FIC: Scars Are Souvenirs You Never Lose - 3/3
Title: Scars Are Souvenirs You Never Lose 3/3
Category: X-Factor/X-Men/X-Force
Characters: Shatterstar, Rictor
Spoilers: Civil War: X-Men (entire series), X-Factor 14-21
Rated: NC-17
Genre: Angst
Summary: Rictor's done something he may regret, and things look damn hopeless for him -- until he catches that brilliant shade of red under the street light.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, but I wish I did. They belong to Marvel (who neglects them!)
Part 1, Part 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What the fuck did he just do?
Rictor grabbed his face in his hands as he all but fell to the steps outside of X-Factor Headquarters. He didn’t need this right now -- he couldn’t…
He couldn’t ever give her what she needed.
He couldn’t ever give himself that. Rictor knew that this new thing -- whatever it was -- it was a chance to move on and get over everything that had happened in the last few months. Rahne wasn’t nearly as close to him as 'Star was, but maybe it was a start. His head was absolutely screaming at him to go for it and embrace this. In his mind, it could replace his pain and his longing…it could put a body right where he wanted one…it…
Who the fuck was he kidding?
The chance, no matter how good it was, would never work. No matter what it was that his mind was screaming at him, his heart just would not comply. Rahne was his friend, but she wasn’t…she wasn’t Shatterstar. As much as it pained him to even think of such a thing, it was true. 'Star was long gone and hadn’t as so much as called him in many months. Whatever it was that he was out there doing in the world -- whether good or bad -- had to be right for him in some way or another. Rictor knew that if he hadn’t come back already then maybe he was actually happy….maybe…
The Mexican wondered briefly if Shatterstar thought about him as nearly as much as Rictor seemed to think about him. His dreams, his thoughts, his decisions, his actions -- 'Star plagued them. It was so weak and pathetic and lame, but Rictor felt it and it was involuntary. Years and years spent so close to someone made it second nature for him to be that way. Most people would probably say it wasn’t healthy or right, but Julio knew he wasn’t most people. Close friends came so few and far between for him, that it was normal for him to feel that way.
Wasn’t it?
He sighed and curled his fingers around the concrete edge of the steps; the night wind was cool and whipped his hair around his face. It was the first time he’d been outside since the incident at Pietro’s office the previous day, and it subconsciously made him feel better. The outdoors always had that affect on him.
And he felt the need to be out there right then.
He’d just slept with Rahne.
He groaned and clutched his face in his hands. Was he on some fucking drugs? Was he that desperate for fucking attention that he’d actually gone and done that? His life was so messed up, and Rictor was nearing a point where he felt there just wasn’t any direction left. His powers were gone, had come back again to taunt him of the very fact for five minutes, and then left him -- again. It almost seemed as though it were a general rule of the universe: every couple of years Julio has to be really happy, and then when he’s least expecting it, take it all away. It scarred him.
These scars -- Shatterstar, his powers, his years of torture, his family -- they never went away. He carried them everywhere and they piled up and festered within him -- dictating his very essence. They made him who he was, and at that point in his life Julio Richter wasn’t sure that he even liked that person anymore. All of his greatest weaknesses had been exposed for the world to see and he couldn’t help but feel like a walking joke -- a contradiction -- that everyone could see through.
He drew his knees tightly to his chest and squeezed his eyes closed when he felt the first drop of rain hit his forehead. The black night sky opened up, and within minutes Rictor was being blanketed by a downpour. His hair clung to his forehead, and his clothes clung to him uncomfortably -- but it felt good. He always did love the rain.
A flash of lightening rocketed across the sky and lit up the darkened streets. It was well into the night and Mutant Town was emptier than it normally was. The only sound filling the air was that of the rain piercing the pavement. Reaching out in front of him, Rictor slowly stepped down the six steps until he was crouched down on the pavement. Slowly he spread his fingers across the wet concrete, placing his hand down flat against the cool surface.
Maybe if he just tried, he could make the Earth move the way he wanted...
Nothing.
There was a time in his life that he would sit out in the rain for hours. Had someone seen him, they’d have probably thought he was so fucking weird. But when the skies poured down across the world, Rictor could feel it -- he’d feel so alive. The Earth became a sponge growing and absorbing life and it would surge through his body -- as weird as it sounded. Rain was the water the planet needed to live, and he was a child of the Earth.
And now…nothing.
He curled his fingers harshly, scraping them against the sharp contours of the sidewalk. Now he was a separate entity - a ball of soaked clothing in a pile on a broken street side. It sickened him that he did this to himself; they weren’t coming back.
His old life wasn’t coming back…
It…
And then he saw it. He blinked the rain away from his eyes and squinted; the dirty street was empty save for a flash of brilliant red under the street light. His breath hitched in his throat, and he had to fight himself to keep breathing. Rictor was frozen in his crouched over position on the sidewalk; he didn’t dare move. He was so scared if he did that he would disappear, and it would all be some joke. He subconsciously curled his fingers over the ground and swallowed.
A shift, and then the red moved. Long, twisted strands whipped violently under the moonlight and the figure was cloaked by the shadows of the surrounding buildings; the only thing giving away his approaching presence was the occasional gleam of metal reflected off of a pack on his back. Rictor felt himself shake with anticipation.
Through the deafening pour of the rain, Julio could hear his heart beating -- slamming -- in his chest. The figure -- the man -- moved silently like a trained assassin, glided even, over the concrete of the road without a sound. Black clothing kept him mostly hidden from the night, but that one wild shade of red on his head gave him away so fast…it made Julio’s throat completely dry out.
“You’re going to catch a cold,” a deep, beautifully accented voice muttered.
Rictor squeezed his eyes closed and sank further to the ground. “So?”
The large body stepped close enough that his bulky combat boots were only inches away from Rictor’s splayed out hands. “There’s no need to harm yourself.”
