[fic] 七個門 [seven doors]
七個門 [seven doors]
pg - sihan
summary: "the seven doors passed through and the thousand and one trials/ perhaps we will be delivered/ (if that makes any sense)/ from the south of madness" [the miracle_ss fic i wrote for papered. :D]
"China?"
Siwon is a big grin and bright cheeks and fingers tapping against the table in excitement. "Yeah, isn't it great, hyung? My grades on the last test were good enough that the Professor's going to let me go with the juniors on their trip, even though I'm only a freshman." The coffee cups full of tea rattle on their plates as Siwon's leg takes up shaking.
Heechul rolls his eyes, his hair bright red for that week, brushes lint that isn't there from his shoulders. "You're such a do-good, I'd hate you if you weren't so cute. When are you leaving? Do you even know who you're going with?"
"I'm not sure about all of them, but I know that Donghae and Kibum are going. Which probably means that uhmm, you know, that other dancer guy will go too." Siwon sips his tea, shrugs his shoulders. "You know, the awkward one?"
"Eunhyuk, that one's Eunhyuk. Isn't he cute? Like a dog or something... A retarded one though."
"Hyung." Siwon shoots the red-head a disapproving look but Heechul waves it off with a shake of his hand. "Don't call people that. He's really nice, and he's funny, if a bit loud. He's an amazing painter, too."
"Really, Siwon, you're killing me here. Will it hurt you to be mean for once in your life?"
"Yes." Siwon is grinning again and Heechul swats at the back of his head and they drink their tea and order cookies and Siwon fills in Heechul with all the details of his trip.
---
"Don't be so chipper, Siwon, it's too early in the morning." Hyejoo is the only one of the three junior girls that Siwon knows with any certainty, and the brown-haired girl seems to channel Heechul when she hits Siwon's shoulder.
The airport is cold, five o'clock air mixed in with always-on air conditioning, and the other students on the trip are steadily shuffling in towards them. Hyejoo is more of a bundle of sweats and a hoodie than a person as she comes to sit next to Siwon.
Siwon couldn't sleep at all, too excited for the trip. He's never left Seoul in his life, and for his first trip out of the country, he's going to China, where everything seems so mysterious, a land hidden by wars and clouds and brightly covered silk. He smiles at Hyejoo, holds his carryall bag close to him.
"I know, but I'm just excited. I've never even been in an airport before, nuna."
Hyejoo rolls her eyes, coughs quietly into her hand. "Well, go be hyper over there with Donghae and Eunhyuk and rescue Kibum." She pulls her hat lower down on her head as Siwon looks up and spots the two juniors talking and laughing and pulling Kibum, a freshman like him, along with them, looking as sleepy as Hyejoo. As Siwon stands to go over, Hyejoo grumbles underneath her breath and slinks down into her seat. "Stupid juniors that act like freshmen."
"Siwonah!"
Donghae's smile matches Siwon's exactly, and he claps Siwon on the shoulder. "Aren't you excited? I can't wait to go!"
Eunhyuk grins at Siwon, and he seems to be carrying his bag and Donghae's. "Heya, Siwon. Been a while."
Siwon nods. "Since the party at Junsu hyung's place."
At the mention of Junsu's name, Eunhyuk makes a soft noise and pulls out his cell phone. "I'm supposed to text him and brag. He wanted to come along but he's not even taking the class at all. What an idiot." He types fast and starts to wander off, and he's sitting on a seat with his legs pulled up to his chest, texting, when Siwon shakes his head and smiles at Kibum.
Kibum is a bit of a mystery in Siwon's mind. Siwon is outgoing, he's not a partier like Heechul but he's certainly not shy, and he finds it hard to understand Kibum sometimes, Kibum with his one word answers and his quiet smile that brightens up the entire room. But he tries, and he and Kibum have fallen into a quiet almost-there friendship that seems to meet right in the middle of their personalities.
"Did you get enough sleep?"
Kibum nods and his smile is sleepy. "Not as much as I wanted, but enough. Excited?"
"Very." Siwon has to bite down on his bottom lip to hold down his smile and Kibum nods. It isn't long before Donghae is tired of the pleasantries and Siwon spends the rest of their waiting time looking over maps and brochures with Donghae while Kibum sits quietly next to Eunhyuk, who's fixated on a new game on his cell.
