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Last chapters of the Hikago/Sandman crossover.
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First chapter
Chapter 3: Some day I'll smile too
They had been walking a long while without finding anything. There had been a some kind of a city, where everything - including the people - were made of glass, and a small forest where different animals grew on trees like fruits, then they had explored the bottom of a sea (how he had been able to breathe there Hikaru didn't know, but he was was just happy it hadn't turned into a nightmare about drowning), and finally, slowly and rather painfully, they had found their way through the thickest fog there could possibly be - some kind of a nightmare, Hikaru was sure of it, as it made cold shivers run down his spine. Now they had found what Nuala declared to be the most pleasant dream ever, and had decided to have a little break.
They were sitting in the shadow of a big tree, watching the sun rays play on the waves of a little lake. A bit further away, a waterfall splashed soothingly into the lake, and far away they could see the tops of snowy mountains.
“This is lovely,” Hikaru admitted, lying down on the soft grass. “I could spend a long while here.”
“Fiddler's Green is the best place to relax,” Nuala agreed. “Always charming, and a real gentleman, too.”
“Gentleman?” Hikaru gave her a weird look. First time he'd heard that word used of a place. “Well, anyway. I wish I could show this place to Sai. If I find him, I hope we can come here together...”
“It's a bit weird, how you are looking for him in dreams,” Nuala observed. “Is he somewhere far away?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say so...”
“You sound like you really miss him.”
“I do.” Hikaru moved his head a little, and instead of staring at the leafage turned his face to the strange fairy girl. “And I really wish to speak with him again. Our parting... wasn't a good one. I'd been pretty nasty to him... it's hard enough to think he's gone, but at least I wouldn't want his last memories of me be of some obnoxious brat who just thinks of himself...” He fell silent for a moment, looked again at the blue sky and the green leaves. “I wish I could some day speak of him and smile, without any bitterness...” he said quietly, more to himself than to Nuala. “But.” He gave her a smile that, although it wasn't quite bitter, seemed a little forced, “He would love this place. That garden was great, too, but it was a man-made place, whereas here... this is true natural beauty.”
Nuala smiled. “Yes. I'm sure Fiddler's Green appreciates your praise.”
Hikaru said nothing, as he didn't quite know what to say.
“The only problem with this place,” Nuala went on, “is that here we most certainly won't find any of the...” she fell quiet in the middle of the sentence and looked somewhere far away, as if listening. “Oh.”
“What is it?” Hikaru sat up and shot a worried look around. After all, they had found a tiny nightmare in that lovely garden, too.
“The Lord is back.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. The whole Dreaming knows when he's here.” She stood up. “I guess I'd better be going, then.” She sounded uncertain, maybe a little frightened. “Two out of three hundred and fifteen really isn't that much...”
Hikaru got up as well. “Hey, at least you've done your best. What else could anyone ask for?”
She said nothing, just picked up her basket.
“So...” Hikaru shifted from leg to leg. “You're going back? To the castle? May I come with you? I mean... maybe now he'd agree to see me...”
“Maybe.” Nuala didn't sound too confident. “One can always cask... now, let's start heading - oh, thank you!”
A path had appeared among the trees of Fiddler's Green. Nuala smiled. “He gave us a shortcut. I did say he's a gentleman, didn't I?”
They followed the path, and when they left the Fiddler's Green behind, Hikaru saw that they had arrived straight to the castle. Now, everything looked much more grim and decayed than on his first visit. The tree growing by the main doors was dead and leafless, and the ground, the castle walls, and the sky itself were all of the same dirty gray.
There was a black-clad figure standing at the gate. He seemed to be talking with the gatekeepers, and for a moment Hikaru thought with a wry smile of how useless that was - but then the doors slid open. The black coated man was about to step in, but then something made him glance behind, and when he saw the two, he stopped. Nuala approached him timidly, but Hikaru froze where he was standing.
Black and white; a coat as black as the dark night, and hair of the same color, against which the impossibly white face shone in stark contrast. And eyes... were nothing more than two black holes.
“Nuala, isn't it?” The man's voice made Hikaru shiver. “You are well? I trust there is nothing wrong.”
For some reason, Nuala seemed a little taken aback, as if something had surprised her. “No sir, I mean, yes... that is...”
But Dream was already looking past her, to Hikaru. The boy swallowed, and bowed, deep.
“I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but... um, there's someone I'm looking for and...”
“Shindou Hikaru. You were at my gates earlier this night. You have slept long - isn't it time for you to wake?”
“Not... not yet, lord, please,” Hikaru answered hurriedly. “There's something I'd like to ask you.”
“Ask, then.”
“I'm looking for someone... someone who was in my dream. Fujiwara no Sai. Do you know where I could find him?”
The dark eyes seemed to look straight through the boy. “There's no one by that name in the Dreaming, nor can I remember a dreamer alive at the moment with such name.”
“Well, he is dead, to be exact, has been for a thousand years... He was a ghost, first, but then he disappeared, and I couldn't find him anywhere anymore, no matter how hard I searched.”
Dream shook his head. “I can't help you with this. If the one you are looking for has passed on, I can't reach him anymore.”