“'Star…” Rictor winced. “I…”
A large hand appeared in front of his face, offering him help up. Rictor stared at it for a few moments; it was every bit as big and intimidating as he remembered it to be. Swallowing, he placed his hand across the wet skin and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Hesitantly he looked up, almost afraid to see what was behind those eyes. But Shatterstar looked pained -- almost sorrowful.
“Julio, I once learned,” he swallowed, and held his hand tighter. “That it is sometimes the best to return to those you care for - especially when they need you.”
Rictor blinked back the overpowering emotion that threatened to burst though him right then. “How did you know?”
The warrior frowned, but his eyes never left Rictor’s. “I made a mistake.”
The regret that shone in the silver eyes burned through Julio’s very core. The inner hope and optimism that kept him glued to every memory of Shatterstar flared up in his chest. “Amigo…”
“I’m sorry,” he bowed his head shamefully. Tendrils of long red hair fell into his eyes, leaving wet trails across his face. 'Star rarely ever admitted defeat or shame, and yet…after months of pain and wondering, he was doing so to Julio in the middle of the night on a sopping wet street in New York.
Looking every bit of gorgeous as Rictor remembered him to be.
When 'Star finally looked at him again, his eyes were nearly pleading with him. It was a look that Rictor had seen before, and he was almost sure that he was the only person that 'Star would ever dare expose himself like that to. That look of such desperation and need, it was the very look that broke his heart the very first time they had separated -- the same one that made him realize…everything.
The glare from the street light shone against the wetness of Star’s skin, and Julio couldn’t help but raise his hand to touch it. The edges of his fingertips slid over the sharp cheekbone, and along the strong jaw line. It was 'Star -- the same 'Star he remembered -- his 'Star.
“I can’t believe you came back,” he croaked, not even realizing he said it until it was already out.
'Star lifted his hand and grabbed Julio’s from his face. “I should have never left.”
The heat from his skin warmed Rictor. He let out a shaky breath. “I wanted you to find what you were looking for.”
“I was…wrong,” 'Star muttered. “I already had it.”
Rictor stepped closer, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the warrior’s shoulders in an awkward hug. It had been so long, and now it even seemed surreal to be doing that right where they were. He had just slept with some woman and got caught fondling the concrete in the pouring rain -- but 'Star…Dios he was there…
After a few moments Shatty raised his arms and hugged him back. His head was dipped low, and Julio could feel the hot breath against the crook of his neck. The cold of the rain disappeared right then, and Rictor felt enveloped in warmth despite being wet. Large fingers dug tightly into his shoulders, and then moved slowly upwards until they were curled loosely around the back of his neck. “Do you forgive me?”
Rictor couldn’t speak, so he nodded against the waterlogged hair. How could he not forgive him? It meant more to him than anything just that 'Star had returned after all that time. Things weren’t perfect, but at least they were better.
The warrior pulled back and stared him in the eye through thick eyelashes. “You are…okay?”
Rictor nodded slowly. “I will be.”
'Star nodded and leaned forward; soft, warm lips pressed against Rictor’s making his body jolt from the contact. It was so wonderful, so familiar. The rain rolled between their cheeks; both men were soaked right through their clothes. But Rictor could only focus on the face against him, the perfect skin beneath his fingers, and the rock hard body against his.
It was like a fucking dream.
“Come inside,” Rictor whispered against his lips; clutching his shirt tightly in his hands so not to ever let him go.
'Star said nothing, and only nodded against Julio’s forehead. Rictor felt good right then…he felt right. They turned and left behind the wet world, taking the stairs slowly. They were in no rush.
They had so much time.
And when Rictor returned to his room it didn’t even occur to him to even care that he had spent his evening in there with someone else. All that mattered to him then was that 'Star was back and in his life. The Mexican pushed the bedroom door closed once the warrior was fully inside, and locked it. Shatterstar walked around the room a few times and looked at everything.
“It is very empty in here.”
Rictor shrugged. “Left most of my stuff I used to have in Mexico. I didn’t see a need for having it, I guess.”
'Star frowned. “It’s strange…you loved your things.”
Rictor shrugged and stepped closer to him. “They’re just objects. I can live without those.”
'Star approached him slowly and pushed the wet jacket off of his shoulders. “I have been waiting quite awhile to come here. I wasn’t sure if you would be willing to see me.”
The coat fell to the floor, and Rictor shivered. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”
“I was told…” 'Star’s gaze fell to the floor. “You almost died.”
Rictor swore he felt his heart stop. “Um…yeah, but I’m okay, amigo.”
“I would have never forgiven myself,” Shatterstar admitted, and looked at him again. “When I heard that…I never felt that way before…I felt…”
Rictor squeezed his hand, and sighed miserably. “I’m so sorry.”
Shatterstar swallowed and pulled his hands free to rest on either side of Julio’s hips. He fingered the hem of the soaked white shirt there for a few seconds before deciding on removing that too. “You have no need to apologize to me for anything.”
“Yes, I do,” Rictor croaked and raised his arms as the cold material of his shirt was pulled away. “I’m a fucking coward, hombre. The whole no honor thing, remember?”
Shatterstar removed his own jacket. “Never; although I’m upset about your actions, I feel as though perhaps it may not have happened if I had just been there…”
Rictor slid 'Star’s shirt off over his head and laid a small kiss on his collarbone. “It’s no one’s fault but mine.”
Again 'Star pulled him forward and the two men embraced. “Deseo que podría eliminar tu dolor.”
Rictor smiled at him sadly. “You do.”
Shatterstar closed his eyes tightly before leaning in and kissing the Mexican again. The pain and the sadness was practically radiating off of the warrior, and Rictor wanted to just grab him and yell at him -- tell him that he didn’t blame him. And Shatterstar clutched him like a life line; one hand tightly fisted in Rictor’s wet hair, and the other hand pressed flat against his chest.
