Falling Down & Other Accidents: Part Three
~//~
Alice was a force to be reckoned with and, as out of my element as I was, even I could admit that she definitely knew what she was doing. I couldn’t have been put into better hands…gentler maybe, but definitely not more skilled. In no time at all I was buffed, polished, shellacked, coiffed, and dressed to the nines. When she finally let me look in the mirror, my jaw hit the floor.
Staring back at me was a woman who, if not worthy of being at Edward’s side, was definitely a lot closer to it. I had never felt so beautiful, but my opinion didn’t really matter. I was more concerned with what Edward would think. If his sisters reaction was anything to go by, he was going to be pleased because she looked pleased as punch. I owed her big for this-I just didn’t know when or how I would ever make it up to her.
“You look beautiful, Bella.”
“Alice, just…wow! You are incredible.” I twirled in front of the mirror and pulled a few poses. When I noticed Alice watching me check myself out, I blushed a delicate shade of pink and stopped preening. Hoping to dissuade her from commenting-and slightly curious-I asked, “How did you know my size, by the way… and what do I owe you for the dress?”
“Thank you! It was easy though--I had a great base to start with.” She gave a dismissive, wave of her hand and added, “It’s what I do and you owe me nothing.”
“What do you mean, ‘it’s what you do?’ And you have to let me pay you back for this gorgeous dress. I can’t even imagine where you found something like this at the last minute.” Or how much it cost, I silently added, hoping that there was enough in my checking account to cover it.
“I mean, it’s what I do. I’m a designer, Bella. The dress is one of my designs. I had it couriered from my studio in Chicago. You are looking at design from my next collection. I literally just finished it before we left-like ‘they had to pry me away from the sewing machine, drag me out of my studio, and we nearly missed our flight’ just finished. The dress doesn’t even have a label on it yet.”
“Alice! I can’t accept this.” I was overwhelmed.
“You can and you will. Honestly, I owe you. You have no idea how much. I’ve never seen Edward this happy. Before he met you, he was just coasting through life-he wasn’t miserable, but he wasn’t happy either. He dated every once and a while, but none of them were serious or stuck around for long. I rarely even knew he was seeing someone until after they had already broken up, but you--you’re different.
“You’ve brought my brother to life and I am more grateful to you than I can ever say. A dress seems like the least I can do. So please…take it, and thank you.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I continued to focus on the dress. “Let me at least return it to you. I don’t know much about fashion, but imagine it would be hard to recreate and you will have to replace it in your collection.”
“Absolutely not! Besides, it didn’t really fit with the rest of the designs. I was just compelled to make it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it when it was done, or why I insisted it had to be finished before I left, but it kind of all makes sense now. Consider it fate.
“I didn’t even have to make any adjustments to it, which is odd ‘cause you’re much tinier than a fitting model. I never even noticed when I was making it that I made it in such a small size. Hmmm.” Alice had a puzzled expression on her face, but she easily dismissed whatever was bothering her and her features smoothed out once again.
I was still stunned by her confession regarding her brother let alone the rest of it. Not knowing what to make of any of it, I mumbled out my thanks.
“You better keep that dress too, because when I become the next Yves St. Laurent or Coco Chanel, it’s going to be worth a mint. You’ll be one of a handful of people who own an original Alice Cu…” Before she could finish, she was cut off by a loud banging on the door.
“Let me in, Alice! You’ve had her long enough. I want her back now…please.”
Edward.
“God! He is so freaking possessive. He never could share--not even when we were children. Well, I suppose I should let him in before he bangs the door down…or worse, has security called on himself.”
She started for the door, but turned around halfway. Swiftly making her way back over to me, she embraced me in a fierce hug. “Thank you, Bella. I have the feeling that you and I are going to be the best of friends.”
She was acting like I was going to be around forever and I found myself wishing it were true; I realized at that moment that I truly liked her too and would miss her greatly despite barely knowing her. She kissed my cheek and I opened my mouth to speak, intending to clear up her misconception of the situation but, before I could speak, Edward was bellowing again.
“Alice!! Open the damn door! So help me, if you don’t I swear I will call Mom and tell her that you were the one who broke the vase in the sixth grade.”
I snickered and she rolled her eyes before once again heading to the door. “I’m coming, sheesh! Hold your freaking horses, Edward.”
Completely unruffled by his antics, she opened the door to reveal a very perturbed looking Edward. “You know, patience is a virtue, dearest brother of mine.”
