Brought back from the dead!
Nick and I made this like 2 years ago!...anyone rememeber?
sallie sue was most alarmed when she found her husband covered in the droppings of 10,000 birds.
it was then that their takeout order arrived. sallie was so disguested with her husband's filth that she didnt have an appitite for any of it anymore.
so she threw it all away and went on the True search for food.
sallie sue looked high and low, for many a full moon, until finally she found the True Food.
it suprised her. it startled her. it was something new and improved all at the same time.
it made her wet her pants.
she took these True Food home and hid it away from the world.
in fact, she became paranoid that someone would steal her True Food...so paraniod that she moved away from other people and settled in a distant reach of the galexy.
so paranoid did she become that she went from being beautiful
to being a hideous old vile creature of the night.
soon, word about her wickedness began to spread accross the universe, until she was considered a national threat to the Republic of Taiwan.
thats when the hunters came.
there were three of them, and their names were pronounced in alphabetical order.
Alfonzo, Tyrano, and zzJacob.
,
, and
if youre sallie, they will come.
and so they came.
but sallie was ready for them.
she was seen stuffing the remains of Alfonzo into the garbage chute at her apartment...when he came out the other end...he was sexually confused.
zzJacob got there second. however, sallie was to foul and hideous to look at and so he turned into a piece of platapus gut.
Tyrano took a different approach, but also failed to bring sallie back to the prisons of Taiwan.
he decided to seduce her.
Tyrano moved in close, but sallie was ready.
she flew upon him like a hamster in a wheel. on steroids.
in less than 15 radicals of a second, the once proud Tyrano was reduced to nothing more than a thin, balding man.
sallie soon consumed him, so in a way, his seduction was complete.
Taiwan was desperate,
but it had noowhere left to turn.
nowhere...except for the great Jedi Master, Willy Wonka.
only...he was on permanent leave.
so Taiwan really had nowhere to turn.
nowhere
...except for the world renoun Vocalist, Oprah.
SHE WAS DESTINED TO SAVE THE REPUBLIC OF TAIWAN.
and so she came, Oprah and her God Sword, the FoulEdge.
for the first time in her miserable existance, sallie was afraid!!
a fierce battle ensued, covering many months and many many more installments of the manga.
finally, sallie was near her end.
sencing defeat just around the corner, sallie realized that she had failed to defend her True Food. with nowhere else to turn, she slowly opened the bottle and consumed the True Food capsules.
not even Oprah herself could have anticipated what was to come.
sallie began to buldge, grow, expand, fatten...bigger and bigger, darker and darker.. her figure shifting and disfiguring itself in was never before dreamed of. Oprah could hear the crack of bone and the rough sandpaper like sound as sallies innards were consumed by True Food.
finally, when the debreis of the nearby crushed buildings began to clear, sallies true form was revealed.
well...Oprah was terrified.
Oprah was in fear.
Oprah was a big red fish.
for a few minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MEANWHILE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in a small town, somewhere in mississippi...
a child was born.
this child recieved the name Anthony Scalder, after his grandfather, Anthony Scalder.
his grandfather had been a man of few means, working in the mines during the Great Depression of the thirties where he had enjoyed an occasional drink and sometimes a cigar. Needless to say, he died of lung cancer, a martyr to the cause.
Because of his martyrdom, he was consdered famous enough to have a descendent named after him. Anthony Scalder (the little baby)'s parents swore to bring him up in the way of the cigar, in loving memory of his grandfather.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK TO OPRAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oprah was still a red fish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK TO THE CHILD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the child grew, possibly in a time warp, because before anyone knew it, he was a boy, and then a man.. later in life he was rumored to have also become a woman, but that is still up for speculation.
here he is today:
...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH FORWARD, TO THE SCENE OF OPRAH's DEATHBED.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sallie, in the form of some huge black man, was finally able to close her devouring jaws around the valiant warrior of Taiwan, Oprah.
all hope was lost.
not much was left of Oprah.
well...Taiwan began its 200 day mourning celebration, as is required by local law.
meanwhile, sallie went into suicidal depression. she felt she nolonger had a purpose in life, without True food to defend. she began to question who she was, and when she realized she was a huge black man, she lost the will to live.
noone knew this, however, and so she was still feared as the worst thing to come to Taiwan since the introduction of MTV back in 1937.
thats where Anthony Scalder comes on the scene.
hes walking along one day, when he finds sallie with her wrists slit laying in a ditch on the side of the road.
alarmed by the large man/woman, and having only just reached his own manhood, Anthony Scalder decided it best to report the body to authorities.
Xiam Tsungtsu, the current head of Taiwan, just so happened to be walking along.
upon hearing Anthony's story, and himself seeing the body being eaten by the birds, he declared Anthony Scalder the killer of the beast.
Taiwan was saved, and in the process Anthony Scalder was made into a hero.
Anthony used his new found publicity to market the worlds largest pro-smoking campaign ever, resulting in the deaths of countless youths down the line.