“But he was here!” Hikaru exclaimed. “I saw him just a little while ago. He... he gave me...” Hikaru looked at his hands, only now realizing he didn't have the fan anymore. “Damn, he gave me his fan and I've lost it!” He looked up at Dream, begging. “I need to see him again! I need to ask him why he left - I already did, but he didn't answer. And...” he swallowed, “I need to apologize, too.”
“If he left, I can tell you why: because his time was up. You can't find him again, not within this lifetime. Wake up boy - you have dreamed too long.” Dream turned to enter the castle.
“But...” Hikaru whispered once more. “But I...” He swallowed. Not within this lifetime? Before this night, this dream, he had known that. Sai was in his go, and that was enough - had to be enough, for that was all that was left. He had thought he had come to accept it. But now he had seen Sai again, and that certainty was crumbling away.
It wasn't that he was expecting for Sai to come back. But for a moment he had believed he might have a chance to see him at least one more time... And now he'd have to return without meeting Sai, and everything would be as it had been. Back in reality, what Nuala had called the waking world, he'd play his games and fight Touya and be promoted, but he still wouldn't have been able talk things through with Sai. Never to talk with him, never to see him, never to get rid of the empty part deep in his heart...
The Dream Lord stopped, looked behind. Something, like stars, glistened in the depth of his eyes. “Stop that line of thought, boy. You're knocking on Despair's gates. You already once escaped her realm, do you want to go back?” And then he was gone.
No, Hikaru thought to himself, he wasn't about to give in to despair once again. And he wasn't about to give up. He looked at Nuala, who shook her head sadly.
“I'm sorry,” she said. “But... he is right. If the one you're looking for is dead, you can't find him here.”
“He was in my dream,” Hikaru said stubbornly. “He was here.”
“Are you sure? Maybe it was... just a dream.”
“Didn't you say there's no such thing as 'just a dream'?”
“Oh, so you were listening to me! But... I'm sorry, Hikaru, the dead are dead. You can't change that. Sometimes, a few can have the chance of staying here after they die, to become dreams, but your friend is not among them. But...” She glanced at the door that was still left open for her. “I need to run now, I got to tell him what's happened. He's in such an odd mild mood, maybe he won't bite my head off... Thanks for your help!”
She dashed in, and the doors slammed shut behind her.
“I'm not leaving,” Hikaru said to the closed doors. “I'm not.”
And once again, he sat down to wait. But though last time he had been full of defiance, now his stubborn stance was more an act, something he did just because he said he would, not because he anymore expected anything to come of it. Above, the statues of the gatekeepers stared down at him, and if they possibly felt any sympathy, nothing was visible on their stony faces.
Time passed, what felt like hours, but who knows, maybe it was only a few minutes. Then, suddenly, the griffin spoke.
“You may enter the castle.”
“What?” Hikaru gave a start and looked around, thinking that maybe someone else had arrived, but he was still alone. “Me?” He looked up at the statues, not believing his ears.
The dragon nodded. “The doors are open. Welcome.”
“Just walk straight forward,” the winged horse said. “You will come to the throne room.”
“Throne room?” This was beginning to sound quite... official. “Er, thanks...”
“Good luck,” the griffin said, as he walked in.
The dimly lit corridor was long and quiet, the only thing he could hear as he walked it down were his muffled footsteps. There were doors at the other end of the corridor, and when he hesitantly stepped in through them he found himself in a great hall - the throne room, apparently, for there was the throne, at the opposite wall.
The throne, in Hikaru's mind, was surprisingly simple, not really much more than a big chair, to which led a couple of stairs. Dream sat upon it, leaning against the chair's arm, watching him expressionlessly.
Hikaru stopped, uncertain, and glanced around in the empty, shadowy hall. “Umm, thanks for agreeing to see me,” he said, and bowed. “I'm really...”
“You said you have known a ghost,” Dream cut him off, ignoring his thanks. “Tell me more about him.”
“About Sai? Well... he was the emperor's go teacher, during the Heian era, and...” Hikaru went on, telling the whole story, from the day he had first met Sai to the dream he had had. When he was done, Dream nodded once.
“You have given me a good story, thank you for that. And I've heard you have been of some help to Nuala... But nothing of this changes the facts: your friend was dead, is dead, and, based on your account, has finally passed on. A ghost I might be able to find, but one that Death has taken forward, no.”
“But... what if he hasn't?” Hikaru still attempted to argue, desperately. “I mean, moved on? What if this is about something else? I mean... he was in my dream, just recently. And even if he has... moved on... why couldn't he come back, even for a moment? In a dream? Surely that wouldn't be so horrible, right?”
“You'd ask Death to bring him back for you?”
For a moment Hikaru thought he saw something glistening in Dream's dark eyes, and he swallowed. “...could I?” he asked timidly, uncertain.
Dream sat on his throne unmoving, with an unreadable expression, for a long while. Then, finally, he stood up. “Come.”
They left the room and entered another, this one more brightly lit. There were different things on the walls, all framed: a heart, a book with chains around it, some kind of a hook... Dream stopped in front of a cross with a loop on the top, and took it in his hand.
“My sister, I stand in my gallery and hold your sigil. Would you speak with me?”
The face of a young woman appeared almost instantly in the frame. She had the same pale skin and black hair that Dream had.