“I ran out of patience an hour…a-go…” he stated, his words trailing off as he caught sight of me.
“Fucking, Christ…” he cursed softly to himself, as he kissed his sister on the head absent-mindedly and stepped around her in a way that implied dismissal. Completely forgetting her presence, he made his way slowly to me, never once removing his eyes from mine.
I blushed under his wide-eyed, slack-jawed gawking. I felt the need to look away, but was pinned by his eyes and couldn’t.
“Bella…I-I don’t even know what to say. I thought you were beautiful the second I saw you and didn’t think you could possibly be any more beautiful, but…I was wrong. Beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe you. You are breathtaking, gorgeous, stunning…fuck! I don’t think the word exists yet to describe how amazing you look.”
Trapped by and lost in his arresting eyes-fervid, impassioned, earnest, but holding no trace of insincerity-I believed him. He made me feel like the most desirable woman to ever walk the earth, and even managed to silence every negative voice that had ever taunted me. And miraculously--I didn’t blush. At. All. Until I realized that I hadn’t blushed, at least, and then I turned what I hoped was a flattering shade of pink rather than blotchy red. Just in case, I looked at the floor.
When he finally reached me, he ran his fingers along my cheek and--gently cupping my jaw--tilted my chin up so that he could see my eyes. His other hand took one of mine in his and kissed it, breaking the spell that had fallen over me the minute he shown up just enough so that I finally noticed his appearance. Stupidly, I stuttered, “You’re b-b-beautiful! I mean…you look stunning as well.”
Just like that, playful Edward was back and poking fun at me. He smirked at me. “Silly Bella, boys aren’t beautiful.”
“Well, you are,” I blurted, blushing even more. Edward smirked again and quirked one perfectly arched eyebrow but chose to let it go.
He gave a slight bow and with a proffered arm asked, “Would you please do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner this fine evening?”
“I’d be delighted,” I answered, accepting his arm.
It wasn’t until he closed the door softly behind us that I realized Alice had disappeared. I felt some sadness that I wouldn’t get the chance to say goodbye to her, but I pushed it aside. I wasn’t going to think about anything that would put a damper on our evening--not even tomorrow.
I was floating as we made our way to the elevator.
~//~
As we walked through the lobby, every head in the place turned to stare at us and I squirmed uncomfortably under the scrutiny.
“What’s the matter, Isabella?” Edward asked, having noticed my discomfort. He had leaned into me to whisper it, and the combination of his hard body so close to mine and his warm breath against my ear, elicited a shiver.
“Everyone’s staring,” I whispered back, looking at the ground as we continued to walk. “I don’t like to be the center of attention. I feel like they’re all wondering what someone like me is doing with someone like you.”
He abruptly halted, bringing me to a jerky stop, and then with a firm hand on my shoulder, turned me to face him. Moving into me until we were pressed together, he tilted my chin up and forced me to look at him.
“You couldn’t be further from the truth,” he said seriously, an edge of steely anger apparent in his tone. “They’re staring because I’m with the most beautiful woman here and they’re jealous. If they’re wondering anything, Isabella, they’re wondering how a dumb schmuck like me was lucky enough to be on your arm.”
With that said, he swept me into a kiss, dipping me so low that my hair nearly touched the ground. It was one of those movie moments, and for a minute we were Grace Kelly and Cary Grant, Bacall and Bogie, Newman and Woodward…only, unlike them, we wouldn’t withstand the test of time; our time was nearly up. I gasped as his lips attached themselves to mine to deliver a kiss so incredible my toes curled.
Completely lost in him, I forgot where we were until the loud whistling and clapping coming from the people milling about the lobby pierced through my stupor and Edward stood me back upright. Panting lightly, I looked at him incredulously and then blushed, causing him to laugh.
He kissed my nose and said, “Come on, let’s go. I’m starving and we don’t want to be late.”
I snuggled into his side, trying to hide. As he straightened up, I looked to the ground shyly and caught a brief glimpse over his shoulder of Lauren and her friend Jessica. I had only glimpsed them once since my accident and I considered raising my hand in greeting. I changed my mind when I caught sight of Lauren’s face--murderous and seemingly directing towards me. I couldn’t think of why she could be mad at me. If anyone had a right to be mad, it was me at her for abandoning me while I was hurt.
We reached the door of the restaurant and Edward ushered me through, his hand on the small of back, making me lose my train of thought.