“I messed up so bad, Julio,” 'Star mumbled clumsily against his lips. “I feel as though I’ve shamed myself.”
Rictor frowned; he steadied both hands on either side of 'Star’s jaw and looked him straight in the face. “No…don’t say that shit.”
“I hurt so many people,” he breathed. “It only now occurs to me how terrible I am for it. I hurt hundreds of people…I fought humans just like you in an arena until death…I let you down, and that hurts me most of all.”
Rictor swallowed down the massive wave of pain that came over him. “I-I…”
Shatterstar bowed his head and dropped down to his knees. “I regret so much.”
“You didn’t know,” Rictor felt himself whispering; internally screaming for Shatterstar to get up and stop degrading himself that way. “I knew what you were like right from the beginning, and I can’t hold that against you now no matter how bad it is.”
'Star sniffed and stared up at him. “How can you care so much for a person like me? I’m not even a good…”
“Shut up,” Rictor whispered and pulled him up so that he was standing on his feet. “Just…don’t talk, okay?”
“Okay,” 'Star nodded. “Te amo, Julio.”
Rictor nodded. “I know, amigo. Te amo también.”
'Star breathed a sigh of relief and held Julio’s hips. The warrior was letting his resolve crumble, and Rictor just had the undeniable urge to just hold him and make things right. He knew this was right -- it was what his gut and his heart told him all along. Having those lips against his was right, holding him there half dressed…it was right. Them together -- it was the way it was supposed to be.
Julio popped the button on the front of 'Star’s worn jeans, and slowly unzipped them. Shatterstar watched him through the messy strands of wet, fallen hair - face sad, but eyes soft. Rictor knew exactly what he was thinking, and he didn’t want him to feel undeserving of this…love. Ric didn’t know of a single other person who was more deserving of his devotion than Shatterstar.
“I need you,” Rictor whispered and gently kissed his lips.
Shatterstar just stepped out of his jeans -- he, of course, had been bare bagging it -- and now stood completely naked in front of Julio. He was every bit as perfect and gorgeous as he always had been; chiseled with muscle and covered with a flawless, pale white skin that contrasted beautifully against Julio’s darker tone. The Mexican removed his own pants and underwear and pushed Star toward the wrinkled bed. The warrior backed into it slowly, and pulled Julio down by the waist as he laid back.
“I need you, too,” Star murmured between kissing Rictor’s neck. “I am completely sure of it.”
“I’m glad,” Rictor replied, arching his back to expose more of himself. Dios, how he’d missed that touch; and Shatty must’ve felt the same way because even though two obvious erections pressed between their bodies, the boys were content just holding each other and kissing in that moment. Rictor kissed along the points of the starburst circling Shatty’s eye, loving that unique place about him tenderly.
'Star lazily slid his tongue along Rictor’s jaw until he came up and around the curve of his scruffy chin. He placed one quick kiss on the Mexican’s full bottom lip, and then gently sucked the pink flesh between his own. Ric let out a soft moan, and pushed his fingers through the damp, copper hair. This earned a small smile from 'Star, and he tugged lightly on the lip until it popped out of his mouth. Rictor smiled back and kissed the tip of the warrior’s nose, making Shatty nuzzle him back in return. Such gentle actions from him made Rictor melt on the inside; that startlingly human side of the warrior that he just adored to see was still so obviously there -- almost as if nothing had even changed in the first place.
But it had; no longer were they concerned about relieving their stress and burning their energy. There were no lingering doubts or feelings anymore like there once had been. They’d grown, they’d matured -- and they learned just how important it was to just love each other, and to not take advantage of it. Ric knew he would forever memorize every feeling he got, so he’d never have to go without it again.
And Shatterstar silently agreed; he caressed the backs of his hands down Julio’s neck and across his shoulders and collarbone, stopping once he reached the swell of his chest. He splayed his large fingers across the flesh, and bent down to kiss it. Rictor could see from the emotion on 'Star’s face that he could feel the excited slamming of Julio’s heart against his hand. Shatty kissed it once more and stared back up at Ric. “I am so glad you’re alive.”
Rictor swallowed sadly, hating himself for ever getting on top of that building. “Me too.”
Apparently, he was forgiven for ever doing such a thing because 'Star swept his hands along his ribs and maneuvered them both so that Julio was lying on the mattress, and he was on top. Rictor shivered at the swift contact and reached over to his night table, pulled open the drawer and rummaged until he found his lube. He gripped the tube tightly, and nearly dropped it when 'Star lightly nibbled on one of his nipples.
“Oh Dios,” he chuckled and leaned forward to kiss the top of his head. The warrior tongued the fleshy bud and rubbed his hand up Julio’s body and along the length of his arm until his fingers reached the palm of his hand. 'Star pulled the tube from Rictor’s grasp and maneuvered himself down between his legs. Rictor watched him, and the way his eyes focused so determinedly on the Mexican’s erection. Shatterstar was such a damn perfectionist; always wanted to make sure he did everything with the utmost precision -- not that Julio minded.
'Star squeezed a blob of lube onto his hand, and quickly gave Rictor’s cock a wet, tonguey kiss before rubbing the liquid along the shaft. Julio let out a long hiss and bucked his hips at the contact. Shatterstar trailed his finger teasingly along the length, and traced along the bottom of the head, eliciting a loud moan. Rictor squeezed his eyes shut and arched his back.
He hadn’t felt that damn good in a long fucking time.
“God 'Star, usted es asombroso.”
“Hmmm,” the warrior hummed as he pumped the slick cock in his hand a few more times before letting go. At the lack of contact, Ric’s body sunk back into the mattress stiffly; where did he…?
Oh.
'Star crawled up Julio’s body and placed his thighs on either side of the Mexican’s hips, maneuvering himself so that he was hovered over the weeping erection. Rictor swallowed and gripped the base of his dick, positioning it at 'Star’s opening.