“Hiya, Dream. I was wondering if you'd call me... How are you?” She sounded genuinely worried.
“I am fine.” Dream's voice was quite colorless. “I didn't call you on my own behalf.” He looked at Hikaru, and his sister peeked into the room from the picture frame, only now noticing the boy.
“Oh, we've got company!” She jumped in from the frame and gave Hikaru a wide smile. Even though her resemblance to Dream was great, she had a much warmer, friendlier air, and the smile on her face reached her eyes, too. She too was wearing only black, though her style could be described only as gothic. Hikaru noticed that a similar cross as Dream was holding hang on her neck. She followed his gaze and touched it.
“It's an ankh,” she answered the unspoken question. “Symbol of eternal life.”
“Oh,” Hikaru said. “Are you...”
“I'm Death,” she said with a small knowing smile. You can't be, Hikaru wanted to tell her, but somehow that smile stopped him.
“You're... not quite what I expected,” was all he managed to say.
“I'm not?” She shrugged. “Well, I can do this much for you.” The same instant her clothes turned into a black funeral kimono and her wild hair was neatly tied. There was a bright red manjushage flower in her hair. “But don't even a mention a scythe, or I will have to hit you.”
“This boy,” Dream said, “is looking for someone who has spent the last thousand years as a ghost, and has just recently disappeared from the waking world. His name was Fujiwara no Sai.”
“Ah... the go player,” Death said quietly.
“You know him?!” Hikaru exclaimed. “Where is he? I need to meet him!”
“I know everyone. But he... he has used up all the time he had. He can't come back anymore. I'm sorry,” she went on even more softly, seeing Hikaru's broken expression, “but I can't start bringing the dead back. If I did it for one, I would have to do it for everybody.”
“Yes, but... but...” Suddenly he felt like choking, and it took all his willpower to push tears away. “I know,” he finally sighed.
Death shook her head. “For what it's worth, I am sorry. It is alright to cry now, to mourn him and curse me - but life goes on, and with time, the pain will ease.”
Hikaru shook his head. “I could never curse you, lady. Never,” he said earnestly, despite the tears that were again burning within his eyes, and Death gave him a long look. Then she shot a glance at her brother, half annoyed, half amused.
“You just had to call me, didn't you? Exactly what did you expect me to do?”
Dream was silent. “We should... talk,” he said then.
“Yes,” Death said strongly. “We should. Are you truly alright? This is weird behavior from you. But what of the boy?”
Dream opened a door. “Would you wait outside a moment,” he said to Hikaru.
The boy nodded and walked to the door. In the doorway he stopped, surprised. “This is...”
“Fiddler's Green,” Dream confirmed. “I heard you like this place. And... this place likes you, too.”
“That's... nice. I don't think I've ever been liked by a place before...” Hikaru stepped outside, and the door closed behind his back.
Fiddler's Green was even more beautiful than he had remembered. Like a dream, it had already begun to fade away... Hikaru sat down underneath a tree, possibly the same under which he and Nuala had been sitting earlier. There was a soft wind, now, that gently, like a caress, blew his bangs from his eyes, and he leaned against the tree trunk, trying to relax.
“Yeah... you are a great place,” he whispered into the wind. He closed his eyes and decided that maybe, maybe, it was time to let go. This dream was beginning to get a little too weird. Right now, he couldn't anymore say if he was dreaming or not - or possibly seeing a dream in which he thought he was seeing a dream. Though he couldn't quite believe he would have been able to dream up something like Death's eyes.
Was she really 'death'? And her brother, 'dream'... exactly what were they? He had a feeling he was knocking at the door of some great mystery, which he'd be better off without knowing. Maybe it was best to give up. They wouldn't bring Sai back, he was sure of that...
Except...
He opened his eyes. Looked behind. And there, underneath the big trees, in the dancing light and shadows that the soft sunlight created as it poured through the thick leafage, stood a familiar white-clothed figure.
---
A couple of things:
1) Fiddler's Green
In The Sandman, Fiddler's Green is one of the major arcana... (and in The Doll's House, he also walks around as a man, calling himself Gilbert). I thought this would be a great place for meeting Sai, as (originally) Fiddler's Green is mythical, paradise-like place... from wikipedia: “a legendary imagined afterlife, where there is perpetual mirth, a fiddle that never stops playing, and dancers who never tire. Its origins are obscure, although some point to the Greek myth of the "Elysian Fields" as a potential inspiration.”
2) Manjushage
Lycoris radiata, red spider lily, is a flower that usually blooms near cemeteries around the autumnal equinox, and they are said to guide the dead into the next reincarnation.
Check the wiki for it: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lycoris_radiata#Legends
Oh, and I've been meaning to say... I know the gatekeepers are in fact a griffin, a wyvern, and a hippogryph... but the hippogryph is always drawn as a pegasus, which I find a bit confusing. SO I just refer to it as a "some kind of a winged horse" here.
And, as the last chapter is so short, here it is, too:
Chapter 4: Soft sunlight, premonition of a departure
“Sai?” Hikaru stood up, slowly, unbelieving. “How...”
“Hikaru.” Yes, it was Sai's voice (a real voice, and not just something he heard in the back of his mind), and after a moment of hesitation, Hikaru plunged forward and threw his arms around his friend and tutor.