The End.
so, you may be asking your little self. what is the moral of this story.
well, its simple: hungry birds always get what they want.
suprised? you shouldnt be. if youll notice, the story starts with the bird droppings all over sallie sue's husband, clearly their way of displaying interest in the family while denying the husband as the figure suitable for their wishes. the tale concludes with the birds getting to feast on sallie sue afterall, clearly their intention all along.
birds are cunning like that.
sallie sue was most alarmed when she found her husband covered in the droppings of 10,000 birds.
it was then that their takeout order arrived. sallie was so disguested with her husband's filth that she didnt have an appitite for any of it anymore.
so she threw it all away and went on the True search for food.
sallie sue looked high and low, for many a full moon, until finally she found the True Food.
it suprised her. it startled her. it was something new and improved all at the same time.
it made her wet her pants.
she took these True Food home and hid it away from the world.
in fact, she became paranoid that someone would steal her True Food...so paraniod that she moved away from other people and settled in a distant reach of the galexy.
so paranoid did she become that she went from being beautiful
to being a hideous old vile creature of the night.
soon, word about her wickedness began to spread accross the universe, until she was considered a national threat to the Republic of Taiwan.
thats when the hunters came.
there were three of them, and their names were pronounced in alphabetical order.
Alfonzo, Tyrano, and zzJacob.
,
, and
if youre sallie, they will come.
and so they came.
but sallie was ready for them.
she was seen stuffing the remains of Alfonzo into the garbage chute at her apartment...when he came out the other end...he was sexually confused.
zzJacob got there second. however, sallie was to foul and hideous to look at and so he turned into a piece of platapus gut.
Tyrano took a different approach, but also failed to bring sallie back to the prisons of Taiwan.
he decided to seduce her.
Tyrano moved in close, but sallie was ready.
she flew upon him like a hamster in a wheel. on steroids.
in less than 15 radicals of a second, the once proud Tyrano was reduced to nothing more than a thin, balding man.
sallie soon consumed him, so in a way, his seduction was complete.
Taiwan was desperate,
but it had noowhere left to turn.
nowhere...except for the great Jedi Master, Willy Wonka.
only...he was on permanent leave.
so Taiwan really had nowhere to turn.
nowhere
...except for the world renoun Vocalist, Oprah.
SHE WAS DESTINED TO SAVE THE REPUBLIC OF TAIWAN.
and so she came, Oprah and her God Sword, the FoulEdge.
for the first time in her miserable existance, sallie was afraid!!
a fierce battle ensued, covering many months and many many more installments of the manga.
finally, sallie was near her end.
sencing defeat just around the corner, sallie realized that she had failed to defend her True Food. with nowhere else to turn, she slowly opened the bottle and consumed the True Food capsules.
not even Oprah herself could have anticipated what was to come.
sallie began to buldge, grow, expand, fatten...bigger and bigger, darker and darker.. her figure shifting and disfiguring itself in was never before dreamed of. Oprah could hear the crack of bone and the rough sandpaper like sound as sallies innards were consumed by True Food.
finally, when the debreis of the nearby crushed buildings began to clear, sallies true form was revealed.
well...Oprah was terrified.
Oprah was in fear.
Oprah was a big red fish.
for a few minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MEANWHILE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in a small town, somewhere in mississippi...
a child was born.
this child recieved the name Anthony Scalder, after his grandfather, Anthony Scalder.
his grandfather had been a man of few means, working in the mines during the Great Depression of the thirties where he had enjoyed an occasional drink and sometimes a cigar. Needless to say, he died of lung cancer, a martyr to the cause.
Because of his martyrdom, he was consdered famous enough to have a descendent named after him. Anthony Scalder (the little baby)'s parents swore to bring him up in the way of the cigar, in loving memory of his grandfather.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK TO OPRAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oprah was still a red fish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK TO THE CHILD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the child grew, possibly in a time warp, because before anyone knew it, he was a boy, and then a man.. later in life he was rumored to have also become a woman, but that is still up for speculation.
here he is today:
...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH FORWARD, TO THE SCENE OF OPRAH's DEATHBED.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sallie, in the form of some huge black man, was finally able to close her devouring jaws around the valiant warrior of Taiwan, Oprah.
all hope was lost.
not much was left of Oprah.
well...Taiwan began its 200 day mourning celebration, as is required by local law.
meanwhile, sallie went into suicidal depression. she felt she nolonger had a purpose in life, without True food to defend. she began to question who she was, and when she realized she was a huge black man, she lost the will to live.
noone knew this, however, and so she was still feared as the worst thing to come to Taiwan since the introduction of MTV back in 1937.
thats where Anthony Scalder comes on the scene.
hes walking along one day, when he finds sallie with her wrists slit laying in a ditch on the side of the road.
alarmed by the large man/woman, and having only just reached his own manhood, Anthony Scalder decided it best to report the body to authorities.
Xiam Tsungtsu, the current head of Taiwan, just so happened to be walking along.
upon hearing Anthony's story, and himself seeing the body being eaten by the birds, he declared Anthony Scalder the killer of the beast.
Taiwan was saved, and in the process Anthony Scalder was made into a hero.
Anthony used his new found publicity to market the worlds largest pro-smoking campaign ever, resulting in the deaths of countless youths down the line.
The End.
so, you may be asking your little self. what is the moral of this story.
well, its simple: hungry birds always get what they want.
suprised? you shouldnt be. if youll notice, the story starts with the bird droppings all over sallie sue's husband, clearly their way of displaying interest in the family while denying the husband as the figure suitable for their wishes. the tale concludes with the birds getting to feast on sallie sue afterall, clearly their intention all along.
birds are cunning like that.