~//~
The hostess seated us immediately…well, immediately after eye-fucking my date. He really was too pretty for his own good. Edward kept one hand on me as we walked to our table, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the whorestess, much to her consternation and my delight.
Always the gentleman, he helped me into my seat before taking his own, sliding it just a bit closer to me as he sat. Joan or Jane--whatever her name was--stepped in between us, garnering a glare from Edward and preventing him from moving any further without running into her. She continued to make a nuisance of herself for several more minutes until finally Edward snapped at her. I tried not to gloat. Much.
“Seriously, WE are just fine. If we need something, I am sure our waiter can take care of it. Don’t you have people to go seat?”
She looked mortified, and I tried not to laugh--I really did--but it just slipped out. My only consolation is that I managed to remain relatively quiet until she was scurrying away. I don’t think she heard me, but I couldn’t really hide my shaking shoulders. Edward looked up at me, his annoyance giving way to mirth as he watched me, and then he scooted his chair the rest of the way towards mine until he was next to me. The laughter in eyes was gone, replaced with a decidedly predatory look that had my stomach clenching in anticipation.
“You thought that was funny, Isabella?”
I nodded, tingles already shooting through my body just from the way he was looking at me.
“You know, you could have helped me out a little bit, maybe protected me from her advances.”
He wanted to play and I was more than willing.
“I think you did just fine on your own, Edward.”
“Huh. I wonder how well you would do on your own tonight in bed. How much would you like it if I brought you right to the edge and then left you ‘on your own?’ Keep it up and you may just find out.”
Our waiter appeared just then and although the subject was dropped, Edward never allowed me to believe that it was forgotten. He casually placed his hand on my on my leg and, in a manner that was less than casual, stroked one fingertip up and down the inside of my thigh, driving me insane and making it extremely difficult to place my order; I finally got it…on the third try.
We made it through the entire meal without attacking each other, but we didn’t make it easy. We teased each other mercilessly, utilizing anything and everything at our disposal-my tongue flicking out to touch the rim of my wine glass as I took a sip, his fork sliding slowly out from between his tightly pressed lips with a low moan, my eyes rolling to the back of my head in pleasure as I licked a drop of raspberry syrup off of my lip.
As the meal drew to a close, I was so worked up that I was nearly trembling, but I wasn’t the only one affected. Try as he might, Edward couldn’t hide the effect that I had on him… not when it was pitching such a large tent in his trousers. We were almost finished with dessert, his eyes dark with lust as he looked at me like I was on the menu and he hadn’t eaten in years, when I just couldn’t take it any longer; I needed a reprieve before I went insane.
I quickly rose from my chair, Edward rising with me as he’d been taught, and excused myself for a moment. I carefully made my way to the ladies’ room and leaned against the door with a deep sigh once I was safely ensconced inside. I took a human moment and then washed my hands. Taking in my flushed cheeks and glittering eyes as I passed by the full length mirror near the door, I thought to myself that I looked like a woman newly in love.
The errant thought nearly knocked me flat and I broke into a cold sweat. I sat heavily in the chair near the door and tried to calm myself. I almost couldn’t go back out there--not knowing I would have to face him--but I didn’t have a choice. There was nothing I could do about falling in love with him, and it was going to hurt when we said goodbye the next day, but I still had tonight and I realized I was wasting it. I got up, splashed some water on my face and, taking care not to ruin my makeup, blotted it with a paper towel. Composure regained, I slipped from the ladies room.
Making my way down the little hallway that housed the restrooms, I tottered a little, finally beginning to feel the effects of the wine I’d been sipping all evening. Not paying attention, I tripped over an invisible…and probably imaginary…object and went down, landing on my hands and knees behind a large potted palm of some sort. I was still on the floor behind the plant--giggling at my drunken klutziness--when I saw a shock of Edward’s unruly copper-tinted hair peaking out above the rim of the planter.
I pushed myself up so that I was fully on knees, intending to get up and go to him demanding that we go back to his room immediately…or possibly luring him into having sexy times in the bathroom…I hadn’t made up my mind yet. Don’t judge. It was the nearest semi-private place and I had passed desperate after the second course. Just as I was about to call out his name, an arm--distinctly female--snaked out and wrapped around his waist from behind, killing the word on my lips.
