[Fic] Photo Shoot
Title: Photo Shoot
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,856
Summary: Just before leaving to film 'On', Nagayan asks Tuti to stop by one of his photo shoots.
Notes: Believe it or not, this is a response to the most recent challenge. XD;; Which I know isn't recent at all, and that I'm horribly late, but... Yes. ^_~ (I've also decided that I really hate the word 'photo shoot' or 'photoshoot' or 'photo-shoot' or whatever other way you can think to say it. :P Because they all look wrong! *stares at title* @__@) And I think this might be really sappy, so I apologize for that. >_>
Betaed by kooriyoukai :D
Comments are always greatly appreciated. ^_^
Takashi admits once, from behind the back of his cell phone, that he loves being photographed. It doesn’t matter if the one taking the picture is himself, or someone else - he’s tried to express himself in a million different ways, but somehow the camera always seems to win out, if he’s given a choice.
Takashi swears his friend to the strictest confidence, as if he’s revealed some kind of secret, and at first, Tuti laughs because even though he hasn’t known Takashi for very long, this isn’t exactly something he would ever wonder about or question; it’s always been a proven fact, as far as he sees it. Takashi’s obsession with the camera, and with self-expression, is hardly something that Tuti would consider a surprise to anyone who’s spent more than a few hours with Takashi.
There’s something genuine and real about Takashi, a feeling of sincerity that surrounds him when he visibly warms and brightens for the cameras. This sincerity tends to overshadow what could be seen as vanity, in Tuti’s eyes, and it masks what sometimes feels like Takashi’s constant need for attention and approval too.
Tuti laughs at Takashi’s words for a few seconds too long, but before the frown completely surfaces on Takashi’s face, Tuti nods, and tells his friend that he understands. Because he does. At least he thinks he does. He wants to, anyway, and somehow this “confession” of Takashi’s has moved him a few steps towards his goal.
Tuti is well aware that these qualities in anyone else, and that this behavior in anyone else would be a turn-off. The fact that they don’t turn him off at all though, that in fact, he’s completely intrigued by these qualities in someone like Takashi is, well… fascinating, and a little unnerving at the same time.
He can’t separate this side of Takashi - the side that he knows wants to be in the spotlight all the time, regardless of appearances - from the person he’s fallen for so completely either. And it doesn’t take him long to realize that he really doesn’t want to.
**
The shutters click and whiz and whir around him, and Tuti watches, from his place just beyond the cameras, as Takashi does his job with impeccable ease. He hasn’t changed much in the three years Tuti has known him, after all. For the camera, Takashi is charming and focused and serious and fun, and somehow he’s able to exhibit all of these characteristics at the same time, molding them into a single smile or glance, if necessary. Takashi is a master at this, Tuti realizes. He’s at home in front of the camera, in a way that still manages to surprise him, even though he’s been exposed to this side of Takashi for years now.
As Tuti continues to watch Takashi, he begins to realize something, though at first he’s sure he must be imagining it. But no, the more he focuses on Takashi the more it really seems like the other man is watching him, much more than he’s watching the cameraman, or anything else in the room. Tuti could swear that the other man is smiling at him sometimes too - when he’s not staring through him with those deep, penetrating eyes that force Tuti’s to breath catch a little in his throat every time. Takashi glances at the cameras too, but more often than not, his eyes seem to be directed past them, into the darkness.
No one else seems to notice. The man behind the camera nods approvingly at regular intervals and rarely has to provide any anything beyond the most basic of direction to Takashi. Takashi moves efficiently; he’s not hurried, but there’s no wasted motion either. He is very much, in every sense of the word, “on” right now. Tuti’s not sure how he does it, but he’s a little amazed at how easy Takashi always makes this seem.
**
“Weren’t you supposed to be looking at the camera back there?”
Tuti studies Takashi, searching the other man’s face for a clue to his mood, now that the work portion of his day has ended, and they’ve relocated from the studio to a familiar table at a certain coffee shop. He wonders a lot of things at once as he watches the other man…if Takashi is tired, how much sleep he got last night, if he’s in the mood to talk, if this will turn out to be an early night, or a late one…but he doesn’t find much in the way of clues to any of these things, save for a trace of eyeliner at the corner of Takashi’s right eye, which he suddenly feels the urge to smudge away with his finger.