“Sai! You did come!” He sounded quite muffled, as his face was pressed tightly against Sai's shoulder. “I didn't believe...”
Sai put his arms around him as well, and a long while they just stood there, hugging each other in silence. Then Hikaru finally pulled away, looking up at Sai, something wet glistening in his eyes.
“You came.” His voice almost broke, and he cleared his throat self-consciously. “I...” he started to say, but fell silent. There were so many things he had been going to say, but now that he had the chance the words suddenly left him.
“Yes?” Sai looked at him with a small smile. “I'm told you have been very eager to see me.”
“Of course! I've missed you so much and there are so many things that I should tell you, and... and I just wanted to ask... and I think I should say... but, but...”
Sai shook his head, amused. “Calm down, Hikaru. Come, let's sit down.” He walked to the lake's edge and sat down by it, watching its calm surface. Hikaru sat down next to him, suddenly nervous.
“Why did you leave?” he asked in a small voice. “Was it... because of me?”
“Because of you?” Sai gave him a surprised look. “Why would you think it was because of you?”
“You wanted to play,” Hikaru muttered, “and I didn't let you. If things were to be like that...why would you stay...”
Sai was shaking his head. “It was hardly my will, to go. I would have wanted still another millennium... or two. I tried to warn you - I did say I might not have much left, didn't I?”
“Yeah...” Hikaru stared gloomily at the water. “And I didn't listen to you.”
“Indeed! You should pay more attention to what people are trying to tell you, and not just ignore them like that. You...” Seeing Hikaru's expression darken even more, Sai fell silent and went then on more gently, “I didn't want to go. I wouldn't have wanted to leave you, no matter what the things were like.”
“Really?” Hikaru looked up at him, and he nodded with a smile.
“Really.”
A relieved sigh escaped the boy. “That's... good to know. I thought it might have been because of me. The games you played were so brilliant... surely it would have been better to let you play all the games, like Torajiro had done, but I just had to be such a brat and so selfish and... and... I'm sorry.” He hung his head again.
“That's nonsense, Hikaru, and you know it.” Sai's voice stern, as on those times he'd pointed out some stupid moves he had made during their games. “Maybe you were selfish, but so was I. In the end, this is your life. I had mine - and I threw it away. Talk about selfishness... that after a deed like that I would still hang around, demand to get to play more...”
“But...” Hikaru looked at him, surprised. “It's not your fault things went like that... if that cheater hadn't...”
“Nobody pushed me into that river,” Sai said quietly. “I could have lived on, played my games when I was alive, but I couldn't see past the current situation... the court had been my whole world, and having been cast out, I imagined it was the end of everything, couldn't see the rest of the world that was still open to me. I was such an idiot...”
Hikaru stared at him, surprised at the bitterness he heard in those words. But then Sai smiled, that same old smile he remembered so well, and the moment was gone. “But it was so much fun, to be with you, Hikaru. I can't ever thank you enough, for that new life I got that I didn't quite deserve.”
Hikaru felt heat spread over his cheeks. “Nah, it's nothing, I had fun too... So you're not mad at me? You'll forgive me?”
Sai smiled. “If you forgive me.”
Hikaru grinned, Sai's smile widened, and they chatted on in the ever-pleasant Fiddler's Green, of Isumi's trip to China and of Mitani going to a tournament, and of the games Hikaru and Touya played, and as they talked, the sun on the sky smiled down upon them, softly caressing them with its gentle rays.
When finally everything had been said, they sat together, quietly, until Sai reached into his sleeve and pulled out his fan. “Try to take better care of it,” he said to Hikaru, who took it, nodded, and woke up.
(“About time!” his mother was saying. “I've called for you at least three times! You're going to be late from school at this rate! ...Hikaru? Are you crying? Did you have a nightmare? Hikaru...?”)
From a window of the castle, Dream and Death had been watching the meeting. When both the boy and the ghost were gone, Death gave her brother a small smile. The kimono was gone, and she was again dressed in her usual black top and pants.
“That was kind of you,” she said, and Dream gave her a blank look.
“If you say so, my sister.” He walked away from the window. “Lucien,” he said, and the librarian stood beside him.
“Sire?”
“For the rest of today, I will be retiring to my quarters. I do not wish to be disturbed. There are many things that require my attention... but they can wait. Tomorrow... I shall work. But not today...”
“Yes, my lord.”
“See ya, Dream,” Death said as he left the room. “Take care.” She moved, too, to return to her own realm, but a quiet “umm” stopped her.
She turned to look and saw Nuala peeking from the doorway. “Yes?”
“I was just wondering, my lady...” Nuala said, hesitantly, “but... was that really Sai? Did you bring him here? Or was it... a dream?”
Death smiled. “Perhaps... perhaps not. Does it matter?” she said. “The boy heard what he needed to hear.” And she was gone.
Nuala sighed, still uncertain. Then she ran after the librarian.
“Say, Lucien...do we have any books on a game called go? Anything real, I mean, not some weird things people have dreamed up... It sounds like a fun game, I wonder if I could learn it...” And she followed him into the library, babbling on about white stones that are like stars in the universe, and of something called the hand of god.
