[Fic] Reassurance
Title: Reassurance
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe.
Rating: PG
Summary: After a year of being together, Tuti realizes they've both become pretty good at putting each other's fears at ease.
Notes: Oh, so much fluff. XD;; This is sort of a combination of a whole bunch of stuff I've wanted to write lately, and somehow I fit it all into one fic. ^_~ TV-watching while snuggled together on the couch, Tuti's massages, Nagayan angsting about his glasses, and uh... I don't know, random insecurites? And talking in bed? Hopefully it works though.
Comments would be greatly appreciated. ^_^
(Many thanks to kooriyoukai for her help with this last night. ^_^ *crosses fingers for this ending* XD;)
It was strange that Takashi wasn’t home yet, Tuti was thinking, as he yawned and stretched a little, running his hand over the back of his head as he sat up in the darkness. He blinked, his eyes searching for the florescent green of the alarm clock.
He knew he’d gone to bed early, and though he couldn’t remember exactly when, it felt like he had been asleep for a long time. He could hear the thumping of bass from upstairs, a steady drone of noise and almost-silence that he really thought he had gotten used to, but was finding surprisingly grating right now.
The noise must have been just loud enough to wake him, he figured. He was usually a fairly heavy sleeper, but he knew that he didn’t sleep as well on nights when he was waiting for Takashi to get home, so he wasn’t really surprised to find himself awake right now. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness though, he noticed the faint sliver of light coming from under the door.
Tuti peered out, after opening the door a crack, and squinted at the light coming from the living room. Takashi was leaning forward over the small table, his chin propped up on the palm of one hand. He crossed and uncrossed his legs under the table, seemingly oblivious to Tuti’s presence, and then shifted, letting out a slow breath before he took off his glasses and placed them on the table in front of him. Tuti watched Takashi frown and rub his eyes for a second before he turned his head towards him, noticing the opened door.
“Hey,” Tuti said, smiling at the confused look on the other man’s face. “I couldn’t sleep,” he explained. “What are you reading?” he asked, his eyes falling to the table.
“Just the latest version of the script,” Takashi said, yawning a little and rubbing his eyes again. He blinked slowly at Tuti after a second, raising his eyebrows slightly. “What?”
“Nothing, you just look tired.” Tuti’s brow knitted almost imperceptibly at the dark circles under Takashi’s eyes. “And the first read-through isn’t until next week, right?”
“Yeah, I was just curious about these changes,” Takashi said, and then he sighed. “And I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep right now anyway.” His eyes flickered up at the ceiling.
Tuti laughed, as he moved away from the doorway, and into the bright light of the living room. “Yeah, I think that’s what woke me up.”
They laughed together for a second, before Takashi lowered his eyes at Tuti, a faint smile on his lips.
“You sure you weren’t just worried about all the fun I was having without you?”
Tuti chuckled. “Maybe that was part of it too,” he admitted.
He crossed the room, watching Takashi turn his head and grin at him as he approached the low backed chair. Tuti wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, and felt the other man press back against him until after a moment Takashi moved forward, pushing his glasses and the script forward on the table. Takashi looked around to Tuti expectantly, resting his head in the crook of his elbow, before he closed his eyes.
Tuti moved his hands with deliberate slowness, kneading out the tension he could feel in his boyfriend’s shoulders and watching the smile on the other man’s face change and shift as he applied the appropriate amount of pressure here and there. He’d gotten used to this, he realized. He knew exactly what Takashi needed, and where all the knots usually were. He knew he was good at getting results quickly too. Not that he was in a particular hurry, he was thinking, as he felt the tight muscles of Takashi’s back respond to his touch. The skin on Takashi’s neck was warm too, and he was sure his boyfriend was practically purring by the time he had worked his way up to his head, his fingers sliding through Takashi’s hair and moving gently over his temples in a smooth, circular motion.
Tuti glanced down at his boyfriend, and then at the script on the table, wondering how long the other man had been home. He wasn’t really surprised though. This wasn’t the first time that he’d found Takashi reading and rereading scripts weeks, or even months before a project was scheduled to begin. And he knew that it wasn’t that Takashi needed the extra time - he’d seen the other man pick up a script and do a drop-dead read-through an hour later, but when he could, Tuti knew that Takashi really enjoyed being able to pick apart a role like this. It gave him the opportunity to examine his character from several different angles and perspectives, Tuti guessed. It was something he had always admired about the other actor too, since this was something that he himself didn’t really have the patience for, when it came to preparation.
“Mmm, thanks,” Takashi said softly a few moments later. “I think I needed that.”
Tuti smiled. “Me too,” he said, giving Takashi’s shoulders one last squeeze before moving his hands. “You were tense,” he finished.
Takashi nodded, turning his head from side to side as he sat up, stretching. “It’s a lot better now, thanks.”
Tuti grinned, and started to head over to the couch, mostly out of habit. It had become a sort of late-night ritual for them, unwinding in front of the TV, or at least it had been, before Takashi’s schedule had started going crazy again.
It was funny too, he would never have pegged Takashi as a TV-watcher, before he really got to know him, but he knew now that was one of his boyfriend’s favorite ways to relax at the end of a long day. Takashi followed him to the couch, and in another minute they were both side by side, shoulders pressed together as they assumed their regular positions. Takashi leaned over him, retrieving the remote from the table next to the couch.
Tuti grinned, and stretched his legs out lengthwise along Takashi’s side. “Maybe there’s a game on?”
