pms-ing..
irony is just plain weird. irony number 1: i am totally against abortion...except when it comes to the fact that my mom didn't abort me when her gynae told her to. hah! she used to say that quite often. until i started cutting. and then she kinda said it less..and then just stopped. probably cuz' she realises that i blame her for not aborting me. ah well..kinda hard on a mother to want to abort her child. i know i wouldn't. but still...you did think she would do a favour for the whole world and get rid of me while she's still not very attatched. sheesh......
irony number 2: it's alright for me to cut and mutilate myself......and it's not alright for my friends to do the same thing. the thing is..i care for them..yes i actually do..but i don't quite care about myself..don't even know if anyone would care if i suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth..sure my parents would..but what about my friends?
irony number 3: i hate know-it-alls and yet i strive to be one myself..how stupid is that? i want to be smart that's all..is it wrong to want that? haiz....
irony number 4: i hate people who mistreat animals...but yet look at the way i'm treating danielle? i'm consumed with guilt..and yet i don't try to do anything about it..
irony number 5: i say that people are shutting me out of their lives...when in fact, i'm shutting people out of my life too..i just can't help it..how do you expect me to trust people when it was people who made me the miserable little being that i am today?
i don't want to continue with this anymore..it makes me really depress..an even sadder thing is that i completely set myself back yesterday with my goals..all because i'm pms-ing..i just got mad at my bro for no proper reason at all and started shouting at him..and then i started swearing in my head..and i was shouting and crying at the same time..WHAT IS IT WITH THE MOOD SWINGS?! the last time it was laughing and crying..and now this..and then i just went to cut..sheesh..and then i also didn't clean my cupboard properly..i didn't bother to make a 'to do' list like i'm supposed to do everyday..and i didn't drink my two glasses of milk..i ate like a pig..and i hunched a whole lot..and i didn't pay attention in class..that totally ruins all my goals and plans! the worrying thing is that it might not be pms-ing that is the problem..i'm scared that it's actually all that bottled up emotion inside of me..i wanted to rant so much over this past week..and then i was always either too busy or couldn't be bothered to..let's rant..lolx..
WHAT IS IT WITH MY SCHOOL AND THE IDEA THAT HUMANS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THEN ANIMALS?! sheesh! first it was mrslo! and now mrs tan! i don't know what their problem is! who says humans are so much better? who says only humans have souls and feelings? WHAT KIND OF CONCEPT IS THAT?! when they started talking about it..i was super mad..i could have reached out and strangled mrs lo when she went on and on about how god made us unique and how he made animals for us..so that we can live..SHEESH! how would she like it if some animal starts talking about how their god made us for them?! and when mrs tan started going on about it..i got so mad that i forced myself to zone out before i start screaming my head off at her..i was about to get up and walk right out of the hall..but then i thought better of it when i realised i could get suspended..crap..their ideas make me dislike the idea of god..good thing my parish priest warned me about people distorting the bible..or else i might have started to dislike god too..man..it made me think of the first half of this year when i kept imagining myself dying..and some kind of sign which proclaimed "DIE PROTESTANTS!!" it's not that i hate the people who are protestants..it's just that i hate the idea of protestants..and i hate martin luther king for distorting the public's view of us catholics..i hope he goes to hell..sorry for putting my views here..but he WAS talking crap about us..and it just makes me so pissed..it's like all the christians in the world have some weird warped view of us catholics..WHAT ROT ABOUT WORSHIPPING MARY?! sheesh..i should stop before i get offensive..although i think i'm pretty offensive already..
i can't stand to rant anymore..how am i supposed to rant if i'm so afraid of offending people..and i need my sleep..or i'll just wake up grouchy again today and start shouting at people again..like i did countless of times today..sheesh...
~every cloud has a silver lining~
my silver lining today was: it was raining..so i danced in the rain..i didn't care how ridiculous i looked..i love the rain..stress relief..lolx..
irony number 2: it's alright for me to cut and mutilate myself......and it's not alright for my friends to do the same thing. the thing is..i care for them..yes i actually do..but i don't quite care about myself..don't even know if anyone would care if i suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth..sure my parents would..but what about my friends?
irony number 3: i hate know-it-alls and yet i strive to be one myself..how stupid is that? i want to be smart that's all..is it wrong to want that? haiz....
irony number 4: i hate people who mistreat animals...but yet look at the way i'm treating danielle? i'm consumed with guilt..and yet i don't try to do anything about it..
irony number 5: i say that people are shutting me out of their lives...when in fact, i'm shutting people out of my life too..i just can't help it..how do you expect me to trust people when it was people who made me the miserable little being that i am today?
i don't want to continue with this anymore..it makes me really depress..an even sadder thing is that i completely set myself back yesterday with my goals..all because i'm pms-ing..i just got mad at my bro for no proper reason at all and started shouting at him..and then i started swearing in my head..and i was shouting and crying at the same time..WHAT IS IT WITH THE MOOD SWINGS?! the last time it was laughing and crying..and now this..and then i just went to cut..sheesh..and then i also didn't clean my cupboard properly..i didn't bother to make a 'to do' list like i'm supposed to do everyday..and i didn't drink my two glasses of milk..i ate like a pig..and i hunched a whole lot..and i didn't pay attention in class..that totally ruins all my goals and plans! the worrying thing is that it might not be pms-ing that is the problem..i'm scared that it's actually all that bottled up emotion inside of me..i wanted to rant so much over this past week..and then i was always either too busy or couldn't be bothered to..let's rant..lolx..
WHAT IS IT WITH MY SCHOOL AND THE IDEA THAT HUMANS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THEN ANIMALS?! sheesh! first it was mrslo! and now mrs tan! i don't know what their problem is! who says humans are so much better? who says only humans have souls and feelings? WHAT KIND OF CONCEPT IS THAT?! when they started talking about it..i was super mad..i could have reached out and strangled mrs lo when she went on and on about how god made us unique and how he made animals for us..so that we can live..SHEESH! how would she like it if some animal starts talking about how their god made us for them?! and when mrs tan started going on about it..i got so mad that i forced myself to zone out before i start screaming my head off at her..i was about to get up and walk right out of the hall..but then i thought better of it when i realised i could get suspended..crap..their ideas make me dislike the idea of god..good thing my parish priest warned me about people distorting the bible..or else i might have started to dislike god too..man..it made me think of the first half of this year when i kept imagining myself dying..and some kind of sign which proclaimed "DIE PROTESTANTS!!" it's not that i hate the people who are protestants..it's just that i hate the idea of protestants..and i hate martin luther king for distorting the public's view of us catholics..i hope he goes to hell..sorry for putting my views here..but he WAS talking crap about us..and it just makes me so pissed..it's like all the christians in the world have some weird warped view of us catholics..WHAT ROT ABOUT WORSHIPPING MARY?! sheesh..i should stop before i get offensive..although i think i'm pretty offensive already..
i can't stand to rant anymore..how am i supposed to rant if i'm so afraid of offending people..and i need my sleep..or i'll just wake up grouchy again today and start shouting at people again..like i did countless of times today..sheesh...
~every cloud has a silver lining~
my silver lining today was: it was raining..so i danced in the rain..i didn't care how ridiculous i looked..i love the rain..stress relief..lolx..