THE END
Previous chapter
First chapter
Chapter 3: Some day I'll smile too
They had been walking a long while without finding anything. There had been a some kind of a city, where everything - including the people - were made of glass, and a small forest where different animals grew on trees like fruits, then they had explored the bottom of a sea (how he had been able to breathe there Hikaru didn't know, but he was was just happy it hadn't turned into a nightmare about drowning), and finally, slowly and rather painfully, they had found their way through the thickest fog there could possibly be - some kind of a nightmare, Hikaru was sure of it, as it made cold shivers run down his spine. Now they had found what Nuala declared to be the most pleasant dream ever, and had decided to have a little break.
They were sitting in the shadow of a big tree, watching the sun rays play on the waves of a little lake. A bit further away, a waterfall splashed soothingly into the lake, and far away they could see the tops of snowy mountains.
“This is lovely,” Hikaru admitted, lying down on the soft grass. “I could spend a long while here.”
“Fiddler's Green is the best place to relax,” Nuala agreed. “Always charming, and a real gentleman, too.”
“Gentleman?” Hikaru gave her a weird look. First time he'd heard that word used of a place. “Well, anyway. I wish I could show this place to Sai. If I find him, I hope we can come here together...”
“It's a bit weird, how you are looking for him in dreams,” Nuala observed. “Is he somewhere far away?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say so...”
“You sound like you really miss him.”
“I do.” Hikaru moved his head a little, and instead of staring at the leafage turned his face to the strange fairy girl. “And I really wish to speak with him again. Our parting... wasn't a good one. I'd been pretty nasty to him... it's hard enough to think he's gone, but at least I wouldn't want his last memories of me be of some obnoxious brat who just thinks of himself...” He fell silent for a moment, looked again at the blue sky and the green leaves. “I wish I could some day speak of him and smile, without any bitterness...” he said quietly, more to himself than to Nuala. “But.” He gave her a smile that, although it wasn't quite bitter, seemed a little forced, “He would love this place. That garden was great, too, but it was a man-made place, whereas here... this is true natural beauty.”
Nuala smiled. “Yes. I'm sure Fiddler's Green appreciates your praise.”
Hikaru said nothing, as he didn't quite know what to say.
“The only problem with this place,” Nuala went on, “is that here we most certainly won't find any of the...” she fell quiet in the middle of the sentence and looked somewhere far away, as if listening. “Oh.”
“What is it?” Hikaru sat up and shot a worried look around. After all, they had found a tiny nightmare in that lovely garden, too.
“The Lord is back.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. The whole Dreaming knows when he's here.” She stood up. “I guess I'd better be going, then.” She sounded uncertain, maybe a little frightened. “Two out of three hundred and fifteen really isn't that much...”
Hikaru got up as well. “Hey, at least you've done your best. What else could anyone ask for?”
She said nothing, just picked up her basket.
“So...” Hikaru shifted from leg to leg. “You're going back? To the castle? May I come with you? I mean... maybe now he'd agree to see me...”
“Maybe.” Nuala didn't sound too confident. “One can always cask... now, let's start heading - oh, thank you!”
A path had appeared among the trees of Fiddler's Green. Nuala smiled. “He gave us a shortcut. I did say he's a gentleman, didn't I?”
They followed the path, and when they left the Fiddler's Green behind, Hikaru saw that they had arrived straight to the castle. Now, everything looked much more grim and decayed than on his first visit. The tree growing by the main doors was dead and leafless, and the ground, the castle walls, and the sky itself were all of the same dirty gray.
There was a black-clad figure standing at the gate. He seemed to be talking with the gatekeepers, and for a moment Hikaru thought with a wry smile of how useless that was - but then the doors slid open. The black coated man was about to step in, but then something made him glance behind, and when he saw the two, he stopped. Nuala approached him timidly, but Hikaru froze where he was standing.
Black and white; a coat as black as the dark night, and hair of the same color, against which the impossibly white face shone in stark contrast. And eyes... were nothing more than two black holes.
“Nuala, isn't it?” The man's voice made Hikaru shiver. “You are well? I trust there is nothing wrong.”
For some reason, Nuala seemed a little taken aback, as if something had surprised her. “No sir, I mean, yes... that is...”
But Dream was already looking past her, to Hikaru. The boy swallowed, and bowed, deep.
“I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but... um, there's someone I'm looking for and...”
“Shindou Hikaru. You were at my gates earlier this night. You have slept long - isn't it time for you to wake?”
“Not... not yet, lord, please,” Hikaru answered hurriedly. “There's something I'd like to ask you.”
“Ask, then.”
“I'm looking for someone... someone who was in my dream. Fujiwara no Sai. Do you know where I could find him?”
The dark eyes seemed to look straight through the boy. “There's no one by that name in the Dreaming, nor can I remember a dreamer alive at the moment with such name.”
“Well, he is dead, to be exact, has been for a thousand years... He was a ghost, first, but then he disappeared, and I couldn't find him anywhere anymore, no matter how hard I searched.”
Dream shook his head. “I can't help you with this. If the one you are looking for has passed on, I can't reach him anymore.”