My stomach churned, the contents roiling in a very unpleasant way, and if I hadn’t already been on the floor, I certainly would have been. The woman’s hand had moved down and she was now openly palming him over his pants. I knew I should confront them or do something, but I couldn’t seem bring myself to move or even avert my eyes from the train wreck happening right in front of me. The bitch attached to the hands suddenly came into view and I felt like someone had sucker punched me. All the air left my lungs in a quiet gasp as I stared at Lauren Mallory groping the man I was with.
She stood on her tippy toes, whispering into his ear. I saw his trademark smirk grace his face as he nodded and then his eyes closed. Keeping her tits pressed against his body, she slid around until they were chest to chest, and then reached up to thread her hands in his hair. Using it as an anchor, she pulled him down and claimed his mouth with hers. His hands came to her hips and he leaned into her, deepening the kiss. A sob fell from my lips without warning, causing Edward and Lauren to jump apart and turn to look my direction. I instinctively ducked down behind the oversized piece of pottery in front of me, just barely managing to hide myself in time.
I was dizzy from a noxious mixture of wine and betrayal, and I couldn’t seem to get enough air into my lungs despite the fact that I was panting like a bitch in heat. When it finally occurred to me that I was hyperventilating, I sat against the wall and placed my head between my knees. My breathing began to calm and a few minutes later, my head stopped swimming. In control, I peeked out from my hiding spot to find that they were gone.
I scrambled to my feet and lurched forward to seek them out, without a clue as to what I would do when and if I actually found them. Stepping out of the little alcove, I turned in the direction of our table and the exit, and ran right into Edward and Lauren. I stumbled and his hands reflexively reached for my hips, steadying me. The brief flash of fury that appeared on Lauren’s face before she could suppress it made my decision for me and a catty side I wasn’t even aware I possessed took charge. Edward’s eyes darted nervously between me and Lauren before finally settling on the floor.
“Bella,” Lauren said. She was studying her nails, somehow managing to look both bored and annoyed all at once. “Long time no see. I was wondering what you’d been up to.
“I was just telling Eddie here…” she stepped into him and lightly smacked him on the chest with an implied familiarity, making me see red, “…that I haven’t seen you since we arrived. Isn’t that right, Eddie?”
His eyes shifted from the floor to me briefly and he said in a rush, “I was just coming to make sure you were okay and then I ran into your friend…well, she ran into me actually. Are you ready to go? I think we should get going now.”
He was acting oddly, but I chalked it up to him nearly being discovered with his lips…my lips…all over my soon to be former roommate. As he spoke, he gradually moved away from Lauren and towards me. He reached over and took my hand in his, and I once again noticed Lauren’s eyes light up with a brief flare of anger. My catty side turned into my dark and vindictive side. I pressed my body against Edward’s and pulled his arm around me, doing a victory dance in my head when Lauren’s face twisted into a grimace; exactly what I wanted to see. Game point, bitch.
“Yeah, long time no see, Lauren.” It was both a greeting and dismissal. I turned to Edward and asked, “Were you ready to go back to the room, baby?”
I knew he was, he had just said so, but I wanted to see it rubbed in her face again.
He swallowed audibly, nodding, and I stood up on my tippy-toes placing a kiss on his jaw. His arm tightened around me and I let him pull me towards the exit, brushing against her with a shoulder-check as we passed.
“Well, aren’t you eager to get me back to bed. Um…” I looked over my shoulder at her, “…we’re gonna go, so…uh…later, Lauren.”
My gaze lingered for a moment. I wanted to see her reaction. I left the restaurant with a look of smug satisfaction and the image of her livid face--all mottled red--fresh in my mind. It had taken everything I had to contain my laughter as I watched her normally pretty face distort and twist in fury. I have to say, it wasn’t a good look on her.
As soon as we walked through the door, my mind went from shouting, ‘I win’--my inner-child jumping around--to watching on a loop the image of Edward and Lauren kissing. I felt sick again and knew I had to deal with his betrayal, but I just wasn’t sure how to go about it…or if it was even worth it.
After all, it was our last night together and then I would never see him again. Couldn’t I be selfish? Couldn’t I pretend that it never happened and have this last night with him before I closed the door on him forever? By the time we made it back to his room, I had managed to convince myself that I could.
~//~
The door wasn’t even shut before I attacked him. I grabbed a fistful of his hair, used it to yard his face to my level, and then smashed mine into it, kissing him so ruthlessly that the faint taste of blood--coppery and salty against my tongue--mixed with the sweet wine taste of his mouth. I grabbed his lapels with both hands, yanking the coat over his shoulders. The sleeves were pulled inside out as I shoved it down his arms and ended up stuck and dangling off of one. Raising it up and snapping it down spastically, he shook his arm until he was free of the coat.
