Candid Phone
Fandom: ANGEL
Title: Candid Phone
Author: 50thousandtearz
Pairing/Character: none
Word Count: 600 words
Rating: PG
Summary: Spike plays a trick on Angel.
Spoilers/Warnings: none
Author's Note: Who else remembers Rick Dees and his candid phone? Until Ryan Asscrest took over and ruined my mornings. Repost of an older fic.
"This is 102.7 KIIS FM Los Angeles, and this is Rick Dees in the morning. It’s seven twenty three and it’s time for candid phone, where callers have me dial up unsuspecting friends and burn their buns! Hello, who is this?"
"Hi, the name’s Spike."
"Spike, where are you calling from?"
"Straight from the center of this very sunny town, L.A., my man."
"You sound British."
"Damn right I do."
"So who do you want us to call?"
"There’s this bloke named Angel and he’s been asking for it for a while. In fact, for decades. Yeah, so call him up, and say you’re from Devilam Inc., he’s got this contract with them, and tell him that they’re calling it quits. That will freak that poof out."
"I’ll be calling and saying I’m from Devilam Inc., is that right?"
"Yeah, oh, and his secretary’s in on the joke, so when you call, ask for Harmony, she’ll put you through to him. Can I have a quick shout out? You had all better be listening to the radio now, yeah I’m talking to you Gunn, and the lot of you."
"Alright, let’s call… Angel. This is candid phone."
"Wolfram and Hart, how may I direct your call?"
"Hello, this is Mr. Dees calling from Devilam Inc. May I speak to… Harmony?"
"One moment please."
"Wolfram and Hart, this is Harmony speaking, how may I help you?"
"Harmony, this is Mr. Dees from Devilam Inc. I’m calling for Angel."
"Oh my god, Spikie really called the radio station! Fred, Spike called KIIS like he said he would and Rick Dees is on the phone! Oh my god, I love your show, you need more Dees’ Sleaze though. And Jojo needs a haircut. Ok, here’s Angel now, make it good."
"This is Angel."
"Hello, Angel, this is Mr. Dees from Devilam Inc. I’m calling regarding our contract-"
"Oh, shi- Look, tell your boss that the contract has to stand, we’ve held up our side of the bargain, you need to as well."
"They weren’t happy with the contract, that’s why I’m calling. The contract’s been dissolved."
"No! We had a agreement! You can’t just do that!"
"I’m not doing anything, my boss is. Just following my orders."
"I want to talk to your boss."
"He’s not here right now, can I take a message?"
"Tell them that if they break the contract, I don’t care anymore, I’m coming over and killing everyone! No more peace talks with you guys, you’re a bunch of evil demons and vampires! Evil! No more deals, it’s over! You’re gonna be -"
"On candid phone and this is Rick Dees in the morning. Your friend Spike is burning your buns!"
"What the hell- Spike- you mean Devilam didn’t break the contract!"
"Yo, nancy-boy, how’s it going?"
"Spike, this is it. You’re gonna die. No jokes this time. Painfully and slowly. There’s gonna be ashes on my carpet. There’s -"
"Just wanna let you know that the whole gang is probably listening to this, rolling on the floor from the panic in your voice- "
"You told them you were going to do this!"
"Yeah, of course. Percy tried to convince me not to, but he couldn’t wait to hear it happen."
"That’s it. You’re dead and they’re fired."
"And that was our candid phone. I’m Rick Dees here with Ellen Kay. Ellen, that has got to be one of the strangest candid phones ever. It’s going on my top five."
"Well, Rick this is L.A., we get all the weirdos here…"
Title: Candid Phone
Author: 50thousandtearz
Pairing/Character: none
Word Count: 600 words
Rating: PG
Summary: Spike plays a trick on Angel.
Spoilers/Warnings: none
Author's Note: Who else remembers Rick Dees and his candid phone? Until Ryan Asscrest took over and ruined my mornings. Repost of an older fic.
"This is 102.7 KIIS FM Los Angeles, and this is Rick Dees in the morning. It’s seven twenty three and it’s time for candid phone, where callers have me dial up unsuspecting friends and burn their buns! Hello, who is this?"
"Hi, the name’s Spike."
"Spike, where are you calling from?"
"Straight from the center of this very sunny town, L.A., my man."
"You sound British."
"Damn right I do."
"So who do you want us to call?"
"There’s this bloke named Angel and he’s been asking for it for a while. In fact, for decades. Yeah, so call him up, and say you’re from Devilam Inc., he’s got this contract with them, and tell him that they’re calling it quits. That will freak that poof out."
"I’ll be calling and saying I’m from Devilam Inc., is that right?"
"Yeah, oh, and his secretary’s in on the joke, so when you call, ask for Harmony, she’ll put you through to him. Can I have a quick shout out? You had all better be listening to the radio now, yeah I’m talking to you Gunn, and the lot of you."
"Alright, let’s call… Angel. This is candid phone."
"Wolfram and Hart, how may I direct your call?"
"Hello, this is Mr. Dees calling from Devilam Inc. May I speak to… Harmony?"
"One moment please."
"Wolfram and Hart, this is Harmony speaking, how may I help you?"
"Harmony, this is Mr. Dees from Devilam Inc. I’m calling for Angel."
"Oh my god, Spikie really called the radio station! Fred, Spike called KIIS like he said he would and Rick Dees is on the phone! Oh my god, I love your show, you need more Dees’ Sleaze though. And Jojo needs a haircut. Ok, here’s Angel now, make it good."
"This is Angel."
"Hello, Angel, this is Mr. Dees from Devilam Inc. I’m calling regarding our contract-"
"Oh, shi- Look, tell your boss that the contract has to stand, we’ve held up our side of the bargain, you need to as well."
"They weren’t happy with the contract, that’s why I’m calling. The contract’s been dissolved."
"No! We had a agreement! You can’t just do that!"
"I’m not doing anything, my boss is. Just following my orders."
"I want to talk to your boss."
"He’s not here right now, can I take a message?"
"Tell them that if they break the contract, I don’t care anymore, I’m coming over and killing everyone! No more peace talks with you guys, you’re a bunch of evil demons and vampires! Evil! No more deals, it’s over! You’re gonna be -"
"On candid phone and this is Rick Dees in the morning. Your friend Spike is burning your buns!"
"What the hell- Spike- you mean Devilam didn’t break the contract!"
"Yo, nancy-boy, how’s it going?"
"Spike, this is it. You’re gonna die. No jokes this time. Painfully and slowly. There’s gonna be ashes on my carpet. There’s -"
"Just wanna let you know that the whole gang is probably listening to this, rolling on the floor from the panic in your voice- "
"You told them you were going to do this!"
"Yeah, of course. Percy tried to convince me not to, but he couldn’t wait to hear it happen."
"That’s it. You’re dead and they’re fired."
"And that was our candid phone. I’m Rick Dees here with Ellen Kay. Ellen, that has got to be one of the strangest candid phones ever. It’s going on my top five."
"Well, Rick this is L.A., we get all the weirdos here…"