“But he was here!” Hikaru exclaimed. “I saw him just a little while ago. He... he gave me...” Hikaru looked at his hands, only now realizing he didn't have the fan anymore. “Damn, he gave me his fan and I've lost it!” He looked up at Dream, begging. “I need to see him again! I need to ask him why he left - I already did, but he didn't answer. And...” he swallowed, “I need to apologize, too.”
“If he left, I can tell you why: because his time was up. You can't find him again, not within this lifetime. Wake up boy - you have dreamed too long.” Dream turned to enter the castle.
“But...” Hikaru whispered once more. “But I...” He swallowed. Not within this lifetime? Before this night, this dream, he had known that. Sai was in his go, and that was enough - had to be enough, for that was all that was left. He had thought he had come to accept it. But now he had seen Sai again, and that certainty was crumbling away.
It wasn't that he was expecting for Sai to come back. But for a moment he had believed he might have a chance to see him at least one more time... And now he'd have to return without meeting Sai, and everything would be as it had been. Back in reality, what Nuala had called the waking world, he'd play his games and fight Touya and be promoted, but he still wouldn't have been able talk things through with Sai. Never to talk with him, never to see him, never to get rid of the empty part deep in his heart...
The Dream Lord stopped, looked behind. Something, like stars, glistened in the depth of his eyes. “Stop that line of thought, boy. You're knocking on Despair's gates. You already once escaped her realm, do you want to go back?” And then he was gone.
No, Hikaru thought to himself, he wasn't about to give in to despair once again. And he wasn't about to give up. He looked at Nuala, who shook her head sadly.
“I'm sorry,” she said. “But... he is right. If the one you're looking for is dead, you can't find him here.”
“He was in my dream,” Hikaru said stubbornly. “He was here.”
“Are you sure? Maybe it was... just a dream.”
“Didn't you say there's no such thing as 'just a dream'?”
“Oh, so you were listening to me! But... I'm sorry, Hikaru, the dead are dead. You can't change that. Sometimes, a few can have the chance of staying here after they die, to become dreams, but your friend is not among them. But...” She glanced at the door that was still left open for her. “I need to run now, I got to tell him what's happened. He's in such an odd mild mood, maybe he won't bite my head off... Thanks for your help!”
She dashed in, and the doors slammed shut behind her.
“I'm not leaving,” Hikaru said to the closed doors. “I'm not.”
And once again, he sat down to wait. But though last time he had been full of defiance, now his stubborn stance was more an act, something he did just because he said he would, not because he anymore expected anything to come of it. Above, the statues of the gatekeepers stared down at him, and if they possibly felt any sympathy, nothing was visible on their stony faces.
Time passed, what felt like hours, but who knows, maybe it was only a few minutes. Then, suddenly, the griffin spoke.
“You may enter the castle.”
“What?” Hikaru gave a start and looked around, thinking that maybe someone else had arrived, but he was still alone. “Me?” He looked up at the statues, not believing his ears.
The dragon nodded. “The doors are open. Welcome.”
“Just walk straight forward,” the winged horse said. “You will come to the throne room.”
“Throne room?” This was beginning to sound quite... official. “Er, thanks...”
“Good luck,” the griffin said, as he walked in.
The dimly lit corridor was long and quiet, the only thing he could hear as he walked it down were his muffled footsteps. There were doors at the other end of the corridor, and when he hesitantly stepped in through them he found himself in a great hall - the throne room, apparently, for there was the throne, at the opposite wall.
The throne, in Hikaru's mind, was surprisingly simple, not really much more than a big chair, to which led a couple of stairs. Dream sat upon it, leaning against the chair's arm, watching him expressionlessly.
Hikaru stopped, uncertain, and glanced around in the empty, shadowy hall. “Umm, thanks for agreeing to see me,” he said, and bowed. “I'm really...”
“You said you have known a ghost,” Dream cut him off, ignoring his thanks. “Tell me more about him.”
“About Sai? Well... he was the emperor's go teacher, during the Heian era, and...” Hikaru went on, telling the whole story, from the day he had first met Sai to the dream he had had. When he was done, Dream nodded once.
“You have given me a good story, thank you for that. And I've heard you have been of some help to Nuala... But nothing of this changes the facts: your friend was dead, is dead, and, based on your account, has finally passed on. A ghost I might be able to find, but one that Death has taken forward, no.”
“But... what if he hasn't?” Hikaru still attempted to argue, desperately. “I mean, moved on? What if this is about something else? I mean... he was in my dream, just recently. And even if he has... moved on... why couldn't he come back, even for a moment? In a dream? Surely that wouldn't be so horrible, right?”
“You'd ask Death to bring him back for you?”
For a moment Hikaru thought he saw something glistening in Dream's dark eyes, and he swallowed. “...could I?” he asked timidly, uncertain.
Dream sat on his throne unmoving, with an unreadable expression, for a long while. Then, finally, he stood up. “Come.”
They left the room and entered another, this one more brightly lit. There were different things on the walls, all framed: a heart, a book with chains around it, some kind of a hook... Dream stopped in front of a cross with a loop on the top, and took it in his hand.
“My sister, I stand in my gallery and hold your sigil. Would you speak with me?”
The face of a young woman appeared almost instantly in the frame. She had the same pale skin and black hair that Dream had.
