A rather positive post for a change.
My livejournal is one of the places I come to vent when I'm upset or angry or whatever emotion I feel and can't identify other than "Not happy." It gives me somewhere to open up and blow off steam (especially when I can't address the problem directly while in the heat of the moment or even when I calm down, because I can't risk hurting the person's feelings).. To talk about things and work things out in a healthy and positive matter- I realize that one day I should also have a person I feel comfortable enough to TALK (not type) to about things that upset me... Even if it's just something really annoying like people putting their things in MY container or something deep like "Hey, I need to talk about meeting someone who reminds me of my ex and I don't know what to do with how I'm feeling because of it" I also have a place where LITERALLY no one knows it's me (Or at least, I don't know I know anyone and if I do, they don't acknowledge that fact) and I go there for things I'm not quite ready for my friends to know, but need to get something off my chest.. But for the most part I'm ok with writing on here now.. It's a step in the right direction and I'm hoping I'll keep going that way. I've come a long way since the time I started this journal. I want to thank all of you for being here, for commenting or just reading even when you don't comment.
That being said.. It can give one the impression that I am a very negative person who hates life.. Which couldn't be more far from the truth. I love life.. I love MY life. I love Time even if I don't really like him... I love my Mum, I love Emily and my Mum's side of the family (even the uncle who has the tendency to be a real jerk) I love Anabelle... I love my friends. Even though I don't feel appreciated sometimes (Ok, recently especially) that I make a huge and important impact in my family's lives and if they don't or can't see that, well, that's their problem- I forgive their ignorance.
I know I complain a lot about seemingly simple things at times, but it's like when you take the lid off a pot of water to prevent it from boiling over... And that I can't find the words/ courage to express the real problems- But I realize it could be much, much worse and I really am thankful and consider myself lucky to have such an amazing life.
My health is more shitty than a flaming bag of poo that someone has left on a person's door step.. And I realize I tend to minimize thing, but I also realize I could be A LOT more sick.. So to me, this sucks and I have my days where it's hard to stay positive, but for the most part I understand this is happening for a more divine reason than I'll ever be able to grasp the concept of. I realize that God (or Goddess, or whatever you believe in.. I don't really care about that) has a plan for me and that I need to have faith in the fact that he knows what he's doing.. I believe I get the shit end of the stick so much because he knows I can shoulder the weight.
I don't understand a lot, and sometimes I don't know how to say a lot (As in.. I lose chunks of vocab randomly for some reason.. I don't mind losing large words I don't use much, but when I can't even think of the word pencil.. I get frustrated right fast) and sometimes both of those things frustrate the hell out of me, But I've also been blessed with tolerant, patient friends and family who, for the most part, either speak twich, or know how to get twich to understand by using different terms or concepts to explain something.
I don't like change, and I'll let you know I don't like whatever it is you've changed, but I will also ask you to give it a week and ask me again. Chances are that once I'm used to it, I'll like it.
I believe I'm tolerant and intolerant of people and their actions at the proper times, as well as when it comes to showing someone respect. I know that just because I don't agree with something.. It doesn't mean it's actually wrong and I tolerate people who have different views from mine, not trying to shove my opinions down their throats or making them feel bad about theirs.. But when it comes to remarks that can and will hurt someone because they're doing something you don't agree with (I guess the best example right now since it's been in the media so much lately is homophobic slander) If you're going to tell someone they are wrong to be gay and they are sinners and going to Hell and try pulling the bible quote game.. I will play it right back, put you in your place, and educate you properly.. You don't have to be ok with Gay people, but shut your mouth and stop being such a bully about it. I'm the same with respect- I initially treat EVERYONE with respect (it takes a while to actually earn my respect, but that doesn't mean I can't treat you with it) but if you are disrespectful to me for no good reason... Young or old, I'm not going to try to respect you back (Like this one time some lady yelled at me for trying to use priority seating with a child in an UMBRELLA STROLLER that didn't go out into the aisles so wasn't tripping people up, so I moved to the seats right after and she went on a tangent about how ignorant people are and people shouldn't use strollers on busses and they should fold them up while on the bus, etc. So I politely informed her that my sister, the child I was with, is physically disabled and to expect her to walk and keep any kind of balance on a moving bus is ridiculous so she will stay in a stroller that takes up less space than the wheel chair she qualifies for.. And that if I wanted to use priority seating for what it was meant for, that I will next time, but I'll stay in this seat now because I'm already here. She said "I bet you'd never speak to your Grandmother like this." I came back with "You're right, because she'd never be that rude or ignorant" and ignored her the rest of the way.) I don't believe in respecting my elders just because they're my elders if they're being disrespectful, Because in my opinion being older means more time to practice manners.
My cat is lying across my leg right now and my foot is numb. I don't care, it means we've bonded more because she actually cuddles with me sometimes, she doesn't just lie beside me... I'm glad that she enjoys it now, and I'm glad that it doesn't bother me to have physical contact with another living creature.
