[fic] icarus walks.
icarus walks.
pg13 - blohyuk
summary: when you run away from what you need most, when what you need most is what you can’t let yourself have. "how come losing myself is the only way to love you?"
when hyukjae calls him in the middle of the night, daniel answers the phone without thinking. this is instinct, something his body's learned over and over again. it doesn't matter that daniel's been up all night trying to ignore his migraine, it doesn't matter that it's been about a week since he's had a decent night's sleep. it only matters that when he turns over and blinks at the dim lighting of his cell phone screen, the caller id reads "hyukjae."
"yes?" daniel coughs, his voice is rough.
"i can't make it."
hyukjae sounds frustrated and sad and wishful, all at once, and it’s the voice daniel's come to yearn for.
"come over." it takes daniel a few seconds to understand what his clock is showing him, and its 4:38 in the morning.
"okay."
daniel tosses his phone in the general direction of his nightstand, and he doesn't bother to get out of bed because hyukjae knows the password for the keypad. instead, daniel stares up at the ceiling and feels his migraine lessen.
he doesn't realize he’s fallen asleep until he wakes up to find himself being pressed into his bed, the familiar scent of hyukjae's hair around his face. "you're heavy," he mumbles into skin.
hyukjae shifts a little and his body slides from daniel to lie beside him. daniel yawns, takes in hyukjae's tight smile and warm eyes and knows that they've both been hurting when they didn't have to.
"i couldn't-"
"you already said." daniel reaches out and slides his fingers through hyukjae's wind-tousled hair. "that bad tonight?" he already knows the answer, because it was that bad for him.
hyukjae nods, his hair slips out of daniel's hand. "i thought... i thought i was going to suffocate to death." he sits up, looks away from daniel. "it isn't fair. why am i the only one that misses you so much? if we're Connected, why don't you need me?" he bites his lips and daniel wants to tell him that it's just as bad for him too, that the headaches and the chestaches and the squeezing of his lungs is just the same, but he can't. its admitting vulnerability and he can't, not now, not yet.
"i'm sorry."
"it's not your fault." hyukjae's fingers mover over the skin of daniel's bare shoulders. "i'm the one who wanted to live apart."
daniel remembers those fights, the yelling arguments when they were first Connected, hyukjae's adamant stand that he would be independent, that it didn't matter if he and daniel's minds and souls had been strung together in a way they couldn't understand, he would not be tied down and lose his power to make his own decisions.
"c'mere." daniel stretches and reaches out for hyukjae and hyukjae lays his head over daniel's heart.
"how come losing myself is the only way to love you?"
the bedroom is slightly cold, but daniel feels nothing but heat as hyukjae pushes his hand inside daniel's boxers.
daniel doesn't have an answer. daniel, the famous novelist with the dreams and the metaphors and the analogies, can't come up with an answer, so he shudders and presses closer to hyukjae and undoes his jeans.
it's heady and dizzying, the push and pull of hyukjae's fingers around him, the noises that hyukjae tries so hard to keep in, the knowledge that this isn't enough, is never enough. daniel's head spins, hyukjae moans through clenched teeth, they press into each other and try to sink into each other's skin while they fight to stay separate.
the aftershocks make hyukjae's face flush; his lips are soft against daniel's. "i need... i need- i have to go." he turns his face around and pulls his sticky hands away. he stumbles over daniel's old sneakers on his way to the bathroom.
daniel listens to the sound of water running and absently licks at his palm. why did everything taste so bittersweet when it was supposed to be the best moments of his life? daniel figures that it's his destiny in life to have to fight for everything that's rightfully his.
when hyukjae walks out of the bathroom, his hands are damply clean and he meets daniel's eyes in little glances. "i-" he stops, sighs. "i love you, okay?"
daniel smiles, because what else can he do?, and he pulls hyukjae's face down to his and kisses his cheek. "i know." it's not love that's the problem with them, it's not love that's running them in circles around each other.
and when hyukjae leaves, his body is stiff and his hands sway at his sides and his smile is a promise that he'll call tomorrow, because daniel can already feel his chest tighten and his head throb.
daniel pulls his covers over his head and tries to ignore the pain that's started to rush through him, and he knows when hyukjae's finally gotten home because that's when his heart starts to skip beats and his fingers clutch at his bedsheets.
note: because the idea of running away from the one thing that can save you appeals to me. or the idea that running to the one that you love most can hurt you. hence, icarus.
pg13 - blohyuk
summary: when you run away from what you need most, when what you need most is what you can’t let yourself have. "how come losing myself is the only way to love you?"
when hyukjae calls him in the middle of the night, daniel answers the phone without thinking. this is instinct, something his body's learned over and over again. it doesn't matter that daniel's been up all night trying to ignore his migraine, it doesn't matter that it's been about a week since he's had a decent night's sleep. it only matters that when he turns over and blinks at the dim lighting of his cell phone screen, the caller id reads "hyukjae."