“Maybe…” Takashi nodded, his attention half on the screen as he pressed the remote. He leaned back, turning to Tuti. “Do you mind?”
Tuti grinned again. “Nope.”
He watched Takashi out of the corner of his eye for a while as the other man flipped through the available stations - something that never failed to hold his attention. Takashi’s habit of pausing just too long on each station was something Tuti knew he would never cease to be amused by, even if he could never really understand how his boyfriend was able show so much interest in such a wide variety of commercials, dramas, and sporting events that they didn’t even follow. He watched Takashi now, as the corners of his boyfriend’s lips twisted up into a smile at the screen for a second before he flipped to the next channel. Takashi chuckled after a second and flipped again and Tuti couldn’t help but laugh. He poked Takashi with his toe, which was conveniently located just next to the other man’s leg.
Takashi blinked at him, turning from the TV, and smiling. “What?”
“Sometimes I can’t decide what’s more entertaining, you, or the TV.”
Takashi eyed him suspiciously, looking puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Tuti couldn’t help but laugh again. “Nothing. You’re just cute, that’s all.”
“Am I?” Takashi teased, pausing for a moment before he leaned over to Tuti, placing a light kiss on his lips.
“You should know you don’t have to ask me that.” Tuti smiled, warming a little inside at Takashi’s kiss, and at the smile he could now see playing at the corners of his boyfriend’s lips, as the other man leaned back against his shoulder and closed his eyes.
Tuti questioned the noise that followed a few moments later - a soft sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a whine - with a gentle squeeze on Takashi’s arm.
“Just tired,” Takashi explained, glancing up at the ceiling before turning his attention back to the screen. “I wish they would go to bed.”
Tuti nodded. “Me too.”
“Do you need your glasses?” Tuti asked after a minute. He had to try not to smile at the dismissive, distracted shake of Takashi’s head he received as a response.
“If we’re going to watch, you should have them though, right?” He knew that Takashi was just getting used to wearing his glasses for things like reading and watching TV, and Tuti tried his best to remind the other man when he remembered himself.
Takashi shook his head again, frowning a little. “I don’t need them.”
“Are they still giving you headaches?” Tuti asked, frowning back, and trying not to sound as concerned as he was, because he knew it was silly.
Takashi nodded, turning his attention to Tuti. “It’s not that bad. I just have to get used to them.” He sighed. “It probably won’t be long before I have to wear them all the time anyway.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Tuti asked carefully.
“Nothing, I guess.” He shrugged. “It just feels weird.”
“You know, when I first met you, you wore glasses all the time,” Tuti told him.
Takashi frowned again. “That was different though.”
“I just mean that I really don’t think anyone would notice, even if you do start having to wear these more often. They’ll assume that they’re fake,” Tuti reasoned.
“You’re probably right,” Takashi agreed after a pause, though he didn’t look entirely convinced.
Tuti had been sensing for a while that for some reason, Takashi was self-conscious about this, and he was convinced of it now. He really didn’t understand why though. No matter how well he thought he knew Takashi, some things still surprised him, he guessed. After all, for being so laid back, Takashi was surprisingly sensitive about some things, and Tuti had a hard time predicting what those things were sometimes.
“Well, I think they’re cute,” Tuti told him, smiling tentatively.
Takashi’s face brightened at this, and he laughed. “You keep saying that,” he teased.
“Well, it’s true!” Tuti wrapped his arm around Takashi’s shoulder, pulling him closer. “You know it too,” he whispered, pressing a light kiss to Takashi’s ear.
“Yeah, I do…” Takashi smiled, and then yawned a few moments later.
Something told Tuti to let this go, and so he did, even though a large part of him was left wondering what exactly Takashi had been thinking. He knew better than to push Takashi sometimes though, so… He allowed his eyes to travel back to the TV.
The remote had landed on a rerun of an old Japanese drama, after it had been determined that there was no game on after all. It was one that they both liked, and though Tuti was sure they had both seen this episode before, he realized that there was something nice about lying here with Takashi anyway. Wasting a little time like this was always a welcome treat, after all, even if it came in the middle of the night. There had been so many nights recently where they hadn’t been able to be together, even like this, and so Tuti found that he was almost grateful for the noise upstairs for once. Takashi shifted a little, when a commercial came on, and Tuti adjusted his position until they had both settled against each other comfortably again.
“What time did you get in anyway?” Tuti asked after a moment, because he realized he still had no idea how long he’d been asleep before.
Takashi paused, thinking. “About an hour ago? Tanaka-san invited us for coffee after the play,” he explained.
“That’s right.” Tuti nodded. He waited for a second, thinking Takashi was going to say more. “How was it?” he asked finally, wondering what Takashi was thinking.
“The play?” Takashi pursed his lips in thought. “It was really well-done,” he said after a moment. “Not as solid as their last production, but I liked how they handled the adaptation. And the performance space was interesting too. Daiki-chan should look into it. It might work for a smaller show for you guys.”
“Or for our two-man show, maybe?”
Takashi chuckled, and his eyes flickered with amusement. “Maybe…”
Tuti grinned. “Where was the show again?”
Takashi smiled. “Shibuya. Just across from where you met me Monday night, remember?”
“Oh, right.” Tuti nodded. “The last performance I saw there was pretty good too. They attract a wide variety of acts too.”