“Eh?” Takashi fakes a confused look at Tuti, and raises his eyebrows across the small table. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying that it really felt like you were watching me more than you were watching the camera back there. Am I that distracting?”
Takashi smiles, and his features soften a little. “Probably.”
“Probably?”
He nods. “Well, that’s not really it, but...” Takashi sips his drink, raising just one eyebrow across the table this time. “Maybe I just thought it would be more interesting this way.”
“Which way?”
Takashi shrugs, and appears to filter a few thoughts out before he speaks again. “Well, when I’m on location, you won’t be around, so…”
Tuti thinks for a moment, trying to make the connection. “Does that make a difference? Whether I’m around or not?”
Takashi blinks. “Maybe?” He nods. “Yeah, maybe it does.”
**
Sometimes Tuti really can’t figure out how or why he’s managed to connect with someone like Takashi so intimately. It’s not a matter of confidence or self-image; it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that for all of the depth of emotion the other man presents to him constantly, Takashi’s heart is sometimes completely untouchable, even for Tuti, and even after so much time has passed.
He’s not exactly sure why this is, either. Because he knows that Takashi trusts him. He can feel this trust in a million ways, every day. He can feel it in Takashi’s silence sometimes, and in his own - this quiet that comes after a long day of rehearsals or performances, when they’re both able to just stop - he knows that this is something that has taken both of them a long time to be able to share. He also knows that there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about Takashi though, things that the other man hides with a smile, or a joke, and things that he doesn’t hide at all, but that somehow remain hidden all the same.
Takashi’s hesitation seems instinctual sometimes, a defense mechanism that for some reason Tuti hasn’t been able to figure out how to overcome all the time. Sometimes he has a lucky break though, usually without really trying - Takashi has admitted this much to him on several occasions, and Tuti believes him, because he can feel it when it happens.
These moments, when Takashi’s heart is completely open in front of him are as palpable as the heat or cold or rain or snow - they envelop him completely, like the wind on his face when he walks down the street with the other man at his side. These moments are warm and soft and filled with an energy that Tuti is sure that he should be able to reach out and touch - except that they’ve usually disappeared before he can even think about trying to hold onto them.
These moments are simple too, most of the time. Not anything that anyone would take particular notice of… Takashi will laugh, and the world will suddenly become illuminated for a moment until the sounds of the street, or the café, or the rehearsal hall come back into focus. Until Tuti realizes that Takashi’s cheek is no longer close enough for him to touch, that he’s no longer near enough for him to be able to wonder how much time Takashi spent washing his face after the performance he’s just come from, or close enough for him to examine the beauty marks on the other man’s face anymore. It doesn’t matter that he would never be able to see them anyway, in this light, or that light, or this particular level of darkness. Because really, he just wants to be close to him.
That’s what Takashi wants too, he’s sure of it. Tuti wonders though… Would he be this mesmerized by Takashi if Takashi wasn’t trying quite so hard to hold his attention all the time? He’s sure that he would be, but… Sometimes he feels like the other man is almost desperate for his attention, and he doesn’t understand why, because he feels like he’s already made it perfectly clear that his eyes have never strayed from watching Takashi, even for a moment.
**
Tuti smiles a little at Takashi across the small table, trying to figure out why all the sudden he really can’t figure out what’s going on in the other man’s head. He watches Takashi poke at the dry piece of cake in front of him. No matter how old the pastries in the case look by this time of night, Takashi always has to order one (or two), though he usually only takes a few bites before abandoning it in favor of his drink. Tuti finds this to be incredibly amusing, though he knows better than to say something about it right now.
“So are you going tell me what you’re thinking?” Tuti asks, as Takashi takes a sip of his drink, and shifts his focus from away from the window. “Or should I guess?” he finishes.