---
"I don't think I like flying after all."
Siwon thinks that maybe his hands might rip off his armrests, his fingers are clenched so tight. His head is starting to hurt, and he's been staring at the back of his eyelids for the last two hours.
The laughter at his side is one of the other juniors, one of the guys he doesn't know. "Just take deep breaths, okay? And tell me if you're going to hurl, so I can get out of your way."
Siwon just groans quietly and tries to sleep.
---
There's white everywhere, it fills his vision and it even lands on his skin and its soft and smooth, silk. He's spinning in circles, trying to find the start of it all, trying to find where the silk seems to spill from. He's starting to think it has no beginning, no ending, when a smiling face flashes at him and he's spinning even faster to catch up.
He's dizzy, the world is like a top around him, and the smiling face gets closer and clearer and it's a boy dressed in the same white of the silk around him, and the silk seems to grow from his hands and he's dancing, jumping and spinning and flicking his hands and the silk follows every line he makes with his body.
Siwon reaches out for him because the smile on the boy's lips looks warm and familiar, but the boy only dances away from him. Siwon gives it up for lost when suddenly the boy is right in front of him, eyes bright, and he whispers in his ears.
"來寻找我."
---
"Siwon. Choi Siwon, wake up."
Siwon blinks and for a second the world is pure white and he remembers his dream and he reaches out without thinking,
"Whoa there, tiger." The white moves back and it's only Hyejoo's hoodie, and she grins down at him with an eyebrow raised. "I didn't know you liked me that much, Siwonah."
"Oh, nuna, I didn't mean to-" Siwon can feel his face, red and burning, but Hyejoo laughs and waves a hand, and that's just like Heechul too.
"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it. But who exactly are you trying to find?" Hyejoo moves away and Siwon can see that the airplane is steadily emptying, and he stands and blinks and slides out of his seat.
"What?" He frowns as he reaches up for his bag.
"I guess in your dream or whatever, you kept saying 'I'll find you, I'll find you'. Who're you trying to find?" Hyejoo raises an eyebrow again. "Long lost lover?"
Siwon remembers the flash of the dancing boy's eyes and shakes his head. "I have no idea, nuna."
---
"Hahaha, you're a loser, Junsu, because you're stuck in Korea with the cold but we're in China with the heat." Eunhyuk walks past, phone stuck to his ear like always, and Siwon rolls his eyes and tries to read the morning's newspaper.
Siwon is rooming with Eunhyuk and Kibum, Donghae in the next door with the other two juniors, and Hyejoo across the hall and three doors down with the other two girls. It's their third day in China , and Siwon can't exactly wrap his mind around everything.
People are everywhere; any given part of the day or night seems like downtown Seoul on a Saturday afternoon when the students are done with class. It's slightly amazing how alike Beijing is to Seoul, in that the people walk fast and mind their business, and in the hidden spaces between the tall skyscrapers are open markets filled with people yelling and bartering and chasing away kids trying to steal a piece of meat.
The language itself is mind-boggling. Siwon is one of the top students in his Chinese language class, he picks up the language incredibly fast, but it's entirely different reading aloud textbooks in his dorm room or taking down notes on grammar and tenses then it is to be in the middle of the crowd and hear different voices, different accents flowing around him.
Siwon is torn between running outside and getting lost in all the life and staying inside and hiding his head into more and more textbooks and travel guides.
"Siwon."
He looks up from the paper, which he's managed to read a third of, and Kibum is holding out a paper to him.
"There's some college festival later today. It seems interesting, come with?"
Siwon takes the paper and thankfully the words and simple and sparse. Dancing, Singing, Performances, Come Share in the Arts With Us! There are a few pictures, a girl with a microphone, a girl twisted into what resembled a pretzel except even more twisted, and a figure in the middle of a turn, white silk dripping from outstretched arms. Siwon remembers the dream he hasn't been able to have again and runs his tongue against his suddenly dry lips and nods. "Sounds like fun."