Takashi nodded, and stifled a yawn. “Yeah, that’s what Tanaka-san was telling me. He might be producing a show there next fall. Depending on what I have going on then, it might make sense for me to audition, you know?”
Tuti nodded. “You’d be a great addition for him. That’s probably why he was interested in talking to you after the show, right?”
“You think?” Takashi asked absently, and there was a hint of apprehension that Tuti thought he detected in the other man’s voice. “I wonder…”
“Well, you’re a strong character actor. From what I’ve seen of his shows, you’d be perfect.”
“Thanks.” Takashi smiled, and then laughed after a moment. “I’m not sure if I can trust you though.”
Tuti gasped in mock-surprise, even though he had been serious. “Why not?”
“Because you’re biased!”
Tuti grinned. He paused for a second, as Takashi laughed again, trying to gauge if his boyfriend was really kidding, as he appeared to be, or if there was something else going on. He really couldn’t tell though.
“Yeah, I probably am,” he said quietly, rubbing his hand over Takashi’s arm, and feeling the solid muscles tense a little under the fabric of his shirt. “But if I’m biased, I think it’s your fault.”
Takashi chuckled. “Now how does that work, exactly?”
“I don’t know,” Tuti said seriously. He watched Takashi grin at him until he couldn’t help but grin back. Takashi’s smile was nothing if not infectious, after all, Tuti admitted, as he tried to push his confusion about Takashi’s reaction out of his mind. It was probably nothing, he told himself.
After a moment, the show came back on, and they both fell quiet, except for several comments on the plot here and there, though Tuti wondered if he was paying more attention to the screen, or to how nice it felt to have Takashi’s warm body pressed against him. Before Tuti knew it though, the show had finished. He looked over at Takashi, and realized that the other man’s eyes were closed. He shook his boyfriend’s shoulder gently.
“Mmm?” Takashi blinked slowly.
“Let’s go to bed,” Tuti said quietly, as he shifted and sat up on the couch. “I think they’ve finally quieted down.”
**
Tuti wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t get Takashi’s response to his compliment out of his head, even here, snuggled together in the warmth of Takashi’s bed. Because it was strange, and unlike Takashi to laugh something like that off, especially when he was sure Takashi had known that he had been serious. Tuti wasn’t angry, but… He wondered if there was something more to it.
“You know what?” Tuti asked tentatively, as he rolled over and placed a light kiss against Takashi’s neck.
“Hmm…?” Takashi mumbled, turning into Tuti’s embrace before opening his eyes a little.
“I’m really not biased. You’re good.” Tuti paused, watching Takashi’s eyes slide open, and he was surprised with the level of attentiveness in his glance. “Just so you know that I’m serious about that.”
“Yeah?” Takashi asked, his voice quiet. “You sure it’s not just that you think I’m cute?” Takashi teased, though something serious flashed in his eyes that Tuti noticed even in the darkness.
Tuti shook his head. “I know you’ve been worried about being cast for your looks in the past, but…” He paused, watching Takashi’s face, surprised to find the other man frown at him defensively. “The kind of work you’re getting now,” Tuti continued, “I think it really proves that you can hold your own. To everyone, not just me.”
Takashi paused, his features softening after a second, as he blinked at Tuti, looking a little surprised. “Sometimes I really feel like you’re reading my mind, you know that?”
“Eh? Why?”
Takashi pushed himself back on his elbows and sat up in the darkness. “Tonight, with Tanaka-san, after the show we were talking business, you know?” He paused. “And all of the sudden, out of the blue, he asks me how old I am, and then he laughs when I tell him.”
Tuti nodded, pulling the pillow behind him and leaning back against the headboard, listening.
“And then he asks me why I got started so late, with acting.” Takashi sighed. “How am I supposed to answer that? I don’t know…”
“Did he say anything else?”
“Oh, then he made some stupid comment about how the girls are going to start figuring out how old I am if I keep wearing those glasses.” Takashi’s laugh was cold and derisive, and when he spoke his voice was angry. “I’ve never tried to hide my age and I’ve never tried to explain away my history in this business.”
Tuti nodded. “I know. And honestly, I think most people recognize how hard you’ve worked to get where you are right now.”
“I wonder…” Takashi sighed, shifting a little. “It’s not the first time I’ve had someone tell me that the only thing I have going for me is the fact that I don’t look my age. Sometimes I just wonder. Why I’m cast, you know?”
“Takashi.”
“What?”
“You’re cast because people have seen your work before and they know that you’ll give them 150% and because you’re good, ok? You know I wouldn’t say that unless I meant it.”
Takashi paused for a long moment before he sighed, shaking his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m probably just reading too much into things.”
It was something that Tuti rarely saw in Takashi, these insecurities, and so when he did see this side of the other man, he found that he was honestly grateful. He knew that there was a time too, even after they became involved, when Takashi would have never allowed someone else see this part of him. He felt lucky, when it came down to it, to be able to support Takashi like this.
“I understand where you’re coming from, Takashi. I just honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Tuti reached over and touched Takashi’s hand. “I mean it. Anyone who says anything different is wrong, ok?”
Takashi nodded, relaxing a little, squeezing Tuti’s hand before he extracted his fingers and lay back against his pillow. “Yeah, I really don’t think I have anything to worry about either. I mean, this past year has been…” He cut himself off, smiling a little in the darkness. “Well, it’s pretty much been the best year of my life. I have nothing at all to complain about.” He turned towards Tuti. “I’ve been working continuously. I even got to work next to you again, twice.” Takashi grinned. “I really couldn’t be any luckier. Or any happier.”