When it was gone, I got to work on his shirt while he tried-with limited success--to rid me of my clothes. He just couldn’t seem to find purchase…or the zipper. I was channeling my anger into my need for him, feeding it until I was a wild thing that couldn’t be captured or tamed; I was much too busy ripping the tails of his shirt out of his pants before setting my sights on the buttons to hold still long enough for him to remove my clothing.
My own progress was halted when the tiny buttons on his shirt proved to be too much for me; I was just too impatient. Frustrated, I gave up, grasped his shirt on either side and yanked, sending the buttons flying. The little pinging and tinging sounds they made as they hit the various surfaces around us were immensely satisfying, so I adjusted my grip on his shirt--grasping a little lower--and yanked again. It only took one more little tug before his shirt was free and able to be pushed off of his shoulders.
While I worked on freeing him of his pants, he removed his undershirt. His arms crossed and he gripped the hem of his undershirt. The muscles of his chest and arms flexed as he tugged it up and over his head, temporarily distracting me from my task. I shook my head and refocused. Belt undone, button popped and zipper lowered, I forced my hands down the back of his pants, hooked my thumbs over the waistband and shoved them down to his knees. That was as bare as I needed him.
I looked him over greedily and, like a kid in a candy shop, I wasn’t sure where to start so I dove in. I lavished attention on his bare chest with my mouth while my hands navigated the ridges and planes of his abs and. Gripped by desperation, I was overcome by the urgent need to be everywhere at once and it wasn’t long before Edward grabbed at my shoulders. He pushed me away slightly, trying in vain to slow my frantic pace, but I was single mindedly set on my goal and wouldn’t be deterred.
Pushing his hands away from me, I muttered in between kisses and licks, “Can’t…wait. Need you now…right now…please.”
I bit one nipple--delighting in his hiss--and then dropped to my knees, taking him in my mouth. He moaned loudly and nearly dropped to his knees when I sucked him in deep, giving me a strange high. I had never been this sexually aggressive with anyone, I had always been too scared, but being in charge made me feel…powerful and I liked it. A lot. I wanted to explore the new feeling and see if I could bring him to his knees…and I did.
My head bobbed as I devoured him. I drove him until he was on the brink--fisting my hair in his hands and thrusting into my hot mouth. A thrill shot through me when I realized he was close but, before he could finish, he pulled me off of him. He fell to his knees in front of me; I smirked.
His lips slammed into mine and he kissed me thoroughly. He tried to dominate me through it, but I’d had a taste of power and wasn’t ready to relinquish it just yet no matter how mindless with need I was. Turning the tables on him, I shoved him onto his back and hopped on. Straddling him on the floor in the middle of his hotel room, my dress rucked up to my waist, I pushed aside the thin lace separating us and sank down on him with a wanton moan.
I took a moment to savor the feeling of him filling me completely before I began to ride him, setting a grueling pace. I was close already, but I needed to take him over the edge first me. Redoubling my efforts, I started to swirl my hips as I continued to slide up and down his length. The closer I came to my release, the more difficult it became to maintain me rhythm.
His hands moved to my hips and I let him help. I leaned back and rested my hands on the floor between his slightly spread legs, the change of angle causing a groan to slip from his lips and a gasp to leave mine. He began thrusting up to meet me, as I started to clench around him. I was slipping over the edge, but forced myself to keep moving…up and down…up and down…up and down…until his thrusts became erratic and I knew he was close.
“Fuuuuuuck! Oh, shit…Bella…baby!!!”
Lauren was long forgotten. I was so wet and he felt so good…slipping and sliding…in and out. I arched my back more, angling my hips so that his tip hit that magic spot inside me with each thrust. My clit pressed against his shaft, dragging delightfully along his length. He grunted as he throbbed inside of me…and that was all it took. Unable to hold back anymore-thank God-we both tipped over the edge. Delirium and chaos descended and I was cumming hard around him as his release pulsed inside me.
Lifeless, limp, and lulled…but far from sated, I fell forward, burying my face in the crook of his neck. My breathing started to calm and I kissed my way up his neck, along his jaw to his mouth. Taking his bottom lip into my mouth, I lightly nibbled on it before sucking hard as I pulled back and then released it with an audible pop. I rolled off of him and collapsed onto the floor at his side exhausted.