---
Siwon isn't sure, but he thinks that Kibum's asking the man how much it would cost to stick a goat into the building, while he's trying to ask him which building is the theater hall. Siwon's holding back a smile, and the look on the poor man's face is confused and frustrated, and normally patient Kibum looks like he's going to yell. If he were Heechul, he'd sit back and enjoy the entertainment, but his conscience is already creeping up his spine, and Siwon finally steps in as gracefully as he can.
"I think that you're saying theater wrong, maybe? I don't know, but..." Siwon asks the man slowly, as if he's having a hard time remembering, even though he knows its right. When he's done, the man is ahhh-ing and smiling and pointing to a building down the street and Siwon picks out "right turn" and "two miles back" in the deluge of slightly accented Chinese. He smiles and bows and says thank you and he and Kibum are finally on their way, Kibum throwing him a small and quickly gone smile of thanks. They both let out a sigh of relief when they start to see groups of people, some in street clothes, others in colorful costumes that catch Siwon's attention over and over again, and more fliers like the one Kibum showed him earlier.
"I thought we'd be lost all night." Kibum rolls his eyes just slightly, and Siwon laughs.
"If all else had failed, we could've just called one of the others to pick us up."
"And if the only ones there were Donghae or Eunhyuk?" Kibum glances over at him, and Siwon laughs again while eyeing a headpiece a man is wearing, bright red and dripping with gold accessories.
"Well, then we might've had to just resign ourselves to living in China ."
---
Kibum stands closer to him than he usually does, and Siwon understands the silent need for reassurance because people are everywhere and everyone is talking and there's different music from everywhere. People perform on the street, on the sidewalk, tidal waves of legs and arms and mouths spill in and out of the theater building. Siwon catches snippets of words that catch his attention.
"-that boy, hangeng-"
"-best dancer in this entire school-"
"-zhangzhu dance was incredible, like magic-"
Siwon doesn't know exactly what it is, but he hears the words and he looks up at the building and the music floating out is soft and Siwon thinks of his dream, and the white that covered him, and before he knows it, he's tugging on Kibum's sleeve. "Let's go see who's performing inside."
Kibum is a nod and a step inside and Siwon follows hesitantly, and he feels like his world is going to explode, that something is going to happen that's going to change his life.
The music gets louder and they're caught into the rush of people also trying to make their ways inside and all Siwon can hear is whispers and murmurs of hangeng, hangeng, hangeng is dancing again, hangeng and he pushes just a little harder.
They finally face the stage and there's a lone figure standing in the middle of the stage, back bent and arms held close.
Siwon holds his breath.
The music bounces up and a spotlight turns on, and the figure, a boy, is spinning around and he flings his arms out and there's white silk everywhere.
Siwon's gasp is swallowed up by the people around him and the boy, that boy, the boy with the smile and the secret in his eyes is dancing on a stage fifty feet away from him, and he's kicking out his legs and raising his arms and the silk on his arms seem to lift him up and carry him on the music notes dancing in the air. Siwon can't see his face, he's too far, but he doesn't need to see and memories of his dreams combine with the sway of the boy's hips and the stretch of his legs.
Just then, the boy turns once more, and he looks out into the audience and his eyes catch Siwon's, and for a second he looks stunned, surprised, but then he's smiling, brilliant and sure and confident and he reaches out a hand and Siwon can hear whispering in his ears as if the boy has his arms wrapped tight around him.
"你找到我."
---
"Siwon, are you okay?"
Siwon looks away from the window. The day is cold and gray and every time he closes his eyes, he thinks of silk. "Hmmm?"
Donghae is wide eyes as he comes to squeeze on the window sill next to Siwon. "You've been really quiet since you came home from that college festival with Kibum."
Siwon thinks of smiles and he blinks and shakes his head. He presses his forehead against the cool glass of the window. "Hyung, do you believe in fate?"
"Fate?" Donghae frowns.
"Fate. Do you think that some things are just meant to be? That you're placed in a certain time or place for a reason? That there are certain people in the world you're supposed to meet?" Siwon looks at Donghae with pleading eyes, and he's not sure if he's pleading for negatives or positives.
"I think..." Donghae falls silent, and he seems to really be thinking, his eyes on the building across the street as Siwon's were minutes ago. His fingers play at the cloth of his shirt, and he finally answers, slowly and hesitant, sounding the words out on his tongue. "I think that there are things we're destined for, yes, but that... I think we make the choices to go there. I think that... there's a planned fate for all of us, but we make the choices that led us there... Does that make any sense?"