“Seriously?” Tuti smiled. This was definitely something Takashi had never told him before. “The best year of your life?”
“Sure,” Takashi smiled. “Last year at this time, we were just admitting how good we would be together, remember?”
Tuti laughed, a little nervously, as he remembered how long it had taken both of them to admit their feelings to each other. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Anyway…” Takashi poked Tuti’s arm playfully before he snuggled against his chest. “You make me happy, that’s what I meant.”
“I’m glad,” Tuti said softly. “I’m really glad.”
He wrapped his arms around Takashi’s back, holding him close, and for what felt like a long time he listened to the other man’s breath, and felt the steady rise and fall of Takashi’s chest as it pressed against his side.
He tried to remember what it had been like when he had longed for this, when he had wanted nothing more than to be able to hold Takashi like this - when spending an evening like tonight with Takashi would have seemed like a dream. Because for a long time it had seemed like this would never happen. And now it had been a year. He was closer to Takashi than he had ever thought he could be with anyone, and he was sure that he could say with complete confidence that this had been the best year of his life too.
He was trying to think of how to actually say this though, without it seeming like he was just parroting Takashi’s words back to him, but… Tuti found that he was somehow having a hard time concentrating on anything other than the steady pulse of Takashi’s heart against his chest, and before he knew it, his thoughts, and everything else began to fade into sleep.
**
A voice, and a warm rush of breath against his ear startled Tuti awake, after what felt like a few minutes, but it could have actually been hours later; he wasn’t sure. He realized after a few very confused moments though that it was Takashi who was speaking - in very close proximity to his ear. Tuti blinked, trying to figure out what was going on.
The alarm began to blare a second later though, and Tuti realized to his surprise, that it must be morning already. Suddenly Takashi was climbing over him, his body pressing against him awkwardly, as he struggled to find the snooze button. Sunlight was streaming into the room between the gaps in the blinds too, he realized. Takashi’s hair was shining, and tickling the bottom of Tuti’s chin as the other man swatted at the alarm clock, silencing it, and then snuggled against Tuti, draping one arm lazily across his stomach.
“You know,” Takashi repeated. “It’s a good thing I’m confident.” His voice was quiet and sleepy, though his lips were pursed together in a half-smile. “I poured my heart out to you last night, and you just…”
Tuti laughed, sheepishly, and then apologized, though he was sure that Takashi must have fallen asleep fairly quickly last night too.
“I’m just kidding,” Takashi told him a second later, rolling onto his back and stretching a little before he turned onto his side, fixing Tuti with a serious look despite the fact that his eyes were bright and almost smiling. “You gave me all the reassurances I asked for last night.”
“I did?” Tuti studied the other man, a little surprised. “Even though I fell asleep?”
“Of course you did.” Takashi smiled. “You always do.”
Tuti smiled back, as always, because he couldn’t help it when Takashi was looking at him like that. “I really meant what I said too.”
Takashi nodded. “I know.” Then he smiled again, wider this time. “I even woke up before the alarm clock, thinking about it.”
“So that explains it,” Tuti lowered his eyes at the other man. “I thought it was a little strange, your being awake before me.”
Takashi laughed. “That’s true.”
“And you know, the same goes for you too,” Tuti told him honestly after a second.
Takashi looked at him curiously. “Me? What did I do?”
Tuti just grinned, shaking his head.
“Come on…” Takashi prompted. “Tell me.”
Tuti contemplated this for a second, and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to hear that yesterday. That you’re happy, you know?”
Takashi looked puzzled for a second before he frowned slightly. “You thought I wasn’t?” he asked softly.
“No, it’s not that…”
Takashi’s frown deepened.
“Seriously, I didn’t mean it like that…” Tuti sighed, because he really wasn’t sure what he had meant.
Takashi smiled softly after a second though. “I should say it more often, maybe…?”
Tuti laughed, realizing that maybe Takashi had figured him out. “Well, I wouldn’t complain if you did. It’s really nice to hear,” he admitted.
Takashi chuckled and then grinned, shifting a little closer to Tuti. “Ok,” he whispered, “I can do that.”
And then Takashi rolled over, pulling the covers over his face as he shifted away from Tuti, mumbling something about the light and the sun, and Tuti grinned, wondering if it was possible for him to feel any warmer inside right now, or any more at ease.
It hadn’t always been like this either, he knew. He remembered, and he was sure that Takashi did too, the many nights they’d spent alone, the misunderstandings, the hurt feelings, the secrets they used to keep from each other, and the jealousy this had bred between them. It hadn’t really been easy, reaching this level of understanding and trust, after all. Tuti wasn’t even sure how it had happened in just a year, and a busy year at that, but… Now that they were here, Tuti had a hard time imagining it any other way. And it didn’t feel stupid or naïve to think this way either. It just felt… right.
He leaned over the huddled mass under the comforter, touching his fingers to the top of Takashi’s head where the other man’s hair was poking out of the covers. “You know, I might be inclined to make you breakfast, if you were able to drag yourself out of there,” he whispered.
And he didn’t even have to turn around, as he extracted himself from the sheets and the covers and stood up from the bed, making his way to the door. Tuti knew without looking, that Takashi was peeking his head out from under the covers, that his eyes were closed against the brightness as he contemplated this offer, and that he was smiling.
And somehow, this felt as right as everything else did this morning.
***
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe.
