[fic] supernova in your path
supernova in your path
pg13 - jaejoong [jaejoong/hero]
summary: [space-alteregos!au] the scientists say that the surrogates are the best parts of yourselves, amplified, but you think maybe you and hero are different. he isn't the best part of you, he's everything you've ever wished you could be but aren't.
note: i've been writing a lot lately. :O but not the things i need to be finishing, akjdkas. and this... this is maybe the first of more to come in a !verse kindofmaybe jokingly called "은하". idek anymore.
"it's never going to get better then you," you whisper. "never ever."
he falters, hands stilling, eyes wide as he looks back at you and you wish you could touch him and have him know everything you've always wanted to say to him. "jae, i-"
"don't say anything, please." you shake your head and cover your ears with your hands. it's childish but he makes you this way.
"ah- okay. okay." he turns away and you look to the ground so you can't see him walking away from you.
-
"i love you," you'd whispered to him one quiet evening, sitting on your bed and twisting the hem of your shirt in your hands.
he'd stopped and you'd watched the emotions play on his face. it's your face too, but you don't think you've ever looked that beautiful.
"i-“
you'd shaken your head and smiled at him, shaky. "don't reject me. even though you don't feel the same, don't say the words out loud. that way i can pretend that maybe-"
the look on his face had been pity. "jae, that's not right, you don't deserve-"
"shh," you'd cut him off again. "just let me love you." you'd turned away before he could answer, and you'd buried yourself in your bedcovers and tried not to cry at all.
-
"the battles are lessening." uknow paces in front of the holoscreen, eyes flickering up to watch the dots move, representing troops. "i think the peace talks are working."
"i hope so," yoochun sighs. he sits back in his chair and starts to spin back and forth, until micky stops him with a small glare and a foot against the back. yoochun shrugs and turns back to uknow. "we could finally be done with all of this mess."
max laughs, dark and too mature for his age. "you talk like you were forced into fighting, yoochun. at least you had a choice." his eyes blaze with the anger he's always holding inside, always on a low shimmer. he opens his mouth to say something harsher, but changmin lays a hand on his shoulder.
you watch them watch each other, a silent moment where they talking without talking. the soldiers on board the eastwind always mistake it for something more, spit dark rumors about them being lovers, something sick and twisted, but you know it's not. it's what comes of being the same person split into two.
changmin's not the one in love with his surrogate, that's you.
as soon as you think of him, you turn just slightly to watch hero out of the corner of your eyes. you are all the same, all different, but you think that you and hero are the most mismatched. he's strong and quiet and he thinks, thinks more then he talks. he thinks hard and slowly, works over details and plans and exceptions before he says his opinion. the scientists say that the surrogates are the best parts of yourselves, amplified, but you think maybe you and hero are different. he isn't the best part of you, he's everything you've ever wished you could be but aren't.
"jaejoong. jaejoong." you blink and look up. the room is empty.
junsu stands beside you, xiah stands by the door and waits patiently, but fidgeting. junsu touches your shoulder. "you spaced out bad. even hero left you."
you try to hide how much the words hurt.
-
he'd walked in on you once, on your knees by the edge of his bed, gripping his sheets in one hand while the other had been pushed into your pants. you had been crying very softly, face pressed into the cloth that had smelled like you but so much better, and he'd walked in.
you remember the way his face had paled, the way he'd looked at you as if you had crawled right out of the sewers of earth, and then turned and walked away.
you remember screaming and throwing your belongings, but only on your side of the room because you couldn't bear to touch his things.
you'd cried yourself to sleep and in the morning, yunho had scolded you gently about the scratches on your hand, from picking up the glass of the mirror you'd broken.
hero has never quite looked at you the same since then.
-
"jae."
you turn from the observation deck and smile at hero, smile your brightest because you know that despite everything, he doesn't mean to hurt you. "hey. you're up late."
he moves to stand beside you, smiles like you but brighter. (it reminds you of the exploding sun you'd seen in sector 394124. beautiful and breathtaking but destroying everything in its path. the little planet beside it -unnamed, designation delta 64- had melted as if it'd never been there to begin with.)
"you're up." he raises his hand to brush away the hair at your forehead. it's an absent gesture, like brushing away his own hair. but it makes you shiver and turn away, turn back to the deep blueblack of space and the tiny lights of already-dead stars.
