I Swear I'm Not the Devil -- FMA Fic

[twilightfalcon]

Title: I Swear I’m Not the Devil
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 for angst, dark themes and a smidge of swearing from Ed.
Word Count: 1136
Genre: Angst, pure and simple
Characters: Ed, Roy, Hawkeye; implied Hughes and Al
Pairings: None really, but there are a few that could be implied depending on the reader. It's like Where's Waldo?, only with lots more

Comments

[ithilgwath]

aaaaannnnggggsssssttt!! this is good hon. very very good. and angsty. very angsty and I wanna gather all 3 of them up and hug them. *whines* i need hugs now... seriously

only had a few typo type things I picked out:
That expression of self-hatred, quickly repressed before anyone else saw it.

i think it's supposed to be suppressed.
suppresed: 5. To inhibit the expression of (an impulse, for example); check: suppress a smile. while repressed: subjected to, affected by, or characteristic of psychological repression.

He wondered how long he reverted to the empty shell he had become after Ishbal.

maybe you meant how long until he reverted?

I’m sorry Maes, I couldn’t save you.
Who will save me now?

the way you have these 2 lines set up makes them look like they are part of the song...

For all that Edward was supposed to be a prodigal genius

prodigal? you mean he's a prodigy, yes? Prodigy: n. a child or young person, having extraordinary talent or ability; An act or event so extraordinary or rare as to inspire wonder; A

[twilightfalcon]

Hahaha, well I do rather like the angst, as we well know. And gods, this fic had been beating itself around inside my head since around the end of July or so. *hugs* Glad you liked it!

I made the changes...so hopefully it flows a bit better. Do you think it works for submitting to fma-yaoi? I would like to share it with the fma-ficcing world, but I'm not sure where to post it. *sigh* It's not really slashy...I think I might actually post it to the comm for Roy as a father figure/older brother for Ed & Al, it might work better for that. *shrug*

[ithilgwath]

mmm.... yeah... it doesn't really read that strongly as yaoi (though some fans can make ANYthing yaoi)

a possibility is that you post both fics in one LJ post on your journal. And then post to FMA_yaoi saying, 'hey, I have a fic! Actually there's 2 in there, but you're likely not interested in the non-yaoi one' and put the link to the post, rather than the fic itself. Those who like more than just yaoi are likely to read both, and those who aren't interested will read just the one. But by this time you've already enticed them. see? yes? is good plan?

other option is to look for a non-yaoi fma fan comm and post there. ^^

[twilightfalcon]

Mmm, that's what I was thinking of doing. Y'know, the whole fake lj-cut that is actually a link to my journal. That way, peeps can choose what they want to read, no? And some people can find yaoi in ANYthing...in often scary ways.