Rating: PG
Summary: After a year of being together, Tuti realizes they've both become pretty good at putting each other's fears at ease.
Notes: Oh, so much fluff. XD;; This is sort of a combination of a whole bunch of stuff I've wanted to write lately, and somehow I fit it all into one fic. ^_~ TV-watching while snuggled together on the couch, Tuti's massages, Nagayan angsting about his glasses, and uh... I don't know, random insecurites? And talking in bed? Hopefully it works though.
Comments would be greatly appreciated. ^_^
(Many thanks to kooriyoukai for her help with this last night. ^_^ *crosses fingers for this ending* XD;)
It was strange that Takashi wasn’t home yet, Tuti was thinking, as he yawned and stretched a little, running his hand over the back of his head as he sat up in the darkness. He blinked, his eyes searching for the florescent green of the alarm clock.
He knew he’d gone to bed early, and though he couldn’t remember exactly when, it felt like he had been asleep for a long time. He could hear the thumping of bass from upstairs, a steady drone of noise and almost-silence that he really thought he had gotten used to, but was finding surprisingly grating right now.
The noise must have been just loud enough to wake him, he figured. He was usually a fairly heavy sleeper, but he knew that he didn’t sleep as well on nights when he was waiting for Takashi to get home, so he wasn’t really surprised to find himself awake right now. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness though, he noticed the faint sliver of light coming from under the door.
Tuti peered out, after opening the door a crack, and squinted at the light coming from the living room. Takashi was leaning forward over the small table, his chin propped up on the palm of one hand. He crossed and uncrossed his legs under the table, seemingly oblivious to Tuti’s presence, and then shifted, letting out a slow breath before he took off his glasses and placed them on the table in front of him. Tuti watched Takashi frown and rub his eyes for a second before he turned his head towards him, noticing the opened door.
“Hey,” Tuti said, smiling at the confused look on the other man’s face. “I couldn’t sleep,” he explained. “What are you reading?” he asked, his eyes falling to the table.
“Just the latest version of the script,” Takashi said, yawning a little and rubbing his eyes again. He blinked slowly at Tuti after a second, raising his eyebrows slightly. “What?”
“Nothing, you just look tired.” Tuti’s brow knitted almost imperceptibly at the dark circles under Takashi’s eyes. “And the first read-through isn’t until next week, right?”
“Yeah, I was just curious about these changes,” Takashi said, and then he sighed. “And I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep right now anyway.” His eyes flickered up at the ceiling.
Tuti laughed, as he moved away from the doorway, and into the bright light of the living room. “Yeah, I think that’s what woke me up.”
They laughed together for a second, before Takashi lowered his eyes at Tuti, a faint smile on his lips.
“You sure you weren’t just worried about all the fun I was having without you?”
Tuti chuckled. “Maybe that was part of it too,” he admitted.
He crossed the room, watching Takashi turn his head and grin at him as he approached the low backed chair. Tuti wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, and felt the other man press back against him until after a moment Takashi moved forward, pushing his glasses and the script forward on the table. Takashi looked around to Tuti expectantly, resting his head in the crook of his elbow, before he closed his eyes.
Tuti moved his hands with deliberate slowness, kneading out the tension he could feel in his boyfriend’s shoulders and watching the smile on the other man’s face change and shift as he applied the appropriate amount of pressure here and there. He’d gotten used to this, he realized. He knew exactly what Takashi needed, and where all the knots usually were. He knew he was good at getting results quickly too. Not that he was in a particular hurry, he was thinking, as he felt the tight muscles of Takashi’s back respond to his touch. The skin on Takashi’s neck was warm too, and he was sure his boyfriend was practically purring by the time he had worked his way up to his head, his fingers sliding through Takashi’s hair and moving gently over his temples in a smooth, circular motion.
Tuti glanced down at his boyfriend, and then at the script on the table, wondering how long the other man had been home. He wasn’t really surprised though. This wasn’t the first time that he’d found Takashi reading and rereading scripts weeks, or even months before a project was scheduled to begin. And he knew that it wasn’t that Takashi needed the extra time - he’d seen the other man pick up a script and do a drop-dead read-through an hour later, but when he could, Tuti knew that Takashi really enjoyed being able to pick apart a role like this. It gave him the opportunity to examine his character from several different angles and perspectives, Tuti guessed. It was something he had always admired about the other actor too, since this was something that he himself didn’t really have the patience for, when it came to preparation.
“Mmm, thanks,” Takashi said softly a few moments later. “I think I needed that.”
Tuti smiled. “Me too,” he said, giving Takashi’s shoulders one last squeeze before moving his hands. “You were tense,” he finished.
Takashi nodded, turning his head from side to side as he sat up, stretching. “It’s a lot better now, thanks.”
Tuti grinned, and started to head over to the couch, mostly out of habit. It had become a sort of late-night ritual for them, unwinding in front of the TV, or at least it had been, before Takashi’s schedule had started going crazy again.
It was funny too, he would never have pegged Takashi as a TV-watcher, before he really got to know him, but he knew now that was one of his boyfriend’s favorite ways to relax at the end of a long day. Takashi followed him to the couch, and in another minute they were both side by side, shoulders pressed together as they assumed their regular positions. Takashi leaned over him, retrieving the remote from the table next to the couch.
Tuti grinned, and stretched his legs out lengthwise along Takashi’s side. “Maybe there’s a game on?”