Takashi laughs a little. He pokes at the cake one last time before laying the fork down purposefully and studying Tuti with raised eyebrows.
“I have to admit,” Tuti continues. “I’m pretty curious. Why did you ask me to come today?”
Takashi raises his eyebrows at this and grins. “Guess.”
“Well, let’s see… You’re going to miss me in Gua-”
“Of course,” Takashi interrupts, and flashes a slightly impatient smile.
“But that doesn’t explain why I had to be here today.”
“Maybe I like it when you’re here.” Takashi pauses. “Maybe I’m more focused.”
Tuti blinks. “Really? It’s not distracting?”
“Not really.” Takashi shakes his head. “It’s different if I’m in character, but… For things like this, I really like being able to look past the camera and see you there.”
“So you were looking at me. I knew it.” Tuti grins, satisfied.
“Of course I was.” Takashi frowns a little. “It’s been so long since we’ve worked together like this. I wanted to remind myself what it felt like.”
“Because of the DVD?”
Takashi nods, and then shrugs a moment later. “Or maybe I just wanted to show off… I know how much you like to watch me.” He raises an eyebrow. “If I can seduce you and the cameraman then…”
“Then what?”
“Then everyone’s happy.” Takashi smiles.
Tuti thinks for a moment. “I wonder why you never told me that before…”
Takashi pauses. “You never noticed me watching you before, right?”
**
Tuti is also sure that it’s been clear from the beginning that it was all or nothing for him, as far as his feelings for Takashi are concerned. From the very beginning, there was no transition - no one moment that they went from being coworkers to friends to more-than-friends - it’s almost as if they were everything at the same time from the first moment they met. The pace that they’ve moved at has sometimes been dizzying too, especially for someone like Tuti who is the first to admit that his relationships in the past have all been rather tame. In fact, Tuti’s schedule is usually enough of an excuse to explain away the fact that before Takashi, for several years, he hadn’t been intrigued enough by anyone to even consider sharing his bed with them, much less his time.
But with Takashi it’s different. Everything is different. Takashi is anything but tame, and he’s more intriguing than anyone Tuti has ever met. At least this is how he’s felt from pretty close to the first day Takashi entered his life, until now. He’s curious sometimes though, and he wonders if maybe one day it will all just stop, and Takashi will morph back into the normal human being he’s sure that he is deep down somewhere. Tuti wonders if maybe on that day, everything will stop inside of him too - that the love that fills his body so completely now will one day just drain from his fingertips like sand… Takashi will disappear, or at least… This Takashi will disappear.
But he also has a fairly good sense of the fact that after nearly four years of work and love and passion and compromise and change and security - what he loves and fears more than anything is probably actually true. Takashi really isn’t going anywhere. And even if he did disappear, this feeling would still remain. Tuti knows that despite how it seems on the surface at times, Takashi is much, much more to him than an infatuation or a challenge, though he’s both of those things too.
Without Takashi next to him, Tuti knows that he wouldn’t really recognize himself anymore, and this should be scary, but mostly it’s a really good feeling. It grounds him whenever he starts to doubt himself, and it allows him to truly commit himself to Takashi. The idea that he would be able to make himself, and his heart, available to someone else is something that had never really occurred to him with past relationships. He’s surprised sometimes, by how easy it is with Takashi.
**
“How do you know I never noticed?”
Tuti asks this, but he knows that Takashi is right. He’s not sure why he’s never noticed Takashi watching him until today. This is probably the first time he’s been able to really focus on one of Takashi’s photo shoots though. It’s not the same when he’s also working, he figures.
“You would have mentioned it,” Takashi tells him. He picks up a forkful of cake, and then returns it to the plate untouched a moment later.
Tuti laughs. “That’s probably true.”
“It’s fine though. I have to work harder that way …”
Tuti laughs, trying to follow the other man’s logic.
“You know, to get your attention… I have to work harder. If you knew I was watching you, it wouldn’t be as challenging.” Takashi laughs. “It won’t be, next time.”
“Yeah, I guess not. You revealed your secret.”
Takashi laughs again. “Good thing I have more than one, right?”