“You ready for this, amigo?” he whispered.
“Yes,” 'Star breathed, arching his back wantonly as he pushed himself down. All the muscles in that chiseled body flexed at the contact, sending Rictor into a panting fit just at the sight of it. Shatty was so unbelievably gorgeous that the Mexican could hardly stand it. And when those tight inner muscles circled around his cock, Rictor let out a pleasured cry.
“Oh Dios! Si, you feel so good,” he bit down on his lip at the pressure and rolled his hips slowly.
'Star threw his head back and groaned, muttering a string of words in Cadre. Slowly they eased their bodies together, and once they were comfortable enough, Rictor pushed himself in entirely. 'Star’s head dropped back down, and his silver eyes glazed over.
“Te amo.”
“Si,” Julio replied and shook his hair from his face to get a better look at Shatty’s throbbing cock. Not about to let him go without, Rictor wrapped his hand around the impressive length. The Mexican gently thrusted his hips again, and a few more times, as he reached over for the discarded lube bottle. 'Star dug the nails of his fingers into Julio’s thighs tightly from all the sudden attention.
“I feel like I just may explode,” 'Star muttered and began to find himself a rhythm.
Rictor only chuckled. “Don’t do that yet.”
“I forgot how wonderful this feels,” he hissed as he pulled himself up the shaft, and pushed himself back down again. “To do this…with you…its so hermoso.”
“I missed it,” Rictor said through clenched teeth. “Dios, I missed you.”
“Yes,” 'Star moaned, as he placed his hand on top of Julio’s, and they pumped his cock together. Rictor focused on keeping the rhythm of his hand and his hips together, but 'Star was battling him for that control, and with him clenching around him like that, Julio was losing. He squeezed the dick in his hand just a little tighter - not enough to hurt him - and snaked his other hand between 'Star’s legs to play with his balls.
“Julio!” 'Star cried and bucked his hips wildly; an explosion of pleasure surrounded his cock at the movement, and it brought a thick layer of sweat to the Mexican’s brow. Rictor could barely keep up with him; 'Star was agile like a cat, with the flexibility to boot. The Cadre warrior was easily able to fuck his dick into Rictor’s palm while simultaneously rocking himself wildly on Julio’s cock.
It felt so good being enveloped like a damn blanket; Shatty around his dick, heels digging into his thighs, and that beautiful curtain of hair thrashing around them every time 'Star tossed his head back in delight. Rictor was just covered in Shatterstar and every single inch of his body was aching for him -- wanting to feel him, absorb him.
He couldn’t get enough; Rictor was addicted.
The Mexican pumped his fist faster as he noticed 'Star’s muscles begin to contract more as he fought for control. Julio maneuvered his hand up closer to the end of the cock, and it only took him a few more strokes and Shatty was coming all over Ric’s belly, howling as if his world was about to explode. Rictor clenched his jaw tightly, making an effort to gain control over their rhythmic battle now that 'Star was spent. He dug his fingers into the swells of Shatty’s hips as he thrusted up, bucking his hips wildly.
The warrior brought his large hands down to Rictor’s chest to gain the edge and slid up -- so high that only the tip of the erection was still inside -- and then all the way down again so shockingly fast that Rictor had felt as though he’d been eaten alive.
“Fuck!” he screamed.
“Yes!” 'Star replied, eyes wild and wet hair flying around in such a way that he could’ve easily looked like one of those high paid porn guys. His face was almost vicious looking he was so determined, and the sight of it made Rictor insane.
“Madre de Dios!” he cried and he fucked 'Star harder, squeezing his hips, and then his thighs, and then his ass. He needed to feel him all over -- touch every single spot of that amazing body to get acquainted with it again. It was so breathtaking that it nearly brought tears to his eyes.
There they were, together again.
Just like in his dreams during all the lonely nights Rictor spent fucking his own hand.
And it was better than he ever could have imagined it to be.
“'Star, I think I’m gonna…” he practically bit down on his tongue he was flailing about so violently. Shatterstar shoved him down roughly and grinded on him.
“Go,” he murmured in a thick, Cadre accent.
“Oh fuck,” Rictor threw his head forward and had to stop himself from screaming when he came, filling 'Star completely. “Fuck!”
“Indeed,” 'Star murmured, and very slowly and carefully removed himself from Rictor’s lap. The warrior slid his way up Rictor’s sweat soaked body, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. Once he reached his neck, he placed his lips on the Mexican’s Adam’s apple, and then once more on the roaring pulse point, and lightly up and along the nape of his neck and to his ear; finally the soft lips pressed gently and lovingly on his wet temple.
Rictor felt his eyes burn, but blinked it away. “Madre de Dios.”
“Are you okay?” Shatterstar asked him.
Rictor nodded; he pushed a handful of red hair away from 'Star’s face so he could look at it -- really look at it. The red eyebrows, the black starburst, the blemish-free skin of perfect cheeks, and his slightly stubbly chin…his man was there in the flesh, and he took Rictor’s breath away.
“I’m better than I’ve been in a long time,” he whispered.
“I will not leave you,” Shatterstar vowed, pressing a kiss to Julio’s brow. “I cannot live that way again.”
“Gracias,” Rictor breathed and held the warrior tighter. Things were looking up already, and Julio couldn’t help but thank whoever the hell it was that sent this guy back into his life. As strange and bizarre as they were together, Rictor wouldn’t have it any other way.
It was how it was supposed to be.
“Where do we go from here?” Shatterstar asked from next to him.
Rictor sighed; there were going to be a lot of things that needed working out in the coming days, but that was all irrelevant right now. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment -- nothing but healing, forgiving, and Shatterstar. Rictor’s brown eyes traveled up Shatty’s broad chest and rested on his silver orbs. Julio leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on the warrior’s lips, and couldn’t help but smirk at him.
“Ask me in the morning.”
… … …
(1) - I wish I could take your pain away.