“Maybe…” Takashi nodded, his attention half on the screen as he pressed the remote. He leaned back, turning to Tuti. “Do you mind?”
Tuti grinned again. “Nope.”
He watched Takashi out of the corner of his eye for a while as the other man flipped through the available stations - something that never failed to hold his attention. Takashi’s habit of pausing just too long on each station was something Tuti knew he would never cease to be amused by, even if he could never really understand how his boyfriend was able show so much interest in such a wide variety of commercials, dramas, and sporting events that they didn’t even follow. He watched Takashi now, as the corners of his boyfriend’s lips twisted up into a smile at the screen for a second before he flipped to the next channel. Takashi chuckled after a second and flipped again and Tuti couldn’t help but laugh. He poked Takashi with his toe, which was conveniently located just next to the other man’s leg.
Takashi blinked at him, turning from the TV, and smiling. “What?”
“Sometimes I can’t decide what’s more entertaining, you, or the TV.”
Takashi eyed him suspiciously, looking puzzled. “What do you mean?”
Tuti couldn’t help but laugh again. “Nothing. You’re just cute, that’s all.”
“Am I?” Takashi teased, pausing for a moment before he leaned over to Tuti, placing a light kiss on his lips.
“You should know you don’t have to ask me that.” Tuti smiled, warming a little inside at Takashi’s kiss, and at the smile he could now see playing at the corners of his boyfriend’s lips, as the other man leaned back against his shoulder and closed his eyes.
Tuti questioned the noise that followed a few moments later - a soft sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a whine - with a gentle squeeze on Takashi’s arm.
“Just tired,” Takashi explained, glancing up at the ceiling before turning his attention back to the screen. “I wish they would go to bed.”
Tuti nodded. “Me too.”
“Do you need your glasses?” Tuti asked after a minute. He had to try not to smile at the dismissive, distracted shake of Takashi’s head he received as a response.
“If we’re going to watch, you should have them though, right?” He knew that Takashi was just getting used to wearing his glasses for things like reading and watching TV, and Tuti tried his best to remind the other man when he remembered himself.
Takashi shook his head again, frowning a little. “I don’t need them.”
“Are they still giving you headaches?” Tuti asked, frowning back, and trying not to sound as concerned as he was, because he knew it was silly.
Takashi nodded, turning his attention to Tuti. “It’s not that bad. I just have to get used to them.” He sighed. “It probably won’t be long before I have to wear them all the time anyway.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Tuti asked carefully.
“Nothing, I guess.” He shrugged. “It just feels weird.”
“You know, when I first met you, you wore glasses all the time,” Tuti told him.
Takashi frowned again. “That was different though.”
“I just mean that I really don’t think anyone would notice, even if you do start having to wear these more often. They’ll assume that they’re fake,” Tuti reasoned.
“You’re probably right,” Takashi agreed after a pause, though he didn’t look entirely convinced.
Tuti had been sensing for a while that for some reason, Takashi was self-conscious about this, and he was convinced of it now. He really didn’t understand why though. No matter how well he thought he knew Takashi, some things still surprised him, he guessed. After all, for being so laid back, Takashi was surprisingly sensitive about some things, and Tuti had a hard time predicting what those things were sometimes.
“Well, I think they’re cute,” Tuti told him, smiling tentatively.
Takashi’s face brightened at this, and he laughed. “You keep saying that,” he teased.
“Well, it’s true!” Tuti wrapped his arm around Takashi’s shoulder, pulling him closer. “You know it too,” he whispered, pressing a light kiss to Takashi’s ear.
“Yeah, I do…” Takashi smiled, and then yawned a few moments later.
Something told Tuti to let this go, and so he did, even though a large part of him was left wondering what exactly Takashi had been thinking. He knew better than to push Takashi sometimes though, so… He allowed his eyes to travel back to the TV.
The remote had landed on a rerun of an old Japanese drama, after it had been determined that there was no game on after all. It was one that they both liked, and though Tuti was sure they had both seen this episode before, he realized that there was something nice about lying here with Takashi anyway. Wasting a little time like this was always a welcome treat, after all, even if it came in the middle of the night. There had been so many nights recently where they hadn’t been able to be together, even like this, and so Tuti found that he was almost grateful for the noise upstairs for once. Takashi shifted a little, when a commercial came on, and Tuti adjusted his position until they had both settled against each other comfortably again.
“What time did you get in anyway?” Tuti asked after a moment, because he realized he still had no idea how long he’d been asleep before.
Takashi paused, thinking. “About an hour ago? Tanaka-san invited us for coffee after the play,” he explained.
“That’s right.” Tuti nodded. He waited for a second, thinking Takashi was going to say more. “How was it?” he asked finally, wondering what Takashi was thinking.
“The play?” Takashi pursed his lips in thought. “It was really well-done,” he said after a moment. “Not as solid as their last production, but I liked how they handled the adaptation. And the performance space was interesting too. Daiki-chan should look into it. It might work for a smaller show for you guys.”
“Or for our two-man show, maybe?”
Takashi chuckled, and his eyes flickered with amusement. “Maybe…”
Tuti grinned. “Where was the show again?”
Takashi smiled. “Shibuya. Just across from where you met me Monday night, remember?”
“Oh, right.” Tuti nodded. “The last performance I saw there was pretty good too. They attract a wide variety of acts too.”
Takashi nodded, and stifled a yawn. “Yeah, that’s what Tanaka-san was telling me. He might be producing a show there next fall. Depending on what I have going on then, it might make sense for me to audition, you know?”