There’s a long moment of silence, and Tuti watches Takashi take a slow sip from his drink.
He gives Tuti a quick sideways glance before he tells him, “You know, even when you’re not there watching me, I think about you a lot when I’m doing things like this.”
“Things like what? Photo shoots?”
Takashi nods. “When I’m not in character I end up thinking about other things. Lots of times it ends up being you.”
Tuti finds himself blinking at the man across the table. “Really?”
Takashi closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Yeah, but never mind. I’m not supposed to be telling you this.” He laughs a little nervously.
Tuti grins. “Why not? Isn’t this the exact kind of thing you’re supposed to tell me?”
Takashi frowns a little. “Well, maybe, but…” He sighs. “Never mind.”
Tuti nods, and watches Takashi for a moment. “When you think about me…” He pauses, and watches as the other man’s eyes lift to meet his. “What kinds of things do you think about?”
Takashi’s eyes wander briefly, focusing on the space just above Tuti’s shoulder for a moment. “Mostly I just imagine you watching me.” A small smile starts to twitch at the corner of his lips. “I wonder what you’d think, if you were there.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, no… but…”
Tuti lowers his eyes. “But that’s all you’re going to tell me.”
“Yep.” Takashi grins.
Tuti nods. “Well whatever you’re doing is working, so…”
Takashi laughs. “So don’t stop, right?”
“Right.”
Takashi takes a long drink from his cup, and then grins at Tuti. “I can see right through you, you know?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always thinking about you,’” Takashi’s voice drops to a normal octave again, and he smiles. “That’s what you want me to say, right?”
Tuti shakes his head. “I don’t need you to say it.”
“No?”
Tuti smiles. “Nope.”
“You’re sure it’s true then.”
“Of course.”
Takashi studies him for a long moment; his fingers stop fiddling with the lid to his drink. Finally he nods. “Okay then…” He smiles. “Let’s go. You finished?” He glances questioningly at Tuti’s drink.
“Sure.”
Tuti doesn’t bother to add that he can see right through Takashi too.
He’s sure that Takashi already knows.
***
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,856
Summary: Just before leaving to film 'On', Nagayan asks Tuti to stop by one of his photo shoots.
Notes: Believe it or not, this is a response to the most recent challenge. XD;; Which I know isn't recent at all, and that I'm horribly late, but... Yes. ^_~ (I've also decided that I really hate the word 'photo shoot' or 'photoshoot' or 'photo-shoot' or whatever other way you can think to say it. :P Because they all look wrong! *stares at title* @__@) And I think this might be really sappy, so I apologize for that. >_>
Betaed by kooriyoukai :D
Comments are always greatly appreciated. ^_^
Takashi admits once, from behind the back of his cell phone, that he loves being photographed. It doesn’t matter if the one taking the picture is himself, or someone else - he’s tried to express himself in a million different ways, but somehow the camera always seems to win out, if he’s given a choice.
Takashi swears his friend to the strictest confidence, as if he’s revealed some kind of secret, and at first, Tuti laughs because even though he hasn’t known Takashi for very long, this isn’t exactly something he would ever wonder about or question; it’s always been a proven fact, as far as he sees it. Takashi’s obsession with the camera, and with self-expression, is hardly something that Tuti would consider a surprise to anyone who’s spent more than a few hours with Takashi.
There’s something genuine and real about Takashi, a feeling of sincerity that surrounds him when he visibly warms and brightens for the cameras. This sincerity tends to overshadow what could be seen as vanity, in Tuti’s eyes, and it masks what sometimes feels like Takashi’s constant need for attention and approval too.
Tuti laughs at Takashi’s words for a few seconds too long, but before the frown completely surfaces on Takashi’s face, Tuti nods, and tells his friend that he understands. Because he does. At least he thinks he does. He wants to, anyway, and somehow this “confession” of Takashi’s has moved him a few steps towards his goal.
Tuti is well aware that these qualities in anyone else, and that this behavior in anyone else would be a turn-off. The fact that they don’t turn him off at all though, that in fact, he’s completely intrigued by these qualities in someone like Takashi is, well… fascinating, and a little unnerving at the same time.
