[fic] tokyo
tokyo.
pg13 - kangteuk
summary: [character death] the things we touch, the things we feel, sometimes they're just not real- the last moments of his last life and your helplessness to stop it.
you stare at his back. he faces the hospital wall. you want to reach out and feel him breathing underneath your fingertips because-
you don't want to think about it.
he talks in riddles these days. he talks in riddles and sentences you don't understand, no matter how hard you try.
you know.. the love we make, the tears we cry... sometimes.. they're just not real.
you want to shake him. everything is real to you.
---
he sits up and faces the wall. you stare at his profile. you try to memorize every part of him, but you know that you'll lose bits and -
you don't want to think about it.
you bite your lips because you want to scream. everytime you open your mouth to talk, you feel you're going to throw up. your hands shake and your mouth is dry. you can't imagine how much he's hurting, but the thought that it's worse than what your going through is-
you don't want to think about it.
---
i think i'm losing weight again... i think i'm losing taste again... he looks at you. his eyes are red-rimmed and wide and he swallows painfully. the beanie pulled low on his head reminds you that his hair is a pile of ashes on-
you don't want to think about it.
i think i broke my heart again.
you cover your face with your hands and you cry. you've tried so long, so many sleepless nights to hold back, but you can't do it anymore. you want to be strong for him but you can't because you're not the strong one. you bury your face into the bedsheets that smell like him and medicine and alien territory and you cry your skin and your bones and your blood into them.
his fingers slide into your hair and they're too thin.
will you stay with me? will you stay with me?
you nod your head between sobs and wish you could answer him with words. you also wish you could tell him that you're not the one that's going to leave-
you don't want to think about it.
---
his body shakes and collapses into himself but his hand is tight on yours. the doctors stand around you but they don't do anything because there's nothing left to do. he doesn't want to waste away in a bed. he won't let them come near.
i think i lost my love again. his voice is a whisper of a sound and you want to cover his mouth because he can't waste his strength saying things you know, he can't. you're sobbing again. maybe i sold my heart again? his eyes stare at the ceiling, at you. his mouth is bright red and wet and you try over and over again to stop the bleeding but it only covers your hand more and more. he coughs, his eyes roll, his hands clench on yours as he struggles and opens his eyes to watch you cry. will you stay with me? will you stay with me? will you-
and he breathes in and breathes out and the world stops around you.
you nod.
note: nell is an amazing band. kim jongwan's voice can make you cry- i did. kangin's words are lyrics to nell's "tokyo", which is definitely recommended. i have never in my life written sad kangteuk because kangteuk is like- idk, just something too sweet and too everything for me to mess with, y'know. 'cause they're umma and appa. D:
pg13 - kangteuk
summary: [character death] the things we touch, the things we feel, sometimes they're just not real- the last moments of his last life and your helplessness to stop it.
you stare at his back. he faces the hospital wall. you want to reach out and feel him breathing underneath your fingertips because-
you don't want to think about it.
he talks in riddles these days. he talks in riddles and sentences you don't understand, no matter how hard you try.
you know.. the love we make, the tears we cry... sometimes.. they're just not real.
you want to shake him. everything is real to you.
---
he sits up and faces the wall. you stare at his profile. you try to memorize every part of him, but you know that you'll lose bits and -
you don't want to think about it.
you bite your lips because you want to scream. everytime you open your mouth to talk, you feel you're going to throw up. your hands shake and your mouth is dry. you can't imagine how much he's hurting, but the thought that it's worse than what your going through is-
you don't want to think about it.
---
i think i'm losing weight again... i think i'm losing taste again... he looks at you. his eyes are red-rimmed and wide and he swallows painfully. the beanie pulled low on his head reminds you that his hair is a pile of ashes on-
you don't want to think about it.
i think i broke my heart again.
you cover your face with your hands and you cry. you've tried so long, so many sleepless nights to hold back, but you can't do it anymore. you want to be strong for him but you can't because you're not the strong one. you bury your face into the bedsheets that smell like him and medicine and alien territory and you cry your skin and your bones and your blood into them.
his fingers slide into your hair and they're too thin.
will you stay with me? will you stay with me?
you nod your head between sobs and wish you could answer him with words. you also wish you could tell him that you're not the one that's going to leave-
you don't want to think about it.
---
his body shakes and collapses into himself but his hand is tight on yours. the doctors stand around you but they don't do anything because there's nothing left to do. he doesn't want to waste away in a bed. he won't let them come near.
i think i lost my love again. his voice is a whisper of a sound and you want to cover his mouth because he can't waste his strength saying things you know, he can't. you're sobbing again. maybe i sold my heart again? his eyes stare at the ceiling, at you. his mouth is bright red and wet and you try over and over again to stop the bleeding but it only covers your hand more and more. he coughs, his eyes roll, his hands clench on yours as he struggles and opens his eyes to watch you cry. will you stay with me? will you stay with me? will you-
and he breathes in and breathes out and the world stops around you.
you nod.
note: nell is an amazing band. kim jongwan's voice can make you cry- i did. kangin's words are lyrics to nell's "tokyo", which is definitely recommended. i have never in my life written sad kangteuk because kangteuk is like- idk, just something too sweet and too everything for me to mess with, y'know. 'cause they're umma and appa. D: