I am not Faye Dunaway and who are you to test me, not Steve McQueen for sure!

[twilightfucker]

I sat last night, candles, margaritas, weed, food and wine across from him and his cheery smile, good naturedly telling me things he believes in. Chatting at first just enjoying the swap of ideas and history. It starts out with food. His Grandfather owns a traditional Italian Christmas cake factory. He smiles, I laugh and then something odd happens

Comments

[hyperthymesia]

The concept of love to me is absurd, as well as courtship. It's a game of chess without the pieces to play with.

Over the years I've somehow managed to become detached from my emotions. I observe them, experiment with them, manipulate them, and do so with the emotions of others, as well.

The possibilities are endless, really. Once you can control what you feel emotions are encumbering. You have to recognize that these emotions are inexplicable, chemical reactions, or simply distractions to keep us busy.

I know it sounds ludicrous, but once you step back from the sexuality and ardor and intimacy, the desire to sustain them amidst conflict is a rigid ideal that defies our own nature.

I can't help but find love something I engage in to merely experience. I love, but in my detachment, I can stop, despite how much I love whomever.

Anyway, my point is, don't let significant others weigh you down. Recognize that love is a temporal and insensate concept and I believe you'll find what you're looking for.

[twilightfucker]

oh lord knows I'm aware of the absurdity and I've kept some distance from the whole things as well. Emotions run and in some ways take control but I'm unfortunately (fortunately) always aware of it. The reason I would say that I'm not as deep in with this person is because of a certain detachment. But it is tricky because I want to feel, and it's hard not to when you spend the amount of time with a person. It's all about the shared space and getting used to something. It's all about being bread in a culture that wants me to name, to categorize. I suppose that's a fault of mine but to separate myself from feeling. I've done it before and it's never been too fun. I think my real problem is that I don't like hurting people if I can help it. Finding what I'm looking for isn't all that important as hurting someone and in the end it always hurts more because I suppose I can't help but care.

Love the imput as always
p.s. ran in to an ex of yours (other than Alanna) small world.