"i'm human. i have all kinds of flaws and miscalculations." you can see his reflection in the glass and you give up trying to look at anything else. "don't have your perfect internal clock."
he meets your eyes in the glass. "you should go to bed. we have to help uknow and yunho with the soldiers on theta 15. it's going to be rough, you need all the rest you can get."
you sigh and turn around to face him. "will you... tell me a bedtime story?"
hero frowns slightly. you can almost see the processors working behind his forehead. "a bedtime story? what story?"
you might not the super a.i. that hero is, but you're pretty fucking fast for a human. you duck in, hands around his wrists, kiss him like you're dying because you think you might be, every time he smiles at you and it's filled with nothing.
you're pushed back, hard, back hitting the glass of the deck.
hero's eyes are wide and his hands are still in midair. "jaejoong, i didn't- you just-"
you smile, bite your lips. "best story i've ever heard," you tell him, before you slide past him and make your way to your quarters.
you don't look back.
-
you'd hugged him the first time you'd seen him.
"hi hero. i'm jaejoong. they say you're everything i could be, but aren't."
he had blinked, slowly, then his lips had curled up into a smile you knew was programmed, but made your heart beat faster anyways. "hi jaejoong. i'm hero. i'm going to protect you."
you had laughed and taken his hands to join the others, yunho with uknow who had been straight shoulders and rulebooks, junsu with xiah who had the same laugh, yoochun with micky who was a little leaner a little tougher, and changmin with max who was more vocal and more questions and more righteous anger.
hero had turned to you, once, just a few days after the first meeting. "jae? even if my heart doesn't beat, can i still use it to love? after the war is over, i mean. or will i be shut off and put away?"
you'd hugged him for the second time and squeezed his hand. "i'll never let them do that to you, never. you can't protect me if you're gone, can you?"
he'd sighed softly, then pulled away smiling. he'd touched your cheek and he'd gotten stronger, quieter, faster. just like they told you, everything you were meant to be but weren't.
and you'd fallen in love.
-
"jaejoong? are you ready to go?" yunho knocks on your door.
"i'm ready, we'll be out in a second," you call back to him.
you dress without looking at hero, though you feel him watching you. you're determined not to look at him at all. you finish tying up your boots and slip on your empty holster. you nod your head to him, eyes on the ground. "let's go." you feel his hand land on your shoulder when you reach out for the door.
"jae."
you look at him, finally, because he sound so sad and forlorn. when you see that sadness reflected in his eyes, you smile and set your shoulders.
"i'm going to be okay, hero. you can't protect me from myself, can you? i won't bring it up anymore, so forget all about it okay? and we'll be cool, like always." you wrap your fingers around his wrist and laugh and lead him to the transports.
if you're ever worried about your heart not working, you can always have mine. it's a little dented and a little bruised and a little weak, but it has all the love you'll ever need.
pg13 - jaejoong [jaejoong/hero]
summary: [space-alteregos!au] the scientists say that the surrogates are the best parts of yourselves, amplified, but you think maybe you and hero are different. he isn't the best part of you, he's everything you've ever wished you could be but aren't.
note: i've been writing a lot lately. :O but not the things i need to be finishing, akjdkas. and this... this is maybe the first of more to come in a !verse kindofmaybe jokingly called "은하". idek anymore.
"it's never going to get better then you," you whisper. "never ever."
he falters, hands stilling, eyes wide as he looks back at you and you wish you could touch him and have him know everything you've always wanted to say to him. "jae, i-"
"don't say anything, please." you shake your head and cover your ears with your hands. it's childish but he makes you this way.
"ah- okay. okay." he turns away and you look to the ground so you can't see him walking away from you.
-
"i love you," you'd whispered to him one quiet evening, sitting on your bed and twisting the hem of your shirt in your hands.
he'd stopped and you'd watched the emotions play on his face. it's your face too, but you don't think you've ever looked that beautiful.
"i-“
you'd shaken your head and smiled at him, shaky. "don't reject me. even though you don't feel the same, don't say the words out loud. that way i can pretend that maybe-"
the look on his face had been pity. "jae, that's not right, you don't deserve-"
"shh," you'd cut him off again. "just let me love you." you'd turned away before he could answer, and you'd buried yourself in your bedcovers and tried not to cry at all.
-
"the battles are lessening." uknow paces in front of the holoscreen, eyes flickering up to watch the dots move, representing troops. "i think the peace talks are working."
"i hope so," yoochun sighs. he sits back in his chair and starts to spin back and forth, until micky stops him with a small glare and a foot against the back. yoochun shrugs and turns back to uknow. "we could finally be done with all of this mess."
max laughs, dark and too mature for his age. "you talk like you were forced into fighting, yoochun. at least you had a choice." his eyes blaze with the anger he's always holding inside, always on a low shimmer. he opens his mouth to say something harsher, but changmin lays a hand on his shoulder.
you watch them watch each other, a silent moment where they talking without talking. the soldiers on board the eastwind always mistake it for something more, spit dark rumors about them being lovers, something sick and twisted, but you know it's not. it's what comes of being the same person split into two.
changmin's not the one in love with his surrogate, that's you.
as soon as you think of him, you turn just slightly to watch hero out of the corner of your eyes. you are all the same, all different, but you think that you and hero are the most mismatched. he's strong and quiet and he thinks, thinks more then he talks. he thinks hard and slowly, works over details and plans and exceptions before he says his opinion. the scientists say that the surrogates are the best parts of yourselves, amplified, but you think maybe you and hero are different. he isn't the best part of you, he's everything you've ever wished you could be but aren't.