“Hiya, Dream. I was wondering if you'd call me... How are you?” She sounded genuinely worried.
“I am fine.” Dream's voice was quite colorless. “I didn't call you on my own behalf.” He looked at Hikaru, and his sister peeked into the room from the picture frame, only now noticing the boy.
“Oh, we've got company!” She jumped in from the frame and gave Hikaru a wide smile. Even though her resemblance to Dream was great, she had a much warmer, friendlier air, and the smile on her face reached her eyes, too. She too was wearing only black, though her style could be described only as gothic. Hikaru noticed that a similar cross as Dream was holding hang on her neck. She followed his gaze and touched it.
“It's an ankh,” she answered the unspoken question. “Symbol of eternal life.”
“Oh,” Hikaru said. “Are you...”
“I'm Death,” she said with a small knowing smile. You can't be, Hikaru wanted to tell her, but somehow that smile stopped him.
“You're... not quite what I expected,” was all he managed to say.
“I'm not?” She shrugged. “Well, I can do this much for you.” The same instant her clothes turned into a black funeral kimono and her wild hair was neatly tied. There was a bright red manjushage flower in her hair. “But don't even a mention a scythe, or I will have to hit you.”
“This boy,” Dream said, “is looking for someone who has spent the last thousand years as a ghost, and has just recently disappeared from the waking world. His name was Fujiwara no Sai.”
“Ah... the go player,” Death said quietly.
“You know him?!” Hikaru exclaimed. “Where is he? I need to meet him!”
“I know everyone. But he... he has used up all the time he had. He can't come back anymore. I'm sorry,” she went on even more softly, seeing Hikaru's broken expression, “but I can't start bringing the dead back. If I did it for one, I would have to do it for everybody.”
“Yes, but... but...” Suddenly he felt like choking, and it took all his willpower to push tears away. “I know,” he finally sighed.
Death shook her head. “For what it's worth, I am sorry. It is alright to cry now, to mourn him and curse me - but life goes on, and with time, the pain will ease.”
Hikaru shook his head. “I could never curse you, lady. Never,” he said earnestly, despite the tears that were again burning within his eyes, and Death gave him a long look. Then she shot a glance at her brother, half annoyed, half amused.
“You just had to call me, didn't you? Exactly what did you expect me to do?”
Dream was silent. “We should... talk,” he said then.
“Yes,” Death said strongly. “We should. Are you truly alright? This is weird behavior from you. But what of the boy?”
Dream opened a door. “Would you wait outside a moment,” he said to Hikaru.
The boy nodded and walked to the door. In the doorway he stopped, surprised. “This is...”
“Fiddler's Green,” Dream confirmed. “I heard you like this place. And... this place likes you, too.”
“That's... nice. I don't think I've ever been liked by a place before...” Hikaru stepped outside, and the door closed behind his back.
Fiddler's Green was even more beautiful than he had remembered. Like a dream, it had already begun to fade away... Hikaru sat down underneath a tree, possibly the same under which he and Nuala had been sitting earlier. There was a soft wind, now, that gently, like a caress, blew his bangs from his eyes, and he leaned against the tree trunk, trying to relax.
“Yeah... you are a great place,” he whispered into the wind. He closed his eyes and decided that maybe, maybe, it was time to let go. This dream was beginning to get a little too weird. Right now, he couldn't anymore say if he was dreaming or not - or possibly seeing a dream in which he thought he was seeing a dream. Though he couldn't quite believe he would have been able to dream up something like Death's eyes.
Was she really 'death'? And her brother, 'dream'... exactly what were they? He had a feeling he was knocking at the door of some great mystery, which he'd be better off without knowing. Maybe it was best to give up. They wouldn't bring Sai back, he was sure of that...
Except...
He opened his eyes. Looked behind. And there, underneath the big trees, in the dancing light and shadows that the soft sunlight created as it poured through the thick leafage, stood a familiar white-clothed figure.
---
A couple of things:
1) Fiddler's Green
In The Sandman, Fiddler's Green is one of the major arcana... (and in The Doll's House, he also walks around as a man, calling himself Gilbert). I thought this would be a great place for meeting Sai, as (originally) Fiddler's Green is mythical, paradise-like place... from wikipedia: “a legendary imagined afterlife, where there is perpetual mirth, a fiddle that never stops playing, and dancers who never tire. Its origins are obscure, although some point to the Greek myth of the "Elysian Fields" as a potential inspiration.”
2) Manjushage
Lycoris radiata, red spider lily, is a flower that usually blooms near cemeteries around the autumnal equinox, and they are said to guide the dead into the next reincarnation.
Check the wiki for it: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lycoris_radiata#Legends
Oh, and I've been meaning to say... I know the gatekeepers are in fact a griffin, a wyvern, and a hippogryph... but the hippogryph is always drawn as a pegasus, which I find a bit confusing. SO I just refer to it as a "some kind of a winged horse" here.
And, as the last chapter is so short, here it is, too:
Chapter 4: Soft sunlight, premonition of a departure
“Sai?” Hikaru stood up, slowly, unbelieving. “How...”
“Hikaru.” Yes, it was Sai's voice (a real voice, and not just something he heard in the back of his mind), and after a moment of hesitation, Hikaru plunged forward and threw his arms around his friend and tutor.
