Feels like Insomnia
Title: Feels like Insomnia
Pairing: Kyuhyun x Yesung (Kyusung/YeKyu)
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot :)
Summary: It’s hard to come to terms with falling in love with someone who’s leaving, even though he’s all Kyuhyun would ever need.
For icyblueangel ;; Happy Belated Birthday unnie :)
---
The hoot of an owl and the chirping of cicadas. The night wind revolves in the sky and there is the distant sound of cars.
Lovers embrace under the streetlamp.
The world holds its breath as life slowly stills.
But Kyuhyun can’t sleep at all. He tosses and turns, but despite the long day he had, he can’t seem to escape the monster called insomnia. There are periods of time when he would drift into sleep, but a loud shout or crash from somewhere else in the dorm would wake him and he wouldn’t be able to drift into that mindlessness, the border between dreams and reality, until thirty minutes after he wakes up. He silently curses himself for drinking that coffee earlier that evening, and he curses himself for not being able to sleep. He picks up his phone.
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:32 am
Hyung…are you still awake?
Kyuhyun stares at the phone’s wallpaper for 2 whole minutes before the thing springs to life and vibrates, notifying him that Jongwoon had texted him back.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:34 am
Kyu-ah, why are you still awake? Insomnia again? Is Hyukkie being a nuisance? If he is, I’ll call him and tell him to shut up.
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:35 am
Yeah, I can’t seem to sleep for some reason. It’s not Hyukjae hyung’s fault...it’s been like this for 4 nights already. I’ll try to sleep again ^^ I just wanted to text you.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:36 am
Call me if you still can’t sleep…we’ll see if I can talk to you into sleep keke.
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:37 am
You probably can. You’re so boring, always talking about turtles. I’m going to sleep now~ good night.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 3:37 am
Good night Kyu~ Sweet dreams ^^
Kyuhyun smiles as he reads the messages that Jongwoon had sent him. The older guy had always been able to make Kyuhyun happy.
He had felt so empty after Jongwoon moved out from the dorm. It was weird - he couldn’t stand the man when he was around and they could never stop bickering. But when it came to the things that mattered, and when he needed comfort, Jongwoon was always the first person he sought. He pouts slightly, and mentally complains that he has no one to go to in real life now that Jongwoon isn’t there anymore. He remembers the moment he was helping Jongwoon pack up and moved his things to the car. Jongwoon had ruffled his hair and hugged him hard after seeing the crestfallen expression on Kyuhyun’s face.
“Don’t worry Kyu-ah, I can never say no to you. So if you ever need me, text me or give me a call. I’ll be right by your side when you need me there.”
He shut his eyes while cradling his phone, hoping that he would finally enter the realm of dreams. He counts to one hundred slowly and silently. Kyuhyun tosses and turns and opens his eyes wide. He hates his life when he can’t sleep. He screwed up his sleep schedule a few days back due to his intense gaming session against Kibum, who had finally spared some time for him, and he just can’t seem to get it back to normal. And a maknae with no sleep is a terrifying maknae.
He sighs loudly and sat up, reaching for his iPod. As he puts the earphones into his ears, his thumb automatically taps the playlist labeled “Slumber”. A list of piano music and ballads come up, and Kyuhyun presses play. His eyelids flutter, and slowly become heavier. The music soothes him and helps him slightly, but he still constantly drifts in and out of sleep. Kyuhyun wraps the blanket around him tighter, hoping that the warmth will envelop him and help him sleep. Faintly he hears the sound of the main door and footsteps, but he no longer knows if it’s reality or his imagination playing games on him. All Kyuhyun cares about is falling asleep, and he doesn’t seem to be able to do that.
He feels arms wrap around him, and he automatically snuggles into the warmth. He interlocks his fingers with the fingers of the other person. The last thought he has is that it is Jongwoon hyung, because no one else has fingers that small. Then the other person pulls one of his hands away and gently strokes Kyuhyun’s hair while whispering nonsense in a soothing voice by his ear.
Sleep slowly comes to Kyuhyun and the monster called insomnia backs away.
---
Kyuhyun wakes up feeling groggy. A ray of sunlight hits his face through the window, and he tries to sit up. He soon realizes that he couldn’t, because there is a weight around his waist that is keeping him down. He looks down and sees an arm, and he seeks out the source of that arm. He turns his head around slightly, and sees Jongwoon still sleeping with his mouth open and drooling.