"jaejoong. jaejoong." you blink and look up. the room is empty.
junsu stands beside you, xiah stands by the door and waits patiently, but fidgeting. junsu touches your shoulder. "you spaced out bad. even hero left you."
you try to hide how much the words hurt.
-
he'd walked in on you once, on your knees by the edge of his bed, gripping his sheets in one hand while the other had been pushed into your pants. you had been crying very softly, face pressed into the cloth that had smelled like you but so much better, and he'd walked in.
you remember the way his face had paled, the way he'd looked at you as if you had crawled right out of the sewers of earth, and then turned and walked away.
you remember screaming and throwing your belongings, but only on your side of the room because you couldn't bear to touch his things.
you'd cried yourself to sleep and in the morning, yunho had scolded you gently about the scratches on your hand, from picking up the glass of the mirror you'd broken.
hero has never quite looked at you the same since then.
-
"jae."
you turn from the observation deck and smile at hero, smile your brightest because you know that despite everything, he doesn't mean to hurt you. "hey. you're up late."
he moves to stand beside you, smiles like you but brighter. (it reminds you of the exploding sun you'd seen in sector 394124. beautiful and breathtaking but destroying everything in its path. the little planet beside it -unnamed, designation delta 64- had melted as if it'd never been there to begin with.)
"you're up." he raises his hand to brush away the hair at your forehead. it's an absent gesture, like brushing away his own hair. but it makes you shiver and turn away, turn back to the deep blueblack of space and the tiny lights of already-dead stars.
"i'm human. i have all kinds of flaws and miscalculations." you can see his reflection in the glass and you give up trying to look at anything else. "don't have your perfect internal clock."
he meets your eyes in the glass. "you should go to bed. we have to help uknow and yunho with the soldiers on theta 15. it's going to be rough, you need all the rest you can get."
you sigh and turn around to face him. "will you... tell me a bedtime story?"
hero frowns slightly. you can almost see the processors working behind his forehead. "a bedtime story? what story?"
you might not the super a.i. that hero is, but you're pretty fucking fast for a human. you duck in, hands around his wrists, kiss him like you're dying because you think you might be, every time he smiles at you and it's filled with nothing.
you're pushed back, hard, back hitting the glass of the deck.
hero's eyes are wide and his hands are still in midair. "jaejoong, i didn't- you just-"
you smile, bite your lips. "best story i've ever heard," you tell him, before you slide past him and make your way to your quarters.
you don't look back.
-
you'd hugged him the first time you'd seen him.
"hi hero. i'm jaejoong. they say you're everything i could be, but aren't."
he had blinked, slowly, then his lips had curled up into a smile you knew was programmed, but made your heart beat faster anyways. "hi jaejoong. i'm hero. i'm going to protect you."
you had laughed and taken his hands to join the others, yunho with uknow who had been straight shoulders and rulebooks, junsu with xiah who had the same laugh, yoochun with micky who was a little leaner a little tougher, and changmin with max who was more vocal and more questions and more righteous anger.
hero had turned to you, once, just a few days after the first meeting. "jae? even if my heart doesn't beat, can i still use it to love? after the war is over, i mean. or will i be shut off and put away?"
you'd hugged him for the second time and squeezed his hand. "i'll never let them do that to you, never. you can't protect me if you're gone, can you?"
he'd sighed softly, then pulled away smiling. he'd touched your cheek and he'd gotten stronger, quieter, faster. just like they told you, everything you were meant to be but weren't.
and you'd fallen in love.
-
"jaejoong? are you ready to go?" yunho knocks on your door.
"i'm ready, we'll be out in a second," you call back to him.
you dress without looking at hero, though you feel him watching you. you're determined not to look at him at all. you finish tying up your boots and slip on your empty holster. you nod your head to him, eyes on the ground. "let's go." you feel his hand land on your shoulder when you reach out for the door.
"jae."
you look at him, finally, because he sound so sad and forlorn. when you see that sadness reflected in his eyes, you smile and set your shoulders.
"i'm going to be okay, hero. you can't protect me from myself, can you? i won't bring it up anymore, so forget all about it okay? and we'll be cool, like always." you wrap your fingers around his wrist and laugh and lead him to the transports.
if you're ever worried about your heart not working, you can always have mine. it's a little dented and a little bruised and a little weak, but it has all the love you'll ever need.