my freaking attitude problem
when my dad told me that i have a bloody attitude problem, he was right...
i just pissed jessica off..lolx..and i'm also a bloody freaking procrastinator..and it pisses me off..and so does the stupid spaceship thing..and so does waijean..in fact, everything is bloody pissing me off these days..i know i don't want to be treated the way i'm treating others..but i can't seem to help it..it's just me..and i don't know how long it's been going on..since the holidays started? since my appointment? since oral? since thursday? i don't know....but i know one thing..i'm starting to go online perfectly happy and cheerful..and the next thing i know, i'm freaking shouting at people and laughing at them getting pissed..deep down inside, i feel guilty..but i still feel happy..somehow..haha..no wait..sorry..i'm not shouting at people..i'm giving them the "formal tone"..which is usually only used at like parties and you don't want to make a big show out of getting mad at someone..and you give them the "formal tone"..haha..dad was right..i do have a bloody attitude problem..and the thing is..i can't seem to do anything to change it..i'm supposed to be doing my book report now..but here i am..procrastinating again..seriously teresa..do you think anyone would want to marry you with that FREAKING GOD DAMN attitude of yours? haha..i peeped at clemence's conver with nadiah today while he was in the toilet..and i saw something very interesting..haha..and boy did he get mad..but not mad enough to whack me hard like last time..in fact..it hardly hurt at all..in fact..i expected something much worse..like hitting me so hard that my head would crash onto the table and split open..and maybe i would die an instant death and then i won't have to deal with this bloody life anymore..chros is right..everyone's going through the same thing as me..so why make a big deal out of it? because i can't handle it? not everyone is as tough as you chros..i just can't seem to handle life..in general..i'm hopeless..in fact..if i was never born, i think life for everyone would be much better wouldn't it? haha..i'm a freaking coward anyway..i didn't dare to slam my head onto the table like i imagined i would..i didn't manage to slam it into the cupboard either..i only managed to hit it a few times..but not to my satisfaction..oh wow teresa..at least you didn't get a cut..or else you wouldn't be able to get let off with just a "i hit my head" which like christopher says, is a white lie..which is not considered a lie..you just aren't telling everything..i love his thoughts..i answered her question after all..haha..in the end..cutting is still the best..i need to get a hang of it again..but yeah..i think i can handle it..maybe june holidays are a time of stress? i seem to cut more during june holidays..after all..i first started really cutting last june hols..i hate my life, i hate myself, i hate the so-called 'friends' i have and i can't help it..i'm just a fucking idiot who can't handle life..which means that i'm a freak. i'm weird in some ways. but in others, i'm just like you. i wanna succeed in life. i don't wanna lead a life i hate. I'M NORMAL..anyone can turn into a suicidal maniac..it just takes some time..my bloody head hurts again..i don't know why..it can't be the bruise..haha! oh yeah..you know..when i was banging my head, i heard my blood vessel go "squish" and then my head became soft..blood vessel breaking? i think so..haha! so cool..ah well..sometimes we just gotta live the lives we have whether we like it or not..
i just pissed jessica off..lolx..and i'm also a bloody freaking procrastinator..and it pisses me off..and so does the stupid spaceship thing..and so does waijean..in fact, everything is bloody pissing me off these days..i know i don't want to be treated the way i'm treating others..but i can't seem to help it..it's just me..and i don't know how long it's been going on..since the holidays started? since my appointment? since oral? since thursday? i don't know....but i know one thing..i'm starting to go online perfectly happy and cheerful..and the next thing i know, i'm freaking shouting at people and laughing at them getting pissed..deep down inside, i feel guilty..but i still feel happy..somehow..haha..no wait..sorry..i'm not shouting at people..i'm giving them the "formal tone"..which is usually only used at like parties and you don't want to make a big show out of getting mad at someone..and you give them the "formal tone"..haha..dad was right..i do have a bloody attitude problem..and the thing is..i can't seem to do anything to change it..i'm supposed to be doing my book report now..but here i am..procrastinating again..seriously teresa..do you think anyone would want to marry you with that FREAKING GOD DAMN attitude of yours? haha..i peeped at clemence's conver with nadiah today while he was in the toilet..and i saw something very interesting..haha..and boy did he get mad..but not mad enough to whack me hard like last time..in fact..it hardly hurt at all..in fact..i expected something much worse..like hitting me so hard that my head would crash onto the table and split open..and maybe i would die an instant death and then i won't have to deal with this bloody life anymore..chros is right..everyone's going through the same thing as me..so why make a big deal out of it? because i can't handle it? not everyone is as tough as you chros..i just can't seem to handle life..in general..i'm hopeless..in fact..if i was never born, i think life for everyone would be much better wouldn't it? haha..i'm a freaking coward anyway..i didn't dare to slam my head onto the table like i imagined i would..i didn't manage to slam it into the cupboard either..i only managed to hit it a few times..but not to my satisfaction..oh wow teresa..at least you didn't get a cut..or else you wouldn't be able to get let off with just a "i hit my head" which like christopher says, is a white lie..which is not considered a lie..you just aren't telling everything..i love his thoughts..i answered her question after all..haha..in the end..cutting is still the best..i need to get a hang of it again..but yeah..i think i can handle it..maybe june holidays are a time of stress? i seem to cut more during june holidays..after all..i first started really cutting last june hols..i hate my life, i hate myself, i hate the so-called 'friends' i have and i can't help it..i'm just a fucking idiot who can't handle life..which means that i'm a freak. i'm weird in some ways. but in others, i'm just like you. i wanna succeed in life. i don't wanna lead a life i hate. I'M NORMAL..anyone can turn into a suicidal maniac..it just takes some time..my bloody head hurts again..i don't know why..it can't be the bruise..haha! oh yeah..you know..when i was banging my head, i heard my blood vessel go "squish" and then my head became soft..blood vessel breaking? i think so..haha! so cool..ah well..sometimes we just gotta live the lives we have whether we like it or not..