(2) - You are amazing.
(3) - Beautiful
Category: X-Factor/X-Men/X-Force
Characters: Shatterstar, Rictor
Spoilers: Civil War: X-Men (entire series), X-Factor 14-21
Rated: NC-17
Genre: Angst
Summary: Rictor's done something he may regret, and things look damn hopeless for him -- until he catches that brilliant shade of red under the street light.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, but I wish I did. They belong to Marvel (who neglects them!)
Part 1, Part 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What the fuck did he just do?
Rictor grabbed his face in his hands as he all but fell to the steps outside of X-Factor Headquarters. He didn’t need this right now -- he couldn’t…
He couldn’t ever give her what she needed.
He couldn’t ever give himself that. Rictor knew that this new thing -- whatever it was -- it was a chance to move on and get over everything that had happened in the last few months. Rahne wasn’t nearly as close to him as 'Star was, but maybe it was a start. His head was absolutely screaming at him to go for it and embrace this. In his mind, it could replace his pain and his longing…it could put a body right where he wanted one…it…
Who the fuck was he kidding?
The chance, no matter how good it was, would never work. No matter what it was that his mind was screaming at him, his heart just would not comply. Rahne was his friend, but she wasn’t…she wasn’t Shatterstar. As much as it pained him to even think of such a thing, it was true. 'Star was long gone and hadn’t as so much as called him in many months. Whatever it was that he was out there doing in the world -- whether good or bad -- had to be right for him in some way or another. Rictor knew that if he hadn’t come back already then maybe he was actually happy….maybe…
The Mexican wondered briefly if Shatterstar thought about him as nearly as much as Rictor seemed to think about him. His dreams, his thoughts, his decisions, his actions -- 'Star plagued them. It was so weak and pathetic and lame, but Rictor felt it and it was involuntary. Years and years spent so close to someone made it second nature for him to be that way. Most people would probably say it wasn’t healthy or right, but Julio knew he wasn’t most people. Close friends came so few and far between for him, that it was normal for him to feel that way.
Wasn’t it?
He sighed and curled his fingers around the concrete edge of the steps; the night wind was cool and whipped his hair around his face. It was the first time he’d been outside since the incident at Pietro’s office the previous day, and it subconsciously made him feel better. The outdoors always had that affect on him.
And he felt the need to be out there right then.
He’d just slept with Rahne.
He groaned and clutched his face in his hands. Was he on some fucking drugs? Was he that desperate for fucking attention that he’d actually gone and done that? His life was so messed up, and Rictor was nearing a point where he felt there just wasn’t any direction left. His powers were gone, had come back again to taunt him of the very fact for five minutes, and then left him -- again. It almost seemed as though it were a general rule of the universe: every couple of years Julio has to be really happy, and then when he’s least expecting it, take it all away. It scarred him.
These scars -- Shatterstar, his powers, his years of torture, his family -- they never went away. He carried them everywhere and they piled up and festered within him -- dictating his very essence. They made him who he was, and at that point in his life Julio Richter wasn’t sure that he even liked that person anymore. All of his greatest weaknesses had been exposed for the world to see and he couldn’t help but feel like a walking joke -- a contradiction -- that everyone could see through.
He drew his knees tightly to his chest and squeezed his eyes closed when he felt the first drop of rain hit his forehead. The black night sky opened up, and within minutes Rictor was being blanketed by a downpour. His hair clung to his forehead, and his clothes clung to him uncomfortably -- but it felt good. He always did love the rain.
A flash of lightening rocketed across the sky and lit up the darkened streets. It was well into the night and Mutant Town was emptier than it normally was. The only sound filling the air was that of the rain piercing the pavement. Reaching out in front of him, Rictor slowly stepped down the six steps until he was crouched down on the pavement. Slowly he spread his fingers across the wet concrete, placing his hand down flat against the cool surface.
Maybe if he just tried, he could make the Earth move the way he wanted...
Nothing.
There was a time in his life that he would sit out in the rain for hours. Had someone seen him, they’d have probably thought he was so fucking weird. But when the skies poured down across the world, Rictor could feel it -- he’d feel so alive. The Earth became a sponge growing and absorbing life and it would surge through his body -- as weird as it sounded. Rain was the water the planet needed to live, and he was a child of the Earth.
And now…nothing.
He curled his fingers harshly, scraping them against the sharp contours of the sidewalk. Now he was a separate entity - a ball of soaked clothing in a pile on a broken street side. It sickened him that he did this to himself; they weren’t coming back.
His old life wasn’t coming back…
It…
And then he saw it. He blinked the rain away from his eyes and squinted; the dirty street was empty save for a flash of brilliant red under the street light. His breath hitched in his throat, and he had to fight himself to keep breathing. Rictor was frozen in his crouched over position on the sidewalk; he didn’t dare move. He was so scared if he did that he would disappear, and it would all be some joke. He subconsciously curled his fingers over the ground and swallowed.
A shift, and then the red moved. Long, twisted strands whipped violently under the moonlight and the figure was cloaked by the shadows of the surrounding buildings; the only thing giving away his approaching presence was the occasional gleam of metal reflected off of a pack on his back. Rictor felt himself shake with anticipation.
Through the deafening pour of the rain, Julio could hear his heart beating -- slamming -- in his chest. The figure -- the man -- moved silently like a trained assassin, glided even, over the concrete of the road without a sound. Black clothing kept him mostly hidden from the night, but that one wild shade of red on his head gave him away so fast…it made Julio’s throat completely dry out.
“You’re going to catch a cold,” a deep, beautifully accented voice muttered.
Rictor squeezed his eyes closed and sank further to the ground. “So?”
The large body stepped close enough that his bulky combat boots were only inches away from Rictor’s splayed out hands. “There’s no need to harm yourself.”