Kyuhyun chuckles at the sight, and he feels so lucky that has Jongwoon by his side. Even though it’s a dream, he’s still grateful that at least his hyung’s presence is there with him when he needs it the most. If Jongwoon still lived in the dorms with them, Kyuhyun would have crawled into bed with him ages ago. The sight before him wasn’t unfamiliar as Kyuhyun remembers all the mornings he had woken up with Jongwoon next to him when his insomnia hit. A wave of melancholy washes over him as he smiles at Jongwoon lovingly. He harbors feelings for Jongwoon that shouldn’t exist - at least, not between hyung and dongsaeng. He sighs, and tries to lift Jongwoon’s arm up and get up. As he is about to get off the bed, he finds himself pinned down by Jongwoon’s arms. Kyuhyun frowns, struggles to get up, but Jongwoon doesn’t relent.
“We still have an hour before our first schedules. Sleep.”
With that being said, Jongwoon cuddles Kyuhyun and falls promptly asleep again. The maknae sighs in exasperation, and pouts slightly. It wasn’t fair that Jongwoon could fall asleep so easily, even in his dreams. He twists around slightly and studies Jongwoon’s features as he sleeps. He gently steals a peck on Jongwoon’s lips, and turns around again. His back is facing Jongwoon as he turns red. It’s just a dream, so he wonders why he feels so embarrassed. He softly whispers “I love you” and shuts his eyes determinedly, trying to sleep for another hour despite the thoughts that are racing through his head, thoughts that even Heechul would be embarrassed of.
He misses the slight lift in the corners of Jongwoon’s mouth.
---
When Kyuhyun wakes up, he is alone in his room. His brows furrow slightly as he gets up, realizing that he has a bit of a headache. He glances at the clock, and realizes that he’s been asleep for more than 5 hours, which is a record. He stands up and stares at the bed. Jongwoon was just a figment of his imagination last night. Does he miss Jongwoon so much that he’s had dreams of him being here and comforting him?
He sighs as the water runs over his body in the shower, and he thinks about what it means. He was only able to fall asleep when he was so oblivious that he believed Jongwoon was with him.
Tears and water mix.
He needs to stop relying on Jongwoon so much. His hyung didn’t like him back in that way, not to mention the fact that he was going to join the army soon. Kyuhyun shudders as he thinks about Jongwoon’s conscription. He’s in denial about how soon Jongwoon needs to leave and he doesn’t want to imagine a life without Jongwoon. What would Kyuhyun do without Jongwoon by his side? Kyuhyun can manage perfectly on his own, but Jongwoon always comforted him when he was by his side. Jongwoon lent him stability, and all of Kyuhyun’s worries were gone when Jongwoon was there for him. He wants to hold Jongwoon’s hand; he wants to lend Jongwoon a shoulder to cry on; he wants to be able to run into Jongwoon’s embrace when he is suffering from insomnia and second doubts. But Jongwoon’s embrace is for another, and Kyuhyun constantly reminds himself that he shouldn’t allow himself to feel this way and shouldn’t allow himself to become reliant on Jongwoon.
Kyuhyun makes his way out to the living room and sits on the sofa. After staring off into space for around 5 minutes, he suddenly realizes that Sungmin and Hyukjae are staring at him. Kyuhyun stares back at them, wondering why Hyukjae is rubbing his head in pain.
“Did you and hyung…you know…” Hyukjae winks at him, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
“Which hyung? What?” Kyuhyun has no clue what Hyukjae is trying to suggest. He widens his eyes in confusion.
“Oh come on…we tried to persuade hyung to stay over last night to no avail, and then we see him walk out your door this morning with a lopsided grin on his face…” Sungmin grins and says calmly. Kyuhyun is at a loss.
“Which hyung?” Kyuhyun narrows his eyes, and wonders if his hyungs are okay. “Did you guys get enough sleep?”
Sungmin and Hyukjae look at each other, and they both burst out laughing.
“He really doesn’t know!” Hyukjae wipes a tear from his eye and spits out as he doubles over with laughter. Sungmin chuckles, and walks over to pat Kyuhyun on the back.
“Thanks for explaining guys…” Kyuhyun glares at the two, wondering what it was that they find so amusing.
“Jongwoon hyung slept over in your room last night because you weren’t sleeping well…” Sungmin continues talking, but Kyuhyun zones out and loses track of what his hyung is saying after the first few words registered in his brain. It wasn’t a figment of his imagination… “…so romantic. And then he stormed over to Hyukkie and hit him for being such a nuisance even though we all knew you were suffering from your insomnia again.” Kyuhyun rolls his eyes as Hyukjae and Sungmin start blaming each other again for being loud. He curls up into ball, pulling his legs closer towards his body, and stares out the window. So it hadn’t been a dream. He blushes as he attempts to burrow his face into knees. He had kissed his hyung, who he thought was a figment of his imagination but turned out was real. He brings two fingers and touches his lips gently, and he smiles slightly.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:02 am
Good morning maknae! Are you up yet?
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:05 am
Yup I’m up! Hyung…did you sleep well?