I know I'm weird, I know I'm broken, I know I'm messed up beyond help.. But I also know I'm happy at the fact that I'm ok with who I am, and that I don't really care if other people don't like be because I don't conform to the main stream...Is being popular and "Normal" and in the in crowd really worth hiding who you really are and losing out on how happy you could have been by being yourself? Is it worth having to bully those who are brave enough to not follow the other sheep, while you're secretly jealous and wished you weren't so insecure so you could be happy, too? I, for one, never have and never will think it's worth it.
Thank you, friends, for being you- Being genuine is always more meaningful than hiding behind the mask of society. Be proud or yourselves for being brave, I know I'm proud of you.
That being said.. It can give one the impression that I am a very negative person who hates life.. Which couldn't be more far from the truth. I love life.. I love MY life. I love Time even if I don't really like him... I love my Mum, I love Emily and my Mum's side of the family (even the uncle who has the tendency to be a real jerk) I love Anabelle... I love my friends. Even though I don't feel appreciated sometimes (Ok, recently especially) that I make a huge and important impact in my family's lives and if they don't or can't see that, well, that's their problem- I forgive their ignorance.
I know I complain a lot about seemingly simple things at times, but it's like when you take the lid off a pot of water to prevent it from boiling over... And that I can't find the words/ courage to express the real problems- But I realize it could be much, much worse and I really am thankful and consider myself lucky to have such an amazing life.
My health is more shitty than a flaming bag of poo that someone has left on a person's door step.. And I realize I tend to minimize thing, but I also realize I could be A LOT more sick.. So to me, this sucks and I have my days where it's hard to stay positive, but for the most part I understand this is happening for a more divine reason than I'll ever be able to grasp the concept of. I realize that God (or Goddess, or whatever you believe in.. I don't really care about that) has a plan for me and that I need to have faith in the fact that he knows what he's doing.. I believe I get the shit end of the stick so much because he knows I can shoulder the weight.
I don't understand a lot, and sometimes I don't know how to say a lot (As in.. I lose chunks of vocab randomly for some reason.. I don't mind losing large words I don't use much, but when I can't even think of the word pencil.. I get frustrated right fast) and sometimes both of those things frustrate the hell out of me, But I've also been blessed with tolerant, patient friends and family who, for the most part, either speak twich, or know how to get twich to understand by using different terms or concepts to explain something.
I don't like change, and I'll let you know I don't like whatever it is you've changed, but I will also ask you to give it a week and ask me again. Chances are that once I'm used to it, I'll like it.
I believe I'm tolerant and intolerant of people and their actions at the proper times, as well as when it comes to showing someone respect. I know that just because I don't agree with something.. It doesn't mean it's actually wrong and I tolerate people who have different views from mine, not trying to shove my opinions down their throats or making them feel bad about theirs.. But when it comes to remarks that can and will hurt someone because they're doing something you don't agree with (I guess the best example right now since it's been in the media so much lately is homophobic slander) If you're going to tell someone they are wrong to be gay and they are sinners and going to Hell and try pulling the bible quote game.. I will play it right back, put you in your place, and educate you properly.. You don't have to be ok with Gay people, but shut your mouth and stop being such a bully about it. I'm the same with respect- I initially treat EVERYONE with respect (it takes a while to actually earn my respect, but that doesn't mean I can't treat you with it) but if you are disrespectful to me for no good reason... Young or old, I'm not going to try to respect you back (Like this one time some lady yelled at me for trying to use priority seating with a child in an UMBRELLA STROLLER that didn't go out into the aisles so wasn't tripping people up, so I moved to the seats right after and she went on a tangent about how ignorant people are and people shouldn't use strollers on busses and they should fold them up while on the bus, etc. So I politely informed her that my sister, the child I was with, is physically disabled and to expect her to walk and keep any kind of balance on a moving bus is ridiculous so she will stay in a stroller that takes up less space than the wheel chair she qualifies for.. And that if I wanted to use priority seating for what it was meant for, that I will next time, but I'll stay in this seat now because I'm already here. She said "I bet you'd never speak to your Grandmother like this." I came back with "You're right, because she'd never be that rude or ignorant" and ignored her the rest of the way.) I don't believe in respecting my elders just because they're my elders if they're being disrespectful, Because in my opinion being older means more time to practice manners.
My cat is lying across my leg right now and my foot is numb. I don't care, it means we've bonded more because she actually cuddles with me sometimes, she doesn't just lie beside me... I'm glad that she enjoys it now, and I'm glad that it doesn't bother me to have physical contact with another living creature.
I know I'm weird, I know I'm broken, I know I'm messed up beyond help.. But I also know I'm happy at the fact that I'm ok with who I am, and that I don't really care if other people don't like be because I don't conform to the main stream...Is being popular and "Normal" and in the in crowd really worth hiding who you really are and losing out on how happy you could have been by being yourself? Is it worth having to bully those who are brave enough to not follow the other sheep, while you're secretly jealous and wished you weren't so insecure so you could be happy, too? I, for one, never have and never will think it's worth it.
Thank you, friends, for being you- Being genuine is always more meaningful than hiding behind the mask of society. Be proud or yourselves for being brave, I know I'm proud of you.