Siwon is quiet for a moment, his eyes drawn back to the gray gray sky.
"Yes."
---
Siwon finally decides to brave the chaos that is Beijing on his own.
"Are you going to be okay?" Donghae is chattering into Kibum's ear about something on a game show he didn't understand, but he takes a breath to look over at Siwon. Siwon thinks about the conversation they had, and he thinks that Donghae thinks about it too, because something in his eyes shifts.
"Yes."
Eunhyuk and one of the girls practice Chinese on each other, and they wave goodbye to Siwon between hysterical giggles and Siwon leaves the room feeling as if he's got a mission.
The night air of Beijing is cool, but it's still full of life and noise and Siwon knows that he should be reading street signs, but instead he lets his feet go where they will, and he's soon inside a restaurant that specializes in dumplings. It's warm and cozy and the little paintings on the walls make him smile. It feels like home, and he slides into a booth with his hands inside his pockets and he takes a second to close his eyes and take in the smells around him.
"我认为你不会来."
Siwon's eyes snap open and the dancing boy is sitting in front of him, smiling like always, like always, and his eyes are bright underneath his simple glasses. Siwon thinks he's dressed in costume again, but he's not, he's dressed like Siwon in a simple t-shirt underneath a pure white hoodie and simple dark jeans.
"Who are you?" Siwon feels incredibly rude but he's been going silently crazy for this boy, and it seems that the boy knows it all, and the Chinese runs smoothly off his tongue, as if he was born to speak it.
"Hangeng." The boy- Hangeng- leans forward and his smile dims and softens and he looks like he's bathed in light. "And you're..."
"Siwon."
"Siwon." His name sounds new and alive and exotic in Hangeng's mouth. Hangeng nods, and sits back.
"How do you know me?" Siwon wonders if he should feel frightened. It's not normal to be meeting the man of your dreams, literally, is it?
"I don't." Hangeng's smile fades away slightly, and there's the beginning of a frown in between his eyes. "I saw you in a dream, and then I saw you at the Festival."
Siwon wants to drop his head onto the table. "That's not normal."
Hangeng's smile returns again and he's speaking, but its fast and Siwon doesn't think it's quite Mandarin because his voice rises and falls at unusual places, and it sounds like a boat against waves. Siwon wants to ask him to slow down, but he's caught up in the way Hangeng's throat moves and the way that his hands move slightly as he talks, and the way he makes faces, frowning and smiling and letting out a soft chuckle before shrugging and dancing with his hands again.
"-like that, right?"
Siwon shakes his head, eyes wide. "I didn't understand a word you just said."
And Hangeng is laughing, and he stands and takes Siwon's hand and Siwon lets himself be led out of the shop with warmth traveling up his arms to his chest.
-----
They're deep into Beijing , Siwon's lost count of the turns and twists, Hangeng no longer holding his hand but pressed closed to this side, before Siwon thinks to ask again, hoping for an answer that he can understand.
"What did you dream about?"
Hangeng tilts his head, and his eyes are somewhere on the stars above their heads. "You were laughing. Sitting on a chair, with a book, and you were laughing, and saying something. I couldn't understand what you were saying, but you were smiling and laughing and you held your hand out to me."
"Why... How are you so calm?" Siwon is running circles in his head, trying to make ends fits and trying to tie off loose strands but they don't fit, and Siwon needs it to fit. He doesn't understand why Hangeng is so cool and calm, walking in the middle of the night with someone he claims to have seen in his dreams.
Hangeng slows to a stop, and looks up the spare inches to Siwon's face, and his face is full of wonder and calm and Siwon thinks he can see the stars linger in his eyes. "Don't you believe in fate, Shiyuan?"
Siwon is distracted for a second because his name doesn't sound like his name, but Hangeng's hand on his arm brings his thoughts back. "I... I don't know." He sighs.
Hangeng smiles, and it's only the tiniest lift of his mouth, but it's a smile brighter than anything Siwon's seen. "I do." And he's pressing close, his mouth as warm as his smile on Siwon's lips, and Siwon thinks that maybe this is fate.
Chinese.
Come find me.
You found me.