He can’t separate this side of Takashi - the side that he knows wants to be in the spotlight all the time, regardless of appearances - from the person he’s fallen for so completely either. And it doesn’t take him long to realize that he really doesn’t want to.
**
The shutters click and whiz and whir around him, and Tuti watches, from his place just beyond the cameras, as Takashi does his job with impeccable ease. He hasn’t changed much in the three years Tuti has known him, after all. For the camera, Takashi is charming and focused and serious and fun, and somehow he’s able to exhibit all of these characteristics at the same time, molding them into a single smile or glance, if necessary. Takashi is a master at this, Tuti realizes. He’s at home in front of the camera, in a way that still manages to surprise him, even though he’s been exposed to this side of Takashi for years now.
As Tuti continues to watch Takashi, he begins to realize something, though at first he’s sure he must be imagining it. But no, the more he focuses on Takashi the more it really seems like the other man is watching him, much more than he’s watching the cameraman, or anything else in the room. Tuti could swear that the other man is smiling at him sometimes too - when he’s not staring through him with those deep, penetrating eyes that force Tuti’s to breath catch a little in his throat every time. Takashi glances at the cameras too, but more often than not, his eyes seem to be directed past them, into the darkness.
No one else seems to notice. The man behind the camera nods approvingly at regular intervals and rarely has to provide any anything beyond the most basic of direction to Takashi. Takashi moves efficiently; he’s not hurried, but there’s no wasted motion either. He is very much, in every sense of the word, “on” right now. Tuti’s not sure how he does it, but he’s a little amazed at how easy Takashi always makes this seem.
**
“Weren’t you supposed to be looking at the camera back there?”
Tuti studies Takashi, searching the other man’s face for a clue to his mood, now that the work portion of his day has ended, and they’ve relocated from the studio to a familiar table at a certain coffee shop. He wonders a lot of things at once as he watches the other man…if Takashi is tired, how much sleep he got last night, if he’s in the mood to talk, if this will turn out to be an early night, or a late one…but he doesn’t find much in the way of clues to any of these things, save for a trace of eyeliner at the corner of Takashi’s right eye, which he suddenly feels the urge to smudge away with his finger.
“Eh?” Takashi fakes a confused look at Tuti, and raises his eyebrows across the small table. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying that it really felt like you were watching me more than you were watching the camera back there. Am I that distracting?”
Takashi smiles, and his features soften a little. “Probably.”
“Probably?”
He nods. “Well, that’s not really it, but...” Takashi sips his drink, raising just one eyebrow across the table this time. “Maybe I just thought it would be more interesting this way.”
“Which way?”
Takashi shrugs, and appears to filter a few thoughts out before he speaks again. “Well, when I’m on location, you won’t be around, so…”
Tuti thinks for a moment, trying to make the connection. “Does that make a difference? Whether I’m around or not?”
Takashi blinks. “Maybe?” He nods. “Yeah, maybe it does.”
**
Sometimes Tuti really can’t figure out how or why he’s managed to connect with someone like Takashi so intimately. It’s not a matter of confidence or self-image; it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the fact that for all of the depth of emotion the other man presents to him constantly, Takashi’s heart is sometimes completely untouchable, even for Tuti, and even after so much time has passed.
He’s not exactly sure why this is, either. Because he knows that Takashi trusts him. He can feel this trust in a million ways, every day. He can feel it in Takashi’s silence sometimes, and in his own - this quiet that comes after a long day of rehearsals or performances, when they’re both able to just stop - he knows that this is something that has taken both of them a long time to be able to share. He also knows that there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about Takashi though, things that the other man hides with a smile, or a joke, and things that he doesn’t hide at all, but that somehow remain hidden all the same.
Takashi’s hesitation seems instinctual sometimes, a defense mechanism that for some reason Tuti hasn’t been able to figure out how to overcome all the time. Sometimes he has a lucky break though, usually without really trying - Takashi has admitted this much to him on several occasions, and Tuti believes him, because he can feel it when it happens.