“'Star…” Rictor winced. “I…”
A large hand appeared in front of his face, offering him help up. Rictor stared at it for a few moments; it was every bit as big and intimidating as he remembered it to be. Swallowing, he placed his hand across the wet skin and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Hesitantly he looked up, almost afraid to see what was behind those eyes. But Shatterstar looked pained -- almost sorrowful.
“Julio, I once learned,” he swallowed, and held his hand tighter. “That it is sometimes the best to return to those you care for - especially when they need you.”
Rictor blinked back the overpowering emotion that threatened to burst though him right then. “How did you know?”
The warrior frowned, but his eyes never left Rictor’s. “I made a mistake.”
The regret that shone in the silver eyes burned through Julio’s very core. The inner hope and optimism that kept him glued to every memory of Shatterstar flared up in his chest. “Amigo…”
“I’m sorry,” he bowed his head shamefully. Tendrils of long red hair fell into his eyes, leaving wet trails across his face. 'Star rarely ever admitted defeat or shame, and yet…after months of pain and wondering, he was doing so to Julio in the middle of the night on a sopping wet street in New York.
Looking every bit of gorgeous as Rictor remembered him to be.
When 'Star finally looked at him again, his eyes were nearly pleading with him. It was a look that Rictor had seen before, and he was almost sure that he was the only person that 'Star would ever dare expose himself like that to. That look of such desperation and need, it was the very look that broke his heart the very first time they had separated -- the same one that made him realize…everything.
The glare from the street light shone against the wetness of Star’s skin, and Julio couldn’t help but raise his hand to touch it. The edges of his fingertips slid over the sharp cheekbone, and along the strong jaw line. It was 'Star -- the same 'Star he remembered -- his 'Star.
“I can’t believe you came back,” he croaked, not even realizing he said it until it was already out.
'Star lifted his hand and grabbed Julio’s from his face. “I should have never left.”
The heat from his skin warmed Rictor. He let out a shaky breath. “I wanted you to find what you were looking for.”
“I was…wrong,” 'Star muttered. “I already had it.”
Rictor stepped closer, and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the warrior’s shoulders in an awkward hug. It had been so long, and now it even seemed surreal to be doing that right where they were. He had just slept with some woman and got caught fondling the concrete in the pouring rain -- but 'Star…Dios he was there…
After a few moments Shatty raised his arms and hugged him back. His head was dipped low, and Julio could feel the hot breath against the crook of his neck. The cold of the rain disappeared right then, and Rictor felt enveloped in warmth despite being wet. Large fingers dug tightly into his shoulders, and then moved slowly upwards until they were curled loosely around the back of his neck. “Do you forgive me?”
Rictor couldn’t speak, so he nodded against the waterlogged hair. How could he not forgive him? It meant more to him than anything just that 'Star had returned after all that time. Things weren’t perfect, but at least they were better.
The warrior pulled back and stared him in the eye through thick eyelashes. “You are…okay?”
Rictor nodded slowly. “I will be.”
'Star nodded and leaned forward; soft, warm lips pressed against Rictor’s making his body jolt from the contact. It was so wonderful, so familiar. The rain rolled between their cheeks; both men were soaked right through their clothes. But Rictor could only focus on the face against him, the perfect skin beneath his fingers, and the rock hard body against his.
It was like a fucking dream.
“Come inside,” Rictor whispered against his lips; clutching his shirt tightly in his hands so not to ever let him go.
'Star said nothing, and only nodded against Julio’s forehead. Rictor felt good right then…he felt right. They turned and left behind the wet world, taking the stairs slowly. They were in no rush.
They had so much time.
And when Rictor returned to his room it didn’t even occur to him to even care that he had spent his evening in there with someone else. All that mattered to him then was that 'Star was back and in his life. The Mexican pushed the bedroom door closed once the warrior was fully inside, and locked it. Shatterstar walked around the room a few times and looked at everything.
“It is very empty in here.”
Rictor shrugged. “Left most of my stuff I used to have in Mexico. I didn’t see a need for having it, I guess.”
'Star frowned. “It’s strange…you loved your things.”
Rictor shrugged and stepped closer to him. “They’re just objects. I can live without those.”
'Star approached him slowly and pushed the wet jacket off of his shoulders. “I have been waiting quite awhile to come here. I wasn’t sure if you would be willing to see me.”
The coat fell to the floor, and Rictor shivered. “I’ve been waiting a long time.”
“I was told…” 'Star’s gaze fell to the floor. “You almost died.”
Rictor swore he felt his heart stop. “Um…yeah, but I’m okay, amigo.”
“I would have never forgiven myself,” Shatterstar admitted, and looked at him again. “When I heard that…I never felt that way before…I felt…”
Rictor squeezed his hand, and sighed miserably. “I’m so sorry.”
Shatterstar swallowed and pulled his hands free to rest on either side of Julio’s hips. He fingered the hem of the soaked white shirt there for a few seconds before deciding on removing that too. “You have no need to apologize to me for anything.”
“Yes, I do,” Rictor croaked and raised his arms as the cold material of his shirt was pulled away. “I’m a fucking coward, hombre. The whole no honor thing, remember?”
Shatterstar removed his own jacket. “Never; although I’m upset about your actions, I feel as though perhaps it may not have happened if I had just been there…”
Rictor slid 'Star’s shirt off over his head and laid a small kiss on his collarbone. “It’s no one’s fault but mine.”
Again 'Star pulled him forward and the two men embraced. “Deseo que podría eliminar tu dolor.”
Rictor smiled at him sadly. “You do.”
Shatterstar closed his eyes tightly before leaning in and kissing the Mexican again. The pain and the sadness was practically radiating off of the warrior, and Rictor wanted to just grab him and yell at him -- tell him that he didn’t blame him. And Shatterstar clutched him like a life line; one hand tightly fisted in Rictor’s wet hair, and the other hand pressed flat against his chest.
“I messed up so bad, Julio,” 'Star mumbled clumsily against his lips. “I feel as though I’ve shamed myself.”