I thought you wouldn't come.
pg - sihan
summary: "the seven doors passed through and the thousand and one trials/ perhaps we will be delivered/ (if that makes any sense)/ from the south of madness" [the miracle_ss fic i wrote for papered. :D]
"China?"
Siwon is a big grin and bright cheeks and fingers tapping against the table in excitement. "Yeah, isn't it great, hyung? My grades on the last test were good enough that the Professor's going to let me go with the juniors on their trip, even though I'm only a freshman." The coffee cups full of tea rattle on their plates as Siwon's leg takes up shaking.
Heechul rolls his eyes, his hair bright red for that week, brushes lint that isn't there from his shoulders. "You're such a do-good, I'd hate you if you weren't so cute. When are you leaving? Do you even know who you're going with?"
"I'm not sure about all of them, but I know that Donghae and Kibum are going. Which probably means that uhmm, you know, that other dancer guy will go too." Siwon sips his tea, shrugs his shoulders. "You know, the awkward one?"
"Eunhyuk, that one's Eunhyuk. Isn't he cute? Like a dog or something... A retarded one though."
"Hyung." Siwon shoots the red-head a disapproving look but Heechul waves it off with a shake of his hand. "Don't call people that. He's really nice, and he's funny, if a bit loud. He's an amazing painter, too."
"Really, Siwon, you're killing me here. Will it hurt you to be mean for once in your life?"
"Yes." Siwon is grinning again and Heechul swats at the back of his head and they drink their tea and order cookies and Siwon fills in Heechul with all the details of his trip.
---
"Don't be so chipper, Siwon, it's too early in the morning." Hyejoo is the only one of the three junior girls that Siwon knows with any certainty, and the brown-haired girl seems to channel Heechul when she hits Siwon's shoulder.
The airport is cold, five o'clock air mixed in with always-on air conditioning, and the other students on the trip are steadily shuffling in towards them. Hyejoo is more of a bundle of sweats and a hoodie than a person as she comes to sit next to Siwon.
Siwon couldn't sleep at all, too excited for the trip. He's never left Seoul in his life, and for his first trip out of the country, he's going to China, where everything seems so mysterious, a land hidden by wars and clouds and brightly covered silk. He smiles at Hyejoo, holds his carryall bag close to him.
"I know, but I'm just excited. I've never even been in an airport before, nuna."
Hyejoo rolls her eyes, coughs quietly into her hand. "Well, go be hyper over there with Donghae and Eunhyuk and rescue Kibum." She pulls her hat lower down on her head as Siwon looks up and spots the two juniors talking and laughing and pulling Kibum, a freshman like him, along with them, looking as sleepy as Hyejoo. As Siwon stands to go over, Hyejoo grumbles underneath her breath and slinks down into her seat. "Stupid juniors that act like freshmen."
"Siwonah!"
Donghae's smile matches Siwon's exactly, and he claps Siwon on the shoulder. "Aren't you excited? I can't wait to go!"
Eunhyuk grins at Siwon, and he seems to be carrying his bag and Donghae's. "Heya, Siwon. Been a while."
Siwon nods. "Since the party at Junsu hyung's place."
At the mention of Junsu's name, Eunhyuk makes a soft noise and pulls out his cell phone. "I'm supposed to text him and brag. He wanted to come along but he's not even taking the class at all. What an idiot." He types fast and starts to wander off, and he's sitting on a seat with his legs pulled up to his chest, texting, when Siwon shakes his head and smiles at Kibum.
Kibum is a bit of a mystery in Siwon's mind. Siwon is outgoing, he's not a partier like Heechul but he's certainly not shy, and he finds it hard to understand Kibum sometimes, Kibum with his one word answers and his quiet smile that brightens up the entire room. But he tries, and he and Kibum have fallen into a quiet almost-there friendship that seems to meet right in the middle of their personalities.
"Did you get enough sleep?"
Kibum nods and his smile is sleepy. "Not as much as I wanted, but enough. Excited?"
"Very." Siwon has to bite down on his bottom lip to hold down his smile and Kibum nods. It isn't long before Donghae is tired of the pleasantries and Siwon spends the rest of their waiting time looking over maps and brochures with Donghae while Kibum sits quietly next to Eunhyuk, who's fixated on a new game on his cell.