I felt his cum start to seep out of me after a few minutes. It was an odd sensation-one I’m not sure was entirely pleasant-but I couldn’t seem to move my limbs or care enough to do anything about it. Edward rolled towards me-his hand coming up to caress my cheek-pressed a tender kiss against my lips and then got up. He disappeared into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later, with a damp towel. As he cleaned me up, I was reminded of our first night together as lovers-when I gave him my virginity-and my heart clenched.
I was saved from an embarrassing display of tears when his arms slipped beneath me without warning. He scooped me up and he carried me to the bed we had shared for the past two weeks. He pulled the blankets back, placed me gently on the bed before crawling in beside me, covering us both up and nuzzling into my side. Memories of our time together swirled inside my head. Images of him and Lauren slammed into me leaving me confused
I didn’t understand how someone so sweet and affectionate and considerate could do what he had done only an hour earlier; I couldn’t reconcile the two behaviors as belonging to the same man. I wanted to believe that I imagined it all, but I knew what I saw and no explanation could make it okay. Blinking my eyes against the tears that were trying to fall, I needed a distraction. That’s when Edward spoke up.
“Bella…we, uh…didn’t…are you…? I mean…”
“I’m on the pill. Have been since I started my period…it was to regulate my cycle and ease my cramps, not because I…well, you know. But, yeah…you’re not gonna be a father, so don’t worry.” And then I plunged in, brushing dangerously close to a topic that was too fresh and I didn’t want to touch. “If anyone should worry, it’s me. I don’t know even know your sexual history.” Awk-waaard.
“I’ve never-not once-been with someone without using protection. I used to…uh, sleep around some, but it was a long time ago. Before you… Let’s just say, it’s been a while since I’ve been with anyone at all, but I’ve been tested and I’m clean.”
“Okay,” I whispered so softly that it was almost inaudible.
The room lapsed into silence. I only wish I could say the same was true of my mind. Unfortunately, it was a tumult of disjointed thoughts and images that I didn’t want to see, that I wished I hadn’t seen-both good and bad-but once seen, they couldn’t be unseen. I was a mess and I just wanted it all to go away; it’s not like any of it mattered in the long run. We would never see each other again after tomorrow.
Still wanting desperately to silence my mind, I knew of only one way to accomplish it. I turned to face him and my hand moved to his side. Tracing lazy circles and random shapes over his ribs with my fingertips, occasionally scraping my nails over his well defined muscles so that they clenched, I caressed.
“Edward…? You awake?”
He chuckled, knowing exactly what I wanted.
“Mmhmmm. What’s up, beautiful?” He didn’t wait for an answer. He pushed me onto my back, rolled on top of me and gazed down at me so tenderly that I nearly forgot about the disastrous end to our evening.
His smirk was back in place as he asked, “Anything I can help you with, love?”
“Maybe,” I answered coquettishly. He groaned and began plying me with soft kisses that I happily returned.
~//~
We made love as many times that night as we could, acting as if we could cram in enough sex to last a lifetime. Emotionally and physically exhausted, we only managed to make love three more times before he finally fell into a deep and blissful slumber. Just before he drifted off, he drowsily mumbled words that I couldn’t allow myself to even consider as truth or I would have lost my will and been unable to do what I needed to…what I had to do.
“Bella…I don’ wanna say g’bye…morrow. Don’ think I can walk away, nah w’out tryin’ ta make it work. Tell me you feel the same…please…think I’m n’love w’you.”
“I do,” I answered honestly. “Let’s talk about it in the morning, baby. ‘Kay?”
I felt his head nod against me and then lay there silently crying while I waited for his breathing even out as sleep claimed him.
~//~
When I was certain that he wouldn’t wake, I slipped out of his embrace. I dressed, gathered my things from the bathroom and various other spots around the room--double-checking that I wasn’t leaving anything behind--and then moved back to the sleeping man that I was leaving behind. I watched him for a moment, contemplating leaving a note, but I knew that it was best that I didn’t; it would be a clean break.
I was running out of time. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, whispering those three little words for the first and final time…I love you and I’m sorry…and then I grabbed my two bags and slipped silently out the door.
When I reached the lobby, I had the front desk call me a cab. Outside, I paced nervously awaiting its arrival. Every time the front doors of the lodge opened, I expected to see Edward flying out of them, demanding to know just what the hell I thought I was doing, but he never did. I can’t deny my disappointment. The cab arrived and I slipped inside, riding in silence to the airport.