Tuti nodded. “You’d be a great addition for him. That’s probably why he was interested in talking to you after the show, right?”
“You think?” Takashi asked absently, and there was a hint of apprehension that Tuti thought he detected in the other man’s voice. “I wonder…”
“Well, you’re a strong character actor. From what I’ve seen of his shows, you’d be perfect.”
“Thanks.” Takashi smiled, and then laughed after a moment. “I’m not sure if I can trust you though.”
Tuti gasped in mock-surprise, even though he had been serious. “Why not?”
“Because you’re biased!”
Tuti grinned. He paused for a second, as Takashi laughed again, trying to gauge if his boyfriend was really kidding, as he appeared to be, or if there was something else going on. He really couldn’t tell though.
“Yeah, I probably am,” he said quietly, rubbing his hand over Takashi’s arm, and feeling the solid muscles tense a little under the fabric of his shirt. “But if I’m biased, I think it’s your fault.”
Takashi chuckled. “Now how does that work, exactly?”
“I don’t know,” Tuti said seriously. He watched Takashi grin at him until he couldn’t help but grin back. Takashi’s smile was nothing if not infectious, after all, Tuti admitted, as he tried to push his confusion about Takashi’s reaction out of his mind. It was probably nothing, he told himself.
After a moment, the show came back on, and they both fell quiet, except for several comments on the plot here and there, though Tuti wondered if he was paying more attention to the screen, or to how nice it felt to have Takashi’s warm body pressed against him. Before Tuti knew it though, the show had finished. He looked over at Takashi, and realized that the other man’s eyes were closed. He shook his boyfriend’s shoulder gently.
“Mmm?” Takashi blinked slowly.
“Let’s go to bed,” Tuti said quietly, as he shifted and sat up on the couch. “I think they’ve finally quieted down.”
**
Tuti wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t get Takashi’s response to his compliment out of his head, even here, snuggled together in the warmth of Takashi’s bed. Because it was strange, and unlike Takashi to laugh something like that off, especially when he was sure Takashi had known that he had been serious. Tuti wasn’t angry, but… He wondered if there was something more to it.
“You know what?” Tuti asked tentatively, as he rolled over and placed a light kiss against Takashi’s neck.
“Hmm…?” Takashi mumbled, turning into Tuti’s embrace before opening his eyes a little.
“I’m really not biased. You’re good.” Tuti paused, watching Takashi’s eyes slide open, and he was surprised with the level of attentiveness in his glance. “Just so you know that I’m serious about that.”
“Yeah?” Takashi asked, his voice quiet. “You sure it’s not just that you think I’m cute?” Takashi teased, though something serious flashed in his eyes that Tuti noticed even in the darkness.
Tuti shook his head. “I know you’ve been worried about being cast for your looks in the past, but…” He paused, watching Takashi’s face, surprised to find the other man frown at him defensively. “The kind of work you’re getting now,” Tuti continued, “I think it really proves that you can hold your own. To everyone, not just me.”
Takashi paused, his features softening after a second, as he blinked at Tuti, looking a little surprised. “Sometimes I really feel like you’re reading my mind, you know that?”
“Eh? Why?”
Takashi pushed himself back on his elbows and sat up in the darkness. “Tonight, with Tanaka-san, after the show we were talking business, you know?” He paused. “And all of the sudden, out of the blue, he asks me how old I am, and then he laughs when I tell him.”
Tuti nodded, pulling the pillow behind him and leaning back against the headboard, listening.
“And then he asks me why I got started so late, with acting.” Takashi sighed. “How am I supposed to answer that? I don’t know…”
“Did he say anything else?”
“Oh, then he made some stupid comment about how the girls are going to start figuring out how old I am if I keep wearing those glasses.” Takashi’s laugh was cold and derisive, and when he spoke his voice was angry. “I’ve never tried to hide my age and I’ve never tried to explain away my history in this business.”
Tuti nodded. “I know. And honestly, I think most people recognize how hard you’ve worked to get where you are right now.”
“I wonder…” Takashi sighed, shifting a little. “It’s not the first time I’ve had someone tell me that the only thing I have going for me is the fact that I don’t look my age. Sometimes I just wonder. Why I’m cast, you know?”
“Takashi.”
“What?”
“You’re cast because people have seen your work before and they know that you’ll give them 150% and because you’re good, ok? You know I wouldn’t say that unless I meant it.”
Takashi paused for a long moment before he sighed, shaking his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m probably just reading too much into things.”
It was something that Tuti rarely saw in Takashi, these insecurities, and so when he did see this side of the other man, he found that he was honestly grateful. He knew that there was a time too, even after they became involved, when Takashi would have never allowed someone else see this part of him. He felt lucky, when it came down to it, to be able to support Takashi like this.
“I understand where you’re coming from, Takashi. I just honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Tuti reached over and touched Takashi’s hand. “I mean it. Anyone who says anything different is wrong, ok?”
Takashi nodded, relaxing a little, squeezing Tuti’s hand before he extracted his fingers and lay back against his pillow. “Yeah, I really don’t think I have anything to worry about either. I mean, this past year has been…” He cut himself off, smiling a little in the darkness. “Well, it’s pretty much been the best year of my life. I have nothing at all to complain about.” He turned towards Tuti. “I’ve been working continuously. I even got to work next to you again, twice.” Takashi grinned. “I really couldn’t be any luckier. Or any happier.”