---
"I don't think I like flying after all."
Siwon thinks that maybe his hands might rip off his armrests, his fingers are clenched so tight. His head is starting to hurt, and he's been staring at the back of his eyelids for the last two hours.
The laughter at his side is one of the other juniors, one of the guys he doesn't know. "Just take deep breaths, okay? And tell me if you're going to hurl, so I can get out of your way."
Siwon just groans quietly and tries to sleep.
---
There's white everywhere, it fills his vision and it even lands on his skin and its soft and smooth, silk. He's spinning in circles, trying to find the start of it all, trying to find where the silk seems to spill from. He's starting to think it has no beginning, no ending, when a smiling face flashes at him and he's spinning even faster to catch up.
He's dizzy, the world is like a top around him, and the smiling face gets closer and clearer and it's a boy dressed in the same white of the silk around him, and the silk seems to grow from his hands and he's dancing, jumping and spinning and flicking his hands and the silk follows every line he makes with his body.
Siwon reaches out for him because the smile on the boy's lips looks warm and familiar, but the boy only dances away from him. Siwon gives it up for lost when suddenly the boy is right in front of him, eyes bright, and he whispers in his ears.
"來寻找我."
---
"Siwon. Choi Siwon, wake up."
Siwon blinks and for a second the world is pure white and he remembers his dream and he reaches out without thinking,
"Whoa there, tiger." The white moves back and it's only Hyejoo's hoodie, and she grins down at him with an eyebrow raised. "I didn't know you liked me that much, Siwonah."
"Oh, nuna, I didn't mean to-" Siwon can feel his face, red and burning, but Hyejoo laughs and waves a hand, and that's just like Heechul too.
"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it. But who exactly are you trying to find?" Hyejoo moves away and Siwon can see that the airplane is steadily emptying, and he stands and blinks and slides out of his seat.
"What?" He frowns as he reaches up for his bag.
"I guess in your dream or whatever, you kept saying 'I'll find you, I'll find you'. Who're you trying to find?" Hyejoo raises an eyebrow again. "Long lost lover?"
Siwon remembers the flash of the dancing boy's eyes and shakes his head. "I have no idea, nuna."
---
"Hahaha, you're a loser, Junsu, because you're stuck in Korea with the cold but we're in China with the heat." Eunhyuk walks past, phone stuck to his ear like always, and Siwon rolls his eyes and tries to read the morning's newspaper.
Siwon is rooming with Eunhyuk and Kibum, Donghae in the next door with the other two juniors, and Hyejoo across the hall and three doors down with the other two girls. It's their third day in China , and Siwon can't exactly wrap his mind around everything.
People are everywhere; any given part of the day or night seems like downtown Seoul on a Saturday afternoon when the students are done with class. It's slightly amazing how alike Beijing is to Seoul, in that the people walk fast and mind their business, and in the hidden spaces between the tall skyscrapers are open markets filled with people yelling and bartering and chasing away kids trying to steal a piece of meat.
The language itself is mind-boggling. Siwon is one of the top students in his Chinese language class, he picks up the language incredibly fast, but it's entirely different reading aloud textbooks in his dorm room or taking down notes on grammar and tenses then it is to be in the middle of the crowd and hear different voices, different accents flowing around him.
Siwon is torn between running outside and getting lost in all the life and staying inside and hiding his head into more and more textbooks and travel guides.
"Siwon."
He looks up from the paper, which he's managed to read a third of, and Kibum is holding out a paper to him.
"There's some college festival later today. It seems interesting, come with?"
Siwon takes the paper and thankfully the words and simple and sparse. Dancing, Singing, Performances, Come Share in the Arts With Us! There are a few pictures, a girl with a microphone, a girl twisted into what resembled a pretzel except even more twisted, and a figure in the middle of a turn, white silk dripping from outstretched arms. Siwon remembers the dream he hasn't been able to have again and runs his tongue against his suddenly dry lips and nods. "Sounds like fun."
---
Siwon isn't sure, but he thinks that Kibum's asking the man how much it would cost to stick a goat into the building, while he's trying to ask him which building is the theater hall. Siwon's holding back a smile, and the look on the poor man's face is confused and frustrated, and normally patient Kibum looks like he's going to yell. If he were Heechul, he'd sit back and enjoy the entertainment, but his conscience is already creeping up his spine, and Siwon finally steps in as gracefully as he can.