These moments, when Takashi’s heart is completely open in front of him are as palpable as the heat or cold or rain or snow - they envelop him completely, like the wind on his face when he walks down the street with the other man at his side. These moments are warm and soft and filled with an energy that Tuti is sure that he should be able to reach out and touch - except that they’ve usually disappeared before he can even think about trying to hold onto them.
These moments are simple too, most of the time. Not anything that anyone would take particular notice of… Takashi will laugh, and the world will suddenly become illuminated for a moment until the sounds of the street, or the café, or the rehearsal hall come back into focus. Until Tuti realizes that Takashi’s cheek is no longer close enough for him to touch, that he’s no longer near enough for him to be able to wonder how much time Takashi spent washing his face after the performance he’s just come from, or close enough for him to examine the beauty marks on the other man’s face anymore. It doesn’t matter that he would never be able to see them anyway, in this light, or that light, or this particular level of darkness. Because really, he just wants to be close to him.
That’s what Takashi wants too, he’s sure of it. Tuti wonders though… Would he be this mesmerized by Takashi if Takashi wasn’t trying quite so hard to hold his attention all the time? He’s sure that he would be, but… Sometimes he feels like the other man is almost desperate for his attention, and he doesn’t understand why, because he feels like he’s already made it perfectly clear that his eyes have never strayed from watching Takashi, even for a moment.
**
Tuti smiles a little at Takashi across the small table, trying to figure out why all the sudden he really can’t figure out what’s going on in the other man’s head. He watches Takashi poke at the dry piece of cake in front of him. No matter how old the pastries in the case look by this time of night, Takashi always has to order one (or two), though he usually only takes a few bites before abandoning it in favor of his drink. Tuti finds this to be incredibly amusing, though he knows better than to say something about it right now.
“So are you going tell me what you’re thinking?” Tuti asks, as Takashi takes a sip of his drink, and shifts his focus from away from the window. “Or should I guess?” he finishes.
Takashi laughs a little. He pokes at the cake one last time before laying the fork down purposefully and studying Tuti with raised eyebrows.
“I have to admit,” Tuti continues. “I’m pretty curious. Why did you ask me to come today?”
Takashi raises his eyebrows at this and grins. “Guess.”
“Well, let’s see… You’re going to miss me in Gua-”
“Of course,” Takashi interrupts, and flashes a slightly impatient smile.
“But that doesn’t explain why I had to be here today.”
“Maybe I like it when you’re here.” Takashi pauses. “Maybe I’m more focused.”
Tuti blinks. “Really? It’s not distracting?”
“Not really.” Takashi shakes his head. “It’s different if I’m in character, but… For things like this, I really like being able to look past the camera and see you there.”
“So you were looking at me. I knew it.” Tuti grins, satisfied.
“Of course I was.” Takashi frowns a little. “It’s been so long since we’ve worked together like this. I wanted to remind myself what it felt like.”
“Because of the DVD?”
Takashi nods, and then shrugs a moment later. “Or maybe I just wanted to show off… I know how much you like to watch me.” He raises an eyebrow. “If I can seduce you and the cameraman then…”
“Then what?”
“Then everyone’s happy.” Takashi smiles.
Tuti thinks for a moment. “I wonder why you never told me that before…”
Takashi pauses. “You never noticed me watching you before, right?”
**
Tuti is also sure that it’s been clear from the beginning that it was all or nothing for him, as far as his feelings for Takashi are concerned. From the very beginning, there was no transition - no one moment that they went from being coworkers to friends to more-than-friends - it’s almost as if they were everything at the same time from the first moment they met. The pace that they’ve moved at has sometimes been dizzying too, especially for someone like Tuti who is the first to admit that his relationships in the past have all been rather tame. In fact, Tuti’s schedule is usually enough of an excuse to explain away the fact that before Takashi, for several years, he hadn’t been intrigued enough by anyone to even consider sharing his bed with them, much less his time.