“Seriously?” Tuti smiled. This was definitely something Takashi had never told him before. “The best year of your life?”
“Sure,” Takashi smiled. “Last year at this time, we were just admitting how good we would be together, remember?”
Tuti laughed, a little nervously, as he remembered how long it had taken both of them to admit their feelings to each other. “That’s one way to put it.”
“Anyway…” Takashi poked Tuti’s arm playfully before he snuggled against his chest. “You make me happy, that’s what I meant.”
“I’m glad,” Tuti said softly. “I’m really glad.”
He wrapped his arms around Takashi’s back, holding him close, and for what felt like a long time he listened to the other man’s breath, and felt the steady rise and fall of Takashi’s chest as it pressed against his side.
He tried to remember what it had been like when he had longed for this, when he had wanted nothing more than to be able to hold Takashi like this - when spending an evening like tonight with Takashi would have seemed like a dream. Because for a long time it had seemed like this would never happen. And now it had been a year. He was closer to Takashi than he had ever thought he could be with anyone, and he was sure that he could say with complete confidence that this had been the best year of his life too.
He was trying to think of how to actually say this though, without it seeming like he was just parroting Takashi’s words back to him, but… Tuti found that he was somehow having a hard time concentrating on anything other than the steady pulse of Takashi’s heart against his chest, and before he knew it, his thoughts, and everything else began to fade into sleep.
**
A voice, and a warm rush of breath against his ear startled Tuti awake, after what felt like a few minutes, but it could have actually been hours later; he wasn’t sure. He realized after a few very confused moments though that it was Takashi who was speaking - in very close proximity to his ear. Tuti blinked, trying to figure out what was going on.
The alarm began to blare a second later though, and Tuti realized to his surprise, that it must be morning already. Suddenly Takashi was climbing over him, his body pressing against him awkwardly, as he struggled to find the snooze button. Sunlight was streaming into the room between the gaps in the blinds too, he realized. Takashi’s hair was shining, and tickling the bottom of Tuti’s chin as the other man swatted at the alarm clock, silencing it, and then snuggled against Tuti, draping one arm lazily across his stomach.
“You know,” Takashi repeated. “It’s a good thing I’m confident.” His voice was quiet and sleepy, though his lips were pursed together in a half-smile. “I poured my heart out to you last night, and you just…”
Tuti laughed, sheepishly, and then apologized, though he was sure that Takashi must have fallen asleep fairly quickly last night too.
“I’m just kidding,” Takashi told him a second later, rolling onto his back and stretching a little before he turned onto his side, fixing Tuti with a serious look despite the fact that his eyes were bright and almost smiling. “You gave me all the reassurances I asked for last night.”
“I did?” Tuti studied the other man, a little surprised. “Even though I fell asleep?”
“Of course you did.” Takashi smiled. “You always do.”
Tuti smiled back, as always, because he couldn’t help it when Takashi was looking at him like that. “I really meant what I said too.”
Takashi nodded. “I know.” Then he smiled again, wider this time. “I even woke up before the alarm clock, thinking about it.”
“So that explains it,” Tuti lowered his eyes at the other man. “I thought it was a little strange, your being awake before me.”
Takashi laughed. “That’s true.”
“And you know, the same goes for you too,” Tuti told him honestly after a second.
Takashi looked at him curiously. “Me? What did I do?”
Tuti just grinned, shaking his head.
“Come on…” Takashi prompted. “Tell me.”
Tuti contemplated this for a second, and then shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to hear that yesterday. That you’re happy, you know?”
Takashi looked puzzled for a second before he frowned slightly. “You thought I wasn’t?” he asked softly.
“No, it’s not that…”
Takashi’s frown deepened.
“Seriously, I didn’t mean it like that…” Tuti sighed, because he really wasn’t sure what he had meant.
Takashi smiled softly after a second though. “I should say it more often, maybe…?”
Tuti laughed, realizing that maybe Takashi had figured him out. “Well, I wouldn’t complain if you did. It’s really nice to hear,” he admitted.
Takashi chuckled and then grinned, shifting a little closer to Tuti. “Ok,” he whispered, “I can do that.”
And then Takashi rolled over, pulling the covers over his face as he shifted away from Tuti, mumbling something about the light and the sun, and Tuti grinned, wondering if it was possible for him to feel any warmer inside right now, or any more at ease.
It hadn’t always been like this either, he knew. He remembered, and he was sure that Takashi did too, the many nights they’d spent alone, the misunderstandings, the hurt feelings, the secrets they used to keep from each other, and the jealousy this had bred between them. It hadn’t really been easy, reaching this level of understanding and trust, after all. Tuti wasn’t even sure how it had happened in just a year, and a busy year at that, but… Now that they were here, Tuti had a hard time imagining it any other way. And it didn’t feel stupid or naïve to think this way either. It just felt… right.
He leaned over the huddled mass under the comforter, touching his fingers to the top of Takashi’s head where the other man’s hair was poking out of the covers. “You know, I might be inclined to make you breakfast, if you were able to drag yourself out of there,” he whispered.
And he didn’t even have to turn around, as he extracted himself from the sheets and the covers and stood up from the bed, making his way to the door. Tuti knew without looking, that Takashi was peeking his head out from under the covers, that his eyes were closed against the brightness as he contemplated this offer, and that he was smiling.
And somehow, this felt as right as everything else did this morning.
***