"I think that you're saying theater wrong, maybe? I don't know, but..." Siwon asks the man slowly, as if he's having a hard time remembering, even though he knows its right. When he's done, the man is ahhh-ing and smiling and pointing to a building down the street and Siwon picks out "right turn" and "two miles back" in the deluge of slightly accented Chinese. He smiles and bows and says thank you and he and Kibum are finally on their way, Kibum throwing him a small and quickly gone smile of thanks. They both let out a sigh of relief when they start to see groups of people, some in street clothes, others in colorful costumes that catch Siwon's attention over and over again, and more fliers like the one Kibum showed him earlier.
"I thought we'd be lost all night." Kibum rolls his eyes just slightly, and Siwon laughs.
"If all else had failed, we could've just called one of the others to pick us up."
"And if the only ones there were Donghae or Eunhyuk?" Kibum glances over at him, and Siwon laughs again while eyeing a headpiece a man is wearing, bright red and dripping with gold accessories.
"Well, then we might've had to just resign ourselves to living in China ."
---
Kibum stands closer to him than he usually does, and Siwon understands the silent need for reassurance because people are everywhere and everyone is talking and there's different music from everywhere. People perform on the street, on the sidewalk, tidal waves of legs and arms and mouths spill in and out of the theater building. Siwon catches snippets of words that catch his attention.
"-that boy, hangeng-"
"-best dancer in this entire school-"
"-zhangzhu dance was incredible, like magic-"
Siwon doesn't know exactly what it is, but he hears the words and he looks up at the building and the music floating out is soft and Siwon thinks of his dream, and the white that covered him, and before he knows it, he's tugging on Kibum's sleeve. "Let's go see who's performing inside."
Kibum is a nod and a step inside and Siwon follows hesitantly, and he feels like his world is going to explode, that something is going to happen that's going to change his life.
The music gets louder and they're caught into the rush of people also trying to make their ways inside and all Siwon can hear is whispers and murmurs of hangeng, hangeng, hangeng is dancing again, hangeng and he pushes just a little harder.
They finally face the stage and there's a lone figure standing in the middle of the stage, back bent and arms held close.
Siwon holds his breath.
The music bounces up and a spotlight turns on, and the figure, a boy, is spinning around and he flings his arms out and there's white silk everywhere.
Siwon's gasp is swallowed up by the people around him and the boy, that boy, the boy with the smile and the secret in his eyes is dancing on a stage fifty feet away from him, and he's kicking out his legs and raising his arms and the silk on his arms seem to lift him up and carry him on the music notes dancing in the air. Siwon can't see his face, he's too far, but he doesn't need to see and memories of his dreams combine with the sway of the boy's hips and the stretch of his legs.
Just then, the boy turns once more, and he looks out into the audience and his eyes catch Siwon's, and for a second he looks stunned, surprised, but then he's smiling, brilliant and sure and confident and he reaches out a hand and Siwon can hear whispering in his ears as if the boy has his arms wrapped tight around him.
"你找到我."
---
"Siwon, are you okay?"
Siwon looks away from the window. The day is cold and gray and every time he closes his eyes, he thinks of silk. "Hmmm?"
Donghae is wide eyes as he comes to squeeze on the window sill next to Siwon. "You've been really quiet since you came home from that college festival with Kibum."
Siwon thinks of smiles and he blinks and shakes his head. He presses his forehead against the cool glass of the window. "Hyung, do you believe in fate?"
"Fate?" Donghae frowns.
"Fate. Do you think that some things are just meant to be? That you're placed in a certain time or place for a reason? That there are certain people in the world you're supposed to meet?" Siwon looks at Donghae with pleading eyes, and he's not sure if he's pleading for negatives or positives.
"I think..." Donghae falls silent, and he seems to really be thinking, his eyes on the building across the street as Siwon's were minutes ago. His fingers play at the cloth of his shirt, and he finally answers, slowly and hesitant, sounding the words out on his tongue. "I think that there are things we're destined for, yes, but that... I think we make the choices to go there. I think that... there's a planned fate for all of us, but we make the choices that led us there... Does that make any sense?"