There was a flight leaving for Phoenix in thirty minutes with open seats and the ticketing agent was able to get me on it at no additional cost. I was given my boarding pass and sent on my way. Security hardly took any time as the airport was virtually empty that early in the day. Before I knew it, I was buckled into my seat as the plane hurtled down the runway.
I kept it together until the wheels left the tarmac and we were had reached our cruising altitude. Reality crashed down and I broke down, my grief and heartbreak consumed me. I sobbed soundlessly throughout the flight, completely unaware of the pitying, concerned looks of the other passengers. We had only known each other for two weeks, so why did it feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest?
That was the last time I saw him and I never went back to Aspen for fear of running into him. I couldn’t go through that again. I was going to have to live my life without him, like he had never existed…no matter how badly it hurt. They say time heals all wounds, I only hoped it was true.
~//~
I was a zombie when I arrived back in Phoenix. I locked myself in my old room at my mother’s empty house and let the pain take me under. I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep. I simply curled into a ball on my bed and clutched at my chest, trying to hold the gaping hole in it closed. I cried and cried and cried, and then, when I thought that there were no tears left, I cried some more. When my tears finally ran dry, I continued to lie there in a semi-catatonic state, just staring off into space. Days and nights passed, but I remained completely oblivious.
I was finally forced to move when the house telephone rang for the twentieth time in as many minutes.
“Hello,” I answered, my voice hoarse from both disuse and days of crying.
“Bella!!! Where the hell have you been? I have been trying to reach you for a week now, but you haven’t answered your cell or returned any of my messages. I have been worried to death about you, young lady.”
“Renee…Mom. My phone broke while I was gone and I just haven’t had a chance to replace it yet. Sorry. How’s Phil? Where are you guys?” I asked. I was hoping to deflect her attention from me. Asking about her almost always worked as a distraction--she was her favorite topic.
“We’re great. We just arrived in Florida after from touring South America. We’ll be here for a few more months because Phil was signed to a team here. It’s just a short term contact right now. They want to wait until spring training before they decide if they’ll sign him for the season, so we’ll see how it goes.
“Actually, that’s the reason I’m calling. I need you to take care of the house while we’re gone. I know it’ll be a bit of an inconvenience, but at least you won’t have to share a tiny, cramped dorm room for a couple quarters. I’ll put money in your account for the bills and you won’t have to worry about anything other than food. Think you can handle that?”
“Yeah. It’ll be fine. No problem.”
“You okay, sweetie? You sound a little odd.”
“I’m fine. I just woke up. I had a late night last night, that’s all. Um, I gotta go. I have to get ready for dinner with the girls, but I’ll talk to you later. Tell Phil I said hey. Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, sweetie. Call if you need anything.”
“Will do, Mom. Bye.”
She hung up before the word I even finished speaking, eager to get back to Phil. I hung up the phone and then curled back up on the bed. Exhausted from the energy I expended talking to my mother, I finally fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I don’t know how long I slept, but when I finally woke up, I was so weak that I could barely get out of bed. I still had no appetite, but I hadn’t eaten for who knows how long. I had to be dehydrated so, at the very least, I needed to water.
Managing to get downstairs without killing myself, I rummaged around the kitchen for something easy to make. I finally found a Hot Pocket buried deep inside the freezer and tossed it in the microwave. By the time it was done I had downed two glasses of water and was pouring a third. I ate, filled my water glass again and took it with me up to my room where I went back to bed. I was just so tired.
The next time I woke up, I knew that I needed to get my shit together. Winter quarter started soon and I hadn’t even bought my books. Plus, I still had to go pack my stuff and let the school know I was moving out of my dorm; I didn’t, and wouldn’t, do the same for Lauren. Moving back home really was going to be a pain in the ass, but I was grateful that I had somewhere to go. There was no way I could handle living with Lauren after what happened in…that place. At least I had a truck to make it easier, and I didn’t have much stuff to pack either.
I crawled out of my bed and realized for the first time how disgusting I was. I hadn’t bathed or even brushed my teeth since I’d arrived home, at least a week ago. It didn’t particularly bother me in the state of mind that I was in, but I knew that I couldn’t go out looking like I did. Especially not if I ran into Lauren, or one of her little trampy friends. What was the saying… Never let ‘em see you sweat? Looking good is the best revenge? I guess loosely they applied. I didn’t think I would run into Lauren, but I needed to not look like a hot mess-just in case.