Rictor frowned; he steadied both hands on either side of 'Star’s jaw and looked him straight in the face. “No…don’t say that shit.”
“I hurt so many people,” he breathed. “It only now occurs to me how terrible I am for it. I hurt hundreds of people…I fought humans just like you in an arena until death…I let you down, and that hurts me most of all.”
Rictor swallowed down the massive wave of pain that came over him. “I-I…”
Shatterstar bowed his head and dropped down to his knees. “I regret so much.”
“You didn’t know,” Rictor felt himself whispering; internally screaming for Shatterstar to get up and stop degrading himself that way. “I knew what you were like right from the beginning, and I can’t hold that against you now no matter how bad it is.”
'Star sniffed and stared up at him. “How can you care so much for a person like me? I’m not even a good…”
“Shut up,” Rictor whispered and pulled him up so that he was standing on his feet. “Just…don’t talk, okay?”
“Okay,” 'Star nodded. “Te amo, Julio.”
Rictor nodded. “I know, amigo. Te amo también.”
'Star breathed a sigh of relief and held Julio’s hips. The warrior was letting his resolve crumble, and Rictor just had the undeniable urge to just hold him and make things right. He knew this was right -- it was what his gut and his heart told him all along. Having those lips against his was right, holding him there half dressed…it was right. Them together -- it was the way it was supposed to be.
Julio popped the button on the front of 'Star’s worn jeans, and slowly unzipped them. Shatterstar watched him through the messy strands of wet, fallen hair - face sad, but eyes soft. Rictor knew exactly what he was thinking, and he didn’t want him to feel undeserving of this…love. Ric didn’t know of a single other person who was more deserving of his devotion than Shatterstar.
“I need you,” Rictor whispered and gently kissed his lips.
Shatterstar just stepped out of his jeans -- he, of course, had been bare bagging it -- and now stood completely naked in front of Julio. He was every bit as perfect and gorgeous as he always had been; chiseled with muscle and covered with a flawless, pale white skin that contrasted beautifully against Julio’s darker tone. The Mexican removed his own pants and underwear and pushed Star toward the wrinkled bed. The warrior backed into it slowly, and pulled Julio down by the waist as he laid back.
“I need you, too,” Star murmured between kissing Rictor’s neck. “I am completely sure of it.”
“I’m glad,” Rictor replied, arching his back to expose more of himself. Dios, how he’d missed that touch; and Shatty must’ve felt the same way because even though two obvious erections pressed between their bodies, the boys were content just holding each other and kissing in that moment. Rictor kissed along the points of the starburst circling Shatty’s eye, loving that unique place about him tenderly.
'Star lazily slid his tongue along Rictor’s jaw until he came up and around the curve of his scruffy chin. He placed one quick kiss on the Mexican’s full bottom lip, and then gently sucked the pink flesh between his own. Ric let out a soft moan, and pushed his fingers through the damp, copper hair. This earned a small smile from 'Star, and he tugged lightly on the lip until it popped out of his mouth. Rictor smiled back and kissed the tip of the warrior’s nose, making Shatty nuzzle him back in return. Such gentle actions from him made Rictor melt on the inside; that startlingly human side of the warrior that he just adored to see was still so obviously there -- almost as if nothing had even changed in the first place.
But it had; no longer were they concerned about relieving their stress and burning their energy. There were no lingering doubts or feelings anymore like there once had been. They’d grown, they’d matured -- and they learned just how important it was to just love each other, and to not take advantage of it. Ric knew he would forever memorize every feeling he got, so he’d never have to go without it again.
And Shatterstar silently agreed; he caressed the backs of his hands down Julio’s neck and across his shoulders and collarbone, stopping once he reached the swell of his chest. He splayed his large fingers across the flesh, and bent down to kiss it. Rictor could see from the emotion on 'Star’s face that he could feel the excited slamming of Julio’s heart against his hand. Shatty kissed it once more and stared back up at Ric. “I am so glad you’re alive.”
Rictor swallowed sadly, hating himself for ever getting on top of that building. “Me too.”
Apparently, he was forgiven for ever doing such a thing because 'Star swept his hands along his ribs and maneuvered them both so that Julio was lying on the mattress, and he was on top. Rictor shivered at the swift contact and reached over to his night table, pulled open the drawer and rummaged until he found his lube. He gripped the tube tightly, and nearly dropped it when 'Star lightly nibbled on one of his nipples.
“Oh Dios,” he chuckled and leaned forward to kiss the top of his head. The warrior tongued the fleshy bud and rubbed his hand up Julio’s body and along the length of his arm until his fingers reached the palm of his hand. 'Star pulled the tube from Rictor’s grasp and maneuvered himself down between his legs. Rictor watched him, and the way his eyes focused so determinedly on the Mexican’s erection. Shatterstar was such a damn perfectionist; always wanted to make sure he did everything with the utmost precision -- not that Julio minded.
'Star squeezed a blob of lube onto his hand, and quickly gave Rictor’s cock a wet, tonguey kiss before rubbing the liquid along the shaft. Julio let out a long hiss and bucked his hips at the contact. Shatterstar trailed his finger teasingly along the length, and traced along the bottom of the head, eliciting a loud moan. Rictor squeezed his eyes shut and arched his back.
He hadn’t felt that damn good in a long fucking time.
“God 'Star, usted es asombroso.”
“Hmmm,” the warrior hummed as he pumped the slick cock in his hand a few more times before letting go. At the lack of contact, Ric’s body sunk back into the mattress stiffly; where did he…?
Oh.
'Star crawled up Julio’s body and placed his thighs on either side of the Mexican’s hips, maneuvering himself so that he was hovered over the weeping erection. Rictor swallowed and gripped the base of his dick, positioning it at 'Star’s opening.
“You ready for this, amigo?” he whispered.