Siwon is quiet for a moment, his eyes drawn back to the gray gray sky.
"Yes."
---
Siwon finally decides to brave the chaos that is Beijing on his own.
"Are you going to be okay?" Donghae is chattering into Kibum's ear about something on a game show he didn't understand, but he takes a breath to look over at Siwon. Siwon thinks about the conversation they had, and he thinks that Donghae thinks about it too, because something in his eyes shifts.
"Yes."
Eunhyuk and one of the girls practice Chinese on each other, and they wave goodbye to Siwon between hysterical giggles and Siwon leaves the room feeling as if he's got a mission.
The night air of Beijing is cool, but it's still full of life and noise and Siwon knows that he should be reading street signs, but instead he lets his feet go where they will, and he's soon inside a restaurant that specializes in dumplings. It's warm and cozy and the little paintings on the walls make him smile. It feels like home, and he slides into a booth with his hands inside his pockets and he takes a second to close his eyes and take in the smells around him.
"我认为你不会来."
Siwon's eyes snap open and the dancing boy is sitting in front of him, smiling like always, like always, and his eyes are bright underneath his simple glasses. Siwon thinks he's dressed in costume again, but he's not, he's dressed like Siwon in a simple t-shirt underneath a pure white hoodie and simple dark jeans.
"Who are you?" Siwon feels incredibly rude but he's been going silently crazy for this boy, and it seems that the boy knows it all, and the Chinese runs smoothly off his tongue, as if he was born to speak it.
"Hangeng." The boy- Hangeng- leans forward and his smile dims and softens and he looks like he's bathed in light. "And you're..."
"Siwon."
"Siwon." His name sounds new and alive and exotic in Hangeng's mouth. Hangeng nods, and sits back.
"How do you know me?" Siwon wonders if he should feel frightened. It's not normal to be meeting the man of your dreams, literally, is it?
"I don't." Hangeng's smile fades away slightly, and there's the beginning of a frown in between his eyes. "I saw you in a dream, and then I saw you at the Festival."
Siwon wants to drop his head onto the table. "That's not normal."
Hangeng's smile returns again and he's speaking, but its fast and Siwon doesn't think it's quite Mandarin because his voice rises and falls at unusual places, and it sounds like a boat against waves. Siwon wants to ask him to slow down, but he's caught up in the way Hangeng's throat moves and the way that his hands move slightly as he talks, and the way he makes faces, frowning and smiling and letting out a soft chuckle before shrugging and dancing with his hands again.
"-like that, right?"
Siwon shakes his head, eyes wide. "I didn't understand a word you just said."
And Hangeng is laughing, and he stands and takes Siwon's hand and Siwon lets himself be led out of the shop with warmth traveling up his arms to his chest.
-----
They're deep into Beijing , Siwon's lost count of the turns and twists, Hangeng no longer holding his hand but pressed closed to this side, before Siwon thinks to ask again, hoping for an answer that he can understand.
"What did you dream about?"
Hangeng tilts his head, and his eyes are somewhere on the stars above their heads. "You were laughing. Sitting on a chair, with a book, and you were laughing, and saying something. I couldn't understand what you were saying, but you were smiling and laughing and you held your hand out to me."
"Why... How are you so calm?" Siwon is running circles in his head, trying to make ends fits and trying to tie off loose strands but they don't fit, and Siwon needs it to fit. He doesn't understand why Hangeng is so cool and calm, walking in the middle of the night with someone he claims to have seen in his dreams.
Hangeng slows to a stop, and looks up the spare inches to Siwon's face, and his face is full of wonder and calm and Siwon thinks he can see the stars linger in his eyes. "Don't you believe in fate, Shiyuan?"
Siwon is distracted for a second because his name doesn't sound like his name, but Hangeng's hand on his arm brings his thoughts back. "I... I don't know." He sighs.
Hangeng smiles, and it's only the tiniest lift of his mouth, but it's a smile brighter than anything Siwon's seen. "I do." And he's pressing close, his mouth as warm as his smile on Siwon's lips, and Siwon thinks that maybe this is fate.
Chinese.
Come find me.
You found me.
I thought you wouldn't come.