But with Takashi it’s different. Everything is different. Takashi is anything but tame, and he’s more intriguing than anyone Tuti has ever met. At least this is how he’s felt from pretty close to the first day Takashi entered his life, until now. He’s curious sometimes though, and he wonders if maybe one day it will all just stop, and Takashi will morph back into the normal human being he’s sure that he is deep down somewhere. Tuti wonders if maybe on that day, everything will stop inside of him too - that the love that fills his body so completely now will one day just drain from his fingertips like sand… Takashi will disappear, or at least… This Takashi will disappear.
But he also has a fairly good sense of the fact that after nearly four years of work and love and passion and compromise and change and security - what he loves and fears more than anything is probably actually true. Takashi really isn’t going anywhere. And even if he did disappear, this feeling would still remain. Tuti knows that despite how it seems on the surface at times, Takashi is much, much more to him than an infatuation or a challenge, though he’s both of those things too.
Without Takashi next to him, Tuti knows that he wouldn’t really recognize himself anymore, and this should be scary, but mostly it’s a really good feeling. It grounds him whenever he starts to doubt himself, and it allows him to truly commit himself to Takashi. The idea that he would be able to make himself, and his heart, available to someone else is something that had never really occurred to him with past relationships. He’s surprised sometimes, by how easy it is with Takashi.
**
“How do you know I never noticed?”
Tuti asks this, but he knows that Takashi is right. He’s not sure why he’s never noticed Takashi watching him until today. This is probably the first time he’s been able to really focus on one of Takashi’s photo shoots though. It’s not the same when he’s also working, he figures.
“You would have mentioned it,” Takashi tells him. He picks up a forkful of cake, and then returns it to the plate untouched a moment later.
Tuti laughs. “That’s probably true.”
“It’s fine though. I have to work harder that way …”
Tuti laughs, trying to follow the other man’s logic.
“You know, to get your attention… I have to work harder. If you knew I was watching you, it wouldn’t be as challenging.” Takashi laughs. “It won’t be, next time.”
“Yeah, I guess not. You revealed your secret.”
Takashi laughs again. “Good thing I have more than one, right?”
There’s a long moment of silence, and Tuti watches Takashi take a slow sip from his drink.
He gives Tuti a quick sideways glance before he tells him, “You know, even when you’re not there watching me, I think about you a lot when I’m doing things like this.”
“Things like what? Photo shoots?”
Takashi nods. “When I’m not in character I end up thinking about other things. Lots of times it ends up being you.”
Tuti finds himself blinking at the man across the table. “Really?”
Takashi closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Yeah, but never mind. I’m not supposed to be telling you this.” He laughs a little nervously.
Tuti grins. “Why not? Isn’t this the exact kind of thing you’re supposed to tell me?”
Takashi frowns a little. “Well, maybe, but…” He sighs. “Never mind.”
Tuti nods, and watches Takashi for a moment. “When you think about me…” He pauses, and watches as the other man’s eyes lift to meet his. “What kinds of things do you think about?”
Takashi’s eyes wander briefly, focusing on the space just above Tuti’s shoulder for a moment. “Mostly I just imagine you watching me.” A small smile starts to twitch at the corner of his lips. “I wonder what you’d think, if you were there.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, no… but…”
Tuti lowers his eyes. “But that’s all you’re going to tell me.”
“Yep.” Takashi grins.
Tuti nods. “Well whatever you’re doing is working, so…”
Takashi laughs. “So don’t stop, right?”
“Right.”
Takashi takes a long drink from his cup, and then grins at Tuti. “I can see right through you, you know?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always thinking about you,’” Takashi’s voice drops to a normal octave again, and he smiles. “That’s what you want me to say, right?”
Tuti shakes his head. “I don’t need you to say it.”
“No?”
Tuti smiles. “Nope.”
“You’re sure it’s true then.”
“Of course.”
Takashi studies him for a long moment; his fingers stop fiddling with the lid to his drink. Finally he nods. “Okay then…” He smiles. “Let’s go. You finished?” He glances questioningly at Tuti’s drink.
“Sure.”
Tuti doesn’t bother to add that he can see right through Takashi too.
He’s sure that Takashi already knows.
***