I took a scalding hot shower, washing my hair twice and then I stayed under the spray until the hot water ran out and I was all pruned up. Wrapping one towel around me and the other one around my hair where I secured it on the top of my head like a turban, I went to my room for clothes. As I started to get dressed, I happened to catch sight of my unclothed body and burst into tears at the sight.
I was already thin before I had fallen into my current depressed stupor, but now I was skeletal. My cheeks were gaunt, my skin paler than normal and I didn’t just have bags under my eyes--I had a full set of matched luggage. My ribs stuck out prominently and my chest looked like it was about to cave in on itself-I was disgusting. How could I have let myself deteriorate like so much? I vowed to get my shit together-soon.
Just thinking about him caused the water to rise and I couldn’t let myself be dragged down again by the riptide; I had only just gotten my head above water. I was sputtering, threatening to go under again, but fighting frantically against it. The despair proved to be stronger than me and I was went down, but not for very long. I eventually resurfaced and sent an email to the college regarding moving back home. When I finally made it out of the house--six days after arriving there from the airport--it was late in the afternoon.
~//~
The following six months were the darkest I had ever known. I was never what you would call ebullient, but I was such a shell of my former self-operating on the most basic level, just barely existing-that pre-Aspen me look like a cheerleader. I stopped talking to the few friends I’d had-although, I don’t think any of them noticed. I whittled my life down until the only things left were the things that had to be done.
I attended class every day, did my homework, went to work when I was scheduled and the grocery store when I absolutely had to. The bills were paid on time, once a month, and the house was kept tidy. I didn’t socialize or talk to anyone--including my mother--except when absolutely necessary. My house was my fortress of solitude and my room my refuge. It was a relief when I walked in the door every day. I didn’t have to pretend to care or that I was okay for anyone--it was hard enough keeping up the charade for the short amounts of time that I had to.
Phil was signed, but suffered what ended up being a career ending knee injury and lost his contract. When they returned home at the beginning of July, I wasn’t exactly doing better, but I had gotten better at faking it. Surprisingly, Renee hardly seemed noticed the change in my demeanor or the emptiness in my eyes.
Life carried on with absolutely no regard for me. The years passed by, I graduated college, got a job, my first grown up apartment, made a few friends and even dated, but only at Renee’s insistence. On the surface, it looked like I had gotten over him and moved on, but the pain never really went away. It had just been so long and I had grown so adept at hiding it, that it simply became part of who I was.
Most days it was controllable, but each year--during the end of December--that blackness washed over me and it was all I could do to not drown. I tried-so hard-but I just couldn’t forget him. He was the measure that I judged all romantic interests by…and none of them ever measured up.
~\*/~
Present
Here I am, eight years later, face-to-face with the ghost from my past--the person that broke me--and I have no clue what to do or what to say. What was he even doing here? Surely he has to be some kind of delusion caused by the blow to my head I had just sustained. It makes sense-it is the time of year when I can’t stop my mind from drifting to thoughts of him. I pinched myself discreetly, only proving myself to be awake-unfortunately. He clearly wasn’t going to say anything and the silence was just getting to be unbearably uncomfortable. I forced my vocal cords to work.
“E-Ed…Edward? What…? How…? Uhhhh…” I stammered--still sprawled on the floor in the hallway of the high-rise outside of my new office.
I had wished, hoped, prayed for it even, but I had never once thought I would see the face that was hovering over me. He looked almost exactly the same as he had the day we met-a little older and more tired--but he certainly wasn’t as changed as me. When he extended his hand to help me up, the lights above us glinted off of something shiny, drawing my attention.
My eyes shifted the direction the gleam had come from-to his hand-and that’s when I noticed it…a wedding band. He was married? He was married. Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? I felt ridiculous. I had been pining away for eight years and he had probably gone home and never thought about me again. Stupid girl.
Not wanting to think about that, not if I was going to continue to swim in the rapidly rising water this time, I forced myself to focus on my more immediate concern-why he was walking out of my new office. I started to flounder in the floodwaters. The division’s letterhead flashed in my mind…
E. Cullen, Executive V.P. of Operations
Seattle Division
…an original Alice Cul…
I could feel the blood drain from my face. Seattle was suddenly the last place on earth I wanted to be.
Fin.
~\*/~
Chapter 2
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