"yes?" daniel coughs, his voice is rough.
"i can't make it."
hyukjae sounds frustrated and sad and wishful, all at once, and it’s the voice daniel's come to yearn for.
"come over." it takes daniel a few seconds to understand what his clock is showing him, and its 4:38 in the morning.
"okay."
daniel tosses his phone in the general direction of his nightstand, and he doesn't bother to get out of bed because hyukjae knows the password for the keypad. instead, daniel stares up at the ceiling and feels his migraine lessen.
he doesn't realize he’s fallen asleep until he wakes up to find himself being pressed into his bed, the familiar scent of hyukjae's hair around his face. "you're heavy," he mumbles into skin.
hyukjae shifts a little and his body slides from daniel to lie beside him. daniel yawns, takes in hyukjae's tight smile and warm eyes and knows that they've both been hurting when they didn't have to.
"i couldn't-"
"you already said." daniel reaches out and slides his fingers through hyukjae's wind-tousled hair. "that bad tonight?" he already knows the answer, because it was that bad for him.
hyukjae nods, his hair slips out of daniel's hand. "i thought... i thought i was going to suffocate to death." he sits up, looks away from daniel. "it isn't fair. why am i the only one that misses you so much? if we're Connected, why don't you need me?" he bites his lips and daniel wants to tell him that it's just as bad for him too, that the headaches and the chestaches and the squeezing of his lungs is just the same, but he can't. its admitting vulnerability and he can't, not now, not yet.
"i'm sorry."
"it's not your fault." hyukjae's fingers mover over the skin of daniel's bare shoulders. "i'm the one who wanted to live apart."
daniel remembers those fights, the yelling arguments when they were first Connected, hyukjae's adamant stand that he would be independent, that it didn't matter if he and daniel's minds and souls had been strung together in a way they couldn't understand, he would not be tied down and lose his power to make his own decisions.
"c'mere." daniel stretches and reaches out for hyukjae and hyukjae lays his head over daniel's heart.
"how come losing myself is the only way to love you?"
the bedroom is slightly cold, but daniel feels nothing but heat as hyukjae pushes his hand inside daniel's boxers.
daniel doesn't have an answer. daniel, the famous novelist with the dreams and the metaphors and the analogies, can't come up with an answer, so he shudders and presses closer to hyukjae and undoes his jeans.
it's heady and dizzying, the push and pull of hyukjae's fingers around him, the noises that hyukjae tries so hard to keep in, the knowledge that this isn't enough, is never enough. daniel's head spins, hyukjae moans through clenched teeth, they press into each other and try to sink into each other's skin while they fight to stay separate.
the aftershocks make hyukjae's face flush; his lips are soft against daniel's. "i need... i need- i have to go." he turns his face around and pulls his sticky hands away. he stumbles over daniel's old sneakers on his way to the bathroom.
daniel listens to the sound of water running and absently licks at his palm. why did everything taste so bittersweet when it was supposed to be the best moments of his life? daniel figures that it's his destiny in life to have to fight for everything that's rightfully his.
when hyukjae walks out of the bathroom, his hands are damply clean and he meets daniel's eyes in little glances. "i-" he stops, sighs. "i love you, okay?"
daniel smiles, because what else can he do?, and he pulls hyukjae's face down to his and kisses his cheek. "i know." it's not love that's the problem with them, it's not love that's running them in circles around each other.
and when hyukjae leaves, his body is stiff and his hands sway at his sides and his smile is a promise that he'll call tomorrow, because daniel can already feel his chest tighten and his head throb.
daniel pulls his covers over his head and tries to ignore the pain that's started to rush through him, and he knows when hyukjae's finally gotten home because that's when his heart starts to skip beats and his fingers clutch at his bedsheets.
note: because the idea of running away from the one thing that can save you appeals to me. or the idea that running to the one that you love most can hurt you. hence, icarus.