“Sai! You did come!” He sounded quite muffled, as his face was pressed tightly against Sai's shoulder. “I didn't believe...”
Sai put his arms around him as well, and a long while they just stood there, hugging each other in silence. Then Hikaru finally pulled away, looking up at Sai, something wet glistening in his eyes.
“You came.” His voice almost broke, and he cleared his throat self-consciously. “I...” he started to say, but fell silent. There were so many things he had been going to say, but now that he had the chance the words suddenly left him.
“Yes?” Sai looked at him with a small smile. “I'm told you have been very eager to see me.”
“Of course! I've missed you so much and there are so many things that I should tell you, and... and I just wanted to ask... and I think I should say... but, but...”
Sai shook his head, amused. “Calm down, Hikaru. Come, let's sit down.” He walked to the lake's edge and sat down by it, watching its calm surface. Hikaru sat down next to him, suddenly nervous.
“Why did you leave?” he asked in a small voice. “Was it... because of me?”
“Because of you?” Sai gave him a surprised look. “Why would you think it was because of you?”
“You wanted to play,” Hikaru muttered, “and I didn't let you. If things were to be like that...why would you stay...”
Sai was shaking his head. “It was hardly my will, to go. I would have wanted still another millennium... or two. I tried to warn you - I did say I might not have much left, didn't I?”
“Yeah...” Hikaru stared gloomily at the water. “And I didn't listen to you.”
“Indeed! You should pay more attention to what people are trying to tell you, and not just ignore them like that. You...” Seeing Hikaru's expression darken even more, Sai fell silent and went then on more gently, “I didn't want to go. I wouldn't have wanted to leave you, no matter what the things were like.”
“Really?” Hikaru looked up at him, and he nodded with a smile.
“Really.”
A relieved sigh escaped the boy. “That's... good to know. I thought it might have been because of me. The games you played were so brilliant... surely it would have been better to let you play all the games, like Torajiro had done, but I just had to be such a brat and so selfish and... and... I'm sorry.” He hung his head again.
“That's nonsense, Hikaru, and you know it.” Sai's voice stern, as on those times he'd pointed out some stupid moves he had made during their games. “Maybe you were selfish, but so was I. In the end, this is your life. I had mine - and I threw it away. Talk about selfishness... that after a deed like that I would still hang around, demand to get to play more...”
“But...” Hikaru looked at him, surprised. “It's not your fault things went like that... if that cheater hadn't...”
“Nobody pushed me into that river,” Sai said quietly. “I could have lived on, played my games when I was alive, but I couldn't see past the current situation... the court had been my whole world, and having been cast out, I imagined it was the end of everything, couldn't see the rest of the world that was still open to me. I was such an idiot...”
Hikaru stared at him, surprised at the bitterness he heard in those words. But then Sai smiled, that same old smile he remembered so well, and the moment was gone. “But it was so much fun, to be with you, Hikaru. I can't ever thank you enough, for that new life I got that I didn't quite deserve.”
Hikaru felt heat spread over his cheeks. “Nah, it's nothing, I had fun too... So you're not mad at me? You'll forgive me?”
Sai smiled. “If you forgive me.”
Hikaru grinned, Sai's smile widened, and they chatted on in the ever-pleasant Fiddler's Green, of Isumi's trip to China and of Mitani going to a tournament, and of the games Hikaru and Touya played, and as they talked, the sun on the sky smiled down upon them, softly caressing them with its gentle rays.
When finally everything had been said, they sat together, quietly, until Sai reached into his sleeve and pulled out his fan. “Try to take better care of it,” he said to Hikaru, who took it, nodded, and woke up.
(“About time!” his mother was saying. “I've called for you at least three times! You're going to be late from school at this rate! ...Hikaru? Are you crying? Did you have a nightmare? Hikaru...?”)
From a window of the castle, Dream and Death had been watching the meeting. When both the boy and the ghost were gone, Death gave her brother a small smile. The kimono was gone, and she was again dressed in her usual black top and pants.
“That was kind of you,” she said, and Dream gave her a blank look.
“If you say so, my sister.” He walked away from the window. “Lucien,” he said, and the librarian stood beside him.
“Sire?”
“For the rest of today, I will be retiring to my quarters. I do not wish to be disturbed. There are many things that require my attention... but they can wait. Tomorrow... I shall work. But not today...”
“Yes, my lord.”
“See ya, Dream,” Death said as he left the room. “Take care.” She moved, too, to return to her own realm, but a quiet “umm” stopped her.
She turned to look and saw Nuala peeking from the doorway. “Yes?”
“I was just wondering, my lady...” Nuala said, hesitantly, “but... was that really Sai? Did you bring him here? Or was it... a dream?”
Death smiled. “Perhaps... perhaps not. Does it matter?” she said. “The boy heard what he needed to hear.” And she was gone.
Nuala sighed, still uncertain. Then she ran after the librarian.
“Say, Lucien...do we have any books on a game called go? Anything real, I mean, not some weird things people have dreamed up... It sounds like a fun game, I wonder if I could learn it...” And she followed him into the library, babbling on about white stones that are like stars in the universe, and of something called the hand of god.
THE END