple, so I hope it doesn’t read as YeKyu in the guise of HyukChul LOL. Yeah. I don’t know.
Comments will be appreciated? (:
Happy New Year my loves! Hope 2013 will be even better than 2012.