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:06 am
I slept better than usual…because you were in my arms ♥
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:10 am
…you’re so cheesy.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:11 am
You know you love it. I went home to take a shower and change, I’ll see you in an hour, okay? Did you sleep well?
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:12 am
Okay hyung, I’ll see you soon~ I slept pretty well, thank you ^^
---
Every cell in Kyuhyun’s body screams out “NOOO DON’T DO IT” as he rests his head on Jongwoon’s shoulder. They’re in the middle of filming, and Kyuhyun is worn out by all the activities they need to do. Kyuhyun looks at Jongwoon in surprise as Jongwoon reaches over and laces their fingers together. Kyuhyun’s heart pounds, and he decides that he can’t take the uncertainty anymore. He needs to know.
He speaks up.
“Hyung, when did you come over last night?”
“As soon as you called me.”
“Why?”
“I promised you that I’ll always be by your side when you need me. I intend to keep that promise.”
“Hyung...”
“What’s up? Are you sure you got enough rest? You don’t sound like the playful GameKyu that I know.”
“I…nevermind.”
“Tell me.”
“Why are you so nice to me? Because I’m the maknae, right?”
“No, Henry’s the maknae.”
“Then why?”
“…why do you think I’m so nice to you?”
Kyuhyun swears that he’s so frustrated that he wants to slap Jongwoon, hyung or not, for speaking in riddles. He pulls away from Jongwoon, and looks away. He feels a small hand gently tap on his shoulder. He turns around, about to chastise Jongwoon for being annoying, but instead his eyes widen in shock at the sensation of lips on his own.
“Do you know now?”
“I want to hear you say it.”
“I’m not just ‘nice’ to you…I’m also in love with you.”
“Yeah you better be.”
Jongwoon grins and pulls Kyuhyun back for another kiss.
---
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 6:02 am
Good morning Kyu! I love you, I miss you~
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 8:43 am
You wake up too early…you should seriously consider writing a complaint letter about the hours they work you there.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:23 pm
It’s okay, keke. I’ll survive because I know you care ~ Did you sleep well?
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:25 pm
Yeah…I listened to the playlist you created for me ^^ Hyung, I miss you so so much already. It just isn’t the same without you. It’s only been 4 days. How am I supposed to survive the other 726 other days? :(
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:26 pm
You’ll be okay. It’s only 726 days. And I’m in the same country. And you’ll see me when I have days off. Here, have this.
[img attached]
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:27 pm
HYUNG. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP? Eugh. You’re trying to frustrate me on purpose. Maybe I’ll just go and find Siwon hyung to help me with my problem.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:28 pm
Yah, Cho Kyuhyun. Don’t you dare! You pinky promised that you’d wait for me.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:30 pm
Kyu-ah, don’t threaten me like that T^T
From: Siwon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:32 pm
I don’t know what you guys are up to, but you guys should stop it. Yes Jongwoon hyung, I won’t touch Kyuhyun. And no, Kyuhyun, I won’t write seductive messages to you for you to copy and paste to Jongwoon. I value my life, thank you very much. Now stop involving me in your little love games. Go get a room.
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:35 pm
I win.
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:37 pm
Not if I can help it.
[img attached]
From: Jongwoon (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:40 pm
Just you wait. You’re going to be so sore you won’t know what hit you when I get my hands on you. 52 days until I get to visit you (I just counted). Just you wait.
From: Kyuhyun (XXX-XXXX-XXXX) 9:41 pm
Okay, whatever. I have a recording now, good night hyung. I love you & I miss you everyday.
---
A/N:
I'm still going to be on semi-hiatus, so fics are still going to be spewed out very slowly. If it wasn't for Lisa's birthday, it probably would've taken even longer for me to post something. So guys thank her for this ;__; Or not. I don't know what's going on in here, and there seems to be a bit of a pointless fluff plot (andabitofpointlessangst) is somewhat pointless. I'm tired and running on nights of bad sleep (hence insomnia), so yeah.
It's pretty much a mix of the stupid stuff that's happening in my life right now (minus the gaming and adding the tons of work and a messed up relationship), except I don't have a Jongwoon to cure me of my insomnia.
Anyways...
HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY LISA UNNIE~
You know I love you, right? :) *hugs and kisses*
So don't act indifferent to me >:(
All I have are these words for you. I wish I could give you so much more, but I can't. So you'll have to make do with a realllllyyy random YeKyu fic. Congrats Unnie~ I hope your day was filled with happiness and smiles ^^ Because you don't deserve anything less!
I think there's a lot of stuff in here that's related to the stuff we spam on Formspring, so have fun seeing references to my insomnia and cheesiness and all the pushing and pulling and indifference and...yeah. I'm sorry about this. It isn't my greatest given my current condition, but I hope you like it!