“Yes,” 'Star breathed, arching his back wantonly as he pushed himself down. All the muscles in that chiseled body flexed at the contact, sending Rictor into a panting fit just at the sight of it. Shatty was so unbelievably gorgeous that the Mexican could hardly stand it. And when those tight inner muscles circled around his cock, Rictor let out a pleasured cry.
“Oh Dios! Si, you feel so good,” he bit down on his lip at the pressure and rolled his hips slowly.
'Star threw his head back and groaned, muttering a string of words in Cadre. Slowly they eased their bodies together, and once they were comfortable enough, Rictor pushed himself in entirely. 'Star’s head dropped back down, and his silver eyes glazed over.
“Te amo.”
“Si,” Julio replied and shook his hair from his face to get a better look at Shatty’s throbbing cock. Not about to let him go without, Rictor wrapped his hand around the impressive length. The Mexican gently thrusted his hips again, and a few more times, as he reached over for the discarded lube bottle. 'Star dug the nails of his fingers into Julio’s thighs tightly from all the sudden attention.
“I feel like I just may explode,” 'Star muttered and began to find himself a rhythm.
Rictor only chuckled. “Don’t do that yet.”
“I forgot how wonderful this feels,” he hissed as he pulled himself up the shaft, and pushed himself back down again. “To do this…with you…its so hermoso.”
“I missed it,” Rictor said through clenched teeth. “Dios, I missed you.”
“Yes,” 'Star moaned, as he placed his hand on top of Julio’s, and they pumped his cock together. Rictor focused on keeping the rhythm of his hand and his hips together, but 'Star was battling him for that control, and with him clenching around him like that, Julio was losing. He squeezed the dick in his hand just a little tighter - not enough to hurt him - and snaked his other hand between 'Star’s legs to play with his balls.
“Julio!” 'Star cried and bucked his hips wildly; an explosion of pleasure surrounded his cock at the movement, and it brought a thick layer of sweat to the Mexican’s brow. Rictor could barely keep up with him; 'Star was agile like a cat, with the flexibility to boot. The Cadre warrior was easily able to fuck his dick into Rictor’s palm while simultaneously rocking himself wildly on Julio’s cock.
It felt so good being enveloped like a damn blanket; Shatty around his dick, heels digging into his thighs, and that beautiful curtain of hair thrashing around them every time 'Star tossed his head back in delight. Rictor was just covered in Shatterstar and every single inch of his body was aching for him -- wanting to feel him, absorb him.
He couldn’t get enough; Rictor was addicted.
The Mexican pumped his fist faster as he noticed 'Star’s muscles begin to contract more as he fought for control. Julio maneuvered his hand up closer to the end of the cock, and it only took him a few more strokes and Shatty was coming all over Ric’s belly, howling as if his world was about to explode. Rictor clenched his jaw tightly, making an effort to gain control over their rhythmic battle now that 'Star was spent. He dug his fingers into the swells of Shatty’s hips as he thrusted up, bucking his hips wildly.
The warrior brought his large hands down to Rictor’s chest to gain the edge and slid up -- so high that only the tip of the erection was still inside -- and then all the way down again so shockingly fast that Rictor had felt as though he’d been eaten alive.
“Fuck!” he screamed.
“Yes!” 'Star replied, eyes wild and wet hair flying around in such a way that he could’ve easily looked like one of those high paid porn guys. His face was almost vicious looking he was so determined, and the sight of it made Rictor insane.
“Madre de Dios!” he cried and he fucked 'Star harder, squeezing his hips, and then his thighs, and then his ass. He needed to feel him all over -- touch every single spot of that amazing body to get acquainted with it again. It was so breathtaking that it nearly brought tears to his eyes.
There they were, together again.
Just like in his dreams during all the lonely nights Rictor spent fucking his own hand.
And it was better than he ever could have imagined it to be.
“'Star, I think I’m gonna…” he practically bit down on his tongue he was flailing about so violently. Shatterstar shoved him down roughly and grinded on him.
“Go,” he murmured in a thick, Cadre accent.
“Oh fuck,” Rictor threw his head forward and had to stop himself from screaming when he came, filling 'Star completely. “Fuck!”
“Indeed,” 'Star murmured, and very slowly and carefully removed himself from Rictor’s lap. The warrior slid his way up Rictor’s sweat soaked body, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. Once he reached his neck, he placed his lips on the Mexican’s Adam’s apple, and then once more on the roaring pulse point, and lightly up and along the nape of his neck and to his ear; finally the soft lips pressed gently and lovingly on his wet temple.
Rictor felt his eyes burn, but blinked it away. “Madre de Dios.”
“Are you okay?” Shatterstar asked him.
Rictor nodded; he pushed a handful of red hair away from 'Star’s face so he could look at it -- really look at it. The red eyebrows, the black starburst, the blemish-free skin of perfect cheeks, and his slightly stubbly chin…his man was there in the flesh, and he took Rictor’s breath away.
“I’m better than I’ve been in a long time,” he whispered.
“I will not leave you,” Shatterstar vowed, pressing a kiss to Julio’s brow. “I cannot live that way again.”
“Gracias,” Rictor breathed and held the warrior tighter. Things were looking up already, and Julio couldn’t help but thank whoever the hell it was that sent this guy back into his life. As strange and bizarre as they were together, Rictor wouldn’t have it any other way.
It was how it was supposed to be.
“Where do we go from here?” Shatterstar asked from next to him.
Rictor sighed; there were going to be a lot of things that needed working out in the coming days, but that was all irrelevant right now. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment -- nothing but healing, forgiving, and Shatterstar. Rictor’s brown eyes traveled up Shatty’s broad chest and rested on his silver orbs. Julio leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on the warrior’s lips, and couldn’t help but smirk at him.
“Ask me in the morning.”
… … …
(1) - I wish I could take your pain away.
(2) - You are amazing.
(3) - Beautiful